午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5TAnQZfbI
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxs1TGlsU8
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1aCdvadTK
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8WL7VUr4m
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡby6P4XH5mJ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdmMUH0yCJ
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWtLfdK0nk
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5g4g1uMcv
為何記住？我解釋不了。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNaqI6Fec0
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGN6BJ8Zfm
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqjRUQO831
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlQbK6ZKUj
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDxJmIkIyW
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8dSC4hO6s
其中一個是他。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwwdj0bmx7
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sAUboGClm
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvjvTe8Rgj
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgNuMa1Hy9
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwetJyyxfOz
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFGqFerhHd
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0BGHK7kMH
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUsQAKNykc
「你遺下銀包。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1Ov16Le8Y
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFsdtWpBv8
「謝謝。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡap40gIGffN
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwbyQy5PUd
「不用客氣……」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalLIpFJRcY
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcm6I84Dk5
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOhqQjYQko
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6sM2pjAeD
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSUblvT7e5
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlXPU5u4l0
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQficSTWs9
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuG5eMglFbb
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg5bDzFop2
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4Fr9XKu3d
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo11bm9pyg1
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUDQgT5nkE
「我是文班許家偉。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPeme36wbc
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCO9X0IVynO
「我是理班李浩榮。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRiLhxidFW
其實我早已知道許家偉。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNysfji4M1d
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5N0QyRnTi
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hqf3AnP7u
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLQyJ0sbco
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsy72sKTuZC
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdZHkx55br
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfggP5xTnCY
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrqtXN3IPn
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrPQn6rR7T
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdf656vawlJ
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUCBqhUPkA
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdbUpysA91
不服氣。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1L5oozujY4
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1Uk4plLWY
繼續觀察他。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYsg5XEtJW
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVAHLJ9DgC
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhvcD4PRHi
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsWpCkdgOf
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1p8PPvMaL
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdf7utBbKK
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMlmPxKd9f
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclN7tWghFw
我急步追趕許家偉。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2uzE18r0i
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgf0pwWQOsb
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVPE1s6TGT
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTa65vH7WNV
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHfYhGMUaM
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00Xmq0MH29
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMx2rXrGDY
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgMgnOvMix
「你遺下了銀包。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNFQ56XETO
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlqqPoRLcg
「謝謝。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGzfyURqWn
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tD15dbF5K
「不用客氣……」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eNj26FXpo
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdZz6PjJWg
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXUKpe64NW
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkIMmkG6r2
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCq4WplqwJ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ44e4LykFz
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscjP0tFfn8
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwhyNta2lx
我望入他雙眼。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiPenA4Fmc
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkfUlwDKF2
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWzCud5oZN
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwnlRpERZ8
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2u1yRx9Na7
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukB0wycgaC
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZEmK13H1F
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyF7hs5hX23
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKq39KvWGv7
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghgCl7f843
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJiKA2JpLR
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVHSSFwvUG
「我是文班許家偉。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Uv6R25UZD
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RvzVZ4CIu
「我是理班李浩榮。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrE4wOrdnf1
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzLjIh3peZ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtT6Wf6VpY8
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjfDWpcqRR
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QL5CRPTOH
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpF2DidQndN
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgfAbvfglb
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevL6fvOZZV
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86qRfZ6EkZ
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthJSp13UgV
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYGuEhj8bu
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp48r6NvN2E
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdMFYHJkpp
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QMX6RfAB5
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQLZMLGPHr
但我沒有阻止他。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0SdANMmHV
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYn1yJTEfZA
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGgUC8cQPw
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjl93fj93j
我慫恿他繼續說下去。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYgHpqvQ5U
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sTAop5qWi
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0Ts4WDFU0
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYg1YXcztNW
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKIAPoLUQt
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuO85YZFDLw
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSU5eQEV6eA
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6B35vcjDAg
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOKuMGBtTF
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFkNxVbk9o
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxKsuFJdSH
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvcRPGWrpx
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERn9orWwDB
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcu1emfzcND
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTybmftHgh
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQL1SWxH1Sn
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7G3zx1gxvZ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4C4UUXIAN
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNBOrxLaN7
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAEJL542C2
但我掛念他。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISJacbbjJ7
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWvC5Okrg0
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fIOMaiuiJ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfCLOLDYUI
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMo0UwAis5a
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVHtCOTgPR
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3zEgZtjxM
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3MBd3MXXP
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsIoPVwlue
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3sWc8T2vm
不要說。不要聽。不要見。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqHqri9aPQ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6wvUZFJ2n
希望時間會沖淡一切。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYv5IT8QNt
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTywQPGC6a
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7KDNTbgC8
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKrimrG7dN
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGX0lnbfrvz
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ874eRMICIO
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vC74Q6jxW
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwf0DeOodQ0
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcku3haUlj
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXmfK4Hhcj
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1RwPx8B7g
「我也不明白。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANvqo8zdFZ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTRdKR1epk
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZnnJjYoC7
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYOxMyLP5y
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhukRGu8N22
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxi1mWVLURq
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEplKd9HHo
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nPvwQe6xX
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGTM8bro2u
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39OKxPvi6I
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXFsqgqSVm
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA88Etirnwk
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlSUZKsnz6
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3onT0W3tJ
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLiCrxpGON
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KMTZwjHqL
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzz5E6xY8Nt
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9rQgSZnMI
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAjPK9Z5DB
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeN6ZnGU06
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrM0idRy4p
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7pbPd30Ua
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2UecApRgA
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVniBba6Y91
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguMNghYjud
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinh9X7QGbz
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT3INW7vrt
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeUWNOPvI5
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefcF8nBCHv
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbU18wa8pc
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Vrv2ulq1a
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMcAc6m2nM
為何要走到這一步？396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneCpVjOh1s
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzVH2h9uBI
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzMjUYy1wa
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLdM6bXp1q
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2BiY7xq38
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3J6j6SbOdO
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BYKnrlzTa
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOz9RqZdQVv
「別倔強。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuw5Ehqrvbv
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJQXCoADxw
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovaUlpSX3K
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCApXoalqYs
「我想你放棄。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmoV2pDuvl
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvGTXL3Crh
「原因？」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxO0gHG152
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUk6EZ3pwD
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf8ICdSIm3
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlQ2BoSwBt
「我知道。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbjFWcWszr
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIH5MgQfDgE
「何解還要繼續下去？」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDOXf3MCaX
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAaTf7vtQs
「感情易放難收。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVjLwW6Yw9
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnT2RZbJkl
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iEbBOVNd6
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPuI6czhEw
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7sGpsf6kP
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZdZ52qkTU
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoe4MeHTfex
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3XCBoWtDW
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0ITFuX7uR
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuLlrDcGGs
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80Sz3mnXyJ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXmqSk6WWx
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSu4YzVnmc
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHq0KY97Gv
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7muJVqjrWJ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92GjXJPn2w
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEn9mABwKn
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7A90lkTI6c
小醉。半醉。大醉。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27IFsh1rgy
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPIrLqYbcG
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCb1bBxJDd
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cgjF8lntJ
「直接講我愛他。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1qW4f1Siu
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJqRTJU4Ib
「如果他拒絕？」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPd2YZmMi3F
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8SfZx1GcG
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LA7B4wm3i
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOfCtzURsl
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsIBjvGMzZ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGdb6IaAMD
「我當然是高興！」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2epX3CrTkc
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeYGDyI1YD
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPMgsfMvWy
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXlxOSLC1q
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmM559cFKHh
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kEtOuMZWy
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgWam63HbO
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN11vJZID5P
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5pFUO6zp1
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawEJi4Zc09
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMHx7nkRQv
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqdbDpS6b5
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5yYuioOEe
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkKAOIV4Pv
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu97vcyY60z
「你仍然單身？」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWRZsBsmpz
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzlf6h9r9o
「是的。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlR71gFhG8c
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVhyBB1MFg
「要我當媒嗎？」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAz3k1wEkO
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6Z8uKTIKe
「不了。難為情。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRkA5aQJR4
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpxGIkbDbv
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tH9JoJblD
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pyrbPBthR
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOl0KSsbbZf
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwgm8rBnDX
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQTTUb3TkP
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYZiv2jWna
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ev83Ksmwl
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq75IXvlAog
回家吧。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33j4KJBcbw
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlb6x27Quu
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCV4cJbNzzN
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPPAq3i6Vg
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6F6121BTvs
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcY3ExRwIjt
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIOKjLf5Vl
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSgHdbRiJh
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQyrNniGE0
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr77iel0eA3
大概是一見鍾情吧。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8GzZfXRT2
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUD5x1zd2A
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mCcGpY5Y7
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjjBNklJ2v
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1F2aiW7pI
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjcHLnPOb4
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGUaeISIKd
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CIAUMdz4m
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AmCgWPH48
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYOtVsJhL1
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8DEJFgjpk
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjz6Mupovc
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4oy7EzQim
百感交集……396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzqLKnqsyG
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3V6hPFkUg
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KZsvp9Gl3
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP48QRa9gjP
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlI1eNraW1
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGc6RGqTPa
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo41x1MozMd
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFHVIK73jn
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡem7OyE1jXx
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDvqG0vuCf
「認得。你是文班的。」396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhmTqk8F6M
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF6cfAc8D6
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNahtvA78x
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nLfliNjSi
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0vPCxhP0P
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqaciXFn8l
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqW9ko5IkFm
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hYWK8zGPW
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0cPW1YgSe
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRGaOhHDQO
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVgQ6UuzVN
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡam7ZqWljKm
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ixvAPuIfZ
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRu6svCzbqI
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxspBdjpySt
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExrHE9UDqX
我哭笑不得。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOCkZT592G
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25MhqXgxD2
無意跟他繼續對話。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmDiTwzdYT
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lA6s95MOR
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD74wflOdy2
396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEQYqiXSIw
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。396Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPWvBc0x8y
and then Add to home screen.