午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHJgZpOUct
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zfkgM67r8
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ093CjUXAoK
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe04qUUvHjZ
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKB26mnBy1n
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTBoREBzuJ
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxijCDiK01
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4HGa6FGeC
為何記住？我解釋不了。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyrkQ6fsXl
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0RD3Y1wN4
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXNguVJis7
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxqpf7JwF5
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0p3d9cnmYI
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaN4Nn1SXK
其中一個是他。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre3F4fE4ar
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡems9ewoH4j
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjt0060rvN
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlEJr501VZ
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrXYv8f6UI
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRRmthNQHu
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAISTHTvdk
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBq387YF15m
「你遺下銀包。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK08h00qv2l
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RfftVMhUo
「謝謝。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJAXKh8I85
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTbTURpf7i
「不用客氣……」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbj0xsQ5Ss
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuIOBsT3rS
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKr37QEgLU
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29mPc0zhk8
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhjblgbgaI
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2oJjuHm1b
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTgjTfAly5
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1h30R27Ny
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXaMKv9GVE
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxfqteCiYE
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxToOkOaxTY
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvTua5HRXo
「我是文班許家偉。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegk0mqWlhY
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilbnEfqcWl
「我是理班李浩榮。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzdsodS4hF
其實我早已知道許家偉。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuWW3qsF9U
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8n2LjcHEG0
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoHLj13S26
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLDm7ZbUZC
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NC5kqtXsB
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSEoPZvcv1
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGBLodxjiD
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcAFJIMkYj
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJBlMxxMkm
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLC3Ou3mOn
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsVEH8dw7Z
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMdu2iWMkR
不服氣。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwVz86TY32
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyMNuulT9U
繼續觀察他。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViItPVH0Ct
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIbkPiVwOk
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkl2VVE5uq
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWOQWcdTPI
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK2vZ4hJCS
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoqXQYUtiM
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YE1uTEsNF
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXG5q8vMsEx
我急步追趕許家偉。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qD3CTFYuJ
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlZ7H0f7jT
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxoLar508p
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQL5mJA83b
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kFLH7heCP
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBNisPyXKG
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nWs3QcPqG
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MZHYIgF1p
「你遺下了銀包。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctOk8My4fx
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACYGj8eTxs
「謝謝。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUNi8aaoxq
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkWnX0VLS1
「不用客氣……」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0yRNt8ch3
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0hZnkMByj
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjbVrKZUNe
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQxi7CWXRG
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLuFEcIx8I
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRb7Ia0JoF
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6DjcSCgEd
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzQeEJ9y8i
我望入他雙眼。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZN44xQlYP
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BZJYki28w
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7vPT4LADf
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tdp823NL1
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD598DxHcu
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHo4hueMjZ3
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmy2Lwal1DW
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TmNuaXeS5
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPRoGU3yYw
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHv1keS4Tda
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgPtCG8ArN
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ufQqJAfvD
「我是文班許家偉。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dLNiiLtgg
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrw74ER5F47
「我是理班李浩榮。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOlQyeSiWZ
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsXTdHfoSO
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nyegn7Ww5
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHJKsLz6Zr
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqc6Jvl19wD
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO6w5jARDx
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXn4wAuh4dc
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjKY2dF1Y4
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PuKh4gcHJ
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIX2cLCL4g
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnFlbR0NIc
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFZQmLwey9
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmoqHlW86a
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCOPei1MTE
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3RfatpoxU
但我沒有阻止他。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEz50YbNSx
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwPZP9GDou
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKBbKzrte3
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiWK3h35hD
我慫恿他繼續說下去。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObY6ABKrX3
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tmezkYEnG
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC56Qy1Kwpc
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlNDwftynd
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MwT4xccQP
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZfXv3q1JU
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6icwmJxjrk
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCooJZPxBPj
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh35Jzftqng
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMotcMrFfQ
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8smAGRFu5r
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPSLxDp4Ou
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TC3gnSVT6
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmvfjyrESc
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlo1QoW5ANK
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RZnpAyj1m
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFu0EJZYTV
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKoMpgbgFo
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNXMrauH4f
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWj2yvqCEcO
但我掛念他。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDCl4tvxRR
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgoiN240tj
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGsah17cUE
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0mQwmww2h
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7gBVWFXl2
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHPpy56VH0
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAikq7j8aGv
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAbUZkslBg
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CAmIDH06v
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3DIn0S94Z
不要說。不要聽。不要見。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5C2Kt5lonr
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTph3nSInSk
希望時間會沖淡一切。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdnL6hnLdn
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgo3dTECHm
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBLTCeoXGx
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5koB6SGP5
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokXn5qhGpJ
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwTho8ETlQ
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7zhpwFhDT
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRrwhDaJvw
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nBdRqgKm8
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUPOUhkdDe
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBo6pBJ6f5a
「我也不明白。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVoGRfH7cR
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZyBrIQT0Q
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwI6Am8QuPG
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRR7v1YuxU
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubXX641XfX
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHi3Lq4Up1
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ot5hQJLps
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjSRNoVyTS
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9i0vfwdz6s
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TZZLznQGr
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsV5PBHUUW
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAU6QW43FG
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OJ9RxMY5p
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡea60PxZSZV
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsmn5AG9dM
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFaEn8aQDJ
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQFivNfAF3
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiU4MWfwEBP
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnutfw4MmtD
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa52Gvvvbsp
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeSzO9zmF9
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BO4CED08C
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPssLrYAe1T
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOUhVPi34Q
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7C2Kc9qi6
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPAU4gRfoo
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYyxt9vCKj
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAAXvinmVh
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgamjNlfVRT
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH90CePlo3L
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjGKXw50Lq
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTabrzXYYXN
為何要走到這一步？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDgNS0qJQc
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4NxBnwsj7
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cZ35XdxBy
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HeV5LeAcr
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1e8ANao8H
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cFUctS9OF
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfVtPP25Rk
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NOVeyVcFp
「別倔強。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8A2EtwqlE
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJf4Ix99SDL
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0a7aYJiGL
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMBNxgalxJ
「我想你放棄。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnTgRplKUH
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtu3Bu7yjXG
「原因？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbPNpBzFqj
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssCz9Z1yPG
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1UjBXLmVg
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIuknyLc7v
「我知道。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZDAV8xFhT
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcenv6ywwH
「何解還要繼續下去？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMU8QIPc2W
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZ7ib2IsjN
「感情易放難收。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpMuBpNZQ1
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TU5MK6I3S
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Rmkjt67lG
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOGv8cpHnE
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWZ17u972k
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9YdopOOFb
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMdiExeBUP
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLgj80uW1D
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1qaWmcGWa
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwGFBKoYUV
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhjil80MBF
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvxeSo1iGC
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQG8sxSFN1h
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsu8Tr8oVn
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKl5T9TO5JT
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ogjj25EO3
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYFCF6oz2k
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1I4Y9sGsIT
小醉。半醉。大醉。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYq3L1h9e0
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KJvW6Z0z6
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxS4G9qXvv4
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGnQFLFFwI
「直接講我愛他。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOt9hLSUsq
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUixaFIFxYE
「如果他拒絕？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOLTzqVKHN
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAgCrVcrBA
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbvvuyRLlM
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBOVcZPMAp
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK84il5pgCr
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFqyxHqKrT
「我當然是高興！」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSj6inbVLUf
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY47vWWwNIr
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BPP9HF0sV
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBG9PKRjE4t
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMKUekt565
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboF6JcOR6l
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QPU8eYZE6
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRTCH0LIpK
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgPORMtL20
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXSvd4fXHA
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDfC1xTZ0g
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtT35tvSMt0
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDpF4kCh0y
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcS8huXQ49
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNvl7bZuHF
「你仍然單身？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzwoNXhCOW
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmv2FWTymM
「是的。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtwEmjd82Z
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLFknoiUZ3
「要我當媒嗎？」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWid9d26y0
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGAT2IxdN0
「不了。難為情。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbiNJO6Nky
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXPYWrWNqR
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN97U0KQubz
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCI9L7QBU4O
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaxE9CEENb
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3O0SxODmp
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVYwdicXnC
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡca6AFFxVUQ
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1iqFTLgxI
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvKvkpR1hJ
回家吧。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMsErx1SGL
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7BbUqx0Tz
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5U7iFDXEY
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyu2EUEXqw
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Csraw6PMq
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rreULWHRn
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5FEwUiGkT
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNhX1bgpEi
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQHvvJnTNI
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIctdftIfCm
大概是一見鍾情吧。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9O5kiUt7Pa
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo14CuLBkI
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxHS2sp7HU
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXBJlr5U6c
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbn5EH40rs
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL31ABR94t3
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEM8ZbDhPep
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVPiJhek67
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgVXV4RNPy
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ251Hl3VenN
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEote0EdVFW
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsfDjEEYRB
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaRexBB5h3
百感交集……249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAfyF73bHj
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHZsATFyYP
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnSITHseHq
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahwFMk237N
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRLJBnEXHL
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGj3q8WhykC
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSeQg2qzlR
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCy3oafU68E
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiJf1UDeiN
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRz4LSxrXc
「認得。你是文班的。」249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLik8QgwzR4
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSr5EOfCZY
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3krxZ75K7z
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFV0TdRZOS
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIDdmbNPum
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgi7HCpjlPg
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxXrJx0OUE
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnh5ZGMqQT
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefHOaYesh6
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NLRPbhcs8
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZxPhrMRd1
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuH6LZyh5xm
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSzkIbmZod
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKehkf8fe1A
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDnJQNFp57
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqWmAfEMNs
我哭笑不得。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcaro64rrG
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlj7iCGDcPF
無意跟他繼續對話。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7iAkG2rqp
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0QqeyhK9O
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfvqdE4Cnc
249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIczGHDM81
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。249Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHWCvQ4gL9
然後按「加至主畫面」