午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wfeM0172a
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvqrMPEyAA
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmYHLmNDC9
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegYpc5hn6N
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbW3ZFXftOy
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6H8zSagvPz
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIZ6lUGIdp
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxqITtNqpN
為何記住？我解釋不了。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLO9EZOXzji
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWkCbBsrYI
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMebeMHJbBS
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwcNl5CH4A
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfczqEj6lq
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9N0FeTLok3
其中一個是他。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUzA8ZiVWf
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnGJfXHjHP
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2XkuSQVeN
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekDGI0ksrj
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUHD2cJ8vT
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblsmkh3iQq
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApZm0nJqOV
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3kZ7Xa8qy
「你遺下銀包。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqWDMxMBCp
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkhpSQCbXO
「謝謝。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeGvBWyT0g
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7FuZHpq4p
「不用客氣……」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYaxuRZlLg
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2Hx0Zf3vq
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02VnT9UK7f
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBP8rhMv0S
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvnNLFjYEr
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf94v8ie9u
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpUuPnf8mF
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHMgzO0V75
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMZiKsX6uZ
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxMRa7UTdt
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWadEv1lOX
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafuzhJ9Die
「我是文班許家偉。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLfDSafqc7
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SQhrBBIa6
「我是理班李浩榮。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPiPsdTWRg
其實我早已知道許家偉。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp94N5iLSAu
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR73VDXZ9j3
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7Labw9xIr
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7xOW2UhNa
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxi3jgyqKNo
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dY1zXTmHH
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wsjkfeQLB
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPtO1wRgRR
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZbRvUvUR3
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ayHJz9GTe
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp39GTtfHnK
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SGBPhgMNp
不服氣。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HgLU5W2PM
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2W7hh83G2
繼續觀察他。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPmnT19CKd
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsS4esB3tzv
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldzauHexog
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIWgTxy2eK
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWKUq3sZ0d
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Xzj2L54mf
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQKMTXuJno
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcis9rmPoFY
我急步追趕許家偉。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEwGzNuNUY
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6KIRsgIFW
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOcv0JxkEo
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIB74eryqO
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziHkefgv9Y
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIyHhEsXv7
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA27vd43ae7
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTnYomvcSI
「你遺下了銀包。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gey5N89UA
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUwtP8FQWL
「謝謝。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsWGbw5jmy
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7zJb9j3YL
「不用客氣……」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0ymu4u8eM
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmfRzlAtz3
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4NYnnYKwe
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrf2iGBRq1J
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgF0Z1LtZz8
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuzvPl5zf8
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ma38yGQj1
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MPpEGgwug
我望入他雙眼。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXL8FSkHQ0k
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHYj6ZVz1o
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhljVUVQIlU
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBGNsniEDY
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFLYy26dbS
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQKW2eGmVg
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikabWkpBM0
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCzKTHx9vS
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIeiBx8hAD
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUaK8glHUD
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxp1PyGgEQ
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7K2Sk0n9r
「我是文班許家偉。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YiuCthYp9
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsCQaUkKJI
「我是理班李浩榮。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OVNyTqG5d
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqol5MBcwZ
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjRVilpXOR
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpT8vqKMYTv
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62tgb0PhPn
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXraCkLpzlB
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8QRRa5F0p
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02flhLZpUK
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwBcfP3BTz
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PBxdak2t6
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwymEKAaTA
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVc0D5FST5d
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuhpEadnys
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgug96IWErF
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQacoFLwNC
但我沒有阻止他。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkDoR8fQr4
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioQjgpf1jH
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DTDPPnowO
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Yr5IK6y5Q
我慫恿他繼續說下去。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOX9KgQH6z
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87xBNMiIZP
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSh13QEHhtZ
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxh2Ewy89z
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuwDxwiGIR
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADNb0VzokE
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoKakfABFx
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdSzUSRwfq
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9kUgZ6N75
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbAHuWSY2D
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsuZL3GRhH
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGs8etax1v
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeywRfSCIP3
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAVVS3R8ui
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNuKHahD6G
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtou0fuLxzd
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWXz1Oo06I
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC60dauKL6W
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRk3aFvf4u
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwGL9ycWNG
但我掛念他。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2qC9lw23l
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6eybp4kJC
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfjVj2ojTX
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9e7K4R2GB
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOVkPOQVza
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmnqc7gj7C
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPh9nLceLxa
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQRZCmfGTh
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1a8lDEAv09
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KlpIiDJWU
不要說。不要聽。不要見。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzIJsiETzD
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmoYdOhjPb
希望時間會沖淡一切。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJAkC8Easp
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kAF5yJePX
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaLRQk9dd0
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCqb9vhmlv
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciipvoBfBG
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEiC9GfGLB
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPW7iNPejwX
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYG3v3l8k0
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Wr9xVb1Uy
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4KkffsMwc
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymAuIM8X7M
「我也不明白。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAb7oQAENfg
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwLoQApcga
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtbLw9l1Fg
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXLzrNifGU
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNPox3mRGe
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「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcm5NPxgCHW
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「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ykto44ImZ
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYL8aRDRo9F
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgQU5sCcoC
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTJvE07HLi
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8BcgPJPFl
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22Phkxf8WE
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MRCKsLWNF
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNc0Vhblhut
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真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwst7Xd0OK8
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抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclOEleLQhN
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJF71FCr1Jn
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Fb0IM8ujf
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我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYUkZUcIjQ
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKy6t6rbYw
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為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAfA65icm4
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ881f9m3H0u
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2C7gG1ASi
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為何要走到這一步？203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKS2Yr3aW9
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阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByaMWi0VJN
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NS4VAbyjw
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04LVvazdGq
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgHX39sdVq
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNBveUy47p
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxl3YOWdO6
「別倔強。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3VxOND3hD
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4iBF3x29T
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRpLHPZHwM
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGC1ULbaupT
「我想你放棄。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7sLWfZjxB
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「原因？」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0Sd1Q8ScR
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLSqn661Zk
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「我知道。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVXsZYbFw2
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJ8VscWkmK
「何解還要繼續下去？」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBysYr0bdX0
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfYo07sQC7
「感情易放難收。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1Cdctagzz
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoFlLbs4B3
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfk5jDisaPm
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7K5Dg1nnUc
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPI9zAPoFgI
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUJT3qZ7ry
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGkIm9uRse
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWGaiGG8M9
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnMdhVH2U3
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我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5XPSqKl1X
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijhZteu3Tu
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LnMSEdgrc
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvRHd20iKn
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2rmKgX7f5
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmYm01QlRc
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4MjiB2xrq
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzenXQJsMV3
小醉。半醉。大醉。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7eIDHaVc4
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatxAjAKVCP
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6cCM3lVef
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AiVWAA3T7
「直接講我愛他。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkv2blao42I
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjK53EcY7sv
「如果他拒絕？」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIi4VXv5J0
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NuJvoyEgV
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYHClNthGm
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLfz1KlJ0I
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDlRMnjnrs
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNb1gYllONa
「我當然是高興！」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHYvPmNvSx
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「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxJRMiKcJF
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQc0w4IkII
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPa6wLlGH9
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCxArWizRh
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2lqVOw75H
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMXYsIrpFx
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVws3LbkbVw
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsE62OJHAqv
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPs7wsZNgR
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOEWEPtOeS
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTz56z7QlDN
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0n9Ub4MjM
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMVOWfkvbr
「你仍然單身？」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdmhQha8fC
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZoaVWJ8GW
「是的。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWh9BAlHmyc
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「要我當媒嗎？」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYGVTOHC2N
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fclU0wjBz
「不了。難為情。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv7nTryXrZ
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQ6OC8nmtP
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3ViBeLDcw
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5CS42Gy3Y
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXoy6j5T6o
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2YU4VpI0G
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKbuUo7Ocn
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXvq46Sedn
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFFcD31Fyn
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWKOMgi0nb
回家吧。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkU5s9Tw9Ov
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MIU1qDypo
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「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmsiKqCwH1
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYh0x1neK7g
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFYSv7fGHW
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枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lz09RAImk
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大概是一見鍾情吧。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBFvWRTx5X
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysXGW78Svb
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRZ2z41FRv
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3b1c9zaVN
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我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡToh1bQK0hF
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvMERBtYt5
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2br6POtz74
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwObZq7Tr3
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百感交集……203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dNwru13wb
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAUQpIReLU
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnxH0ZN6qa
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7QnJw289A
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimVoyEMCy9
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痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJ3s2ad1dI
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2pis9P0Z2
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZRULp9cJD
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eMr6ofjMS
「認得。你是文班的。」203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqujloNCWV
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwpgCr6acJ
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLiDaIssPE
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閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQg2QtQxpND
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUNu90HpPW
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQFKyuNk78
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvNeXPmXOl
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFhW0GlfSK
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLZjptWcJg
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlAxv8GxlA
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAhuvkaYEl
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfy2zrZhRs9
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvhlVj5GXU
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyanzPG0Qx9
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wqiSZBvYs
我哭笑不得。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcLZhyx4oV
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xsfbmkreh
無意跟他繼續對話。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHW1a5KbgpG
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQvde80egB
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSafpy5OK7a
203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuS40zwqtvA
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。203Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSB0NLMzaq
然後按「加至主畫面」