午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyPdu3VnUE
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8XW4BhsWm
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLOARrh3iK
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFqKZal6Q5
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pH6TNgT0m
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cPkN6M5Bo
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubfSt1a0Au
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2O0uWkQIx7
為何記住？我解釋不了。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAp546TdXlz
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRebxgAYOh3
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRtqwrseHf
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODiFk2ieiT
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmAB46PPlr
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEMPyuZCpU
其中一個是他。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCP1Iq3PfV0
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIBbiogzBb
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2hZUw1tLR
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR8eeTe1ia
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaX8Y71Pg2
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvYmTJP4Wx
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOg2EN4f55
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorOBpx1wPw
「你遺下銀包。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRo6yMPOuJU
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiE9Zhjl1x
「謝謝。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cmMASm2w7
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIu7CJhVj28
「不用客氣……」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYxulzCc47
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVI7CVegRIT
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMUkIU7wa5
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVMlKsKWlT
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBPf567PgV
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ082e450WTl
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEy1zMDMO5S
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJkiMzx7SA
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtONe3PRPa
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVJFRAF3Ls
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGjwmBI1PF
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypZPU8722U
「我是文班許家偉。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7V22KiS3yF
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvR5aJVyIri
「我是理班李浩榮。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EUsEarYJX
其實我早已知道許家偉。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXCmgaFNJh
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4d63MWoEhy
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOp4V93pfZg
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJ4TdFeFqG
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1NHz3eujh
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcRZcw1yHe
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TMeTx8cTx
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42ZNEBFzPD
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPQygt0Jdq
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AytaCueZu
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6npW8zRHTc
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJzfNVCAbI
不服氣。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgSPTlKhgm
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHO9QmdXp09
繼續觀察他。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkkUWY4T4L
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpDgZrXp4i
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5nlkf8Y5L
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATZ6ceBOZH
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpbnKu6Ecn
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCOtep1w4C
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkuQ8IhY9Q
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iMNvbQpRG
我急步追趕許家偉。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0SrVQkqQ8
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZhKwlBGP5
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhra2x2matA
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoxGuR6AvW
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4itUo2Xxbg
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDAsPotghj
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlhYnC8jCQ
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA9LGVT5zB
「你遺下了銀包。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjs79gMgQ1D
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkm5ke1hk1
「謝謝。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fgBOAvfdj
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3i4yCqeBZ
「不用客氣……」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmg32oxUvBY
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweEKBCnhgF
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmyCSeZYEG
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjW4LKZdh7g
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvK4yfc4lI
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbs8Ydif9p
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aDTGs95Sq
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaoRqgWVII
我望入他雙眼。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyCt45zX4T
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41cWg2efBa
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ3WQySG5L
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjsICQtWfL
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWgGpMH52R
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFFbObQ2Iq
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqOYJMD2m0
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK86Te1P6ir
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgh7KtFeZAA
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDp5tcnpDD4
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixtL7ZrgIM
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzan52NwAFR
「我是文班許家偉。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQoeCIZ9M0
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyFSuMNRvb
「我是理班李浩榮。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHORZCFrIFF
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcSAVVSKPl
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGWTIpelEw
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQy8olTctUL
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh78mIAQlB2
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjoh3J1zA9
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PaRoNaJPp
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABZPznO6X6
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIBRNfnsF1
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevT125WD4q
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSFJUkT6Dz
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfhgiYNuiS
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQAseGHRia
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcMeVUmcY0
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NGayvp1da
但我沒有阻止他。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7HhJtU2Og
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFs2S8Vg8j
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESqMGULvw2
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VuD7pINUe
我慫恿他繼續說下去。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgiIFFeSAF
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXKARnnhuc
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbL2r2V2gd
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENUUX2hiow
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJloEradnxt
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSHHeehMeA
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpilyrGE0jk
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0in2m3TC0
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgGZB4J0qK
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7RTP7D8y5
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmCkKrlrjD
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xDmG1HUTY
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxrWYKUJIr
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpacILmXfFm
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiemPALtXpM
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8WJBwnKRl
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TiLaBT3Lv
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HlaUKjwfs
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXVKWs4FUL
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKdKKSOsIw
但我掛念他。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTWRFF5oIl
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFm2mws3lN
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeq1Q9usGB
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgOnWYGg10
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhW9K0Ff0l
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvAIa8Sj2G
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvgpIjSRpg
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQSucMSCLe
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoBBElsU9m
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8kh6PV1SK
不要說。不要聽。不要見。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ElsPEiemX
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdDja06VTJ
希望時間會沖淡一切。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtCPMCtBnZ
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWUHlzto3B
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7duFDlpwEB
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx13AkvvudS
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYqcFmUhGH
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0nKPwi0Po
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡym3KagTOUZ
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡah0LhCyLDR
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLr7BVPL7Ni
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3sIfbkQ03
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaI9MtUGYcS
「我也不明白。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzRZXxHS5m
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjzGuLQFbS
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNEaf41qut
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAt3tVXtj9T
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfavNG74KuV
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvMCtMSrYm
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFLAy1Igo5
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuicTmcQMu
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN66Z6nC66E
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOCiTJEI5A
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMUutPU96B
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJr4H1cJku8
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnQpNofXrL
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3yDQctrbe
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wZlh6aiM6
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFeRmuAUzH
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQVvHctLLA
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZoZDQqfPf
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6inDesceTJ
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9wTXkDnTo
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpX3CZpnGnY
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JoriKrHkM
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2jQMTFfDo
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04n4SxeKLj
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePe9z2Eecl
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNExKgndor
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iTtM31txx
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptw8UVj1kY
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhuo3kNTJe
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKpxWj8c3W
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7Z2wyl25d
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQ8ot4EaPa
為何要走到這一步？183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAa28B1TyD
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznkC9vCl0s
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6k4tcH2OVv
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1bb2rNoTF
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3LaqvdO7i
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlR8Or5hBzp
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvE7nEtJJP
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbR2kqIWWy
「別倔強。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwNpH0Q8yz
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCL6Pml86NJ
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qdPKxB33R
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXC9TFrJaR6
「我想你放棄。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1p7EeM9n7d
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjzwDg1su8
「原因？」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh93aJTSmPY
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDMh7fh94y
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdMSU4sicE
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGdPwgTR3u
「我知道。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrxFy2bKpX
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipoGC5dYxH
「何解還要繼續下去？」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zFN6JIxH3
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5vVIqdZTD
「感情易放難收。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHm7myeiaNx
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV96fwBZO0M
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIR0Vy5xKFf
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTig5xfjhVv
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJ2h4tyE8S
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFDJ2uYkON
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbC87FPvuf
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OGrRgGL4h
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiWTYdlTOs
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOWtuZc0Zs
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8JdVdqJWx
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTvuDKKqdd
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNImAYkrNW4
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIAJz4gzz6
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaw6KMqJZl
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9a7DBvzqfe
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH95kjFRfGq
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNUcsQ2ZLV
小醉。半醉。大醉。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQN1Esvcna
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKbZalEByq
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJei1LkIBo
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WZSih8Yde
「直接講我愛他。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0M9exvqn2
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktMhsG9fwT
「如果他拒絕？」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7kvWw0TEy
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEwa1ir0fR
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7Gta07imt
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojNBpaFAsH
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGvMlmjKFt
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsmTqnwmVv
「我當然是高興！」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPZoXNijXk
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52rg4nIwY2
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gcW3MzDO4
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QNxd1uumZ
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebdBm8A1zj
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoePx6bOwVe
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIcN6Zrx07
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4F7IvkUdR
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNymRRTQxJ
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sLGyRGBxm
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZTfTD0poU
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzb5b5080jL
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswkj5L72LT
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3k21D6A31
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSlwXiUx1c
「你仍然單身？」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡad6pdhodPe
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbUrhWAZSk
「是的。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOE5n8MVmA
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrnGtgy2v8
「要我當媒嗎？」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3QRnDnsxG
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1jzHCyDze
「不了。難為情。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzyIJVfRlj
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJ5XJDFKDi
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkN66ByXtBE
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lzWjz2191
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9hU8UFt04
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiRmJG3Xpa
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpEytzXEQh
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQlg7Tilcd
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnqBZNq1Mv
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD50piQ5eKk
回家吧。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHec4Jd5Ck5
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RI08ryaPi
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYfS6r5KFJ
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfDO9OJnQc
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKev1IQooz
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrqOxfG2bJ
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXdWEIIH7B
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcq7bG61vx
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4Y1dfdzJm
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueiMMGtxWP
大概是一見鍾情吧。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWBbWLZEgX
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaOPNkFVft
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjjvgaWJHW
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNUtFgBvVL
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6IwIurq0r
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9ChEFnb5K
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IcGC97Eit
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIHlTTgZvS
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwKfEcC6nZ
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8cjT9kmIs
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3mXVqUous
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYRepS8ZKc
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zeEUnbLnS
百感交集……183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQNrNVpSOG
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlKT2IajeD
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOYbbXOppl
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsX8xgTbQYI
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0whCRztp0X
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡui8XzFw0FN
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFmP6OV4zJ
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0s0PcBXHE
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0KpImVSBO
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3IFtOrMR0
「認得。你是文班的。」183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4L2DxKS7Ty
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjWpSbxBDT
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2RqPIh1HR
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOfemAlf9o
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0BzSArJu3
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfo6yij27U
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4z155rLA2
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJQufQ39u7
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79Gh3CAwoT
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JEsaUwvtp
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtshGkUl5t
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1q679D4IYX
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3KsMXn3NZ
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5pHPeP7Fd
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZLl3WAo4o
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIxsGHSRKl
我哭笑不得。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnMPM90YrC
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynxSUkOfef
無意跟他繼續對話。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2mb4uvB5Y
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73FwH5K5fV
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGQaAfm4QJ
183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3LggDVdu6
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。183Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINuMXEFIfc
然後按「加至主畫面」