午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXNNs3WyUJ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNafuXh5Wk
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3EWgZZwCA
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUmOktvEUT
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7jVGzgDry
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVOlhhZTex
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VaUZEHRWc
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2COF4o38YL
為何記住？我解釋不了。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK9vwyAq9W
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuhSifPufV
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDEHF78Ygg
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplhn8guMFX
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSyx5jCyMn
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiKxg5Ggay
其中一個是他。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhcVQCPLjo
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8lwo05lP6
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEufxktGwSf
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoW2ZNYzFie
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdH9a9bjM0
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI3K57dQcp
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVBe7CuoY7
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOCGSG9EJn
「你遺下銀包。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEqANIQgfu
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyRSRQrWaz
「謝謝。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObG1MzPhHd
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWGCCmQH9A
「不用客氣……」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKKHJD6dwq
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0t0ZtlEAa
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mkN510g0o
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIvmht3hxy
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNTJLZvKif
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUkAf3wt7O
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqLP6f7coh
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYz39VB6k1
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBKZjeyTSJ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpcIeOZqK1
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbosQM32dE
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdQyeJ9xga
「我是文班許家偉。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ktvzwzL9E
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QUw7XVSFq
「我是理班李浩榮。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOd18ZLiQ9m
其實我早已知道許家偉。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8sMH5dIqL
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoq7CHUrFQ
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8z2xS2tVrT
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlTyLHk7gi
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUTjF2Bcrc
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxGpKPf5AG
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDT3x22j61
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmLb4H7cTK
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvouDwzG10
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCK3M45Lr8a
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFeUaZ0DtZ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0JAbuMc5k
不服氣。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5fAqgoPS4
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeE6ro0LCgD
繼續觀察他。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc82Fft3V8W
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxE5GPvcNP
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfG1gQ4X4D
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmCavfjE7E
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCspM0Z5rg
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9npcfEpfo
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkTrLY5Ol6
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBqbR4dgAh
我急步追趕許家偉。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVLEVkCfJx
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUCDUBCWIk
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMk7RzH7sx
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlWHgSBSgr
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4Mdt3Wkf1
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLEIDfKq2F
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡml5EJNHNaL
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0Qofq1irT
「你遺下了銀包。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZ2u9h1TLZ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjPhflYscF
「謝謝。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYUf1r6JiU
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jkiqLQqaj
「不用客氣……」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YjC5i7Y3K
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlioba7cpN
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQv8sN4tVlj
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuhAv6GNgm
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FBRcbnc2g
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvocX6bfzoJ
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxxJcwMNql
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFodauaiLkC
我望入他雙眼。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEnNsfR5Rx
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzqXJSZElT
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0Esr2oAiM
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLr5blBG2Oi
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZ3iUqcA3N
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhE7rbUgphC
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWvDAbefUo
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLrsNQXW32
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9Se9aVpmm
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZgqPCnGeH
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqDgbYfN8M
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRtQhXHTqZ
「我是文班許家偉。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqXXrgxsxn
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqhotgqGWN
「我是理班李浩榮。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm6wQYqKot
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbGWJLk09z
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEDylKYEVP
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHe2CMliGl
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpdWPyuEPP
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHANFIGkXgx
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1H1qP7fXdG
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLxXRDSHqD
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHgb1iMN9w
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqguQ15UMM
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mb7IN245F
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoFT1FAxuC
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlxdFXHX4M
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXP3GxcihH
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13d5U45JVI
但我沒有阻止他。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGdQuXW7ob
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoiV0frirc
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGwe91JSOo
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWAIPk6vIK
我慫恿他繼續說下去。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrW816GvlK9
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI9aj1iOLj
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcKkxDGgSf
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwkUsBbAZE
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2CAZ1Nwlm
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgQ4QSRdp5
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLj8eeqI1XM
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyg8cUmMBt
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElqOaleLXH
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpenKh6MFa
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsyvupllES
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrcwHM5CRr
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPM3R4ibRX
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNk6URZ5kc
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ANkcDwmf9
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlf8cSRb6GY
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTHSabehr9
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1XJo12rdM
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGaS9b9i6W
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6mQVVUGSN
但我掛念他。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVm65N5yMsi
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQSPGciHqw
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Gt9rgkMjL
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjmXpzLeJj
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumsN7fO5ba
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ395adQ8Wfm
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3or6jSNokI
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2wAf3Sv0M
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvdQq9eOiB
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJv5baE4VD
不要說。不要聽。不要見。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVJP7hU1p1
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBqgtdB6uI
希望時間會沖淡一切。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjpB4dZWQ0
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQguy2JUrC
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsRwvhL8nW
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY21Cxicv7s
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxqDiTvpL2
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUgFxihdgN
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFkWIaAzWJ
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUeT5FsPq3
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWYHFoPCt0
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwmHZ5Hipn
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Aqiq2SwIL
「我也不明白。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYFnWbCQwP
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqxnPQ4SW0
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxTh1HH2WF
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YIAnYxttO
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqumEx8AzYW
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSY1rWsnxq
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhnfik1Vfj
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9lximhOti
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsB5pdWIg5
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRCUHJmXvl
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2KkujUH3a
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pu3CFu9Ze
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9T0jMWRWC
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzCPrBqlo0
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMhlXkDy1q
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2S3huIRE2
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFDriYQ8VW
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FN0uxdwMQ
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaVTrImzuY
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUALpJymbG
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVnupFy99n
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZiPOGW0pc
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYcwWCKtp1
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZMdrAPAtn
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vBLnvoV1c
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfx3zvwIWu
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xs2BdWUNA
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrNdIEGi0V
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzOUQ6IWNm
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnWZQqB2Ji
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACj1hg11KZ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfu8FSP7nOD
為何要走到這一步？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOtOpN6JnQ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDtDJQYYXO
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0H93V5DNa
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNcpSq6IOx
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQbiZQCdTg
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WwvDNeE1g
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUA5FL9gQTQ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZdl1mXP5c
「別倔強。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcl8PyYs9p
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzBd2PkyzM
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYc44JXeEE
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyCtdqgFTD
「我想你放棄。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRGdStBN0K
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLQkxWIAPK
「原因？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5b3qHtfjEF
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkggLGVwXo
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6XR2oXTO4
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURBRGkIMEj
「我知道。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQ8Ulpo1TN
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphPQgA0mHV
「何解還要繼續下去？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwc2hoHw2f0
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8qzksmJTi
「感情易放難收。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmgPYSKWno
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwpDCzUxqp
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOj0Ut2nSQM
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65UilVI2MQ
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiJPrFJ1op
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnnb3zm4LE
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dtkLWL3Vg
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpGwUa5gIk
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiene3BHSQY
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPo9hfVDlPi
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0B6m3nG9X
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmS8Y6vD7w
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytQZ959N4w
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8UABYCgUB
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysExSPz27W
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoq2JC142x
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDxKD0qpLW
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28j2PKSP6Y
小醉。半醉。大醉。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXIktJeY3H
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24A9aIAhz1
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg724LgPWLJ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCYNpzxcMm
「直接講我愛他。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTxmV0dqgH
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpp65MmRMB
「如果他拒絕？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJxhk9ZWLF
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJjOMeTddq
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PG6EN0Svd
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofFMa9iOW9
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRUKl1Ppu3
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWfUH5Zzxm
「我當然是高興！」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpX51KpUyLu
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtG88FfPnw
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn920d7rURV
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7UeUDLuvX
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvqve5zmgH
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGyYAMlia1
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvO7qfqzC8
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHmpgtjcDg
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxnyABxY0w
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0yd1yQ9Nk
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtkusJTH5v
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhU0TuCcsz
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4UkbVwZjY
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mNc5YwBtm
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEm1eShys6
「你仍然單身？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKoHJmXKeC
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx64G2IDHkV
「是的。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPg4BAqZu7
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27rtEOoaG5
「要我當媒嗎？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YZBLsBT6E
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNxRnw6fFD
「不了。難為情。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ev3kegcx5
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2buf3KJQQ
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORCMD9C27Q
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTC6yLUOSIb
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdJ2LsAxZx
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iCwBjHQ1j
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4cOJoYZeR
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsWhUTML6M
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriKkeKmdHI
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5g4d3nXmuQ
回家吧。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHr7DKb2m7h
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDfCMxPayR
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5F0RNNrrxi
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iPqmTcnJN
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ENULNYWQD
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblZgzv5igm
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUFj81DSSC
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsG9T3Z8ZO
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZpqjF4YJz
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCTWiOSAsN
大概是一見鍾情吧。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9J3B7UbUq
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWolIXIySd
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjJLRx9VYm
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87jHPcpSH6
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMknxRL81w
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYpzwVHYPX
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVz7n6txjdr
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2e0aTOj3HZ
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRFA2Vc0Jb
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaAGoMes5j
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZ5Rkk7KTB
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUsdalHTRl
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6BhHnXbzL
百感交集……214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5dVOce4Ym
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13FJkM3WyY
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9C8O0oyie
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVnC1RS9ol
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cGK5bZbSG
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauXOLGHvBn
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLnweZqUzE
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDutJj4oH0
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqeUpbUItB
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KSxNoZs30
「認得。你是文班的。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43yA4gGiHB
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzXOgVFFlz
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhiDU1nDdF
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmoEC4JFna
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfmazUxdQi
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyJvtikE8f
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbauYzY3aY
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46CcYLdvXF
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrMnZGSMcD
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YHJETokGG
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSiCA6NrqO
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkg40l69qwX
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYy5LLQNLn
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshFMzsqjdv
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe987RmNc7z
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpL2nsXx24q
我哭笑不得。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxHsVntT9g
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDppkhVDHm
無意跟他繼續對話。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ynk1REbud
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmKnA9v7FO
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27ugANvN4B
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrGDVlzzbo
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYr2UA8N3q
and then Add to home screen.