午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFqrlnWIQK
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSRqqQYK9l
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiywuCp5zC6
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OdLGfGg0A
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeaYLlBDOT
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJewASchov
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnb3lnFHoL
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakQT0aMkrE
為何記住？我解釋不了。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxBMropV3V
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNMYMjdB4e
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrsLvIMKIr
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSCqu4CLRh
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktqmVXaEJc
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WMDDjJTZm
其中一個是他。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VLgIjirp3
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xOqSO9gLP
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlB1E7yJho8
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NeNCapkzr
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wmLuI2YCZ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMb9iVVhGZB
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfOvHoYDTJ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRuERuN6im
「你遺下銀包。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLRF0lVEGH
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DMHaUrAi9
「謝謝。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUg0oNEGigz
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cmS9W8jlT
「不用客氣……」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj121m24hS7
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDGkCG1NSM
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MeEZVYNEs
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KpXdbS9oY
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsfyEcKxFm
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLsedSnaVG
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfiIidmbN2
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHQrzOAiJ4
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1i5aXJCNJI
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpahntK4Xo
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCP8g0Mu8ra
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPQpwwJquT
「我是文班許家偉。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt68NBczv0Y
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfO1x7yg2eB
「我是理班李浩榮。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqdY0WkMu7
其實我早已知道許家偉。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pKJKmhTGs
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9sQarSU3s
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTT5gBa1kVn
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkUKmLCu6R
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbADdZGSgZN
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBAF13OF7H
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHukSF3ozl6
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uBDbrqez1
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0WPy4sjxe
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIODr9ptD7
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uVYqq50cs
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeV31oCIPNk
不服氣。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAzkccIEZP
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgTax3eu5T
繼續觀察他。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfe0LVmCKD6
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbixpmtEZt
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexox0DyHz1
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyfhkVRong
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpWOwLwyeD
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTWuCDhmw2
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bXNXRAWXr
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTUZC9z1Aj
我急步追趕許家偉。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYprtpvWFd
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqG4MR6tGwn
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9f1e2FjaD
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepo4WFcD6Z
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgBnvhAjWx
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKUs7iZ4y2
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyDfedkc0q
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtM7bvZ18D
「你遺下了銀包。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5czyycUGDM
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99wLg35oVQ
「謝謝。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvNlCk2dBZ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwDUbY1PT1
「不用客氣……」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHb1x8A0nxJ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Qu3arKHmn
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqj9fjDDT58
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeefnlQ65R
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNB0X9HIzi
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0owK0SjyKw
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbbAQA2bnr
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdMw76fNZw
我望入他雙眼。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6f4LL1fge
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG51bnk80da
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0waiIC1yw
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwbKEm1MyY
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbJ5JjhdaF
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9idSH1Sz40
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfJ32QWBJM
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EON3icvk8
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bm1deQZb9
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKeW1DRpwO
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTt3TdDGlj
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcP3rICtML6
「我是文班許家偉。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXD7ZVMOWM3
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWGi6eXdQk
「我是理班李浩榮。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡND1rd6AVXr
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8OKyRPQBO
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW8ryz6n2f
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LXIQfGIl7
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUPZJ1iPBH
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuXfGBOyxG
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKyK243kgL
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSNP6ysehV
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4AWawPM9l
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKHVvUkhtw
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRM8jpaYdu
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVtOEWnuuo
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84Hw86iroc
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbHozFnq5j
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEMfjDDz8n
但我沒有阻止他。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyu9eT9V7Lp
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeONGRFTzDk
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2joRbbGoNh
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkOLDAoK76
我慫恿他繼續說下去。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWf1ceM3u8
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTq5F7TuVy
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8949vtIsnb
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtLBqYUdmJ
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrv8fhcekud
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCPXQ6xf4o
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWz2gpDXwgd
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMbmS9pxKq
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3c78HLUV76
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhULbWZaGDw
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uOzg0nQTO
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsvZR7RDL8
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOX0Z6x2Pm
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokWuo6pudA
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZLW0Sl7Ri
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcIYLFxxTY
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFnmI8qvEu
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CVdzNRvMF
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbOxQitnf2
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXMSCNXuVH
但我掛念他。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnW14oywxJ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbPbfeEOwf
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqXy0LG6qW
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4cRud8BfE
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRa7bL0TmT
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCexJkwefF
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmVxbOtjBJ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ua55gNsRn
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQ84qbK2wU
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7L7useVpCr
不要說。不要聽。不要見。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIHCeqidqf
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdllbMBa0RV
希望時間會沖淡一切。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1KsoqI7bF
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecNbDjYDiB
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMtEHne1V9
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizxdJIVLsE
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD024YTsrhB
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCgj22Lq36
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOxSUJNwBm
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdat29ZReMI
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSQMTtTT1c
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7bn4OFzz6
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznuMdDa1tC
「我也不明白。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXWv7DZECx
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oFRg9jyPj
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28qc4vYaLj
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOlsaF9E7L
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa94Dvcbjmu
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Zyozjo26n
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5h2zdHxLC
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZTGHTZ6Bt
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4lWpp995J
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrUGYXpj6o
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOVjlArMLS
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtSnZk3ap4
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhaIVWG8Da
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIujAsik9o2
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwfFVGVRrw
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAYl8Njwm0
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs1QnbuUlS
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyORAG7D9vt
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLqjuWozcb
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaKr9WjFZL
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXm6Mw9K98H
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiBWz11MCh
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58PIuWn0S2
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBT9JixnXX
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fuyjEbkiF
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauWAv2B6v7
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPqk8x9kIg
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCtV6TflEM
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4115ALta0a
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyspl3xTLHk
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSipAloLulB
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBHF1LK9bU
為何要走到這一步？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgJwQLDa9j
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNgKK7U55a
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAAnCKa1mW
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMgFaq2IKw
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdNSC4kO1T
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5VtbSo7lQ
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscNhonOFnQ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrHApRFSeW
「別倔強。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ANFkZWqVW
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16iMG4Tex0
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPqNcduD7h
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEx7mHOP2Z8
「我想你放棄。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1b9njqMPR
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGK5WFQhIc
「原因？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQjcGe5boZ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmslepHKG0v
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrrs9HAvp4
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSJ1WhgFrS
「我知道。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6fGH3wAhD
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNeVuPBlb2
「何解還要繼續下去？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKOPQWfYvY
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xmk5oB80Q
「感情易放難收。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCUo3qhpc9
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38Yn9pUu4H
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtucSN5fVBg
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1qpRNzPMJ
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQK44ERo32p
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJHornq4m1
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVOM5wEEoF
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9k0U4opIZ
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIjyjhxp0n
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMPe5zAtki
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInre8na0ML
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeka5DifqI
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM69Gzlk1Ll
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4O6tEFkWXo
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoszAYO30S
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cgFwW9mqv
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0s1bcI7ON
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveQwIHqkSY
小醉。半醉。大醉。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndUjMRk1Uf
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGP85Spvru
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfOYdIK0kZ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtffVYNyduK
「直接講我愛他。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBmoOV8F41
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVGNjlbwVY
「如果他拒絕？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQxnG3p0gB
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0L1g9bgLGO
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7DfoUCOJI
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7pz54YoLc
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kqzpqEDid
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZqGLKkVbF
「我當然是高興！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCm3bB5xnp0
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxbyJLk2Md
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxi4YazevZz
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJuwkdpdnp
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfIPMX8DfW
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcw2EZpv8QM
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUXjvwUhgR
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMMEPOKurX
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGzzec8QK2
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46q334n2Oj
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1z0roeGS1
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGmGZewk89
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNfioZMnp0
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MYnTg8rik
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaGIuPuxSv
「你仍然單身？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwYxruDRCO
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdYXZJkmDV
「是的。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZs6E7APFbq
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnKwgry6uN
「要我當媒嗎？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaJKNKqs8o
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBFnITGBE0
「不了。難為情。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddFYNYjfkR
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0MIQNVwE8
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1Ul7u2J71
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeGKjiq72G
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKW0EEQd3R
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdqWzBV3Q5
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDA7I5LsfM
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyZxag73qu
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVk7F8q2AXB
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLUIFeFyU6
回家吧。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimiReURL7j
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkNZ1m6ldS
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRa3siuU5zP
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0HYl3CR9P
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJcJc71usP
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNMKu4bwP4
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj33BGJnfAP
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAb5YLHB2s
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOwMQ2TrO2
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzb5GEC3ZHw
大概是一見鍾情吧。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoG511P1bZ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGtmafGlox
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjBLSRxArP
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXSwu7rWDq
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFyQHkjlm7
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsZx8ojJBU
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLknVMlhig5
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZFgwfXGpN
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRdvVhRKv5
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34QT9ivYdn
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0TWlpzYtS
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vWlYW37tG
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkiv04RkKQ
百感交集……287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HzJpTZR2s
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZqBzhMLsl
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJg8ir7KqC8
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiL3onN6tC
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oW4vJywAZ
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvetZ6ED7u
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8955vppdI
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBzRBmztgO
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMG0yiNmnF
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvEsiKDBQk
「認得。你是文班的。」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fV6lBWnJP
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKclsFYv2W
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiCuAFkr3Z
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnKqQpQOV0
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNk1tT6Slr
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwD4V73EzDZ
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjgL44zq7T
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jv4QDOJY2
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuWNCxMTiS
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQDcYtg1jd
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ476zTMpM9h
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvVRWTh7RZ
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKtoaDslFF
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJQBM0m3Q7
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7v65uqTlO
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNUEymYrUx
我哭笑不得。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhyRjpYA3t
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroW287k8SP
無意跟他繼續對話。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzccU53OTl
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5e2TvcyWZ
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqWngO2wmj
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRMHkLy6qQ
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4ShTCFM8l
然後按「加至主畫面」