午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPeTMvUph6
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSf3oRLee9h
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVHTREhm2w
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55vnbRGqXv
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AQRaM5sYp
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwqkheqe5p
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrBnc2vkVm
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGESKLDko7g
為何記住？我解釋不了。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj68Fd1VcO8
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyq3f82P2ml
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZZOG6SrKM
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0ys6j9VCs
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuvVPozpo1
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Gx9Bqw6zP
其中一個是他。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJ7U9Xn6fD
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxpdYioiyV
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfg0uXwIo9A
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV994WJ99fX
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZm4g7jRFgv
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAMF9TlMtr
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tf34kKqvI
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurZI4zVI8C
「你遺下銀包。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG9n3XG4G4
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIy3tKHSoO
「謝謝。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4U4sX1xDd
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAzTTHcDA1
「不用客氣……」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZT2soytHd
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4N5wRsAsc
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaRfsDAELr
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4uCEqB4rH
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTcYIsIFUB
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QDMOoGHIx
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc248IFySmD
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gz44Xbfkj
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmvjbIbJwR
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhMoEpCpdv
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDB96Y6cELf
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzI2F4Qj9OT
「我是文班許家偉。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DDiW02dxs
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RwHDAoPkU
「我是理班李浩榮。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdCv5g1BgH
其實我早已知道許家偉。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhJnd4QAbM
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmRcaJ9vkw
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitT1S4jcyO
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlp3LxNL5J
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaZyeV8yd1
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSm8uq5wj8W
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOOS9kCONt
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lFt4Zl8vu
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrmfidLk7Z
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtb0Fm1N9r
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVXMKKKoBx
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnGHYOaB9S
不服氣。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwN18Bt5e4v
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHCZkSuS8c
繼續觀察他。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oVu8RVdKw
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmo2vcHMQkR
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzTeH8N6tb
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQpcEbgSaE
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyTDBNb7GZ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJEud4a5Nl
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5S89AySQx
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xGAkA8VMA
我急步追趕許家偉。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvNjtGInLK
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFCbSWuN2M
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFT3OX2H6Zh
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFkZb18Swh
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTpHJKzzu8
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jK0FdNpEX
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOjTKB2150
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyzJ8TucRa
「你遺下了銀包。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhM3NppF3Z
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUb8gdxAKO
「謝謝。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusL3jrN9FN
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOogO5IAAcf
「不用客氣……」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdSITsvPpc
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7IO8e7VQg
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5l73GVa5S5
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZW5L7bIxtv
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AvYNwwvCU
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1jcwAwrS0
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPl2WN8YMn
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5NxFnvUn5
我望入他雙眼。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcZ0HcN4DO
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzLdMkYnUv
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmtU7f3Qey
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmED9xRiAML
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qyhandQQ4
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7utNm5oUe6
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQhfoFDSYI
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZmAEliTQJ
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOm4ICznDVC
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhYSayUAwZ
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXMaxldb5d
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yuUBO04FW
「我是文班許家偉。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVvo5R1TKB
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaSlUL2Ad0
「我是理班李浩榮。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEvbEcpSKa
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sa1VfKfaF
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPJ1H6uCCs
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlQlRHwNj0
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82TDOPDgeB
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2825d74ar
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbS3Pba9ho
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OdOk8eGPR
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vggUes6q9
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2apnDAeofK
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1DOrVYasL
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDq3EQQAJWI
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5anrGzLp1
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxSqteEl85
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mvjQapd1r
但我沒有阻止他。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy84rQoLqSu
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJjQD7lriF
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn33vvsErQ8
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOy2L22cYr3
我慫恿他繼續說下去。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Qm7lExHVB
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugjCIUVhH3
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrstip1NMe
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZ8S0MrSoy
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7FIfnjynM
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiLf2p4sLT
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbZUAHUXwZ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFKW2B6mi4
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbSnBAgUX5
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTNQCUREMK
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlc1lnZXQU2
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTzZ8BKHPM
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIO63qq7lbL
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpCWvNaaTN
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4hBrdsRRx
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyo7kuirMJ
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZVpomLxv2
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVXUNSiR5K
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡva9rPeQUbi
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw07Z3BnDMN
但我掛念他。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPsXVxp8CH
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLy3jPIIcBc
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TFCkBCfI3
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKd3LZbGTi
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQa0OMj7Z8z
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY51VGcWomF
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPT13cJKAaX
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeHRKE7yFE
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYxKAwJbyY
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LgrhXlAx0
不要說。不要聽。不要見。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ349gx51RWn
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUZit9xgU1
希望時間會沖淡一切。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeJzbOPdXA
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYQvm5mEvU
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg49rzbvN90
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbaw0knKU6
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSXUQ5NzgH
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsoZepYYuX
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5zUdC4wCm
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCKxOWHgjV
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「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaSNW6TvC2
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCZOxVitR0
「我也不明白。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZpel4Qj7G
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFt2jeChbMc
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHevzfOmG0
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7m2z7tvcOE
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7f9Cm7VlW5
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxU028lUqYN
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「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeys8kmda9T
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlX1V0S4x1
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「你該要對我感到抱歉。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66joyjIS5k
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我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4e8eLg63v
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5OLeLphwB
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTltY0NSlj
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhjQh5iAUc
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2srKfhBl3M
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抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOXJZEn7o9
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在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE2xQzinHc
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我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO42fIIMPQg
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6WGWOsD1i
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為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRVPoXwVSQ
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便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fFXLwUqaQ
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為何要走到這一步？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BEX5CbxAV
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阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvTSBW0S5C
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvLS6q0iSG
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6guE5q1Mb4
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhB838z3jD
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfpsQjfCrY
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIl31L8kc2
「別倔強。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GRLv5zpqt
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEetVUs5THu
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcgGbsuyhO
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7UKhmvfqq
「我想你放棄。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kLTZExC9u
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「原因？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kqnkkH6Sw
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpxNDweLU8
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「我知道。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QzyUOCXCw
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5bBYKohw0
「何解還要繼續下去？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxei8lOAY1q
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr13jmw8NBM
「感情易放難收。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNfZxsFFRb
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6rBYWKQ4O
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwg6vsZifjn
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyga2ggVZf7
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAzqDsiErW
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUVdWcVc4p
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzytv4Q0ua
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阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5pUnsYx2u
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我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKHAWOMvyU
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAjw9rpnEH
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGV1z5AejQ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dgZzCyTsx
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3iFwQQ15S
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGhb6yaVEI
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2BvGOoMHs
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqY0LMgjwn
小醉。半醉。大醉。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWN1OOrzL0p
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKz7iOu8JA
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJeKn2VJ5b
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2TajfgwTP
「直接講我愛他。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIr3AjoyIj
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9Q1SAGzv3
「如果他拒絕？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8m8ipAi7dI
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xsWV12NuO
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEBhLS0hIb
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7ZAlWiP2e
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunNIj4fWvi
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik3loeb8cr
「我當然是高興！」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfce6FirCrH
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「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYJKtBHTuR
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39TM2TTluE
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRSBOX95xc
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMo2SB3ICod
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjFYKMl7Sq
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhXyzuB9vO
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBIJJ8Jwbc
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOE8pDVGayF
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKc53W5m4OD
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzIClWUkb0
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPetr4H4mNV
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVxBRBQZQo
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wDynYHvQm
「你仍然單身？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RfZUPcHH1
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQR6nTIkRp
「是的。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRCV9xD3ux
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwiHYy69IT
「要我當媒嗎？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNlWRbvNh6
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHppehuArb
「不了。難為情。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IkLzhL7sw
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOYgzZnlz8
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKTvc23lhJ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfwZkAG5lk
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGOjx9WQvw
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1ApjuCaQl
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiLLQfIZFE
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjI5kNuNnV
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTv8k755Ft
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回家吧。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMp5iMNUDh
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHERkOnPINW
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「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFD3onhtBL5
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySh4bveYXu
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkn9Qj3VoHj
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枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡty3KPkCaX0
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大概是一見鍾情吧。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSKHtJAwe2
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsVp23xxto
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrvg8ICY3N
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0vmRcgpKX
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我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYYaEXRIBK
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李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WADOuzr51
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3LPuQkB3t
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百感交集……405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVHO5cAnoK
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzc67AFtXY
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxHnvxSom2
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3FunS3U46
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwX5q9o2Yi
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痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuBQyrpP7A
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「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIXopyDqTZ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE05mqI5BRO
「認得。你是文班的。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtr5jXRn8Wf
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許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XeJcXacrF
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閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdD9KzhrZlz
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTwCPyYeFw
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqtrF6AjmW
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk9il5qY4T
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAwNuIZs3k
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDe4rw3Xa4
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIZCN4soHH
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFT8nN44vAk
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnloBIQmmO
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBS3TkFbF7
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XXvcbT62t
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我哭笑不得。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmVMnFLAea
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2ONueyWi3
無意跟他繼續對話。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCNPSnUftQ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSEnSfsiLV
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJGzrgBGqy
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoUlDJiIig
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdDoNomLuv
and then Add to home screen.