午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXVUX2bUim
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0JICprfZ5
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0H07qXX0MD
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmZNcmA353
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdb9NAfJZ5
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9lF3XZNf6
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1UcOruTgd
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87NDaqveTQ
為何記住？我解釋不了。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGsCUzscnY
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkv9WMQ71u
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuL1cKgflDX
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfAzoF0xI9
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlNhHMcJhx
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg32X43b0Yf
其中一個是他。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH413lzOZGA
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zdLjX6HRg
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxXdCWE3ww
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PPoOTdGiZ
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1o4GF1y5m
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoueWp62Rb
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItuWP9jY6d
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0OI5tr5Nf
「你遺下銀包。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKF8IYWfq5A
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2LsbsfXPE
「謝謝。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuXzFrCpLq
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhVMs0UozD
「不用客氣……」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBInc2jqy1Z
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bYKxdpc33
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWpYRlaIWw
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkDAQEK1Zk
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36o8Uvmh2C
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpXHKsILjr
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvi2LnmtEE
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4HcuX6Nun
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEUckfLOP1
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBjBJaCPs9
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBzdHsh7pg
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHmXyYtbtW
「我是文班許家偉。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwWQr4Kh7D
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EyadEEzKN
「我是理班李浩榮。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLGyPTC2sg
其實我早已知道許家偉。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxHCyVPXTM
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nnYfMmuDb
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNAU7AhUBr
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ixNcJNrHV
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQk39OkN4k
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsx3DzAVqFM
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzWQYp6d9y
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7duJzFu08
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QWXK09ntf
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xZTKEb52n
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuobwpOALc
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQei275RAMn
不服氣。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWEfkSvP3A
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeBDEHFuJq
繼續觀察他。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqytAIe8Y0O
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVsISrcvDg
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjg5ZKCGEA
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNDYd4Bk6T
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSvKGmZ1sy
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ170EKSyKm
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvVybTPOqR
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpd17sJ6zJ
我急步追趕許家偉。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLqDUTG46X
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Nb9IDBkdF
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7c09rIRk6J
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1ey3Y4sdC
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMS8KLhLJT
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9FJTRv9fC
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzVYNllhFq
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9VA0Snqc8
「你遺下了銀包。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1uk4HVv2e
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpQbE0VRK3
「謝謝。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mSGcrsISw
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLowA7N0eC
「不用客氣……」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhU1ilcNMAw
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Fwdu9CUnN
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmXAutkx50
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6yXnr91mh
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nuYwFrvAY
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsmohbrYxe
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7Htn73lnz
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReJBNIYfNn
我望入他雙眼。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuAvSTfgGn
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2OO9lLxMc
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHapPcnRhyl
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6BW1S9oF1
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBO9GauHl2g
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79nbnoGYpf
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOir8ILwfdx
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0l7dWsEwSq
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0I729OlzX
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrx8zkJpiEV
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVbAdQfnO1
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNl4Kt72II
「我是文班許家偉。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJJZB1ADT4
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMDOQX51IH
「我是理班李浩榮。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjb2N9l94qF
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXtO7cEz8u
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSuJQGe5Fa
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcLWmsFtks
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iME0VJOpB
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ6S5WNpbr
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqr8v0cAj3
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUf2cdZFRk
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqaOicf8XO
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6l7cvyk8T
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5MorTFAAb
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60M164GAAC
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUt69LNcj1
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCwGa1p4fC
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNr0LKoXQd2
但我沒有阻止他。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjnggwmHXx
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmZqLaSloI
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XvTIzC8QS
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxvww8ULfx
我慫恿他繼續說下去。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCTiyNoMnj
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP50XMRJQfT
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56Osd1uBzu
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt4tJ0KmQe
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEftzLzRplc
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMPSmpFIXl
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyRGNlRJZf
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcoLl1yeci
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDGXZxzFHC
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnG1qy6jpzf
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjSt39NWOG
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXelniIztaw
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLMC0vmILG
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbJX6HCKqX
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSSzdUsSPv
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqU3nIZPh6
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMISowPyclT
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡua7DvSlQnC
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdn9Yx0ka7h
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8m2sxCsZJ
但我掛念他。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0I8yzeZK7
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xkxRy1LKU
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7qmIep2yE
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoGRx2eLqB
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxffxglt5kp
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IqXETuZWx
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DHndmoGEZ
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ571Y3inmg
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLHWOVkIoS
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXaUk3bwdh
不要說。不要聽。不要見。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLf07Qu9I6
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMkcvtuMDE
希望時間會沖淡一切。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo05sNNOxBR
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Smbmlg5x3
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvfM4ARVJK
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OmuDhgBE4
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjl1vpdXUhM
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVgdwORqes
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJLNLO7OQO
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FWxybFILo
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡok4xy96i7n
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ837XoUZR1X
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu36RnQG6va
「我也不明白。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdAnim8r3G
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQu3DXDNGmi
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wpdjHGWTB
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BxQTGmpIe
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9QUVtnygj
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKe4jsSQKk
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8t1LRNEHIf
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xPGCfBlWi
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FIwfkqy9G
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3BAEGwZHa
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2tlrsMzfY
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbTkDWn4T1
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHEHZa3tlS
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2fDXOpN9J
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHyFVTEhss
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqssAI5Rv3R
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyN48sWfxp
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWBILmSvkd
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PAgYhGk3n
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCVQPgcerP
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKOthIcV0a
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3Rr7ilzXd
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHA5C0maqw
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGqOX8yvcF
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfQmHjRZAR
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLU5eAgGoZ
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mwsg2Mk1S
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sbCpKOLfk
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0IOOuezUK
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQd20u9yD6R
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJeEwOxvGQ
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBADXwGU7lP
為何要走到這一步？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtDNps48x5
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW42Jom7qBd
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqDmPKnUIf
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jcfh1emOi
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSOgqu8iJ6
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDvyKOaQur
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXf3wj3Jrmr
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZTbyikJsP
「別倔強。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjx1EcqVLql
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdv1so1SKp
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3WgOLtm2Y
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sOowYPUSE
「我想你放棄。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGgZvtdalE
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「原因？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡri1GM5t8Ub
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPHRKFemEJ
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8w4CBToGSG
「我知道。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBCrYMGjvD
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjT4HHh8RRe
「何解還要繼續下去？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZPS67XG3a
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaYS2sM6od
「感情易放難收。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv56ZrRIZ8T
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDg7FdGfp95
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79BpbzVPfw
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a6uDItMRC
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43JeHI3omE
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tx2cyA9Ch
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriEcMx4dCw
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPpWUsNBlE
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwhhVTiG4c
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMFzEvOIYo
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUH5M0LbYSy
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzElQtbOEPN
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GqaDn4v4p
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuPVQjxeMK
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEWL5tgh3b
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kHXMGVJny
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQffHtc63rc
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSZADUoQ55
小醉。半醉。大醉。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9OtyRnAc8
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQo40SuUmW
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjhsNcy9OS
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sNs35TReY
「直接講我愛他。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SHxG6IZuY
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTzsn3OK2A
「如果他拒絕？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcBefJ1p2f
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mPUMaSjhS
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhOxgzWNY0
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jwkT6xM5r
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6SjzyRoD4
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhn6nvQwjN
「我當然是高興！」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFczQaZ3pb
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2M7JjepV6U
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7yvY45K7G
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQt2KBudPB
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aYXRHFRZq
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpDga94XTg
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXEw1AYj6r
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZajFOj0WT
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUmI7Q6dLD
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAHBgku3Am
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUItPEw1cRJ
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFM5xXxSfkg
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDD6AlTINH
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZ4IdnemVQ
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiHqSVu4JL
「你仍然單身？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaI8dHPPT6
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NMOz6610l
「是的。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvShfmQhlic
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb54MxMfNK
「要我當媒嗎？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2v7OJVJOI
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97QVNU4c9z
「不了。難為情。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSvQiYfFHc
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYT7YH6Fdhi
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbv74Bde3Hw
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY07iUvUkqj
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5ByN5JpLS
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHCGSCnKTN
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCCkqLOBvj
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybkWRMmktx
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7TuM4lCAl
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5W6QsNQLX
回家吧。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JxNw25Utd
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqaWsBZ1PU
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwbz1DgEpe
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETVrnoH5CJ
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gRXsoMjmQ
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjCBnbFuCr
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigQDI4yPmH
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7R0uiQpao6
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大概是一見鍾情吧。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqewedBOap
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnGjEJ993U
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2k3VzOitTT
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySYzynvfuP
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDxjyA3m1A
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCTd7Lm1SQ
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kVR5Jm7uS
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8WRSzfB6n
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhM132odbpH
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXQ6HNyLWv
百感交集……251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCcPbxvvqJ
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYGrtDvWhZ
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8rOtrhE7v
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HqMkuzFsK
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4EKwi1Wtr
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRpdfwDpuU
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Fg0jQzwdX
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Q2UBQHQAV
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNuQ445ICH
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8TUSSPa3s
「認得。你是文班的。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6zWBiQ9tJ
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ciGrfoVGR
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dBwcTso8i
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfyYvkpYVe
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQ1mtmhsL8
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oJqbNnbFX
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGXAysEzJC
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiE0lYLMLG
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTk2Jr3IdXs
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0kzDb6jEz
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODC0WFKQr8
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yoIYT9ynD
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqssIJYJWw
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lE50BCPIT
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuxel9ZV7I
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJ2ztO3AeV
我哭笑不得。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBuhxWV19R
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf47gCVLvb3
無意跟他繼續對話。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFK9jiOuCZO
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5c6Xzqdon2
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SFcRqMd3Z
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38Y3FYy9D4
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfkC7ISh8x
然後按「加至主畫面」