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午餐用膳後,男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場,或場上打籃球,或場外觀賽。我亦不例外,在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際,一個籃球高速自後側飛來,狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉,我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁,沒把事情放心上。當然,我也沒所謂,小事一椿。109Please respect copyright.PENANA58Mh59Ju2n
109Please respect copyright.PENANAadqF8CEYW7
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。109Please respect copyright.PENANAaSqVpQVfRv
109Please respect copyright.PENANAMyK485V0H2
匆匆一笑,半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑,僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。109Please respect copyright.PENANAtAXkdoWQnP
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但我還是記住了那抹笑容,記住了他的臉容氣質,記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。109Please respect copyright.PENANAJjx7f1lHO7
109Please respect copyright.PENANAfIsIUvvsEk
為何記住?我解釋不了。109Please respect copyright.PENANAnW4ougS2Ei
109Please respect copyright.PENANAfndLB8LahW
好幾個月過去,夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目,男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起,動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒,說吃飽想睡不想動。109Please respect copyright.PENANAfqjVxKTM8m
109Please respect copyright.PENANA6LBSFgw3lO
我獨坐長椅一邊,納悶之際,兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。109Please respect copyright.PENANAMqwGXunSIY
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其中一個是他。109Please respect copyright.PENANATz6VWScihc
109Please respect copyright.PENANA1CDr66G2S4
那笑那臉那明暗,歷歷在目。109Please respect copyright.PENANAPUYBQ3QTi8
109Please respect copyright.PENANAWjIWHjBVN8
心頭一顫,我馬上別過臉去。數秒後,我稍為冷靜,意識到自己的失態,佯裝無異,繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣,有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。109Please respect copyright.PENANA9wmld90uIf
109Please respect copyright.PENANAMYmJAmhFmY
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時,他竟從後叫住我。109Please respect copyright.PENANAIZhLnsUX8U
109Please respect copyright.PENANAh2LWyC3UKH
「你遺下銀包。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAwXMGxyNkZJ
109Please respect copyright.PENANAcDkKiFC4gk
「謝謝。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAz3KyaKtXIq
109Please respect copyright.PENANAmm2DOv3WEI
「不用客氣……」109Please respect copyright.PENANAJzViv1erF3
109Please respect copyright.PENANAIPbkvotmPR
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣,他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼?不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題?甚或是「為何要展開話題」?109Please respect copyright.PENANAqdgNLvcebN
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氣氛尷尬,四目交投,卻不知如何是好。109Please respect copyright.PENANA1UQGhyRn9w
109Please respect copyright.PENANAvTMUU0t5qU
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過,彼此才回過神來,甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上,他往下。109Please respect copyright.PENANATEy6gd01kB
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誰料在午飯時間完結後,我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊,所以未曾正式認識。109Please respect copyright.PENANAGLJUVNOSGO
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不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。109Please respect copyright.PENANAgwLQ5S6wmQ
109Please respect copyright.PENANADAllbh3bRL
「我是文班許家偉。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAoTiKsReuID
109Please respect copyright.PENANA2s79Uw3XC0
「我是理班李浩榮。」109Please respect copyright.PENANA0KeYjox3Jl
其實我早已知道許家偉。109Please respect copyright.PENANANk9XRHc6VX
109Please respect copyright.PENANAL28gyK1UTX
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。109Please respect copyright.PENANAiSSIt6TTSi
109Please respect copyright.PENANAK7lnCOg648
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。109Please respect copyright.PENANAdfmx6NBwkU
109Please respect copyright.PENANANtY7aTneGg
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別,亦無專長或短處,是個存在感不強的乖學生。109Please respect copyright.PENANAPEDDQ2qnVJ
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我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他?109Please respect copyright.PENANALppCcM1X6o
109Please respect copyright.PENANAr7nHzhvLjE
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝,只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。109Please respect copyright.PENANAFvlsTPHeW8
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不服氣。109Please respect copyright.PENANAljsS8eYW96
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繼續觀察他。109Please respect copyright.PENANAPDo3B4Gjd5
109Please respect copyright.PENANAo1O6hzis1H
匆匆數月,秋去冬來,我對許家偉好奇不減。109Please respect copyright.PENANAGcxzm1WrRW
109Please respect copyright.PENANAJ55PJr205z
某天午餐後,我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅,於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端,近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光,動身離開。正感沒趣,阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡,看見許家偉的學生證。109Please respect copyright.PENANAPHk4MpJ0au
109Please respect copyright.PENANAzI5ODawOla
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證,再將銀包交到校務處。我反對,擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應,僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步,將銀包遞給我。109Please respect copyright.PENANAMjYTqdCqp5
109Please respect copyright.PENANAj041wvAreZ
我急步追趕許家偉。109Please respect copyright.PENANA9sOBKe37yr
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不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問,我不是討厭許家偉嗎?人前,我一直表達對許家偉的討厭;人後,我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有,尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。109Please respect copyright.PENANA9i4x3t7NkM
109Please respect copyright.PENANATBlmxjAwWd
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。109Please respect copyright.PENANAENDv7Gn733
109Please respect copyright.PENANAjDfvnZpWYU
遠遠看見他的身影,我自然而然打起十二分精神;聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉,我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的;走經中五級壁報板,會不經意試找許家偉的名字……109Please respect copyright.PENANA0zkrjXsk6D
109Please respect copyright.PENANAslu640hSRY
「你遺下了銀包。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAwLWiQDjK0j
109Please respect copyright.PENANArZ8lBWpSOH
「謝謝。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAPDTmlbCDmU
109Please respect copyright.PENANAHWnfewf3Tf
「不用客氣……」109Please respect copyright.PENANAIEbdeGTsv5
109Please respect copyright.PENANA5X5efgzHir
經已物歸原主。他道謝,我虛應,然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。109Please respect copyright.PENANAjd5mh56T9X
109Please respect copyright.PENANADI7KCPdrwm
該要說甚麼?還需要說甚麼?沒有啊!但我們還是原地愣著。109Please respect copyright.PENANA2JONqZvLTE
109Please respect copyright.PENANAqWiJkgZuwn
他是否一早知道我?他是否早已察覺我在留意他?不會吧……109Please respect copyright.PENANAxT0BBN3grM
109Please respect copyright.PENANASO2xnuoG9D
我望入他雙眼。109Please respect copyright.PENANAijQsKleBic
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不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑,似乎在期待甚麼……109Please respect copyright.PENANAsDjoT2zEpH
109Please respect copyright.PENANAg7uWSEkJVp
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來,低頭轉身離開。109Please respect copyright.PENANAyHcma6G3C6
109Please respect copyright.PENANAvSboSfqnRI
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在,問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容,認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的,不會繼續討厭他。109Please respect copyright.PENANAO1EiKKFDue
109Please respect copyright.PENANAOUdryjh1Sg
上課鈴聲響起,學生魚貫回課室去。人群中,我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了,笑他遲鈍,後知後覺。109Please respect copyright.PENANAabOsukCbBN
109Please respect copyright.PENANAJpRbPOXgpL
許家偉臉紅,禮貌地點點頭,上前自我介紹。109Please respect copyright.PENANABMz1sngRQQ
109Please respect copyright.PENANApPhMHysden
「我是文班許家偉。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAVKyxJLhEgo
109Please respect copyright.PENANA8OaseA1JAy
「我是理班李浩榮。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAf0oZ03T9Cd
畢業多年,我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講,舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料:「你們當年那麼要好,竟然未曾聯絡一次?」109Please respect copyright.PENANArwgs2LP6An
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我笑笑點頭,不多解釋。109Please respect copyright.PENANAhpKWbL25LT
109Please respect copyright.PENANAxjAzS4q21F
畢業禮當晚,他告訴我,他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰,我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必,因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪:如已釋懷,為何重提。109Please respect copyright.PENANACHeGGGk3Mz
109Please respect copyright.PENANAa9iR9e6O39
李浩榮笑笑,笑說他已覺悟,明白人的真正作用。109Please respect copyright.PENANAgZyx79IhQ6
109Please respect copyright.PENANAUpapx4HJaf
聽到這莫名其妙的答案,我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。109Please respect copyright.PENANAhbgg2Xjmx5
109Please respect copyright.PENANApr3HUznHR7
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起,或是把深交的兩個人分開,例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中,而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。109Please respect copyright.PENANAeH8ZaRCIre
109Please respect copyright.PENANAXbpnQEpCM3
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過,有點無奈,有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後,我和李浩榮再無交集。109Please respect copyright.PENANAPeW3pTUIJd
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但我沒有阻止他。109Please respect copyright.PENANAukPkeod5mC
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他壓抑已久,情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。109Please respect copyright.PENANAOSwGd84GO9
109Please respect copyright.PENANARP1uXrhS91
我慫恿他繼續說下去。109Please respect copyright.PENANAM5nKfYJ3Wp
109Please respect copyright.PENANAyLTGeMSizY
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子,經常氣得老師向父母投訴,父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀,起初會擔心對方身體,後來發現彼此不怕捱打,只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑,再玩再捱打……玩著捱著,二人同甘共苦十四年,彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我,反倒羨慕我的不起眼。109Please respect copyright.PENANA6SeU9JicEQ
109Please respect copyright.PENANAPHv4eLlC2t
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。109Please respect copyright.PENANAt7Afjsupy9
109Please respect copyright.PENANAox0w7Hu1pc
「不被注意、不被期望,方能活得自由稱心。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAjdWFgxBQya
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我問他是否有煩惱,可以向我傾訴,也許我能想出好辦法。109Please respect copyright.PENANAb47PVfpD7D
109Please respect copyright.PENANA4Lvo1B9A31
李浩榮報以苦笑,沒有正面回答。109Please respect copyright.PENANAaQfHtpDuZN
109Please respect copyright.PENANASqgfLDHecP
那夜,他喝得爛醉,我送他回家。109Please respect copyright.PENANAOJzfmJBluu
109Please respect copyright.PENANA6ra5Zs7zkR
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦,語調急促,不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮,留下一句道謝,利落關門。109Please respect copyright.PENANAU8B2BgBxeL
109Please respect copyright.PENANAiadN6AQrjJ
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。109Please respect copyright.PENANAB1SZdipPoS
109Please respect copyright.PENANAuOALZrDzdC
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害,亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。109Please respect copyright.PENANAjrHthPm87Q
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但我掛念他。109Please respect copyright.PENANAcd7u5cutKw
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不是偶然想起,不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助,不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯,是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。109Please respect copyright.PENANALU7EaKMd94
109Please respect copyright.PENANA0wI4MqsRTH
想起他,我不期然會笑;想起他,我感覺窩心;想起他,我會自覺孤單可憐。109Please respect copyright.PENANAJhgA2aMz0N
109Please respect copyright.PENANAa0IdewryhH
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。109Please respect copyright.PENANAjmRoVgcT82
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糟糕了!怎麼辦?怎麼辦!不知道。109Please respect copyright.PENANAZWHWEbNBOF
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不要說。不要聽。不要見。109Please respect copyright.PENANAKNBJgt8AXs
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希望時間會沖淡一切。109Please respect copyright.PENANACLJ0B9OxCq
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。109Please respect copyright.PENANAcX5zsYXro2
109Please respect copyright.PENANAYGLXpC1ZY2
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應,煞是暈眩,有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。109Please respect copyright.PENANANgj4CMQPSk
109Please respect copyright.PENANAUMITd4IYuB
阿媽沒有理會我,背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說:「昨晚是他送你回來。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAT4EurY0dAM
109Please respect copyright.PENANA0EYbQJOLTj
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛,重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算,反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。109Please respect copyright.PENANAuiIwbQ86RZ
109Please respect copyright.PENANAr5KcHeZfXT
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAruqQBydP9b
109Please respect copyright.PENANABssf4OvnGO
「我也不明白。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAWkYWGGnPZT
109Please respect copyright.PENANAfILouOGFJA
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAJielIroEjK
109Please respect copyright.PENANApJwY2NK3au
「感覺,並非可以自由控制的。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAsRZXE21J07
109Please respect copyright.PENANAlKjAYIvjf6
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAGMqMAMwF0L
109Please respect copyright.PENANAUDZDBcXSg6
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAFvwarAJLZw
109Please respect copyright.PENANAHbenoV11Hc
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAhJg56Pnn6w
109Please respect copyright.PENANA9sCjUPxSzU
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAMPeAa6gabC
109Please respect copyright.PENANAinfSKfQ7xb
我晦氣,毫不掩飾對她的討厭。109Please respect copyright.PENANAKeD23cUhtP
109Please respect copyright.PENANA3ExbVeBeCn
阿媽沒再多話,繼續在廚房忙著。109Please respect copyright.PENANAZOMxwxukF6
109Please respect copyright.PENANAB1n69i4IUO
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我,為何旁人總愛插手?109Please respect copyright.PENANAdRF57l469u
109Please respect copyright.PENANA3KEGaZsZ41
抵著頭痛,我硬撐起身子小便去。109Please respect copyright.PENANA6wjzGp8LHa
109Please respect copyright.PENANA2niPXnzp2i
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下,小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少,昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。109Please respect copyright.PENANAnP828VeItu
109Please respect copyright.PENANAsimhnSfSCj
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。109Please respect copyright.PENANAEOeAhHkDom
109Please respect copyright.PENANAR9ev5LlPCK
真的嗎?我真的把話說出口?109Please respect copyright.PENANAdG17KdxMeH
109Please respect copyright.PENANAPrhjN2ieLP
為何這麼驚訝?阿強醉倒後,我特意喝下更多酒,不就是為了把話講出口嗎?109Please respect copyright.PENANAeuY1keuoye
109Please respect copyright.PENANAAVOgnUDRLZ
便意盡,醉意消,騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。109Please respect copyright.PENANA9mgQiuFvN5
109Please respect copyright.PENANAroPDe6WBmN
為何要走到這一步?109Please respect copyright.PENANAcYPgGYSf41
109Please respect copyright.PENANAuHN8VCcXRI
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情,擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我,乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態,冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。109Please respect copyright.PENANA768KFrToix
109Please respect copyright.PENANAW3LvVFkI78
「世人表裡不一。口說開明,實質守舊。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAjLwRof0HX7
109Please respect copyright.PENANAFWsA8eG2oF
「是嗎?你呢?你口說放棄,心底裡在支持我吧?」109Please respect copyright.PENANAUoQrFFP38j
109Please respect copyright.PENANABv3Yg14m20
「別倔強。」109Please respect copyright.PENANARSrT6WL89P
109Please respect copyright.PENANAdonalQpilo
「我想要知道你的真正想法!別敷衍!別蒙混!」109Please respect copyright.PENANAWlvRu2hAbA
109Please respect copyright.PENANAYy6wfBkTik
「我想你放棄。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAaJqfttTgSy
109Please respect copyright.PENANAlhvrM4WO4p
「原因?」109Please respect copyright.PENANAvpc0EhnxYX
109Please respect copyright.PENANAPkI5pBUu9j
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAucICLEvxXD
109Please respect copyright.PENANAwCKmfMOBPi
「我知道。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAVD1NcbyaCK
109Please respect copyright.PENANAvRXonwJJKW
「何解還要繼續下去?」109Please respect copyright.PENANAu1tHzVBfPi
109Please respect copyright.PENANAeXQBFn5YWA
「感情易放難收。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAfE1GNfNY3S
109Please respect copyright.PENANANUEPmnGGu9
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智,她還有何話可說,只得被動地待我回心轉意。109Please respect copyright.PENANAXxznsk0s59
109Please respect copyright.PENANA6vyB8jNkHk
傍晚,我約見阿強,在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀,有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣,我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此!我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足!109Please respect copyright.PENANAFoQD6UMnui
109Please respect copyright.PENANA1VsqpssLtB
架後,我沒有留下片言隻字,待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去,懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。109Please respect copyright.PENANAW5HzD7rEYx
109Please respect copyright.PENANAksjsHtLU91
阿媽見我身上有傷,許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事,沒有多問,亦不予關心。109Please respect copyright.PENANAJ7mCDP8D0P
109Please respect copyright.PENANA0V3xVCAPoy
我不在意,一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……109Please respect copyright.PENANAAHWHul73Dp
109Please respect copyright.PENANAEa9Q3GiAX6
畢業禮,是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊,戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜,能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉,齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。109Please respect copyright.PENANA27DkG3Wv9O
109Please respect copyright.PENANA05cerwwRnC
阿強取來一支烈酒,邀我對飲:「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」109Please respect copyright.PENANARuphIBAa6T
109Please respect copyright.PENANA6DRPqwXiiU
我欣然接受。他很了解我,許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈,自小經常一起偷偷喝酒,十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下,沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。109Please respect copyright.PENANAkJMpKVxxDs
109Please respect copyright.PENANAcWO61GThYw
小醉。半醉。大醉。109Please respect copyright.PENANAPp13DyfbEN
109Please respect copyright.PENANAfjrhe3quoV
阿強半伏枱邊,傻笑問我:「想好如何表白了沒?」109Please respect copyright.PENANAKLfUoEN61E
109Please respect copyright.PENANA6K6iWkwQrC
「直接講我愛他。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAn0LVh3EVf2
109Please respect copyright.PENANAwgKEtvVDz8
「如果他拒絕?」109Please respect copyright.PENANAq5orwzM5Fa
109Please respect copyright.PENANA4inQFCTllo
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAm2EkQuf6jT
109Please respect copyright.PENANA8dPr83FmUT
「如果他接受了?那怎麼辦?」109Please respect copyright.PENANAujFvkDH4oO
109Please respect copyright.PENANABkrKWqvWpo
「我當然是高興!」109Please respect copyright.PENANAqjzvXoQs3P
109Please respect copyright.PENANAVWbSiGiMpq
「我在問,他會怎麼辦?你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切?」109Please respect copyright.PENANAKfS0XNvGKZ
109Please respect copyright.PENANAYMWyc0eUov
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。109Please respect copyright.PENANAIG4xjlX9n9
事隔四十年,我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。109Please respect copyright.PENANAeYWWNJIGHV
109Please respect copyright.PENANAKv0rTDeEB6
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻,但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。109Please respect copyright.PENANAdSw3rXKasZ
109Please respect copyright.PENANA9I6dA25OfH
李浩榮苦笑,笑容意味深長。109Please respect copyright.PENANAUPvWoIBMJ7
109Please respect copyright.PENANAEJHJdyWrG1
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」109Please respect copyright.PENANABGlpPrpLQE
109Please respect copyright.PENANAHJtW2wtYxy
「活了那麼多年,經歷那麼多事情,我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAox7advtT1v
109Please respect copyright.PENANA9hOMhMiiLo
「你仍然單身?」109Please respect copyright.PENANAZuABtuxIPv
109Please respect copyright.PENANAyFGewxtY2R
「是的。」109Please respect copyright.PENANA0uFxxuPDZm
109Please respect copyright.PENANA0ju0NOVRbQ
「要我當媒嗎?」109Please respect copyright.PENANAnUrasIBKZp
109Please respect copyright.PENANAKe2UUbvFy1
「不了。難為情。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAYvNSC2aFd5
109Please respect copyright.PENANAZmMW2hSmg0
李浩榮失笑,笑我不值得被愛。109Please respect copyright.PENANASywFBbMya1
109Please respect copyright.PENANAHdYN1ck9no
我陪笑,笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。109Please respect copyright.PENANAeuSwc73ycT
109Please respect copyright.PENANAOzEdgaSeJ7
多寒暄幾句,我和李浩榮相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。109Please respect copyright.PENANA8dUySSG1Jh
109Please respect copyright.PENANAkHJAOO4hKx
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。109Please respect copyright.PENANAjXa4I4xSZK
109Please respect copyright.PENANASXpz7H8O3e
回家吧。109Please respect copyright.PENANAXZzR46nJpK
109Please respect copyright.PENANAtkgjbepTj0
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。109Please respect copyright.PENANAZc5QkQDzX8
109Please respect copyright.PENANAnhTrCQoW9z
「戚戚慘慘悽悽,清清冷冷,覓覓尋尋。」興之所至,我一邊脫鞋,一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。109Please respect copyright.PENANAzdzgmpxRUO
109Please respect copyright.PENANACk2uxYRQ1G
「尋他千百度,驀然回首,那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪,懶洋洋得撲到梳化上,順口接上《青玉案.元夕》末句。109Please respect copyright.PENANAJTYUcxDf8y
109Please respect copyright.PENANA9m1AUQNOti
枕臂望窗,映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗,憶起他的臉容氣質,憶起那抹笑容。109Please respect copyright.PENANA2NPG208qnK
109Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6hUXGhY2V
大概是一見鍾情吧。109Please respect copyright.PENANAbxX5jjrKrq
109Please respect copyright.PENANAG8O4f2XGqu
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂,後知後覺。109Please respect copyright.PENANA4qp10wnkm6
109Please respect copyright.PENANAce6Qfa6Emq
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向,結果會否不一樣?109Please respect copyright.PENANA9OQ3jpF6Se
109Please respect copyright.PENANAC5GL1Wk3XA
我笑自己想多了:結果會是一樣的。109Please respect copyright.PENANAwf5mRjli1r
109Please respect copyright.PENANAp1mF1D9cPF
我是懦弱的人,我珍愛自己,所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情,亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。109Please respect copyright.PENANAJnupUxcubj
109Please respect copyright.PENANAkpmpRXmdcf
李浩榮說得沒錯,我不值得被愛。109Please respect copyright.PENANAm0M6YzL8px
事隔四十年,昔日摯友躺在棺材裡,往日心上人站在我面前。109Please respect copyright.PENANA7jEYTf3ZGy
109Please respect copyright.PENANAVtWZLdK7E7
百感交集……109Please respect copyright.PENANAXabBSa2E3b
109Please respect copyright.PENANAc3gfQJC9LW
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻,事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人,情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候,還以為痛楚會一直維持下去,有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。109Please respect copyright.PENANAKKWx8MhYJx
109Please respect copyright.PENANArsdDW0S5RW
不過電影終究與現實不同:角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡,情感故此顯得激烈而深刻;現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素,例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。109Please respect copyright.PENANAW0jrIdnYbK
109Please respect copyright.PENANABX68RhY9KF
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力,直至今日再聚……109Please respect copyright.PENANAvCRgPI6OQi
109Please respect copyright.PENANAatakKjeVVB
「認得我嗎?我是許家偉。」109Please respect copyright.PENANArLsKbggcU8
109Please respect copyright.PENANAh3yQal6YET
「認得。你是文班的。」109Please respect copyright.PENANAfmqnUTyDmW
109Please respect copyright.PENANAi9bfbnEW1m
許家偉淺笑,笑容如昔,淡然清雅溫婉。109Please respect copyright.PENANAKf51QLslct
109Please respect copyright.PENANA87lAVelmqz
閒聊之間,發現他仍然單身。究其原因,他只道難為情。109Please respect copyright.PENANAN4iABv1QEd
109Please respect copyright.PENANAlBcSlJ2cuV
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。109Please respect copyright.PENANAnGNVWJKLcJ
109Please respect copyright.PENANAjJDsGJfuI8
四十年過去,許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。109Please respect copyright.PENANA2mHTIKPZhI
109Please respect copyright.PENANA8FCwXQy9AB
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。109Please respect copyright.PENANA9FQmgzENDs
109Please respect copyright.PENANAUdjsO0RU2z
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。109Please respect copyright.PENANAEvY5PlRqWZ
109Please respect copyright.PENANAA6Vlm2heT8
許家偉在認真?他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑?109Please respect copyright.PENANAefm6ahiq3C
109Please respect copyright.PENANA7tviltO9uF
我哭笑不得。109Please respect copyright.PENANAI1i9ifkSJS
109Please respect copyright.PENANAr4FsAlIMCQ
無意跟他繼續對話。109Please respect copyright.PENANAxsXcyUh8uX
109Please respect copyright.PENANA98Cnm1Em6O
多寒暄幾句,我和許家偉相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。109Please respect copyright.PENANA0i6RQgAQWy
109Please respect copyright.PENANAskUadGZhjr
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。109Please respect copyright.PENANAkdMaL6KDlQ