午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlazxkwC7Cc
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPvHunHRaj
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSGMit4Z34
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXOHVXDoku
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZG7FpgUS8
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Uhv3myP33
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqwd8VdCoN
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ79iHoUoO
為何記住？我解釋不了。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboOZXNgfwF
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4bEHW3Jvs
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEyOzMiSd5
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayaQdaS61N
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiT18OVFYo
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1atNg3DBX
其中一個是他。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgrakQfPMM
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3vqiDTWDq
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDYZyTBe2b
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLESXAL61v7
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeO8DvHDC7
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYxnozAxR7
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6hsMFGS91
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9CSKlf38I
「你遺下銀包。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQtSVWiWWp
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiZ4ZP4W2M
「謝謝。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0AhmHwu16
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj96wzC7k4J
「不用客氣……」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXdlxl4Ent
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbf4nJjXg6N
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCScENH0Xqg
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18e7FTdKKN
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsJmAAc9cV
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTiIgqFKr4
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vLxWcHw07
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8W77Azep5
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtw7UUhMpZf
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Tidna37Nh
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzFvQs0BsN
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAKhcvCBjQ
「我是文班許家偉。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFxltVnq5v
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvSHLaxp0k
「我是理班李浩榮。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwI1dTJeUK
其實我早已知道許家偉。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzVa6uNCrp
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8KLfzD9Zl
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbBLYAMIPP
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmXKVK9cpt
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedORIE5OrF
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYEUU7MkiR
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHUKZbRBvd
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IZbOXSkl3
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugpmK1OeaD
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAL0PnL1ItJ
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawpLkrWMgr
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJw2jw4nHa
不服氣。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriQZTwExdy
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaGFFbe5KJ
繼續觀察他。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMrNzwueFm
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLnRJM64B9
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagU4rN0rYL
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnltRCwo0kA
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3lNXsYMh8
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodbf2vD0dn
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvLWzuo1s7
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04gu40OiMe
我急步追趕許家偉。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9KMqG3A6f
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevdOw3n9FW
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYohko9bd2
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyygF0BP5Ok
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS08c9PcriH
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVY2RtOtRw
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKVhl7VatG
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibvdWtmQvN
「你遺下了銀包。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgz3Z8TL2R
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqwBTBoJfk
「謝謝。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ867x4JKiTq
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHyyGZFdjM
「不用客氣……」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTvT2R460E
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgR1OMpI4bE
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3cwAugCx9
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93sohMNfED
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhSAIHm7Rb
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0KLnEcYLh
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVpQNDPZaw
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuVrdNx2ql
我望入他雙眼。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyAPJHNRpF
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbwGWtU6qJ
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mfKp8sI1X
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6Q53kmqJE
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3hgv1S3Q6
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNRh1Zrwvr
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlXF8PswWm
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40O4pzClui
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3re1JS2NCS
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMTIUrDE5z
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLkyjL1I8v
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NLwxWWwlS
「我是文班許家偉。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5Qnx24a71
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAFlu5mGc5
「我是理班李浩榮。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQZifcIpFe
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJFwu4N4Pa
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZaveWXrJy
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2giRfjYEfG
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMUUK2HE1w
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4eJ3MwbKo
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp05CMEAERQ
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡea5YCUnS42
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndttRr5Bjx
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYvroPk1TT
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfiswm3H2C
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRK3TLkOGI
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PDFAsUOgs
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsLZvDu5FG
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjYZrdrFaR
但我沒有阻止他。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDCcuzY1Wd
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3jXLNYCs9
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEv2iOx8Yk
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqIO5OYBHh
我慫恿他繼續說下去。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKEunDVkkr
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTPWiFYxSU
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkpbL5mJNF
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFblmpVlFA
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEb7jIhE8Yr
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bSJxNCBcj
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnNtF0tMtd
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmQnkBLlKf
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ57FtkFCAl
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXVrlQsONA
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yWY9Masm4
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fEXt2ZHuB
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PihELZtVb
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KH5mTMHPU
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgT2PtMwheH
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrxl1vNon1
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8BJ4ZhwxN
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7DKe0z2QO
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaMhPsojmd
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNObatdwkD
但我掛念他。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDax5gTd4wC
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOF48qh3Th
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVp96zOoK4
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXj1bAX8DE
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGS048oDyNt
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ORVhwKx2a
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFdgj320Nn
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64biiEtblf
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUgBW5wlgs
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48bf1wgtq5
不要說。不要聽。不要見。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZo0joejkA
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNR6uU3sf4A
希望時間會沖淡一切。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0L2BdsbCz2
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUa834rCmD
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVGwzfkXlJ
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7njX9EnY2e
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUK3NmACdV
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbVKHzuKBE
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioLBmEPrE7
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTEQPRNiOl
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNflcwZB1f
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluqNWmjYq6
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「我也不明白。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKmA3F8jYa
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnmaZBNJAT
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3H6WLfV1U
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BS8mHHNh3
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「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoXaGEx0zV
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「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoJKbDNHwr
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lybcxvhPY
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「你該要對我感到抱歉。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYZUk2gNwh
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOujiR91U3T
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQoKJtztFD
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrl6yKekBBz
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKdGe94KX5
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAdI2jpihm
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHNqNRWd0O
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiycpk0qJr
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSacypdYCLW
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPrC2cRVCG
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAO3zqykJf
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kIhG715yV
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLrPCzJe9C
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQoUBvOIkZ
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRKAzbLZG3
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFznyjHvE2x
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡis74jjtM0U
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqKMyOBLPX
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為何要走到這一步？218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0m8OWW6hzb
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sIOzhf3H8
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDe3tqkvMz
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrTMoEsa3Q
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2FIlXL7ko
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUO3MCA5PBo
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeyXH1MBx9
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mB8IgErWu
「別倔強。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe07QUeOf3C
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzbXqIUXPt
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFKdLvo4JO
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4rqh8yemO
「我想你放棄。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02mJbP0IVa
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「原因？」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVe0qtPU2d
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjualSDYn6
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「我知道。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHwanPXpt2
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「何解還要繼續下去？」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CX1koUdj8
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsKDTPeIE0
「感情易放難收。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpjtUAOY8X
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePRfemjyTR
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMihtj2VOyv
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywqM33NeVC
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENBKX3trgV
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CnLe0fMPX
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡud58xeX5KD
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5mJkypViT
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5Bh0hvuRy
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0taOvEmkw7
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXox1IvIky
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGhNS555bH
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgAqtlbpue
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLqO3tBVwb
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudU6D2Twpc
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFdWxBlPlb
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIk4qGDfcMd
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxKifPxdFa
小醉。半醉。大醉。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCXmyLzikm
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7ReeK8a1y
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88tUyDQJEc
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGKpkhmnjP
「直接講我愛他。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIG6ZPVngT
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwInzZOthT
「如果他拒絕？」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYEJ470gAw
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgASyDHE4L
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgd4DkRKAV
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4ANFfO2xg
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWt7IRUYm0
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8GNIzZS76
「我當然是高興！」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsN3hVrs0z
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTONKdYlO3m
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1ep6reP0Y
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvk7QF9JRDc
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bwcIHnkCy
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolyW8uNBAY
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡye801fn8il
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xWvqtEncL
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomgY8A6IRb
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lka9HpWJn
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRa6a9lurjD
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ291VFxZJ03
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUtHUbQ0Cl
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DlIWh3nxI
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡug2ltslUMZ
「你仍然單身？」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5nApUbuAt
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQo60JMMEL
「是的。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdo9pRBGbG
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「要我當媒嗎？」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8INYHYRfa
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「不了。難為情。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPYYrA7OZH
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1G3iyZrfoR
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtMFmrgYXw
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我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7sIQYFLzV
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rWTNpgQSZ
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RGkNVS2e8
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7H0Af1V1nd
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxzlllbdF0
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回家吧。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiWZcoCWPK
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tepm3Cyce
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「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26chkXWhrO
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MWhw5xtqr
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcGHiZvoaH
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEv7ePZZAZ
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtHX0Hq8ED
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大概是一見鍾情吧。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFE8l7KUpJV
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTo7vXeEjol
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOv74xM0cV
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBVQt86zNy
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AE8BZaGBV
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jcoijrAGr
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvE9G6FnorD
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUGQLPfbMy
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SQZZr3zmm
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百感交集……218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UrUiviAb8
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3145hCfBvg
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrkxNv4Q8F
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGG6FIzjZG
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqToun6UGLb
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NpMV63I6m
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlxoiK2UkX
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmE0v2iusoi
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGJCFKANuX
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tDJoajYbQ
「認得。你是文班的。」218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZx7uMbn0dR
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7ZqnJVHiI
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpOKsDQ9Cy
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuDAVvDN4h
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bqhahFJ8P
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiOxplqNCb
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63w7xyFSbq
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbLjyB9xSV
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXX9vE5fD5
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoy15eAYfe0
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeFhm49tMR
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFNZUdXa4P
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclcBUsP3mv
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYKd3RiCdF
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3H7eWxvihd
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iPCx9osyy
我哭笑不得。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBb2awR2ON
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無意跟他繼續對話。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeV4qu1aUIp
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGDGIdhJgD
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsp35orFfkG
218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQNEFHRnfL
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。218Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4R6rb4n5L
然後按「加至主畫面」