午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJFYGCSSpr
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EM9zatVAT
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnISzgHC6mq
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7Kq6nQW9O
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppHAY6Dq9X
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yyY7zgjwm
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYz5apRyqK
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXObzl7i39B
為何記住？我解釋不了。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQGT7P0VVS
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx26C5sQs0h
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhbvcb4c6h
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeD3Ie93QA
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWpJxwrwno
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMfDHeW8Hw
其中一個是他。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwetU6jd0q
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfmQJJgjWD
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjZNojgivW
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KtejNf0Kk
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnftmcmD5WV
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre9gvrz3CJ
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLs0RH6crD
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87yPVcSwgG
「你遺下銀包。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDqPwt7pSH
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaxxFP6EEt
「謝謝。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgH3JqpaMYR
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wqlGBQ8MD
「不用客氣……」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFWeYxPUDl
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtj9kDfjkP
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSoXrxRKWb
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY82oWhE3Zp
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpvxCBtucv
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6BuzOLh45
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkHtRor2pH
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Yvl5eZGlh
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiMUs4nGe7
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXxqZeIBZ8
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tq7DWtgiB
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5qhke7mRj
「我是文班許家偉。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4xAttvnym
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17ou2ezvCG
「我是理班李浩榮。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvMtHBNoNb
其實我早已知道許家偉。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6smM0nwftY
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEXak8jyZP
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zENqdoPII
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzDnRsuQAr
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BCUmmzCKA
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATH5Y9ctTa
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1D53LYTDvr
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoHpN1nJqq
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvShwbYn9bM
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobQA9jYWWB
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbHq2oaTrm
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJFNkNAZrC
不服氣。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfpVZ6mIK9
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKo7h80SAlw
繼續觀察他。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGz1Fn080IH
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpD269gBb0E
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDNsZfncWb
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66LrEcVe4B
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bWqB1tnXm
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmw3ZntOkpF
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YM13bwm1v
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8llNRjbzN
我急步追趕許家偉。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKTsbUueBC
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2i1bElJo2f
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLF7SZBHiH
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67RtBx6Iup
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SOh8s0sN1
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXqgupB7SO
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDifuBPtlw6
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoKDCp9aCz
「你遺下了銀包。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXnwlpZfpz
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyOdsyrDsM
「謝謝。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0t1Yxlfm5U
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASfX9waiiJ
「不用客氣……」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p0tKzchGl
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDAUEyOx0q
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceQXFNkzXe
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLwAbPSwx6
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRNQGIAJ1V
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUfZH6SaAv
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxoC5c6gta
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tQGHbf5ka
我望入他雙眼。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJC4IATdFp
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYqoIor94T
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OOhLeVu1f
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxxVaJ2Ykq
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY06XLHM1Ii
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctEV4LrnkS
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQgFMXirtC
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbrRxaQjOJ
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zyHO8VQFu
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSzfNIa5nO
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUucFiTS39m
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEW0ZN85zI
「我是文班許家偉。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQYUizhPpC
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FkQKhIB2c
「我是理班李浩榮。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdw3XBVRW2z
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvvKE3P0Cm
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXAK5eTRH1
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK57EgpDlSt
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XjEewZVgG
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIhVuwEeNx
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd21ciqmUYf
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRSOfMc4kQ
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHJIlKp8dl
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VagOx0KsX
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsk19Ew2WJo
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBqe2zaeGk
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9CRo80rsV
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YEq9smHr5
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOQuGYzBKN
但我沒有阻止他。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAbKENIwD8
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6diWF9hk95
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdJkgjQuom
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF88R8pG8qw
我慫恿他繼續說下去。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWz5oQtCUd
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUI1jipe0gs
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDaWz1SzFt
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2Ru245YQx
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeT8iixUIej
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsBoiBa9yt
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFXbqCwSsX
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrwMeylq8y
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4xwaID2t7
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBULhOpqIdp
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8454Dq8ED
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1NrdwfhMk
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLG11nT5Wk
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPu2nZ0OXxU
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AEV725CZy
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWMgKfnloL
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHahrhgCy3
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhLayl0YVn
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3i3iTDlHnA
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAESWdYWFXZ
但我掛念他。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPV3SjUTmh
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGMnclx9nn
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgyZlpz3T4
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSWJfTaFFD
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rSjUliVPb
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtefmCA3twQ
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNjgpS3K2H
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsT6tEPFN8r
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZGFsDuEBu
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAYwg0ez3t
不要說。不要聽。不要見。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8V4EWFQLM
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGK6RDzcGKy
希望時間會沖淡一切。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8LYEgV33h
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYS6ghHEM5h
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pcLA9hexz
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RYhWzG2Gx
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfJHv6Utk0
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYhAzzaLzM
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLZHQTfNKD
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8z2RbTjudt
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vxi9Hlv8L
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGCln3uSFi
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVbZ5MxQ03
「我也不明白。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtozGgleNjc
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uREjXtSvf
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AYm9YXC3c
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQKhk0biE0
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuFh9We7nd
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVkGz6vknP
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRm9AuGeCK
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMioysm1js
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVu7l1vmoYQ
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqp1H143a8Y
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvIE3KD1Tq
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCksaIkgxJ
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UZ4UEzfYb
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRigqhdKUG
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUBTUpl4xK
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXFwAXM9oL
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzwgfmaQ9u
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抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo61rnDzlki
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwplr3yFBP
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EYMW49LsB
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSt0fed7T3T
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7e3h6kl3CE
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCt4UIrL072
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasCtfAt3mX
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtNzm1ntx9
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamjbu2mu5R
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUNwmJbbxo
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為何要走到這一步？163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImhni0FrLy
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEocuKE7Gl
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8A1VVLgzuX
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPusQzJlKV
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1msoHqiG1
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGvkJ3RRCw
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WhC0mwloo
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpNQ6fn78Q
「別倔強。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6HtoLLEcR
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOunIGJ08i
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bFriXWtnj
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7brXnQ4QKT
「我想你放棄。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ935LweoyZ9
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「原因？」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30haIsqXOh
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrGsXSylqj
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxBCu9iSNp
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「我知道。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNPvBVaLlw
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlPemmLvXj
「何解還要繼續下去？」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bIj8ptw2t
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ANgC1hIwE
「感情易放難收。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7E2z6pLhUh
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzuwJbcXcs
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYe962x8JiR
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9c9n0Gl5L
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUyMzSc9GL
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNLN9UUMP3
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaIPxjyxlP
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqDvEp8qMB
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6rteavMgf
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4K6k1Mbbm
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFuG2PDsHJ
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGTspZSvkJ
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdB5iPAMfmb
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhnc1Qrgjn
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujF2PlhVHG
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsqjorj9IC
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ep0Oyg7ea
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSKtKPiZBy
小醉。半醉。大醉。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ug2Z7Kkxf
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sv15o34vH
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvvyba8fLN
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFCCfiIESt
「直接講我愛他。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5S4mdKxNj
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XbyRoDl8Y
「如果他拒絕？」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNMSfY7j0z
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLakROi1INT
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOQig61EeN
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37nu4CCLCa
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjh9m3bkWf
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0JJsu03WS
「我當然是高興！」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYH2KaPqq4
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4I2PF6Qx8
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIVqa8ZkVD
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQHRfiS8sE
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqzaCEMC9d
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGYaCj7hna
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPBX71Norb
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4OGIOwI7R
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECUWLOpMJx
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtORysMooi
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkM1UFGUGCz
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9oBt00Sy0
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCclwhR0MMN
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYU3fXF9k71
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ03VVjfYOx
「你仍然單身？」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XJkJVgKTZ
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8v6baqti6
「是的。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWtf46e9Uh
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoajGsVv8gT
「要我當媒嗎？」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9v29Uq0aY
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rpUuovvgT
「不了。難為情。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08hmnHT4Jr
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9iPKgkXyML
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2IjJEElF8
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnP5Ihc7l3
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAR8Dh2oCD
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJcmJLy1lF
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3AkOvMSlh
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOpwAR4yhb
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡge9bm43vDQ
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回家吧。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPwjep3woX
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HV1lyqkmD
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkyHnCgS7o
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「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJIcXCoQNs
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2F59kCRMDW
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4OzgvHiLX
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQquSmqgoT6
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEL9J5KIMI
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大概是一見鍾情吧。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOelc32WyZ
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGoDFUsR6m
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHxBJHuHRG
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPTRlCLGOd
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fNjspUfxe
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG1ZQ9EKWf
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPirVvKA9wq
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjr8SbJc2L
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhcMXvGt17
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwPsc6470Z
百感交集……163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0943z3pqy2
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55guifZ0Bt
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCVxMCrvwL
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfTJ4XP5ik
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgVQRaoTcg
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaztBHBwRjd
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgMugWSg6y
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIPDh0Rwr4
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChsm7rqaGt
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8a6WATgS5B
「認得。你是文班的。」163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGljblgN9mE
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtDAD2LFYy
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstShIqPTd7
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxF6jZ8lKi
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupZobG2twu
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHro8B6K2Yk
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0Mh0a4G7h
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5e5qERF5n
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaigPcDo31q
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5z7zrOh5dl
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShBk16KF12
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0Sc2fbQgq
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCplF8DNVd
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIh7oz8DgZo
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkjm9TV156
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eLwLI8aZU
我哭笑不得。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN9QGkqEAW
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvPNilZuIB
無意跟他繼續對話。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoTeO1Hwxh
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs7BVMUANy
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeG1hXXZHs
163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylPu7Nlsp7
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。163Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5lPkw2xJG
and then Add to home screen.