午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNE833HMeO
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnYgPKhUVk
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMWmTqiKaf
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMEGENunYR
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObjp5OJENF
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vWWGORImT
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy801CC2Rex
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSwRJmIXcN
為何記住？我解釋不了。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4lGk7TZiE
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZ5VXVvDHZ
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKusN2F61Cx
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMlGKChCBW
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjqFFpxQml
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCZUlshaSb
其中一個是他。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlDSMC0yCs
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMh3UDEEkvG
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVb6XLQ90c
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVHSyfuydv
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZ4LqLiZnN
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1vlePAgMl
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpOv3LJ4mY
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO6LcaZtKM
「你遺下銀包。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCxYuA4TVX
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEOxpGFv8P
「謝謝。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjakKjowda
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBig6A8k6A7
「不用客氣……」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlubZjYo9aA
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaUvPYFvo9
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Qvsx1HcQC
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTXl7gsn8n
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhEWy2AM0T
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbmTgTqBo5
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIqSPHqpeH
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcVBAJ3C3x
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmnYPBnsga
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizrziWdIpM
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoU3gYtItk
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyb64xJaXc1
「我是文班許家偉。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZiyQbhOeN
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJlQsXVnGc
「我是理班李浩榮。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhi1wO8seeh
其實我早已知道許家偉。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVI41YfaMHZ
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoq3oQOcVrD
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiJgjxOSwd
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTONhvPXCHZ
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZgGlEI1kD
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbw4UvfIHzm
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKGm8Hy7nS
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAMnepeMIL
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcULxxGEtpi
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUYGvajXXA
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYCfyWxHN8
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZyg9O6qW2
不服氣。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiYHSoMVsa
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0l3BgdM3p
繼續觀察他。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheWSzwzd6y
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxOWEUEb6d
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT45Hw7jXNh
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJk9EMx1XtV
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpVG9sVS6d
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6d3NJS7tWE
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WdnvYVDg8
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTT8XOEvKG
我急步追趕許家偉。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50nshEC4LV
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvxh4ndgFS
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSfIw3u92K
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4ulLuM82q
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYxnKdABwD
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ4YxVdCGc
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyugECx7VuJ
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhUXCvgYnW
「你遺下了銀包。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQo8AawlfHJ
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAnjQIiKzB
「謝謝。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTyYIVFATG
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnng0qkHcl
「不用客氣……」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUz6Q56A44I
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6PJh3KRzU
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUqHY5vEJI
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2AtqQVbpR
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4W6iteUIXc
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAGny2iukl
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hMXBfzB2l
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWo7ZFKvllp
我望入他雙眼。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSYhK2knr1
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTGTEBqptD
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23YKXvPhyU
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3engUokNh
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZW9GyyEMj6
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi75i1pTrUd
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PVLMz2bDp
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uIj8x2qye
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJ2HeTeyYd
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwFSbtaEyP
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyX5gw2ea8
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bMsA8SHE8
「我是文班許家偉。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdcAIfOyqA
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHQ1ffYUze
「我是理班李浩榮。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ytOT5K3Zo
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVG9X7ACOC
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0yW1f3wZa
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbXlLG03yr
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPcCls5jjo
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIe9ObPRHGO
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLkP4IQ0dT
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNAIwbueBU
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOX4bZrw2W
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Oc5bYfPGa
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeUdOApLKD
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkh37I8X4S
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfynKJHylj5
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVuYj84MZe
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKr0KrQ0Up
但我沒有阻止他。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbaFJbBxQh
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmpTZfngvB
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwywF6LSHiK
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Xp7PTPhDa
我慫恿他繼續說下去。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMrvPI5kXC
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvLeeRBGnA
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENQ8QXlfiN
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgcTT5jBj9
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjdBh464RP
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGtyEmYI1S
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOr8Dv8rMw
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGfOMPhXVP
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETxHA5SIpT
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnvYSPurVP
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNY2w7LKO4
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicfqfDrTtL
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxybvJFtVz
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmMvOAxJTp
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2f8USI22i
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmnNK2RP7l
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeON2cinMj3
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzUfq61zA2
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVlTZ4MJ53
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsSE19UTUE
但我掛念他。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9m1jFCTma
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXwa1TJTqk
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mLmFgRcYB
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95GjJ8ZP6f
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5Amqmd2LX
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgMz5kkFBB
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtff4APBib
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvaJzenHYf
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdq9OuXe9s6
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrdSJdIfzo
不要說。不要聽。不要見。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1Twkfkohs
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcxXq895qN
希望時間會沖淡一切。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ129Vi7jfqi
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2DJLVGZ0p
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTcWVEGACe
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkI5GymwRD
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuYReOZK6C
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzREIIpDUA
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLCc2zHFOB
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8laqqOACoW
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9GPdBjwyq
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDbDQ50ZC6
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tnia9JyrQ
「我也不明白。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5eCIEqOFK
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9JNlpU1vK
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJNSH3zzjb
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt03uzsq3Mu
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9B3XFxWnG
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5q8bABU80K
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKufjGjGZE
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ayTcr1Jok
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHLXfqJ6Gk
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPaWyjJELg
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxSOd3SSEZ
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ951YKE2GM4
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4E4SZzl6F4
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWt0pNSrP2
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdvnMjBtAa
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntLkbUhmuq
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRbZ7bdViE
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8CLPZHs0B
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LoATVUZGE
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd1adwwFaq
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpR19NgimiO
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwketnhgt9
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zwLnSLRC9
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUMHMuFIIU
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1UILm5n9T
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFms9V8Ip5
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwfFS9i13y
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVvTpOvtB0
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH50KZHNvz3
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0Flg1f6xj
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVx0RNC7h2I
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltU9rgEAMF
為何要走到這一步？216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYX3XCDoGS
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQfgMXDwAp
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19Dccu79PO
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRpLQSMV7E
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48TsPjvbJa
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRP1JjP2irn
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbg2yAXLX4E
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnev6qH9WW
「別倔強。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYftfI8tys
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10yADEHtj3
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGPG68KPo7
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDZZt22ABT
「我想你放棄。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLG86KuC1Ck
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZZLQu4VVp
「原因？」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHV8RkghvU
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwc2JG1Iwp0
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTJ1WimHPH
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rwEtmTcor
「我知道。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewwjbz0wwf
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEKAiHXhh6
「何解還要繼續下去？」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuhFDVBVU7
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0NECspTKH
「感情易放難收。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhn1LwPws6
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQ2H1gHdw3
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nO5u9Lq2n
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBFjERGk4g
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqu5cmpoxg
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpppJ1Fmjr
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hzgU5i3VC
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88GGAqx9rO
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Y2GzcPCoK
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKewEdDU4d
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPAiJR4eX3
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwHMY0NYzj
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ykXMNXOVj
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3QrBOL7wr
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44BY0VoDJ9
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRb6AiXRPoJ
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3keRfNvObs
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW03oCpYTh1
小醉。半醉。大醉。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Vg112iRD1
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48zRGAn3UE
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Wqpj7h2zv
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1PgRYP5cf
「直接講我愛他。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMK4SVBzwRj
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6waZToCLRx
「如果他拒絕？」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYWTLghz1t
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3V0KhhWMr
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bhKk6mYFM
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzX1aWooLFN
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIkqZsqKZx
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7LEecBDHg
「我當然是高興！」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbXXLDmGjr
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhmRplt6rA
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfySB8Xew0S
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzphhpbPU4v
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvlCKVzZWK
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5J7fH4y7ZD
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iBhCR1qjJ
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ujx15JLho
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRtFMwyDyy
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyqj3mVlwU
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0hYqsWSxv
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcjBH3OR7e
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpT8HPufmO
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCj37DLmhm
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAVwskC3of
「你仍然單身？」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsU5FkAMnj2
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaT6zs7Fpj0
「是的。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUUp25SdLM
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZxuckoxlY
「要我當媒嗎？」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5chACOanAx
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKy39ERmUD1
「不了。難為情。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJn3qiKYbq
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gPqnwDZrc
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqmbjR0SKk
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmh4dxhC1UT
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tXjfpiMHc
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oTZ1Yw2jy
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzkAaj28vz
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uApgDyeNm
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92FLMF7Q8Q
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQYBBLNxv6
回家吧。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPIvBsr7qh
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRGDEFuiae
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlghb4lgTs
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKAaqQhjJw
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVFOS5At2k
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9CmjRr4yx
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4EYqCg5Dx
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnyQw4CvH8
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQspc6FlgX
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wKITjXlRN
大概是一見鍾情吧。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGbgqW8Tpk
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGIeQmaKCT
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAV84hafFtq
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw91oVbIW9Q
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtzjcGlsuH
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8AlivOFgA
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPkYGCEftd
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcvb9mq0gi
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡir8maFkkob
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWaY6Bvdfj
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVuDkqVd31
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJY8TRcPZi
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqvQ7IoZd9
百感交集……216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYi2ZVxVCX
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5e2bZjRQ9o
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8arWveZAh
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnd3nPtcbwU
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDzkDWIB7n
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQVcjAJ1NT
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ97oDQOqvY
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSQN5zWhHr
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvg8dowvYh
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK21jNQbQR
「認得。你是文班的。」216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmzk7OvJV7
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUmHybXfxd
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡembrjqszCY
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVl7nKGNSeL
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWd0OWjSccH
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxujHvKBU8H
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHDJ21bUv6
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrX0I8MwoW
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5cICAVzrk
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUsU0VWygF
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOaVeWXSL9
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVTqlCO11t
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXy8DRVxu1u
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJXLTjoexZ
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELtVW3eE4E
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGFosGn6tb
我哭笑不得。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvCdl4YBPt
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUNyusXO8e
無意跟他繼續對話。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvzf8ZXWyb
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcczMX6IiYg
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5wVcezdta
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3SH3J3fZ0
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWrIZNDWB1
然後按「加至主畫面」