午餐用膳後,男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場,或場上打籃球,或場外觀賽。我亦不例外,在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際,一個籃球高速自後側飛來,狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉,我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁,沒把事情放心上。當然,我也沒所謂,小事一椿。101Please respect copyright.PENANAlIC9M13lNS
101Please respect copyright.PENANAQOJxyksKZo
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。101Please respect copyright.PENANA9G05oyK9rQ
101Please respect copyright.PENANATCIQaj0NCl
匆匆一笑,半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑,僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。101Please respect copyright.PENANAWOdlTjUa1H
101Please respect copyright.PENANAB5Sz1kF6Ez
但我還是記住了那抹笑容,記住了他的臉容氣質,記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。101Please respect copyright.PENANAzvjqwLbVi0
101Please respect copyright.PENANAWtiYC5psQW
為何記住?我解釋不了。101Please respect copyright.PENANAludDbfT47s
101Please respect copyright.PENANATpUXO90SnC
好幾個月過去,夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目,男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起,動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒,說吃飽想睡不想動。101Please respect copyright.PENANAPHH4Hjpsfu
101Please respect copyright.PENANAwVG5vhGKWY
我獨坐長椅一邊,納悶之際,兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。101Please respect copyright.PENANAUPUJC4IgHc
101Please respect copyright.PENANAozIbpayg04
其中一個是他。101Please respect copyright.PENANAbkf0wj2UDX
101Please respect copyright.PENANAioWEIp9tSw
那笑那臉那明暗,歷歷在目。101Please respect copyright.PENANAkJV0ndilSo
101Please respect copyright.PENANAQSwZOgK4lb
心頭一顫,我馬上別過臉去。數秒後,我稍為冷靜,意識到自己的失態,佯裝無異,繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣,有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。101Please respect copyright.PENANAKDRgzeANOQ
101Please respect copyright.PENANABaeKocUe90
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時,他竟從後叫住我。101Please respect copyright.PENANA69DVMPIpE0
101Please respect copyright.PENANApNrpEMROfR
「你遺下銀包。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAS4XfdNrDkj
101Please respect copyright.PENANAymjR7uiYYO
「謝謝。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAw8qgH0bnKe
101Please respect copyright.PENANAwJ9E57U2ia
「不用客氣……」101Please respect copyright.PENANASTtquTlHny
101Please respect copyright.PENANAOnC0M1xEQU
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣,他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼?不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題?甚或是「為何要展開話題」?101Please respect copyright.PENANAnKHBvcO6q3
101Please respect copyright.PENANA7eA7ECXbLT
氣氛尷尬,四目交投,卻不知如何是好。101Please respect copyright.PENANA3YogPrZYjK
101Please respect copyright.PENANAU99j9tOku5
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過,彼此才回過神來,甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上,他往下。101Please respect copyright.PENANAREJ77PiAfg
101Please respect copyright.PENANAeOl7ZJNMeb
誰料在午飯時間完結後,我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊,所以未曾正式認識。101Please respect copyright.PENANAGoDZCZVrzB
101Please respect copyright.PENANA5qFWPHLz3L
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。101Please respect copyright.PENANAGeYgzb6y10
101Please respect copyright.PENANAQdwOUQAbDx
「我是文班許家偉。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAI31WsakLbm
101Please respect copyright.PENANAjK6mDKgq2F
「我是理班李浩榮。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAb8AsZXYbzG
其實我早已知道許家偉。101Please respect copyright.PENANAcBJCiJvVop
101Please respect copyright.PENANAi7f7xOW8oy
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。101Please respect copyright.PENANAk70rpMxn92
101Please respect copyright.PENANAmqboazSzLv
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。101Please respect copyright.PENANAE7Wh62au2E
101Please respect copyright.PENANACnUJgAwhAJ
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別,亦無專長或短處,是個存在感不強的乖學生。101Please respect copyright.PENANA8F223Yl7Xy
101Please respect copyright.PENANARs6u4jVm1A
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他?101Please respect copyright.PENANAJYQsIPI4LQ
101Please respect copyright.PENANAv9x6rXalQd
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝,只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。101Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZOySKbnJz
101Please respect copyright.PENANABhuZ2vi0o0
不服氣。101Please respect copyright.PENANA3pYAIHNxAz
101Please respect copyright.PENANAPy3N6PJVsy
繼續觀察他。101Please respect copyright.PENANAlhDjlOowp4
101Please respect copyright.PENANAREdH61DOGj
匆匆數月,秋去冬來,我對許家偉好奇不減。101Please respect copyright.PENANA0As3rfLr4c
101Please respect copyright.PENANA0hNAm52lGN
某天午餐後,我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅,於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端,近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光,動身離開。正感沒趣,阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡,看見許家偉的學生證。101Please respect copyright.PENANApGIBKJ5ftV
101Please respect copyright.PENANAgSHtMyFVD6
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證,再將銀包交到校務處。我反對,擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應,僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步,將銀包遞給我。101Please respect copyright.PENANAXawmRLbkvA
101Please respect copyright.PENANAZeKCaDVSEE
我急步追趕許家偉。101Please respect copyright.PENANAqOu3BPCPpW
101Please respect copyright.PENANAyr86dakQLg
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問,我不是討厭許家偉嗎?人前,我一直表達對許家偉的討厭;人後,我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有,尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。101Please respect copyright.PENANAbQGbZ0b9J1
101Please respect copyright.PENANA3nCidoyYpC
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。101Please respect copyright.PENANAVNx1m5Kpwg
101Please respect copyright.PENANAe6divdro9T
遠遠看見他的身影,我自然而然打起十二分精神;聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉,我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的;走經中五級壁報板,會不經意試找許家偉的名字……101Please respect copyright.PENANAeMZfdZzeXS
101Please respect copyright.PENANAbgZ0ZrIeJu
「你遺下了銀包。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAGd1OWokEcw
101Please respect copyright.PENANAtOV1pXgFoS
「謝謝。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAj0PxCvSzyc
101Please respect copyright.PENANAY1q53goAva
「不用客氣……」101Please respect copyright.PENANAAwYt2ioNbo
101Please respect copyright.PENANA1jFNDmADIu
經已物歸原主。他道謝,我虛應,然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。101Please respect copyright.PENANAb4j28g1k5q
101Please respect copyright.PENANAG8lnGBAsm4
該要說甚麼?還需要說甚麼?沒有啊!但我們還是原地愣著。101Please respect copyright.PENANAnCWcN8u1iX
101Please respect copyright.PENANAWZEKHae6Gq
他是否一早知道我?他是否早已察覺我在留意他?不會吧……101Please respect copyright.PENANAPpdWfUohsB
101Please respect copyright.PENANAwG38lhMxJJ
我望入他雙眼。101Please respect copyright.PENANAkKqZjGVE4r
101Please respect copyright.PENANAyIzxA99QdW
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑,似乎在期待甚麼……101Please respect copyright.PENANAdAN93VtIJA
101Please respect copyright.PENANA4us58EyUpS
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來,低頭轉身離開。101Please respect copyright.PENANApoLamME54q
101Please respect copyright.PENANAhqCF92FAVe
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在,問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容,認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的,不會繼續討厭他。101Please respect copyright.PENANAVC50JOohZf
101Please respect copyright.PENANADcHIukNdVd
上課鈴聲響起,學生魚貫回課室去。人群中,我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了,笑他遲鈍,後知後覺。101Please respect copyright.PENANAMtdqooRXQ3
101Please respect copyright.PENANAU583To33jS
許家偉臉紅,禮貌地點點頭,上前自我介紹。101Please respect copyright.PENANAYBcZ2WCH84
101Please respect copyright.PENANAaUgDQKtUxt
「我是文班許家偉。」101Please respect copyright.PENANA3gbdk3DQQV
101Please respect copyright.PENANAKOjOU0Qg8c
「我是理班李浩榮。」101Please respect copyright.PENANA1WSAdv9TD8
畢業多年,我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講,舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料:「你們當年那麼要好,竟然未曾聯絡一次?」101Please respect copyright.PENANAOUitjwKsrH
101Please respect copyright.PENANAb2uktLTHb2
我笑笑點頭,不多解釋。101Please respect copyright.PENANASM2M0ZqJqu
101Please respect copyright.PENANACzt3g5EoTK
畢業禮當晚,他告訴我,他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰,我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必,因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪:如已釋懷,為何重提。101Please respect copyright.PENANAIh4j47sj5c
101Please respect copyright.PENANAjVyWIcNeXv
李浩榮笑笑,笑說他已覺悟,明白人的真正作用。101Please respect copyright.PENANARDRBiPsN6H
101Please respect copyright.PENANA92A8gq5KNB
聽到這莫名其妙的答案,我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。101Please respect copyright.PENANA7Utlb1FmIy
101Please respect copyright.PENANAKY4P6xj4xQ
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起,或是把深交的兩個人分開,例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中,而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。101Please respect copyright.PENANAuR8i9GVULf
101Please respect copyright.PENANAatgdzhHWz9
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過,有點無奈,有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後,我和李浩榮再無交集。101Please respect copyright.PENANAwWMWMzSlZk
101Please respect copyright.PENANA8S4Rjdbqsf
但我沒有阻止他。101Please respect copyright.PENANAfvF2EbSljL
101Please respect copyright.PENANA5YhICliOPf
他壓抑已久,情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。101Please respect copyright.PENANAmVN0QSsVhK
101Please respect copyright.PENANA5zHnqLuLjp
我慫恿他繼續說下去。101Please respect copyright.PENANAqdbynOrLNL
101Please respect copyright.PENANAHcZlFjrdmh
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子,經常氣得老師向父母投訴,父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀,起初會擔心對方身體,後來發現彼此不怕捱打,只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑,再玩再捱打……玩著捱著,二人同甘共苦十四年,彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我,反倒羨慕我的不起眼。101Please respect copyright.PENANAkeTU4soxVi
101Please respect copyright.PENANAEAhsiQvgxH
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。101Please respect copyright.PENANAP4mleC48wT
101Please respect copyright.PENANAGF8pyCEW3G
「不被注意、不被期望,方能活得自由稱心。」101Please respect copyright.PENANA8ESPHQVoUB
101Please respect copyright.PENANA8rN3hPzwhV
我問他是否有煩惱,可以向我傾訴,也許我能想出好辦法。101Please respect copyright.PENANAVRVWNpdbdv
101Please respect copyright.PENANALvxQzbbPB5
李浩榮報以苦笑,沒有正面回答。101Please respect copyright.PENANAuiEMPK6YaS
101Please respect copyright.PENANAvPY34HgbWp
那夜,他喝得爛醉,我送他回家。101Please respect copyright.PENANA7zXL5PlvrE
101Please respect copyright.PENANAuPj2LvwYyd
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦,語調急促,不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮,留下一句道謝,利落關門。101Please respect copyright.PENANAFwD0XcuXUn
101Please respect copyright.PENANAJEROU2tRl0
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。101Please respect copyright.PENANAsBOJ6C4oPG
101Please respect copyright.PENANAu8nJjarogY
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害,亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。101Please respect copyright.PENANAKgjqRBO31G
101Please respect copyright.PENANAOW9m6TsPqx
但我掛念他。101Please respect copyright.PENANAsw2n8dh1zW
101Please respect copyright.PENANAERhqOxbxOs
不是偶然想起,不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助,不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯,是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。101Please respect copyright.PENANAVABlQCgzuC
101Please respect copyright.PENANA7SbTziMaYh
想起他,我不期然會笑;想起他,我感覺窩心;想起他,我會自覺孤單可憐。101Please respect copyright.PENANApjnfuCsjoH
101Please respect copyright.PENANAZnWwrrxpH6
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。101Please respect copyright.PENANAYASAikD0u6
101Please respect copyright.PENANAJjXCFhmyeR
糟糕了!怎麼辦?怎麼辦!不知道。101Please respect copyright.PENANAsTtwDdWMNl
101Please respect copyright.PENANADVGrMPDxZk
不要說。不要聽。不要見。101Please respect copyright.PENANAbGdE3Qs9kd
101Please respect copyright.PENANA7fn4ItuHSC
希望時間會沖淡一切。101Please respect copyright.PENANA9FSsQotZLk
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。101Please respect copyright.PENANAmXY1vYgJLR
101Please respect copyright.PENANAoYaE4hCiF2
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應,煞是暈眩,有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。101Please respect copyright.PENANAPKJwUpHi9w
101Please respect copyright.PENANAWw3M6pUV8G
阿媽沒有理會我,背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說:「昨晚是他送你回來。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAUTa4eHSHxm
101Please respect copyright.PENANAquULSny14w
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛,重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算,反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。101Please respect copyright.PENANA8QviotJaKw
101Please respect copyright.PENANAH9cmLD3pMF
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAJmnWxblOUp
101Please respect copyright.PENANARhLgzZiaVE
「我也不明白。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAcCMwhdhAKf
101Please respect copyright.PENANAnuNaEZzCpD
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAOD9NOxdrRx
101Please respect copyright.PENANA8o90P8gAgK
「感覺,並非可以自由控制的。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAljbMTBzeLx
101Please respect copyright.PENANAUaKcKLcJjD
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」101Please respect copyright.PENANADdw9aCNvAD
101Please respect copyright.PENANAfzVB3hyA3f
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAEwn37UmtYF
101Please respect copyright.PENANAhHC2mOm2vo
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAINYLGoyr0s
101Please respect copyright.PENANAzNle1evGFD
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAEBvog4GSA4
101Please respect copyright.PENANAtnCWFny4xS
我晦氣,毫不掩飾對她的討厭。101Please respect copyright.PENANABiBTdnWMSk
101Please respect copyright.PENANAEx7WxZjbN1
阿媽沒再多話,繼續在廚房忙著。101Please respect copyright.PENANAHNBM2qzHTM
101Please respect copyright.PENANALGvomCgbFi
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我,為何旁人總愛插手?101Please respect copyright.PENANAilluNp1cZx
101Please respect copyright.PENANA5jp6mkLfAe
抵著頭痛,我硬撐起身子小便去。101Please respect copyright.PENANA397DpdmxMO
101Please respect copyright.PENANAcDX1guq1f9
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下,小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少,昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。101Please respect copyright.PENANA26ZXKgxvDf
101Please respect copyright.PENANAgDx59e9kMv
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。101Please respect copyright.PENANAhqVieEa7BQ
101Please respect copyright.PENANAPFXXTvdRdT
真的嗎?我真的把話說出口?101Please respect copyright.PENANAx0C5vXaVQL
101Please respect copyright.PENANAVKXQoFvdYI
為何這麼驚訝?阿強醉倒後,我特意喝下更多酒,不就是為了把話講出口嗎?101Please respect copyright.PENANAQAgl03PORq
101Please respect copyright.PENANAZCGYnEtkJq
便意盡,醉意消,騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。101Please respect copyright.PENANA6OE59wVPtE
101Please respect copyright.PENANAKzAw96L9K6
為何要走到這一步?101Please respect copyright.PENANAe9rzoA17UO
101Please respect copyright.PENANATITRWSZ7zd
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情,擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我,乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態,冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。101Please respect copyright.PENANAyXsj0miYoH
101Please respect copyright.PENANA2kR0AyA9sO
「世人表裡不一。口說開明,實質守舊。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAaxFfksQjCM
101Please respect copyright.PENANAlebr2HLeP2
「是嗎?你呢?你口說放棄,心底裡在支持我吧?」101Please respect copyright.PENANAbv2uqCoL6N
101Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2O0KpBKmw
「別倔強。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAwpBBgaobhR
101Please respect copyright.PENANA7M1TpUxSAp
「我想要知道你的真正想法!別敷衍!別蒙混!」101Please respect copyright.PENANA9KCQBUOQ7y
101Please respect copyright.PENANAIL0TXytPWq
「我想你放棄。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAnMJL0iMYjF
101Please respect copyright.PENANAG2Dr9rsyvp
「原因?」101Please respect copyright.PENANA8hIemU7xgr
101Please respect copyright.PENANANJ4Pma5o0a
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」101Please respect copyright.PENANArNKNEoOrab
101Please respect copyright.PENANA4309jNcG6G
「我知道。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAqjHIAmHlO6
101Please respect copyright.PENANApHyCChiuZ6
「何解還要繼續下去?」101Please respect copyright.PENANAB8ECbdvr7k
101Please respect copyright.PENANARrjLqRB7X5
「感情易放難收。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAM4S6mPcgrM
101Please respect copyright.PENANARvC0wqefsS
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智,她還有何話可說,只得被動地待我回心轉意。101Please respect copyright.PENANAT6hsRuO6Mh
101Please respect copyright.PENANAAaqT3Ey3Zq
傍晚,我約見阿強,在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀,有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣,我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此!我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足!101Please respect copyright.PENANA05c2ZJOpXq
101Please respect copyright.PENANAYbnxNlqD2R
架後,我沒有留下片言隻字,待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去,懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。101Please respect copyright.PENANAtnFtIJ0cd4
101Please respect copyright.PENANAGhdYkBK2pf
阿媽見我身上有傷,許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事,沒有多問,亦不予關心。101Please respect copyright.PENANAXkiKI0yzdZ
101Please respect copyright.PENANAdcSInqdkxY
我不在意,一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……101Please respect copyright.PENANAQXMYAMENeA
101Please respect copyright.PENANA8CzjGQdS82
畢業禮,是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊,戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜,能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉,齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。101Please respect copyright.PENANAtSLLqz3Rgd
101Please respect copyright.PENANA1I9Ittv4MH
阿強取來一支烈酒,邀我對飲:「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAilzbIJIJS6
101Please respect copyright.PENANA1kBhHQHZkh
我欣然接受。他很了解我,許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈,自小經常一起偷偷喝酒,十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下,沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。101Please respect copyright.PENANAc0k8BPcscj
101Please respect copyright.PENANAefybpoksn7
小醉。半醉。大醉。101Please respect copyright.PENANAPVpzvi4S4y
101Please respect copyright.PENANA82gKalSOU6
阿強半伏枱邊,傻笑問我:「想好如何表白了沒?」101Please respect copyright.PENANAyXn7tkVERs
101Please respect copyright.PENANAQLdjJPO8cY
「直接講我愛他。」101Please respect copyright.PENANATZmqj9FqJh
101Please respect copyright.PENANAOUt2XzlxED
「如果他拒絕?」101Please respect copyright.PENANATp9HkZEoN0
101Please respect copyright.PENANAASrzygbcMQ
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAvspUapLXOw
101Please respect copyright.PENANA6Lw1JAK97T
「如果他接受了?那怎麼辦?」101Please respect copyright.PENANA7sXGrfKVMC
101Please respect copyright.PENANAmHjGX6opSo
「我當然是高興!」101Please respect copyright.PENANALshaIPNnxY
101Please respect copyright.PENANAmo3XDEbFVP
「我在問,他會怎麼辦?你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切?」101Please respect copyright.PENANAMfc8qkBdwH
101Please respect copyright.PENANAHdHvWFJyvZ
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。101Please respect copyright.PENANA2TGyjD5D6E
事隔四十年,我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。101Please respect copyright.PENANAohBX0Nqr0S
101Please respect copyright.PENANA2HaFWRpP3Z
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻,但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。101Please respect copyright.PENANAHFdbVhDxks
101Please respect copyright.PENANAW1C5ruvFs2
李浩榮苦笑,笑容意味深長。101Please respect copyright.PENANAFyZPXAmQeo
101Please respect copyright.PENANA8Sulf5GgQh
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAi8t4Jqa7T5
101Please respect copyright.PENANA7etF3gRzFK
「活了那麼多年,經歷那麼多事情,我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」101Please respect copyright.PENANA7RWv6OO8jI
101Please respect copyright.PENANAfqHg2ZFhvA
「你仍然單身?」101Please respect copyright.PENANApqKiMCYpzA
101Please respect copyright.PENANALaGSo9RQO8
「是的。」101Please respect copyright.PENANA7uJvn3DFPc
101Please respect copyright.PENANAJTLg6ZYCpr
「要我當媒嗎?」101Please respect copyright.PENANAzu7jFp8eb9
101Please respect copyright.PENANAvU50rvc84D
「不了。難為情。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAP30TFLHAGx
101Please respect copyright.PENANAh8rpp5O6Tf
李浩榮失笑,笑我不值得被愛。101Please respect copyright.PENANAk5ilgxNhjN
101Please respect copyright.PENANAhcP6SzxThE
我陪笑,笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。101Please respect copyright.PENANAkgIomY8VLw
101Please respect copyright.PENANA4K8uN92tHN
多寒暄幾句,我和李浩榮相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。101Please respect copyright.PENANAKKfsnJPMXf
101Please respect copyright.PENANAPsXzhRf8I9
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。101Please respect copyright.PENANA2aMXrKqdq0
101Please respect copyright.PENANA3W0SlgJeOM
回家吧。101Please respect copyright.PENANAGu3lsOLKgs
101Please respect copyright.PENANAgUskkmXosP
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。101Please respect copyright.PENANAvtWxuwMi8P
101Please respect copyright.PENANA44f2v9W3IX
「戚戚慘慘悽悽,清清冷冷,覓覓尋尋。」興之所至,我一邊脫鞋,一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。101Please respect copyright.PENANArg4BekWbs8
101Please respect copyright.PENANAZxOcYl58Ms
「尋他千百度,驀然回首,那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪,懶洋洋得撲到梳化上,順口接上《青玉案.元夕》末句。101Please respect copyright.PENANA0qNkswObjW
101Please respect copyright.PENANA1DABkcyLam
枕臂望窗,映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗,憶起他的臉容氣質,憶起那抹笑容。101Please respect copyright.PENANArohYYd1AHq
101Please respect copyright.PENANAmNdzn9tRJR
大概是一見鍾情吧。101Please respect copyright.PENANAZUuUbLBuQK
101Please respect copyright.PENANAGYJdsl63IU
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂,後知後覺。101Please respect copyright.PENANA7Y2mMRrQB8
101Please respect copyright.PENANAeY649907kN
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向,結果會否不一樣?101Please respect copyright.PENANA03g6qW9F4i
101Please respect copyright.PENANAiOE4Z0epIX
我笑自己想多了:結果會是一樣的。101Please respect copyright.PENANAnTObJ27u8k
101Please respect copyright.PENANA4J0qAmyZ9S
我是懦弱的人,我珍愛自己,所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情,亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。101Please respect copyright.PENANAuTMApryKSd
101Please respect copyright.PENANAOZCcviKmIO
李浩榮說得沒錯,我不值得被愛。101Please respect copyright.PENANAbzyGLPgCTs
事隔四十年,昔日摯友躺在棺材裡,往日心上人站在我面前。101Please respect copyright.PENANAUDDPH0LdWr
101Please respect copyright.PENANAwMBN3j60y4
百感交集……101Please respect copyright.PENANAHETeGKLQNd
101Please respect copyright.PENANADjucSz31Ci
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻,事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人,情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候,還以為痛楚會一直維持下去,有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。101Please respect copyright.PENANAR3MPhQS3il
101Please respect copyright.PENANApImVfiE7Rc
不過電影終究與現實不同:角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡,情感故此顯得激烈而深刻;現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素,例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。101Please respect copyright.PENANAUhWipULaYR
101Please respect copyright.PENANAjfahKJaweZ
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力,直至今日再聚……101Please respect copyright.PENANA4U8TKWg6Wz
101Please respect copyright.PENANAdoKi2kaZvc
「認得我嗎?我是許家偉。」101Please respect copyright.PENANADVYuhIzFB3
101Please respect copyright.PENANAc7LWzvnaDh
「認得。你是文班的。」101Please respect copyright.PENANAep9ZpwU2tj
101Please respect copyright.PENANAeawUL8MLOF
許家偉淺笑,笑容如昔,淡然清雅溫婉。101Please respect copyright.PENANAUxMGILp4rN
101Please respect copyright.PENANAFjK4ynaVxy
閒聊之間,發現他仍然單身。究其原因,他只道難為情。101Please respect copyright.PENANA3d07HmrtM4
101Please respect copyright.PENANAPnjeHclzoD
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。101Please respect copyright.PENANAcsyfDOMpoD
101Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2RzhrXhKK
四十年過去,許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。101Please respect copyright.PENANAjpULvVearV
101Please respect copyright.PENANAqWQLlDRumc
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。101Please respect copyright.PENANAyCpm3hpnFO
101Please respect copyright.PENANAYl4hbYAPX8
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。101Please respect copyright.PENANAZmIDQtpMky
101Please respect copyright.PENANAPtiDSNnked
許家偉在認真?他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑?101Please respect copyright.PENANA1SpKFjLRBK
101Please respect copyright.PENANAXNdpWAlcQh
我哭笑不得。101Please respect copyright.PENANAp5lp5hEQZ0
101Please respect copyright.PENANAafaI7j8ng7
無意跟他繼續對話。101Please respect copyright.PENANAlg1AdTWWSW
101Please respect copyright.PENANAGTYqTpOxh5
多寒暄幾句,我和許家偉相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。101Please respect copyright.PENANA0cWj8RLJn1
101Please respect copyright.PENANAtQwXdTYPu0
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。101Please respect copyright.PENANAi7afHXP7M7