午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5QSMJI84R
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpegIbr4Im
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡas1L400Zwc
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBveHirw8Ll
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKCuO9qig7
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yBe9e39uN
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpy5zsBCMVl
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cbEOVpGUD
為何記住？我解釋不了。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2d7f4w0LQ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjrNutoSw0
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1lZ9wNkPs
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRT4ziSURb
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQC7XqMdkP
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlpZG3vCHT
其中一個是他。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntJzikRxD9
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZRaZOPOq8
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHcXeaZM1v
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoqHs7r64O
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU11wmWh7jf
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcBqSx1oEd
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYJ171rIJP
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggkteN1i0Z
「你遺下銀包。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4vSPfQNhw
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdufU9idB8A
「謝謝。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1k5J0Uf8q
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hL2oZXq4U
「不用客氣……」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42yvlUHHVN
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGY1aJ1mhY
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hHCZ0RrUs
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVa44Lzho6d
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkW1SGxlfIv
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZvEhs7g3n
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0nHEe8bg0
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsiHHp6g5I
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfEwkiyvDc
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCGrGMtQho
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfn0pnIUywz
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJArP50D077
「我是文班許家偉。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeof8kXCzb1
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlOf3MbAhQ
「我是理班李浩榮。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7HAndpSGm
其實我早已知道許家偉。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjA9lPn5PGQ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsUJVyPCLy
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIkfg2Bwt7
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVJNivsdcV
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxyfsm1sBX
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjec6gshqy
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmv2gUHE3O5
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvP9GvlGBtH
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEodpbDvzC
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdcrO6FFAs
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Mh9Msr0nD
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAFoCatZLF
不服氣。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVU4p4MBq2
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgLpBmYerH
繼續觀察他。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA98hD8AieZ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnp4CHVOFR
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBMhvo3fut
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5yOalpNgX
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EeDRr3lWG
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqneiwAcohY
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXT0uhFE2F
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhgTM7rZUi
我急步追趕許家偉。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmY3qv1Hy9
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcpXLS8MOC
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBTRbBuS7W
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1ACEimKl7
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnDGTP0hz1
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShWeAHBsxy
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBFG3aFh8q
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGv0PxtgYI
「你遺下了銀包。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUSIHZ1oTi
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCDrPHb9Zw
「謝謝。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiHMdkxJWG
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3CnTgRpFE
「不用客氣……」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7qlwZd25d
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5creC2MohY
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MWPiJWelA
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qJRdVyoV5
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOgjTwIOit
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzE47c6EwP1
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD3mFdCY8R
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerT1qGrFsB
我望入他雙眼。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksbkPZ4XAS
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmh98qnmFaA
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9UjDbanFM
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9o81uWSBN
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsTGxYC40z
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4OHSpV35K
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIGboxI7mx
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxLppSDxTi
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5NUNq83wE
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFI2fxmq4z7
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxqSi0Yt9n
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgV5Fe77vaI
「我是文班許家偉。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldX6VHiirE
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UyqyiaD6p
「我是理班李浩榮。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9UVnfLzbt
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUX7SwlE8g
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBexQI1MAa
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFfgh00VMJ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yJR1WpXTy
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5euDctx3Gh
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHydhpXW75
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIG6y88bWct
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluFgKV7PUl
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbE1DzD89bd
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HLU14k5DA
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dvuJ6K7l6
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2Uu4W1Oys
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuAU24xxol
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0T6uREMLy
但我沒有阻止他。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3AXCoGZhX
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeL7wLEzuBl
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkotPszrM2f
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3r778Ka0r
我慫恿他繼續說下去。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvA1bezNxv
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKkfPA4BEN
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDpKWhTnh4
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxU8g5sRHem
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxJKaNv493
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjs01Kwyp5w
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22DGxT1M9J
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Y5Dx5o99c
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTxJfN1fm6
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjMiULehXT
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXsyljLYHB
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbUNXGbKzS
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyXxQgKLPE
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yIFs8Ctuc
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYQfy1hP9D
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBEeO0O4FQ
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZ74R1o1Sh
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fXjYnuyiG
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64dPwwi4yW
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYfaSaLH5y
但我掛念他。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ishAttoUq
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mJeTxf5D9
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBK85zTfT6
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoNqlPV8mQ
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RiTanA5cv
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzrAdZa3zy
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9owf5SPjn0
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAeSpZuky1
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN19gjlnlg1
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxBPHxlrHz
不要說。不要聽。不要見。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBP76W8TJML
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnMfsWiaf3
希望時間會沖淡一切。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuDx2RJiZF
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYABbW2dgE
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBQlymO7Kn
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH63yEjy1QO
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQehPCp10du
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEsLWtA2yc
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33J4enMUp8
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZss0vJtwZv
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshOiZLXSid
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBOYoBDDJ0
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFudGE4fRu
「我也不明白。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8rDwRfpof
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCihnO899w
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkNiPwIBU4
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiZhadujhn
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbFNMfbqpq
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8PgMuNvjl
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFRau6SZVn
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4f7YjNo2Ki
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HvwtfjF3o
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV02lKsClJS
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AHFcO2Bzx
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyHsKzadTV
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxX2aND5a6
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGU3WXsFQOn
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvcB8un9kr
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkp9iwgYbnX
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIw9Jkp6oyB
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QGQZMfUrO
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5As5Mk7xt
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD2e6ndMrO
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40KqQbsqYD
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBMNDm7kpj
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxh2zTYGRB
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡab8FJMRMoX
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CgQucS77C
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8kOFlG6we
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuNtFpb9z9
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRAowCcOVV
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb48uzSdfaG
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHmZ7XcbnC
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhSlJ1mlW6
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarirsk02QA
為何要走到這一步？270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gQnVRGRhm
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIz4ehciwN
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡragO0v7SCW
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjanmJ7HvY
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RtYZQBeTj
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SWL3h4xqo
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASh8UXXS8X
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0dOCwkom2
「別倔強。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGV7rTzmec
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhGrZ2OwdO
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvK2m7v88U
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekTKu2mEwT
「我想你放棄。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhWDEKcZxm
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0S33Wx0TkU
「原因？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAS0ioGURt
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaSAUz5LI3
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQNk7zXaGw
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7we1rukArW
「我知道。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXAUubXtox
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCflOamXHg
「何解還要繼續下去？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLjm77byiF
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmpXbmV09f
「感情易放難收。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjIYs7rI4m
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxB7vyXCrVG
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NlYvlLcpS
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKX4a7e4yO5
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7p9WmdHeW1
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvGnpNQHz6
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik6jQ2qYvJ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuDfejLSql
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4NSNicuVJ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mVH5qWpqa
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQNoPbV70D
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2yTfuaLJp
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4TwbqPsIa
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HdKFrJ4T7
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TQQTMYCeb
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQxxalgR0w
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQb882Z28H
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeN1isbaBi1
小醉。半醉。大醉。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPq42pkMKbA
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTD8dVtW0hM
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlWft762oY
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbfoziOQnb
「直接講我愛他。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7IAvOZLUr
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uZiDuIoow
「如果他拒絕？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlpcXP7w3O
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlFOpgiPGE
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarIYryxa2W
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PVEHSjcvb
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwVnouQiyL
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8UX8YXwxk
「我當然是高興！」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzvpOaGf0W
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlrNONmkQJ
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbx6bGdHO2r
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSluolaOJEZ
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEhFC40k35
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSqYQGcYzC
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9exgrTMitP
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNmiuWEmyj
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESKyL3kwj8
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2FwCeauxI
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMymJS05Fr
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmBk1EQUPL
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6ImnVbJNU
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnuzpswvxX
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCLg7Rw6Hj
「你仍然單身？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHwqsctzmD
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6C8V81FhG
「是的。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhuFaZfjq0
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3p33FQishg
「要我當媒嗎？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1LHMSejQS
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1wOAnmCNv
「不了。難為情。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiQgHTgTTo
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnkchnFp8n
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIDrgbFcYk
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTd44M7DzK
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgU4Dpp4VnG
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VnI6r52D5
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuY5G7XpGm
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpUuw7qDD1
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebHo5Nwk7D
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6CYxHPK8d
回家吧。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkp3fBB6LsY
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtuGZ83WbD
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuemyDpHgTz
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjTXVNBFQS
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuV3BmEuAr8
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsyUnzGMSL
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMPlEWdeLU
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsR1mQdhDLr
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkrsj8FgJQ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1Qt76DYTI
大概是一見鍾情吧。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3ZWAoBbBR
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WSiKiqes6
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23fWAtrrxl
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dJGlXr6t7
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxDa7Iw8eX
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5USGcI6VkP
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Jj8I3Q10X
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99H88cBE20
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgcTE33zRm
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqJSbxPcXF
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1aQC8KjD2
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYYb0Q2pt7
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJcUg7jGks
百感交集……270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeKGVZx1s5
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtsJIJGW3v
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DOs4zVXPp
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfFPoeFzx4
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDUZRkJsRw
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt66OYRhdvk
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8bNVfK94i
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPyFErEnn0
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkA3MAQTl2X
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmeeDc6neB
「認得。你是文班的。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTvh9AF60E
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3vgPaGKVK
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZffpHEA0a
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ619lJ5ZPe
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrawcRslue
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiAfdniHEH
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqloFiNMC1h
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBrPeh4cWD
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6XQ5xOx3p
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTnJU7C6Oz
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkxf6DYyby
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DUA1NQ1eC
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZcHmPoS33
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FDAwtwF6x
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCufHaXUkT9
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoQveMvsn4
我哭笑不得。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaN1gu75psl
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmV3f74KoAT
無意跟他繼續對話。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJ0dI9qQ9J
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCdNw9WaSt
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYguuLE9q4d
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX08QLU1QCe
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEH9GsMe7J
然後按「加至主畫面」