午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlCDA1M3nn
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9Sd4tQ5Tk
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHRde5bKPZ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXlYSLmXjY
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxO9ijxzzkg
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZ6COkAdBh
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0ubRQupMU
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoczsPSpcH
為何記住？我解釋不了。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZW7rnK8iZK
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7q4ib1pQ4r
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1NtPlLRXO
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LIGsKNG9L
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2ElUc1Ocn
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjNjqFWfbJ
其中一個是他。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXV8jHCbkS4
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSEP3vSZUb
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27TxGJJOUx
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVx1Qnmc2sr
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZx3mqWjgaQ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Zfkq6lnVt
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRElxxTqIZn
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ0YOacn3H
「你遺下銀包。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaCiLWNQBT
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wuMDkJegF
「謝謝。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouvnqW5CQi
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1JNx4ldvr
「不用客氣……」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkODrrz6vV
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4sbzncgin
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvBFeoGjtj
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaABa9R0jGS
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLW43iK2Rn
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVAxzoM8YY
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKghHCbbbKF
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjD6AnQ6CH
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENxNR2YkNy
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKy0S7fnit
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIlhrP2moA
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZmaOHFptG
「我是文班許家偉。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BZvvcYTkn
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnb86NTzX9
「我是理班李浩榮。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkrzPsXd18
其實我早已知道許家偉。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1EWCGOTMh
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghlWjwnErY
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXqgaYNsGL
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynSb70G1Yr
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFFm4vcVRG
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFVgqEhigO
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ570Vbbq299
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZc8j0B2i9Q
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlHcHcfU7w
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kSbO0GPPz
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqpKJWa0VJ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptIllDoj9P
不服氣。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYjawxeXq9
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36zYsYjagu
繼續觀察他。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIvZmTqliJ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxVJtyy3UA
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsihGUPtlGu
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5T07g46HKS
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWY7kQRKMw
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡep034Mxb0V
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVn4iGNe7R
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRGgU7yIPS
我急步追趕許家偉。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy66tWAJNJj
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CuzLDdp4O
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEGBSAG5Ws
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2PdgtDfRD
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1VU4koRcL
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxwMySlCO6
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gfzcUs7pi
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZ5tesT62u
「你遺下了銀包。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMGqbDZStr
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAN1ANMHaj
「謝謝。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIw43ei9xPb
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0txTaarKFr
「不用客氣……」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjvFEnGkIk
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NcbGHMa34
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhQOFfJfRi
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVyXxTXdKp
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2L92Nep8T
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2qnKhnrew
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaEfndvweK
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpGk2GC4Kf
我望入他雙眼。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRZ9X5HAVZ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0rCCexLp1
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtCKiCCTJq
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16HWMAX0UL
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodxBHXTGXG
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZSycZgRKQ
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlA1UmXhVS
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqo942M08OE
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡullGWrvojL
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH5xRFpUS5
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bw1H5LyUT
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnjGTcafL7
「我是文班許家偉。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtQK9sBAMm
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Tcm5AaQI5
「我是理班李浩榮。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajiPvxRIdx
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEc7gP1Ld7
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMdW5bWJOg
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuySC9Ce68M
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnEs3wHyzJ
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40kBwt5nE1
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuI8BFr2iiR
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUT6Mstddqa
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHdYvs4oXd
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5eyq2vMUp
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9MmFWF0kW
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiDJFLkRMS
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMv5A4FqlT5
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYry7nFeaMw
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMCdR5uzMG
但我沒有阻止他。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyfTMnjZ7q
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvKc0kY8Je
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5e9Nz2L3oQ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHxHAjNJhL
我慫恿他繼續說下去。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZy3WXgisAK
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVVXAiB8C5
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2j4XPRODg4
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpZGvgIR8a
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCRNPaMOO2
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEB3hR6xrzO
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguusxL5jRl
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9HZsUttul
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6r1lN8f9l7
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaThaMeIlEy
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSCaJYScaB
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAwMXhSjey
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIIH02ZHil
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgc9o53REu
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutaXs3kOCZ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqn18KCPkTG
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrML9V5V9AR
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU10aJQ9SM3
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGC9EauQBUJ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyCnkvE0n7
但我掛念他。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Jh58x2Bu9
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRndxfGTMJ
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUnjxFHidV
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZLWLU215a
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXuMUCZ0r0
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXXdeZi1Iq
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLUZMmfdIK
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52nDsLvrIJ
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdBrlKU0lv
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMM1t1OyKPC
不要說。不要聽。不要見。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡficHn4SZKj
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTJqefhldz
希望時間會沖淡一切。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbQLbiJ621
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf5Hn4VEfX
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNewCIX01Ys
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7NTIGkjff
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDvXMeO5ul
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVugoTAK3i
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgPLWr4JdG
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2ZkDQPVPd
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeiUvtSm3o
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEO1kXCfdY
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaOQ7ZbuYZ
「我也不明白。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiuBi4S1xM
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YaMbEIfjA
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghd7iIDqIQ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mkHcbFsLk
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoq8KwvQW4
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9HRcR1Nmc
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59mrSfEruH
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0HSZVjr16
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTaS2iRVo5
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9I6M1af9BK
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cOAYF1h9d
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJexQSGK4zj
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShmdWFB5fV
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfAkWFLkPi
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz86MjdZ49D
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42wDXAQVBl
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oKOnkpxKM
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIzlpyzQNX
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPtyStlAt2
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡso2BRoBtc0
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeYBQpGBAY
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sRganKqNR
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLNZ2Jvx1M
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBtHtD9QwE
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDgeoHCllQ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPwbp1sqwv
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcvbrKsjDa
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnOrg9Xkth
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIKKhWOlU5
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTVKRGJ26A
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRK1oprYsFt
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgVIfinpm6
為何要走到這一步？269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwbm0qWIB7
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoqfK9yHxB
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRbxlCMhmw
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YC2BxqXXO
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFkLmqfmPJ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtH3Bvtpesz
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PSWieIfbl
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIGjY9mVxD
「別倔強。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvUkoAyuRr
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbGSuJ7HSp
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ojxa2y8X2
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixMpSic9VR
「我想你放棄。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMeUl75zf9
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnb1YS5Enp
「原因？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Np0aC2v4J
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeMHJC9Fai
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGDDAOx06W
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFKffb3XyO
「我知道。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdvl0cyEg4
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8ygE9ZDFE
「何解還要繼續下去？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIfbUIjZ28
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1V7Uy61oha
「感情易放難收。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OpfNFEoFS
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51hiTWKyjq
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMc8A7D68P
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6sMYbQHvB
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ya99XszWz
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6a7kfJEvC
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoupwI4n7a
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7GR4VhUWh
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGQlTiyhJh
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttVMZP5IHJ
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOVNS21nEH
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsKkd5SDQL
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKIJw8vpl5
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYPGCl6lLz
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNljTLXM8SM
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89F9fX9kw5
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidzKTHeeyc
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhg2aLpA5P
小醉。半醉。大醉。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMw4IhG6ay
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCIcd080rt
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawS0PMmhZF
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkn8h9cCJpw
「直接講我愛他。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeX8sM02y8
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhkiGq1eJ0
「如果他拒絕？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozhchAFY5z
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9B0bJrNnPl
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dU40JHvTI
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvz4cDQtAp
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKdQcP1BqB
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCo8E3LIT2
「我當然是高興！」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfARkv6q3F
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfyKX4x1Bw
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipPDFTzmjm
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydVCtuMpuE
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhUmtyMBXg
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5nqmuQBOW
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BmhXAW8Af
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowjE1kjVHj
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsnORQuKQ3
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cAC7mFXM2
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIjbpaTMG7
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lDovGrAFI
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYbsjH46Zn
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Nw7MMPxp7
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVPKzeJ6yf
「你仍然單身？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMMDVIuSPQ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXdIvIsSDp
「是的。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQ9WjIpJSv
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIJVnjtkX2
「要我當媒嗎？」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VMbGCMITF
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1Rlp8Rq8i
「不了。難為情。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nUElLSDkp
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb51LA6Meqy
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ns6S82oBs
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOecnRPcbci
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2HDm2twXi
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRpnIXLXic
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdhKgtYRyg
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdpShL7Mqh
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jikDtNOhW
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHISlqLcYN
回家吧。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCz0CFi2uy
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTa1AC5SlaQ
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJ5iBZouqo
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8Cw1i4eSY
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQW6FM0XpGI
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfP3S4LTX6
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMy7ZU0UzPk
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeGFtnlf4M
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwATmsv7ihz
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgn2cFCbBs6
大概是一見鍾情吧。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPrg3WVCEQ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4ZUuABDVR
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmogOCOMBV
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VELVMljuN
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkequbqnIkZ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHsn8Vi1ic
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ilb3NkUqt
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZF8k9JG9tx
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBJMcX7tXQ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YdtHNuTKz
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoC5UEnHnS
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3P3bAw19Z
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNFR4vmgVG
百感交集……269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSiNo0duRs
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhsOd1wQnD
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEnlKSYdHz
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUsc0v3fBV
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAas1lY4OgY
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡph94HYD1As
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkr9pv61GAz
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdtdgR9vCu
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwfoU14hfS
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QXwC2LGt6
「認得。你是文班的。」269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlSblUKg59
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjzr36p2P8
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihdLQtqVxn
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjtUrzVCtP
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHSME8qXQE
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdF4qtMkxW
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicDT5ZxtDp
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAz7KWMAFG1
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HJCIYsC7m
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiv4sRDUVT
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMHz7T9sE5
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeQbNaEn7I
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO40wVAYqL4
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKPOQBtY6P
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjqdFHyZTV
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVpiJa5sXF
我哭笑不得。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH89svA3lcd
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNb8He8edg
無意跟他繼續對話。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsgWwFpyqM
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nGqczAbkT
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3yIqRndub
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGj7ZGrqiR2
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEVbspCX5A
然後按「加至主畫面」