
午餐用膳後,男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場,或場上打籃球,或場外觀賽。我亦不例外,在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際,一個籃球高速自後側飛來,狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉,我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁,沒把事情放心上。當然,我也沒所謂,小事一椿。282Please respect copyright.PENANAjuin2DsVMw
282Please respect copyright.PENANAie4CR6f1SP
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。282Please respect copyright.PENANAZDsk39r6oi
282Please respect copyright.PENANABLrKrUGyaj
匆匆一笑,半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑,僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。282Please respect copyright.PENANAcfwdy6RJs8
282Please respect copyright.PENANA8A78KQ2P9y
但我還是記住了那抹笑容,記住了他的臉容氣質,記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。282Please respect copyright.PENANArCKQrPrOeZ
282Please respect copyright.PENANA6T1Cp4P3Es
為何記住?我解釋不了。282Please respect copyright.PENANAcfxRx55DKi
282Please respect copyright.PENANAnSFLqp7NOB
好幾個月過去,夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目,男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起,動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒,說吃飽想睡不想動。282Please respect copyright.PENANAL2IeqlWitM
282Please respect copyright.PENANAbV3aTP8tAp
我獨坐長椅一邊,納悶之際,兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。282Please respect copyright.PENANAA95SXNfzN1
282Please respect copyright.PENANAvNmKTErCxY
其中一個是他。282Please respect copyright.PENANAxGy1lpEyia
282Please respect copyright.PENANAYY6JBnnCl0
那笑那臉那明暗,歷歷在目。282Please respect copyright.PENANAdWG0y1AuUw
282Please respect copyright.PENANADKiTgTLvMu
心頭一顫,我馬上別過臉去。數秒後,我稍為冷靜,意識到自己的失態,佯裝無異,繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣,有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。282Please respect copyright.PENANAxPuhBBiTQ5
282Please respect copyright.PENANAiB4RoIn9qf
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時,他竟從後叫住我。282Please respect copyright.PENANAic0eAr69ej
282Please respect copyright.PENANAnKnyuB5ohP
「你遺下銀包。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAmy791lOXRH
282Please respect copyright.PENANAeElxpB0mV1
「謝謝。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAHwFh31jUNK
282Please respect copyright.PENANAoQ5Xi3NT1b
「不用客氣……」282Please respect copyright.PENANAbqoZwClEM9
282Please respect copyright.PENANAyQu1e8LYSS
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣,他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼?不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題?甚或是「為何要展開話題」?282Please respect copyright.PENANApUNPJb87Gs
282Please respect copyright.PENANAzpasCTWUoS
氣氛尷尬,四目交投,卻不知如何是好。282Please respect copyright.PENANAJMt6zgZlNC
282Please respect copyright.PENANAmRE0wpmiAP
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過,彼此才回過神來,甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上,他往下。282Please respect copyright.PENANAEOg9PXd736
282Please respect copyright.PENANAKQe76VmntJ
誰料在午飯時間完結後,我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊,所以未曾正式認識。282Please respect copyright.PENANAgRR61gp9Y1
282Please respect copyright.PENANAuk44PdGnpE
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。282Please respect copyright.PENANAYwF99bme35
282Please respect copyright.PENANACf5R9W3U4S
「我是文班許家偉。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAdQESRsipsy
282Please respect copyright.PENANA1Fh7gK8XHz
「我是理班李浩榮。」282Please respect copyright.PENANA8j6PMRIF43
其實我早已知道許家偉。282Please respect copyright.PENANACyJVRLvrWu
282Please respect copyright.PENANADrql20lwGk
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。282Please respect copyright.PENANAIn1OrIweFE
282Please respect copyright.PENANAUpjn5ETwpA
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。282Please respect copyright.PENANAzk7Z9k8E5c
282Please respect copyright.PENANAxh3g5uz915
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別,亦無專長或短處,是個存在感不強的乖學生。282Please respect copyright.PENANAkhxY1OEEsl
282Please respect copyright.PENANA56O5uQXbfq
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他?282Please respect copyright.PENANAJkqMN1bwQ8
282Please respect copyright.PENANAFwoxVqQq8l
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝,只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。282Please respect copyright.PENANAqejbBYidrl
282Please respect copyright.PENANAppwl7Goq0k
不服氣。282Please respect copyright.PENANAj3X7qjfGOJ
282Please respect copyright.PENANA1UUdhagc0Y
繼續觀察他。282Please respect copyright.PENANABUFpUakupG
282Please respect copyright.PENANA3Y5VAs6oDy
匆匆數月,秋去冬來,我對許家偉好奇不減。282Please respect copyright.PENANALsJOw1mlSp
282Please respect copyright.PENANA1XOTwHwmi9
某天午餐後,我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅,於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端,近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光,動身離開。正感沒趣,阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡,看見許家偉的學生證。282Please respect copyright.PENANA7g6ctZJpd9
282Please respect copyright.PENANAWSlRWucAzg
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證,再將銀包交到校務處。我反對,擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應,僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步,將銀包遞給我。282Please respect copyright.PENANAGTSVaHU76m
282Please respect copyright.PENANAgunSmy3i7J
我急步追趕許家偉。282Please respect copyright.PENANAC5OotpZUOl
282Please respect copyright.PENANADw3zpJWkIH
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問,我不是討厭許家偉嗎?人前,我一直表達對許家偉的討厭;人後,我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有,尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。282Please respect copyright.PENANAs6pfNtumAg
282Please respect copyright.PENANALPHcbVCj4i
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。282Please respect copyright.PENANAgRJXte1VcI
282Please respect copyright.PENANAfbhg2gfXgF
遠遠看見他的身影,我自然而然打起十二分精神;聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉,我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的;走經中五級壁報板,會不經意試找許家偉的名字……282Please respect copyright.PENANAiAizERRwU9
282Please respect copyright.PENANAPfQl2UmzJy
「你遺下了銀包。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAMD6opi6qq2
282Please respect copyright.PENANA5B51jVdYbH
「謝謝。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAWR9mDXJek9
282Please respect copyright.PENANArF8rTHBvac
「不用客氣……」282Please respect copyright.PENANAPRNrgQ5Hju
282Please respect copyright.PENANAwxQdjJbvXy
經已物歸原主。他道謝,我虛應,然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。282Please respect copyright.PENANAwahSxMmAEN
282Please respect copyright.PENANAjAlEcoa977
該要說甚麼?還需要說甚麼?沒有啊!但我們還是原地愣著。282Please respect copyright.PENANAmPPF8nAqQd
282Please respect copyright.PENANA1bRa7EkVoT
他是否一早知道我?他是否早已察覺我在留意他?不會吧……282Please respect copyright.PENANA502aSdVP3T
282Please respect copyright.PENANAxzzLY6mJhe
我望入他雙眼。282Please respect copyright.PENANA5xeZQIdccG
282Please respect copyright.PENANAwPgdzZLTQb
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑,似乎在期待甚麼……282Please respect copyright.PENANAhogZVLQoHc
282Please respect copyright.PENANAPmmB8VIpa1
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來,低頭轉身離開。282Please respect copyright.PENANAgAONm9uX5Z
282Please respect copyright.PENANAibH0utDpLm
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在,問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容,認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的,不會繼續討厭他。282Please respect copyright.PENANAKebNLw9Mce
282Please respect copyright.PENANAdVPz9zTjOH
上課鈴聲響起,學生魚貫回課室去。人群中,我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了,笑他遲鈍,後知後覺。282Please respect copyright.PENANAlK2LvLgOhg
282Please respect copyright.PENANAcmoWuQzfbN
許家偉臉紅,禮貌地點點頭,上前自我介紹。282Please respect copyright.PENANAwF0rrXZFGg
282Please respect copyright.PENANA7jOOsKgX9j
「我是文班許家偉。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAloKUDGYHXA
282Please respect copyright.PENANABtMeR0PBrC
「我是理班李浩榮。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAlIUQXdwHyS
畢業多年,我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講,舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料:「你們當年那麼要好,竟然未曾聯絡一次?」282Please respect copyright.PENANAPnOklgeGCM
282Please respect copyright.PENANAi3YnWPfZhB
我笑笑點頭,不多解釋。282Please respect copyright.PENANAcJbjGaOTeD
282Please respect copyright.PENANAhyFcBI6WrS
畢業禮當晚,他告訴我,他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰,我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必,因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪:如已釋懷,為何重提。282Please respect copyright.PENANA25GRVGK4Vu
282Please respect copyright.PENANAHKhSJlPWoK
李浩榮笑笑,笑說他已覺悟,明白人的真正作用。282Please respect copyright.PENANAeOoUDrJelW
282Please respect copyright.PENANA57qdtga1oL
聽到這莫名其妙的答案,我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。282Please respect copyright.PENANA270QWMWLus
282Please respect copyright.PENANA7cz76ZDVqr
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起,或是把深交的兩個人分開,例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中,而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。282Please respect copyright.PENANAcbSv2wWBHk
282Please respect copyright.PENANAYBZ1wtOjm1
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過,有點無奈,有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後,我和李浩榮再無交集。282Please respect copyright.PENANAl54xe7Zg6B
282Please respect copyright.PENANAJrtYmoIjhG
但我沒有阻止他。282Please respect copyright.PENANA1uNasYuexQ
282Please respect copyright.PENANAUydXzyQB4E
他壓抑已久,情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。282Please respect copyright.PENANAOB5sAALZrC
282Please respect copyright.PENANAr76hjKrDoS
我慫恿他繼續說下去。282Please respect copyright.PENANALNYMXT7DZv
282Please respect copyright.PENANA5cDqIOlj3a
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子,經常氣得老師向父母投訴,父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀,起初會擔心對方身體,後來發現彼此不怕捱打,只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑,再玩再捱打……玩著捱著,二人同甘共苦十四年,彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我,反倒羨慕我的不起眼。282Please respect copyright.PENANAsV8DSwVVwE
282Please respect copyright.PENANAhL1oPZSqAo
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。282Please respect copyright.PENANAXlIv8ZwBNh
282Please respect copyright.PENANA4Ry0F7vPzA
「不被注意、不被期望,方能活得自由稱心。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAMUHeIp5tR9
282Please respect copyright.PENANA614PPyrAxR
我問他是否有煩惱,可以向我傾訴,也許我能想出好辦法。282Please respect copyright.PENANAERIurT7sKB
282Please respect copyright.PENANA7XeKVUtC22
李浩榮報以苦笑,沒有正面回答。282Please respect copyright.PENANA0oIwklOyVK
282Please respect copyright.PENANA7eknMhk1Ln
那夜,他喝得爛醉,我送他回家。282Please respect copyright.PENANAGYfEEBvyJG
282Please respect copyright.PENANAJqGJvUGgC8
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦,語調急促,不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮,留下一句道謝,利落關門。282Please respect copyright.PENANAP9Fi0YFgkz
282Please respect copyright.PENANArohm9v4GEB
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。282Please respect copyright.PENANAUewEwoXzu7
282Please respect copyright.PENANAIKCo6PTlwH
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害,亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。282Please respect copyright.PENANAFryf5pk0BL
282Please respect copyright.PENANAo1wwvooJWH
但我掛念他。282Please respect copyright.PENANAi1unm2gLna
282Please respect copyright.PENANAcmrKtO5YPR
不是偶然想起,不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助,不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯,是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。282Please respect copyright.PENANAWAh0WbZnVC
282Please respect copyright.PENANAIHL8ApdmEi
想起他,我不期然會笑;想起他,我感覺窩心;想起他,我會自覺孤單可憐。282Please respect copyright.PENANACzfB7ZT9MN
282Please respect copyright.PENANAenFbyS7Vqh
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。282Please respect copyright.PENANA0Rh1QNSMFn
282Please respect copyright.PENANAOr9JgTkMQR
糟糕了!怎麼辦?怎麼辦!不知道。282Please respect copyright.PENANAniWyYAhmpw
282Please respect copyright.PENANAZnSWb9D9pP
不要說。不要聽。不要見。282Please respect copyright.PENANAMdx6NiQSUO
282Please respect copyright.PENANAkuRSaQun2d
希望時間會沖淡一切。282Please respect copyright.PENANAGWwIMygXYp
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。282Please respect copyright.PENANAnVxu6uZSs1
282Please respect copyright.PENANAq2mavVX5LV
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應,煞是暈眩,有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。282Please respect copyright.PENANADfC2ostjQG
282Please respect copyright.PENANAj7kCLvWRXk
阿媽沒有理會我,背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說:「昨晚是他送你回來。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAXMQzse5teQ
282Please respect copyright.PENANAOr8AnxXX4Q
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛,重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算,反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。282Please respect copyright.PENANAi6JHkYlOZe
282Please respect copyright.PENANAMMqPyZYA76
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAYVqxLP2Tca
282Please respect copyright.PENANARhOJLsWKtZ
「我也不明白。」282Please respect copyright.PENANARp8tBN0BVH
282Please respect copyright.PENANAaGSxW7Djaf
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAh4Eh2uYH20
282Please respect copyright.PENANAzEqK8Dnpcx
「感覺,並非可以自由控制的。」282Please respect copyright.PENANA9LXqmDOgJN
282Please respect copyright.PENANArGdHyO52pG
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAdr8FBtKD8B
282Please respect copyright.PENANA6MNF19jrXI
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」282Please respect copyright.PENANA2bkpCl2ekl
282Please respect copyright.PENANAwm6TdbL4us
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAxLgnntQEP2
282Please respect copyright.PENANASdI9A9IzmV
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAl2wQgNwiAg
282Please respect copyright.PENANAe2swKfGNiq
我晦氣,毫不掩飾對她的討厭。282Please respect copyright.PENANAMhvhxAjK4C
282Please respect copyright.PENANAgMwKJodhvk
阿媽沒再多話,繼續在廚房忙著。282Please respect copyright.PENANAFv8yFqkWqe
282Please respect copyright.PENANALSoQ4ubHAU
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我,為何旁人總愛插手?282Please respect copyright.PENANAwoAzVlZre8
282Please respect copyright.PENANA6famfBsSPt
抵著頭痛,我硬撐起身子小便去。282Please respect copyright.PENANAtTxBRoCqvV
282Please respect copyright.PENANA7MXuFeNARO
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下,小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少,昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。282Please respect copyright.PENANA5LLU1zXyHN
282Please respect copyright.PENANADq4idyev8N
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。282Please respect copyright.PENANA1XmqLyknLb
282Please respect copyright.PENANAoJ0qy0NqIO
真的嗎?我真的把話說出口?282Please respect copyright.PENANAmoSIkhCLDN
282Please respect copyright.PENANAgjwYAbV3OA
為何這麼驚訝?阿強醉倒後,我特意喝下更多酒,不就是為了把話講出口嗎?282Please respect copyright.PENANAAUD91XYjQq
282Please respect copyright.PENANA9QKJQMZ5Rw
便意盡,醉意消,騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。282Please respect copyright.PENANAyoL2pbIVYX
282Please respect copyright.PENANAma8AsQzafp
為何要走到這一步?282Please respect copyright.PENANADJR8MgeORV
282Please respect copyright.PENANAqxQHNC0D85
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情,擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我,乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態,冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。282Please respect copyright.PENANAFX3YWJ0mxQ
282Please respect copyright.PENANACoP9fSfthf
「世人表裡不一。口說開明,實質守舊。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAZx46CKLLQ1
282Please respect copyright.PENANArpOAJ4K1S5
「是嗎?你呢?你口說放棄,心底裡在支持我吧?」282Please respect copyright.PENANAfWW5z0adBW
282Please respect copyright.PENANAqfHlHAST49
「別倔強。」282Please respect copyright.PENANA3nBAekooEo
282Please respect copyright.PENANA756TcoxKBy
「我想要知道你的真正想法!別敷衍!別蒙混!」282Please respect copyright.PENANAfE5gXHwuc8
282Please respect copyright.PENANAEHxY3fti9I
「我想你放棄。」282Please respect copyright.PENANArx24lyErd1
282Please respect copyright.PENANAs42CuEugVR
「原因?」282Please respect copyright.PENANAJGGrNk7fkn
282Please respect copyright.PENANAZjHjnjEE30
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAOODoOSAMZJ
282Please respect copyright.PENANAsN9HLoTVIj
「我知道。」282Please respect copyright.PENANADhgdbbm8NI
282Please respect copyright.PENANAA3madK4rql
「何解還要繼續下去?」282Please respect copyright.PENANA5UxHiZ80Ff
282Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6dANJuf62
「感情易放難收。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAQ7N7n9X0La
282Please respect copyright.PENANA85qS7uP6qL
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智,她還有何話可說,只得被動地待我回心轉意。282Please respect copyright.PENANAhLvVyrWLBp
282Please respect copyright.PENANAHzpCOr0RyZ
傍晚,我約見阿強,在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀,有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣,我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此!我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足!282Please respect copyright.PENANA6DBlJCtBKZ
282Please respect copyright.PENANAP4G9IYS0fj
架後,我沒有留下片言隻字,待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去,懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。282Please respect copyright.PENANAgQLDx8BuS5
282Please respect copyright.PENANA2HrDAiRkdR
阿媽見我身上有傷,許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事,沒有多問,亦不予關心。282Please respect copyright.PENANAw8SFbiN0Lj
282Please respect copyright.PENANAV7S7byClfE
我不在意,一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……282Please respect copyright.PENANABbbqRRpiUH
282Please respect copyright.PENANAPHIU5bHn4c
畢業禮,是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊,戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜,能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉,齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。282Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0QUKNGpmv
282Please respect copyright.PENANAl1YsSSOCGr
阿強取來一支烈酒,邀我對飲:「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」282Please respect copyright.PENANA0OVd7p4YQv
282Please respect copyright.PENANAg5rvIWSfJC
我欣然接受。他很了解我,許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈,自小經常一起偷偷喝酒,十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下,沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。282Please respect copyright.PENANA2tcEXapYEo
282Please respect copyright.PENANAmM5XJwPOJK
小醉。半醉。大醉。282Please respect copyright.PENANADB9dm6AZFb
282Please respect copyright.PENANAbFIMPydFq2
阿強半伏枱邊,傻笑問我:「想好如何表白了沒?」282Please respect copyright.PENANA8crV6QRUbj
282Please respect copyright.PENANApkMGzGcPfO
「直接講我愛他。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAqm8Sa3BoeW
282Please respect copyright.PENANAbcND6ZsQKI
「如果他拒絕?」282Please respect copyright.PENANA3XYMBEELQg
282Please respect copyright.PENANAxXzm3XRHK6
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAEfzlLNWUmD
282Please respect copyright.PENANAqk66x6gbvc
「如果他接受了?那怎麼辦?」282Please respect copyright.PENANA00TVS9zye7
282Please respect copyright.PENANAfVV5NEbTuV
「我當然是高興!」282Please respect copyright.PENANAguguFx8oHp
282Please respect copyright.PENANAlPS4xRRXRW
「我在問,他會怎麼辦?你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切?」282Please respect copyright.PENANAt62nrQlgbF
282Please respect copyright.PENANApZNbJ3lzhr
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。282Please respect copyright.PENANAVEG43TMtdL
事隔四十年,我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。282Please respect copyright.PENANAWQDljFKnib
282Please respect copyright.PENANAX2I0g2cH9K
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻,但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。282Please respect copyright.PENANAo2lCr8IhDn
282Please respect copyright.PENANAKG7SITJ8CB
李浩榮苦笑,笑容意味深長。282Please respect copyright.PENANA42Wj6T0ZY1
282Please respect copyright.PENANAR9tTofMDJw
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」282Please respect copyright.PENANA1WQvch1fc9
282Please respect copyright.PENANA3Uz27bPKjQ
「活了那麼多年,經歷那麼多事情,我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAfWccuZUa0p
282Please respect copyright.PENANAa5nUZGVFaA
「你仍然單身?」282Please respect copyright.PENANAakqmcrwLIm
282Please respect copyright.PENANAS9pKoFhQs3
「是的。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAyuau0qM1S8
282Please respect copyright.PENANAd7kdFs6c0N
「要我當媒嗎?」282Please respect copyright.PENANAPTceRwxoOy
282Please respect copyright.PENANAQsOPldcDnU
「不了。難為情。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAZMf5ZUbpbg
282Please respect copyright.PENANAZzSOGlyiVi
李浩榮失笑,笑我不值得被愛。282Please respect copyright.PENANA9ByYQyNixh
282Please respect copyright.PENANAP2eAT6K18V
我陪笑,笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。282Please respect copyright.PENANARP8gIng2ag
282Please respect copyright.PENANAJ25DQl2HfG
多寒暄幾句,我和李浩榮相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。282Please respect copyright.PENANAopi8WvHGWP
282Please respect copyright.PENANApGSbwx3x2u
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。282Please respect copyright.PENANAGKLxrBxpWC
282Please respect copyright.PENANAkWIT6s70Et
回家吧。282Please respect copyright.PENANAj1JVhgfUyJ
282Please respect copyright.PENANAnguVRd2boK
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。282Please respect copyright.PENANADR9JSkBy9n
282Please respect copyright.PENANANwGiudf8rn
「戚戚慘慘悽悽,清清冷冷,覓覓尋尋。」興之所至,我一邊脫鞋,一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。282Please respect copyright.PENANAE5cjgmlwwb
282Please respect copyright.PENANAC1TgmeOpeh
「尋他千百度,驀然回首,那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪,懶洋洋得撲到梳化上,順口接上《青玉案.元夕》末句。282Please respect copyright.PENANAu0WGgiBLop
282Please respect copyright.PENANAezwuTWh06a
枕臂望窗,映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗,憶起他的臉容氣質,憶起那抹笑容。282Please respect copyright.PENANAJzaSLIKyfd
282Please respect copyright.PENANA0Jj2NDRbh7
大概是一見鍾情吧。282Please respect copyright.PENANA1z2fCUwil1
282Please respect copyright.PENANAJocDbaBHsb
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂,後知後覺。282Please respect copyright.PENANASNohXAUxLZ
282Please respect copyright.PENANAZopbKdPUve
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向,結果會否不一樣?282Please respect copyright.PENANARTjO5u5cEA
282Please respect copyright.PENANAzR00bB3n3M
我笑自己想多了:結果會是一樣的。282Please respect copyright.PENANAULHTevzFJE
282Please respect copyright.PENANAesrnGlG9AP
我是懦弱的人,我珍愛自己,所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情,亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。282Please respect copyright.PENANANoevg8Yr38
282Please respect copyright.PENANA3o1kv1CtX8
李浩榮說得沒錯,我不值得被愛。282Please respect copyright.PENANAXa9AnAYI6Q
事隔四十年,昔日摯友躺在棺材裡,往日心上人站在我面前。282Please respect copyright.PENANAA2VgFxq9kb
282Please respect copyright.PENANAL9XnBHbaBf
百感交集……282Please respect copyright.PENANAlFaCXorm8L
282Please respect copyright.PENANAd5TJHgGaKJ
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻,事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人,情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候,還以為痛楚會一直維持下去,有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。282Please respect copyright.PENANAeYrhEG9irv
282Please respect copyright.PENANAT5b5rdby61
不過電影終究與現實不同:角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡,情感故此顯得激烈而深刻;現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素,例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。282Please respect copyright.PENANAQUB7cS0gLR
282Please respect copyright.PENANAx0qylVUSR5
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力,直至今日再聚……282Please respect copyright.PENANAOHRjhb2yTM
282Please respect copyright.PENANAjdZUp9gBwt
「認得我嗎?我是許家偉。」282Please respect copyright.PENANANektVUYrMd
282Please respect copyright.PENANAV77C7YUq2C
「認得。你是文班的。」282Please respect copyright.PENANAcdVCPlOR1E
282Please respect copyright.PENANAVDyxqTWISv
許家偉淺笑,笑容如昔,淡然清雅溫婉。282Please respect copyright.PENANAfbfpKJSi6K
282Please respect copyright.PENANAmID2bK7fs8
閒聊之間,發現他仍然單身。究其原因,他只道難為情。282Please respect copyright.PENANABdFzkLrK1H
282Please respect copyright.PENANAGDK5fRuDqC
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。282Please respect copyright.PENANANY7GrTGd2e
282Please respect copyright.PENANAff3MQBHCq4
四十年過去,許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。282Please respect copyright.PENANA84wUIe9clJ
282Please respect copyright.PENANAPA7K33q8Nc
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。282Please respect copyright.PENANAlulVuLlMuu
282Please respect copyright.PENANAairK5iTGOP
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。282Please respect copyright.PENANAPSLDlRNmgT
282Please respect copyright.PENANAyihyXkX771
許家偉在認真?他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑?282Please respect copyright.PENANASrOxeZEDia
282Please respect copyright.PENANARR4wzeLOrS
我哭笑不得。282Please respect copyright.PENANAaGkAOTX34Q
282Please respect copyright.PENANAY5w2KSnmrv
無意跟他繼續對話。282Please respect copyright.PENANARh8cbEnlBq
282Please respect copyright.PENANA23FRhwYsjO
多寒暄幾句,我和許家偉相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。282Please respect copyright.PENANAJAsYRy2kE4
282Please respect copyright.PENANABKnXn8GgJB
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。282Please respect copyright.PENANA6C4GFVveii