午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuin2DsVMw
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡie4CR6f1SP
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDsk39r6oi
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLrKrUGyaj
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfwdy6RJs8
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8A78KQ2P9y
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCKQrPrOeZ
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6T1Cp4P3Es
為何記住？我解釋不了。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfxRx55DKi
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSFLqp7NOB
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2IeqlWitM
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbV3aTP8tAp
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA95SXNfzN1
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNmKTErCxY
其中一個是他。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGy1lpEyia
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYY6JBnnCl0
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWG0y1AuUw
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKiTgTLvMu
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPuhBBiTQ5
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiB4RoIn9qf
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡic0eAr69ej
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKnyuB5ohP
「你遺下銀包。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmy791lOXRH
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeElxpB0mV1
「謝謝。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwFh31jUNK
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQ5Xi3NT1b
「不用客氣……」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqoZwClEM9
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQu1e8LYSS
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUNPJb87Gs
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpasCTWUoS
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMt6zgZlNC
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRE0wpmiAP
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOg9PXd736
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQe76VmntJ
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRR61gp9Y1
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuk44PdGnpE
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwF99bme35
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCf5R9W3U4S
「我是文班許家偉。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQESRsipsy
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Fh7gK8XHz
「我是理班李浩榮。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8j6PMRIF43
其實我早已知道許家偉。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyJVRLvrWu
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrql20lwGk
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIn1OrIweFE
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpjn5ETwpA
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzk7Z9k8E5c
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxh3g5uz915
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhxY1OEEsl
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56O5uQXbfq
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkqMN1bwQ8
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwoxVqQq8l
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqejbBYidrl
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppwl7Goq0k
不服氣。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3X7qjfGOJ
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UUdhagc0Y
繼續觀察他。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUFpUakupG
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Y5VAs6oDy
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsJOw1mlSp
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XOTwHwmi9
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7g6ctZJpd9
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSlRWucAzg
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTSVaHU76m
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgunSmy3i7J
我急步追趕許家偉。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5OotpZUOl
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDw3zpJWkIH
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6pfNtumAg
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPHcbVCj4i
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRJXte1VcI
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbhg2gfXgF
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAizERRwU9
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfQl2UmzJy
「你遺下了銀包。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMD6opi6qq2
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5B51jVdYbH
「謝謝。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWR9mDXJek9
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrF8rTHBvac
「不用客氣……」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRNrgQ5Hju
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxQdjJbvXy
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwahSxMmAEN
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAlEcoa977
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPPF8nAqQd
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bRa7EkVoT
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ502aSdVP3T
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzzLY6mJhe
我望入他雙眼。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xeZQIdccG
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPgdzZLTQb
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhogZVLQoHc
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmmB8VIpa1
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAONm9uX5Z
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibH0utDpLm
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKebNLw9Mce
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVPz9zTjOH
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlK2LvLgOhg
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmoWuQzfbN
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwF0rrXZFGg
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jOOsKgX9j
「我是文班許家偉。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloKUDGYHXA
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtMeR0PBrC
「我是理班李浩榮。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIUQXdwHyS
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnOklgeGCM
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3YnWPfZhB
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJbjGaOTeD
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyFcBI6WrS
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25GRVGK4Vu
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKhSJlPWoK
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOoUDrJelW
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57qdtga1oL
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ270QWMWLus
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cz76ZDVqr
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbSv2wWBHk
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBZ1wtOjm1
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl54xe7Zg6B
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrtYmoIjhG
但我沒有阻止他。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uNasYuexQ
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUydXzyQB4E
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOB5sAALZrC
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr76hjKrDoS
我慫恿他繼續說下去。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNYMXT7DZv
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cDqIOlj3a
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsV8DSwVVwE
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhL1oPZSqAo
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlIv8ZwBNh
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ry0F7vPzA
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUHeIp5tR9
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ614PPyrAxR
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERIurT7sKB
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XeKVUtC22
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oIwklOyVK
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eknMhk1Ln
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYfEEBvyJG
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqGJvUGgC8
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9Fi0YFgkz
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrohm9v4GEB
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUewEwoXzu7
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKCo6PTlwH
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFryf5pk0BL
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1wwvooJWH
但我掛念他。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1unm2gLna
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmrKtO5YPR
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAh0WbZnVC
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHL8ApdmEi
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzfB7ZT9MN
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenFbyS7Vqh
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Rh1QNSMFn
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOr9JgTkMQR
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniWyYAhmpw
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnSWb9D9pP
不要說。不要聽。不要見。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdx6NiQSUO
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuRSaQun2d
希望時間會沖淡一切。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWwIMygXYp
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVxu6uZSs1
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2mavVX5LV
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfC2ostjQG
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7kCLvWRXk
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMQzse5teQ
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOr8AnxXX4Q
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6JHkYlOZe
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMqPyZYA76
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVqxLP2Tca
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhOJLsWKtZ
「我也不明白。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRp8tBN0BVH
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGSxW7Djaf
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4Eh2uYH20
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEqK8Dnpcx
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LXqmDOgJN
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGdHyO52pG
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr8FBtKD8B
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MNF19jrXI
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bkpCl2ekl
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwm6TdbL4us
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLgnntQEP2
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdI9A9IzmV
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2wQgNwiAg
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2swKfGNiq
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhvhxAjK4C
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMwKJodhvk
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFv8yFqkWqe
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSoQ4ubHAU
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoAzVlZre8
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6famfBsSPt
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTxBRoCqvV
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MXuFeNARO
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LLU1zXyHN
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDq4idyev8N
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XmqLyknLb
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJ0qy0NqIO
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoSIkhCLDN
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjwYAbV3OA
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUD91XYjQq
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QKJQMZ5Rw
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoL2pbIVYX
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡma8AsQzafp
為何要走到這一步？282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJR8MgeORV
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxQHNC0D85
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX3YWJ0mxQ
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoP9fSfthf
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZx46CKLLQ1
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpOAJ4K1S5
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWW5z0adBW
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfHlHAST49
「別倔強。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nBAekooEo
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ756TcoxKBy
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE5gXHwuc8
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHxY3fti9I
「我想你放棄。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrx24lyErd1
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs42CuEugVR
「原因？」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGGrNk7fkn
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjHjnjEE30
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOODoOSAMZJ
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsN9HLoTVIj
「我知道。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhgdbbm8NI
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3madK4rql
「何解還要繼續下去？」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UxHiZ80Ff
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6dANJuf62
「感情易放難收。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7N7n9X0La
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85qS7uP6qL
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLvVyrWLBp
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzpCOr0RyZ
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DBlJCtBKZ
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4G9IYS0fj
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQLDx8BuS5
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HrDAiRkdR
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8SFbiN0Lj
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7S7byClfE
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbbqRRpiUH
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHIU5bHn4c
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0QUKNGpmv
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1YsSSOCGr
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OVd7p4YQv
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5rvIWSfJC
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tcEXapYEo
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmM5XJwPOJK
小醉。半醉。大醉。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDB9dm6AZFb
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFIMPydFq2
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8crV6QRUbj
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkMGzGcPfO
「直接講我愛他。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqm8Sa3BoeW
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcND6ZsQKI
「如果他拒絕？」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XYMBEELQg
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXzm3XRHK6
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfzlLNWUmD
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk66x6gbvc
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00TVS9zye7
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVV5NEbTuV
「我當然是高興！」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguguFx8oHp
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPS4xRRXRW
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt62nrQlgbF
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZNbJ3lzhr
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEG43TMtdL
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQDljFKnib
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2I0g2cH9K
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2lCr8IhDn
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKG7SITJ8CB
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42Wj6T0ZY1
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9tTofMDJw
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WQvch1fc9
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Uz27bPKjQ
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWccuZUa0p
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5nUZGVFaA
「你仍然單身？」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakqmcrwLIm
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9pKoFhQs3
「是的。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuau0qM1S8
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7kdFs6c0N
「要我當媒嗎？」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTceRwxoOy
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsOPldcDnU
「不了。難為情。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMf5ZUbpbg
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzSOGlyiVi
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ByYQyNixh
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2eAT6K18V
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRP8gIng2ag
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ25DQl2HfG
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopi8WvHGWP
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGSbwx3x2u
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKLxrBxpWC
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWIT6s70Et
回家吧。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1JVhgfUyJ
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnguVRd2boK
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDR9JSkBy9n
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwGiudf8rn
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5cjgmlwwb
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1TgmeOpeh
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0WGgiBLop
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezwuTWh06a
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzaSLIKyfd
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Jj2NDRbh7
大概是一見鍾情吧。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1z2fCUwil1
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJocDbaBHsb
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNohXAUxLZ
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZopbKdPUve
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTjO5u5cEA
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR00bB3n3M
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULHTevzFJE
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesrnGlG9AP
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoevg8Yr38
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3o1kv1CtX8
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXa9AnAYI6Q
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2VgFxq9kb
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9XnBHbaBf
百感交集……282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFaCXorm8L
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5TJHgGaKJ
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYrhEG9irv
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5b5rdby61
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUB7cS0gLR
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0qylVUSR5
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHRjhb2yTM
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdZUp9gBwt
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNektVUYrMd
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV77C7YUq2C
「認得。你是文班的。」282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdVCPlOR1E
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDyxqTWISv
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbfpKJSi6K
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmID2bK7fs8
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdFzkLrK1H
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDK5fRuDqC
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNY7GrTGd2e
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡff3MQBHCq4
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84wUIe9clJ
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPA7K33q8Nc
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlulVuLlMuu
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡairK5iTGOP
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSLDlRNmgT
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyihyXkX771
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrOxeZEDia
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRR4wzeLOrS
我哭笑不得。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGkAOTX34Q
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5w2KSnmrv
無意跟他繼續對話。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRh8cbEnlBq
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23FRhwYsjO
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAsYRy2kE4
282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKnXn8GgJB
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。282Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6C4GFVveii
然後按「加至主畫面」