語評：創挑第三期 - ▌篇50 不言冬

▌類型新詩246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ki4kFn9KV
▌作者胤宸

246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIVaf4PP0A

六出飛雪如精靈般飄逸著這片冬季的華麗，好似星光點綴美不勝收。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lAWgxpK4F
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKnsLab6oC
以景物寓情，用凋零枯葉來佈置出另一襯托的梅香肆意，卻為冬之饗宴，好比如沐浴在詩人自賞玩味的冷風中。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxl2u9Zbxi
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXOo3ehuLX
以七言絕句形式上表達出冬季的感覺，用描述景物的田園詩詞來呈現出冬季。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKQYbi0Ut8
上段「仄平平平仄平平、平平平平仄仄」以詩行句，魚魚不專業的建議，下句可為略改動「臘梅青竹矗飄飄。」而達到矗與舞同為動作上的呼應，翩翩起舞，與飄飄蕩蕩的青竹隨風搖曳的姿態，雙雙孤芳高雅，而以達成「仄平平平仄平平。」上下句的音韻上的對稱。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH78yrs4Niw
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKVYlPe5Jm
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrJXDrATAR
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQXJT9hNFW
至於下句，我覺得宸大已經詮釋得非常完美，我的詩詞上也不夠程度能給予建議，那讓那夜梅飄香它而去吧。246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9w813hAkX
246Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsubaBSmWG
感謝這番美意的詩，來照亮這片寒冬！

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