語評：創挑第三期 - ▌篇159 冬、愛、文字(下)

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▌類型短文215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEEwkhRa4m
▌作者氦氣

▌第3篇

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末篇，以年邁的疾病纏身刻畫出女孩的不離不棄，更是難得可貴看出，通篇都是女孩無謂犧牲的偉大辛勞。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKmD6N910m
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhP4iVJ9FVL
冬戀湖的廟神，將兩人緣分再次相繫相聯，雖牽起了忘記了自己的那名男人的手，卻仍堅定自己的內心的想法。以冬，再次畫下落幕。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUeCrQqrq5
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點評至此處，實在不忍想碎嘴一番。那男孩，丟下一句拋棄人家，然後一場大病要女孩照顧終生，這更多的是惡劣龍傲天男主嗎🤧215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKl6g5lrji6
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另外就是有幾點建議：215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXENdjOPTd1
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1.三篇區分，上、中、下，建議別分成第三人稱、第一人稱混用寫文，容易造成讀者混亂。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ox6tb84C6
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（對！！那個讀者正是我！！）215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7EEbt2N3d
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHr7K5Z2ZO
2.形容某個特定的景物時候，冗字稍多，仍有改進空間，有時候這部分是需要一些適當的點綴即可的，因為你故事的主角不是它們。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgXC32ZnoU
215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ru4B8xacw
3.女主角的思維可以再更細膩些，如多上一些自己的小脾氣等等，畢竟，上中下篇以三篇為起承轉合，應當可以更好發揮。215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNBAa0hAfT
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以上。

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