語評：創挑第三期 - ▌篇159 冬、愛、文字(下)

216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWsx1xT4RI
▌類型短文216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9z9VWnZMaZ
▌作者氦氣

▌第3篇

216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhu6w082wkP

末篇，以年邁的疾病纏身刻畫出女孩的不離不棄，更是難得可貴看出，通篇都是女孩無謂犧牲的偉大辛勞。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEh6sY9Wfv5
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxeMLB0eE4
冬戀湖的廟神，將兩人緣分再次相繫相聯，雖牽起了忘記了自己的那名男人的手，卻仍堅定自己的內心的想法。以冬，再次畫下落幕。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEyLgkOSDC
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6THOaeJ35X
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQH40VGfuWS
點評至此處，實在不忍想碎嘴一番。那男孩，丟下一句拋棄人家，然後一場大病要女孩照顧終生，這更多的是惡劣龍傲天男主嗎🤧216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQczTjl6HD1
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliSBZq1o58
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ykDIzS0YA
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbhiXnIQre
另外就是有幾點建議：216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQrASXOQSe
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmegvaNaNQj
1.三篇區分，上、中、下，建議別分成第三人稱、第一人稱混用寫文，容易造成讀者混亂。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AUO0S8Tlp
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeE8mwuUFT
（對！！那個讀者正是我！！）216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvjVRXD1ZS
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5t4nFpAYE
2.形容某個特定的景物時候，冗字稍多，仍有改進空間，有時候這部分是需要一些適當的點綴即可的，因為你故事的主角不是它們。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qxBsK7jJr
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3ttcCSo5D
3.女主角的思維可以再更細膩些，如多上一些自己的小脾氣等等，畢竟，上中下篇以三篇為起承轉合，應當可以更好發揮。216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RucAYvmrz
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAevtVniGS
216Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeGti1lVi9
以上。

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