
封面:249Please respect copyright.PENANAqUK59ABN8B
無題 | もちろん
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EP 19 世界對你並不溫柔
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唯獨是,放手,不一定是解決
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可能只是愚痴和軟弱的苗床
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你還記得嗎?
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第一次傷心欲絕的時候
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不是很多人記得,因為傷心、負面的記憶,大腦總是擅長把它們收起來
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只是傷口、疤痕,是藏不住的
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他們說,時間,可治療一切
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但事實上時間治療不到任何心靈
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只是心靈會一直成長,新的心景會覆蓋舊的
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但痛的地方還是會痛
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「⋯我剛剛在做什麼來著⋯⋯」
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啊⋯對了
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收拾東西⋯
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睜眼間,自己已經到了離家生活的準歲數了呢
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⋯不過阿爸他⋯⋯
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⋯唉⋯不!不⋯他不會有事的
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反正這裏過去坐特急只要約兩小時左右,週末便回來吧
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⋯別想著無謂的事情了⋯趕快檢查一下行李吧⋯我可不想出發才發現漏東漏西
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「⋯⋯」
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然後⋯早點睡吧,明天要早起過去宿舍⋯
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「⋯」
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灰色的質感是記憶的映像,毛聳的身體上有股淡薄的花香,黑色的鈕扣不見被時光抹走牠的光芒,白色的線頭在縫合處露出,無論如何修補,也無法如初新一樣
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因為曾經弄損的傷口,就是受傷過的真相
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犯下了大錯的罪惡,是一尾凶殘而鬼崇的毒羯,一直在自己兩手心中藏著,時不時背刺我的脊骨,有時爬進胃,亦有時在眉間爬過
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我有誰可以怪責,自己罷了
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抱在臉上,一會,我把牠重新放回行李箱中
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沒有遺留任何東西了
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反正放在這處的,也不見得是可以尋回的
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「⋯早點睡吧」
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揮手關燈,點開窗屏,躺在床上
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北海道的夜空,自從失去了能相伴的人之後,是唯一肯伴隨自己入睡的對象
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純黑,城市中還亮得似白日的大燈,只有遠處的漁市,在地平線上成為一劃白影
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夜空,天上的星星,太遙遠,才沒有人手可及的程度
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反正人手若能捉緊便留意,應該也不是重要之物吧
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珍惜的第一步,失去
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我失去得太多了⋯即便如此,沙漏繼續倒數,想到這,虛無的恐懼侵入了胸膛
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坐起,摸黑,打開,拿起
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再次躺在床上
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但我在做什麼?
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明明抱住牠,會更加害怕的說
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然而,我寧願害怕,不是害怕麻木
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我無法原諒自己
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那怕前途是痛苦的,我也沒有怨言
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這只是因果的一種
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⋯
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對⋯
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這一切⋯我⋯活該
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⋯
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我很害怕
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我不想再害怕了
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如果是意味著對永生的噩夢覺悟
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我願意
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「⋯」
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風嘯劃破了靜止的空氣
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「⋯欸⋯⋯?」
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寒冷的冰刺不是眼皮合上前的景況,呼入一口難受,吐出一口生命,身體回神來已經無法自由活動
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太冷了
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「這是⋯?」
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「我聽到了」
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聲音,令大腦某處癢痛,是共鳴
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眼前,是一個鮮豔的雕像,於純白色中的點綴,是一個欣慰的景像,然而,當光線移到那留白中的顏色時,鮮色是一股油漆的氣味,嗆淚刺鼻的味道
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是危機感
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恐懼,是源於威脅性
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恐怖谷理論中,最接近自身的存在,亦是最可怕的存在
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尤如真人一樣,但不是人類、生物,超越人腦可理解的概念
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每寸皮膚也如披著一層螢光,頭髮長直得如鐵鏈,不像頭髮,第一眼是銅線鋼絲,第二眼是魚絲
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禮裙的設計精心得很,繡邊和絲質是貴重的祝福,以帶有數十名字的綠色和白色塑成
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瞳孔,只是一道看穿了心臓的耀芒
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水晶一樣,寶石的銳利,翡翠兩顆,水玉的一點是柔和,而瞳底的顏色卻是繁亂,混雜各樣顏色的中心
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就如⋯一個世界在裏頭
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「你的願望」
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爱麗絲⋯
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不⋯⋯
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花子⋯?
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