舊傷復發 - 中原中也×你下篇

「好暈」

恢復些微意識的我，眼前面對的是一片黑暗，應該是身體機能還沒恢復才會這樣

「我怎麼了？」

「啊，對了，我剛剛摔倒了」

「我又給他添麻煩了」

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從小就是這樣，一無事處的我只會到處給他添麻煩

如果不是我，他可以過得更好的

每次都是我……

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回想起小時候發生過的種種，以前的我比現在還瘦弱，三天兩頭在學校昏倒，印象中中也總是背著我

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「笨蛋妳不要給我逞強」

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「笨蛋，不舒服要跟我說啊！」

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「笨蛋，我很擔心妳」

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「妳…對我來說很重要，我對妳所做的都是理所應當的，妳值得世間最好的，所以不要總覺得會拖累我，我樂意」

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他說的一字一句在我的腦海飄過

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想著中也照顧我的過往，情緒變得更加低落，眼淚不受控制的湧出來

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他發現我臉上多了幾道淚痕，以及眼角上的淚，中也擦拭掉臉上的悲傷，原本因為擔心的眉頭，皺的比起初更深了，露出的是滿滿的心疼

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「阿瀰，別哭了」

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過了一陣子開始能夠睜開眼，眼前的環境逐漸清晰

「原來他送我回家了」

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身旁他的手握緊我不放，臉上多了幾分憔悴

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看著眼前這個人，為了自己他犧牲了多少，無時不在我身旁照顧我，不能像普通大學生一樣，跟朋友到處玩，不能有自己的生活

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都是因為我這破身體，自責、難受、更多得負面情緒湧上心頭，努力掙脫開中也緊握的手

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遮住了自己臉，害怕自己難受的表情被看他看見，房間裡只剩下微微抽泣的聲響

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「恩，阿瀰，妳醒了」

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「身體還好嗎？」

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「妳怎麼哭了！哪裡痛嗎？」

他很心急

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「我沒事」

我側過身，擋著自己這副不想讓他看見的表情

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「都哭成這樣了，笨蛋，轉過來讓我看看」

中也一用力將我拽進他懷裡，用力的抱緊我

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「難受的話，就依靠我，我一直都會在」

在我耳邊輕聲用他的聲音安慰著

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一瞬間，種種的情緒從心底湧了出來，我抱緊眼前的人，指尖抓緊他那身黑

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我渾身顫抖，哭的崩潰，哭的不能自己，連呼吸都覺得難受

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因為中也，心裡最後一道防線，徹底坍塌

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「中也，謝謝你，還有對不起」

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他不語

一道溫暖附上我的唇

很快我的難受，悲傷的情感逐漸消失

他吻的更深或許是深怕懷中的人消失一樣

觸感灼熱卻又輕柔

像是對待心愛之物一樣溫柔

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這是專屬他的溫柔

總是用行動帶給我足夠的安全感

因為是他我才願意依賴

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