在短短二十年的歲月中,我感覺我有一大半的時光都在努力的改變自己,小到說話的速度,大至待人處事的方式,無一沒有被改變過,我想唯一沒有改變的就只有我脆弱的心吧。現在的我似乎對於改變自己這種事感到很不舒服了吧,因為我還記得高一時那段內心痛苦掙扎的時光,也記得我總是時不時的就會問朋友會不會覺得我變很多,就好像害怕自己改變之後會被不喜歡一樣,也記得我曾經問過旁人,若是一條褲子被不斷修改、縫補,那條褲子還是原本的褲子嗎?現在想來,或許我就是那條褲子吧,我想知道這個破破爛爛的自己還會是原來的自己嗎?這個破破爛爛的自己還能被喜歡嗎?還有人記得我本來的樣子嗎?我想或許沒有吧,畢竟連我自己都不知道自己該是什麼樣子了,那個所謂的「真正的自己」,早已被我遺失在路途中,再也找不回來了,我似乎只能一直改變自己的形狀來維護那些無法改變自己的人。
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心靈廢料區
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心靈廢料區
Author:
喻兒
ISSUE #25
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