老師說人並沒有什麼這樣正不正常、連好或不好,有的時候狀態就是那樣子,因為受傷所以將那些想要忘記的東西掩埋起來,或許會漸漸的想起來吧。但是如果一直一直都想不起來呢,我不知道這樣是好是壞,我只是討厭這種記憶空白的感覺,感覺有什麼很重要的事被我遺忘了。我突然覺得我是不是不能夠因為以前的那些事情感到痛苦呢,這好像都是我的錯,但是我卻非常真實的感受到疼痛,而且是非常久非常強烈的疼痛,強烈到無法去面對,也無法被遺忘,它總是會在某些時刻跳出來告訴我,我還沒痊癒,我依然傷痕累累,但我一直想知道,這些傷痕是我真的被傷害了,還是只是我自己讓自己受了傷,又或者只是我自己臆想出來的傷,實際那些事情並沒有那麼嚴重,或許一點都不重要了吧,重要的是現在還是很糟糕,我到底需要多久才可以好起來,我可不可以好好的獨自生活,可不可以不要試圖依賴著別人,即便我一直以來都沒有人可以依靠,我一直努力地照顧好別人,那這樣也能算是想要依靠別人嗎,但老師說我好像一直想要依靠著別人。算了,或許我一輩子都找不到答案,也可能過一段時間就知道了,我需要有耐心的等待,仔細的思考,努力的走下去,相信老師會幫助我,也相信自己會撐過去,就像以前那樣。
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心靈廢料區
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心靈廢料區
Author:
喻兒
ISSUE #20
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