在我思考直接殺掉裘娜算不算一個一勞永逸的解決方案時,賽門先生來找我了。103Please respect copyright.PENANA3y9iFkTkIy
不知道你還記不記得,賽門是一條鮭魚。103Please respect copyright.PENANArn7n9qMHgy
對,就是會洄游的那種。103Please respect copyright.PENANAuW2K2slABM
看著眼前這隻頂著水缸泡泡,好讓他能夠在陸地上正常呼吸的魚,我心中有些百感交集。103Please respect copyright.PENANAgUdasxubxl
即便我再有智慧,仍舊會有迷惘的時候。103Please respect copyright.PENANA3twAOtSIiE
「在認識了賽高之後不久,那隻海鷗的瘋狂行徑就開始了。」他說:103Please respect copyright.PENANANkZCnl7BCw
「首先,我會在上班路上時不時遇到她。可能是幫我買早餐、或是幫我買咖啡之類的。當然,先前就有聽說過這隻鳥的一些事情,我是不敢吃她遞給我的東西的。103Please respect copyright.PENANAO04oJgiSpr
「然後,那些跟我關係不錯的女同事們都離奇失蹤、不然就是發生意外。而我則是時不時收到了簡訊:『賽門先生只能跟我好喔❤』、『塞門先生跟其他女生太親密的話,小海鷗會吃醋的❤』之類的未知簡訊。103Please respect copyright.PENANA0gMU82QqBU
「最誇張是那次,我在自己的房間解決時,再出來的那一刻,手機收到了簡訊……『賽門先生就連打手槍的樣子都十分性感呢❤』103Please respect copyright.PENANAseHhxgZW87
「我不知道是誰傳出去的,說賽高看上了我。大家都開始疏遠了我,就怕惹禍上身,甚至從小跟我相依為命長大的妹妹都要離我而去……」103Please respect copyright.PENANAv5a9EFlQqJ
其實我很好奇鮭魚打手槍該是什麼樣子,但看賽門一副要哭了的樣子,我也不太好意思問。103Please respect copyright.PENANAzJ63RhBF3l
「我真的很怕你知道嗎!我真的很怕自己哪天醒來就變握壽司了你知道嗎!!」賽門終於崩潰大哭。103Please respect copyright.PENANAXQxImn89ux
「但是我遇見了裘娜小姐,她是很好的女孩子。」賽門的臉上出現一絲甜意:103Please respect copyright.PENANA7v33Pj5Shh
「她不但沒有因為賽高的事情遠離我,甚至還說願意幫我一起對抗那隻發瘋的海鷗……我真的很開心能遇到她。」103Please respect copyright.PENANAYez84O4NJS
「但是,就連現在,裘娜也失蹤了!!!!」賽門崩潰大喊:「要是連她都遭遇什麼不測,我真的不知道該怎麼辦才好……」103Please respect copyright.PENANAvMJrmabGL8
看著掩面痛哭、顯得十分無助的賽門,心底的疑惑是愈加鮮明。到底魚是怎打手槍的?Discovery上說的體外受精,那裘娜跟賽門在做那件事的時候也會有高潮的感覺嗎?103Please respect copyright.PENANAfS2nUN0hqv
但還沒等我問出口,一個外送員打斷了我的思緒。103Please respect copyright.PENANA9KkKZcnlJY
「艾瑞斯先生,這是您的餐點。」那是一隻雌性羚羊,她美麗的腿讓我不禁多看幾眼。103Please respect copyright.PENANAyXKVHJ2cPg
「妳動作真的很慢,虧妳是隻羚羊。」我略為不滿地說,並接過餐點、付了帳。103Please respect copyright.PENANAt99iZ9BKQS
「對不起,艾瑞斯先生,因為……」她焦急地想解釋,卻被我揮揮手打斷。103Please respect copyright.PENANAxP3dOOb9wj
「今晚九點,一樣這個地方,我親自教妳禮貌。」我冷冷地說:「妳可以先回去了。」103Please respect copyright.PENANAgfD2p9AeGT
羚羊乖巧點頭,並安馴離開。103Please respect copyright.PENANADnHn2H2x2n
「艾瑞斯先生?」賽門終於停止了他的悲情演出,滿臉疑惑望向正在打開餐點包裝的我。103Please respect copyright.PENANATJzhTRLqh7
「請等一下。」我從容不迫地說。103Please respect copyright.PENANAiY0GT9nkd1
我打開了飯盒,是壽司、生魚片滿漢全席。103Please respect copyright.PENANAye1hGdiA9i
「……」103Please respect copyright.PENANAov604PLzcB
我十分享受地吃了起來,一邊吃一邊嘖嘖稱奇,等待真的值得。103Please respect copyright.PENANAX8Jsf85Fnx
「艾瑞斯先生,你可以尊重一點嗎?」賽門臉上寫滿了不悅。103Please respect copyright.PENANAH23WQOn7I8
我側頭思考了會,這確實不算是很好的待客之道。103Please respect copyright.PENANA5UvsieXUSL
於是我叫來了服務生,要了一個盤子。接著把一些握壽司裝到盤子上,並推到賽門面前。103Please respect copyright.PENANAa8xwZFQ2xR
「來一點?」我真的很佩服自己的宅心仁厚。103Please respect copyright.PENANAPZ44LIAZjz
「我……」103Please respect copyright.PENANAoRNZWXkphg
「要一點哇沙米嗎?」103Please respect copyright.PENANAxfsvO0WjHP
賽門憤怒站起身,但隔壁卻傳來「碰」的一聲槍響,嚇得他又跌坐回去。103Please respect copyright.PENANAshWnuG9dxs
一個我店裡的服務生開槍打死了一個山豬客人,槍口徐徐冒著煙。103Please respect copyright.PENANAhgGl67MkKD
「他怎麼了?」我詢問。103Please respect copyright.PENANA55szHdlCuZ
「報告老闆,我們不小心上錯餐點,他說我們羞辱他,要殺光我們全部。」103Please respect copyright.PENANAA2Uw6Y09Dq
「你們上了什麼?」我又問。103Please respect copyright.PENANARp3UmtJLz1
「燒烤山豬肉。」103Please respect copyright.PENANAYLxR1DUHtl
我點點頭,繼續吃我的握壽司。103Please respect copyright.PENANA0M2wQGtKqu
這回賽門變的很安靜,大該在沉思要不要哇沙米。103Please respect copyright.PENANAHgFT2F9bpW
「我想我明白了,艾瑞斯先生。」賽門的眼神清澈,冷靜的眼瞳裡像是下定了決心。103Please respect copyright.PENANAqseK3CQMro
「嘿?所以你要哇沙米嗎?」103Please respect copyright.PENANAfY9FPnilMO
「不用了,我不餓。」賽門無所畏懼望向我:「你有槍嗎艾瑞斯先生?我想跟你買。」103Please respect copyright.PENANA8PDrm5gYPE
我勾起嘴角、微微一笑。103Please respect copyright.PENANAVxCCRc0P7b
「當然有的,賽門。我當然有。」103Please respect copyright.PENANARlS4FAUGSJ
103Please respect copyright.PENANAjo5qWiZmN2
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艾瑞斯聊聊館
Author:
筱翔
ISSUE #5
第五篇、鮭魚那件事
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