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「唷、可魯貝洛斯,想不到竟會在這兒遇到你啊,轉生到台灣,姿態也變得可愛多了,腿好短,這樣就不會像迪爾姆德那偷情男給野豬撞死了。」斯卡哈,那個穿布偶裝的明明就是OPEN醬,還有,怎麼忽然講起關西腔來了?能用關西腔溝通的三頭猛犬,就只有《庫洛魔法使》那條。這種冷笑話真的沒問題嗎?
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註:《庫洛魔法使》的可魯貝洛斯,被封印在關西一帶,是希臘神話中唯一會講關西方言的狗。
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百貨公司人來人往,夢時代廣場有布偶裝跟充氣城門的白痴活動,扣除掉正跟OPEN醬玩的斯卡哈,邪馬台貴婦團很快拆分成數個小圈圈,準備尋找感興趣的專櫃。
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虛假的姊妹VS真實的姊妹──
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雖說女孩兒多半對逛街感興趣,可跟誰逛,有幾個姊妹陪逛,是否有男友參與,又是個大哉問。仁雄身為負責結帳的男人,不熟其中眉角,他也曉得冰山之下不如表面那般簡單。
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鐵達尼號撞到冰山都會沉沒!何況是友誼的小船呢?說翻就翻。
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斯卡哈還沒進百貨公司就先脫隊了。立於玻璃大門後,明亮燈光下的西裝男子正注視廣場上的紫長髮女人──斯卡哈正在拿條碼貓充氣布條戳OPEN醬的頭。刺穿死棘之槍、刺穿死棘之槍、刺穿死棘之槍。仁雄轉頭,跟在貴婦團後頭,上了電扶梯。
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卑彌呼和牛王吉光手拉手,站在同一階電扶梯,像對時髦的年輕母女,由仁雄這位西裝油頭男扮演老公,至於和仁雄站同一階梯的相澤南克隆體……仁雄看了看笑吟吟的塗山形柔,好啦,妳當偷情小三。不對,偷情小七。
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「嘻嘻。」塗山形柔雙手挽仁雄手臂,軟玉香軀進了男人臂彎,露出職業性害羞靦腆。職業性害羞靦腆,就是假的非常自然。
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「妳從來我這兒後就一直好努力,今天妳想買什麼,我都買給妳。」電扶梯越過一個又一個頂板,名偵探柯南劇場版宣傳海報,仁雄說道。今天老婆們想要什麼,他自會盡全力給予,同時,口頭毫不保留的嘉獎是不可少的。
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「那就謝過老闆囉。嘻嘻。」相澤南,哦,九尾天狐親了仁雄一下。她其實沒特愛花仁雄的錢,尤其是那場比特幣博弈,給鴻運貴人完爆得體無完膚,狐狸知道自己的心早給這男人馴服了。不過,在現實世界治裝對她這個業務部老婆,是非常有需要參考的!主流異世界多為中世紀奇幻背景,沒那麼多新潮款式,如果可以,她還真想把百貨公司整棟包下。
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時尚對不同次元的影響,仁雄就不清楚,他畢竟不像九尾天狐跑遍萬千神域。目前穿越訂單主要分成兩種,一是穿越寶的每日訂單,這個利潤是固定的,斯卡哈的工廠做好後,仁雄手機點一點就能傳送到萬千神域,具體收件人是誰他們也不知道。
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第二種就是九尾天狐為首的業務部,提高業績的行動派方法,就是從皇帝、國王、公爵、伯爵一直跑到自治市長,然後魔王軍、勇者團、冒險者協會、傭兵團等。比較有效率的方法,正是製造區域緊張,如果每個異世界都有辦法像特洛伊打個十年八年,仁雄就躺著賺了。破壞魔物生態圈讓牠們去找類人種族麻煩,也是狐狸常用的方法。
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塗山形柔今天從百貨公司帶走的東西,就是她的津貼兼任務道具。特洛伊戰爭,正是從搶女人開始!
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「妳一個人在外面跑,還是要多注意安全。」仁雄說著關心。他們這團已走入一整區玻璃間隔的服飾專櫃,卑彌呼正在為吉光挑選新衣裳。
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「唉呀,哪有什麼好擔心。真被抓了,老闆還不是會來救我。」塗山形柔覺得男人像個老頭似地,仁雄也就沒繼續叼念了,任著她優雅漫步,越過其他客人走入陳列區,他才跟上。
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UNIQLO。仁雄覺得這裡好像挺平價的,稍後他才發現這是UNIQLO。顯然卑彌呼使出了印象流策略!就是讓牛王吉光覺得女王也是個持家少婦。反正稍後卑彌呼再跟狐狸去逛貴的,好印象已先行留下。
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哼哼,卑彌呼,妳太小看牛王吉光了,子寧所有報表呈交上來時,牛王吉光都會拉仁雄一起看。她可是超級持家,立志要當大和撫子的巫劍。妳這點小把戲,她早給識破。
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不過仁雄兩個都很愛啦,畢竟他也是挺浪費的,赤兔要的戰馬裝甲,他還幫她追加預算,穿越事業賺的錢都拿去改車了。最近他想買機動作戰中心,那是一台能穿梭各異世界的武裝大卡車,能夠載送武器跟赤兔超跑,也方便在卡車內進行改裝。
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「仁雄!你看!」人在外,吉光也就沒叫仁雄家主,聽見美少女在呼喚他,正在看塗山形柔挑選衣服的仁雄直回頭。
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「好不好看。」吉光拉著卑彌呼一齊走向西裝男子,眼神帶著興奮。嗯,這就是對約會男士最具考驗性,也是最容易挫敗之處。
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卑彌呼幫吉光選了素色棉T,搭配牛仔布縫製的寬版吊帶褲,她自個兒也換上同款式不同尺寸的裝束。臉色一白的仁雄不禁想著卑彌呼果然不簡單!要知道吊帶褲這種,就是典型女生喜歡,男生壓根覺得像超級瑪莉的水管工服,卑彌呼方才那套錢夫人,少說也要個400美金不含稅,現在妳跟美少女結伴穿UNIQLO,實在太不要臉了,雖然仁雄挺喜歡這種惡趣味,但真穿出來,該怎麼評價才好呢?
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「還是水手服好了。」仁雄決定打馬虎眼。滿心歡喜的美少女自是腮幫子鼓鼓,臭仁雄!大色鬼!
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而就在這個時候,一個令所有人意想不到的狀況發生了:換上新挑選的紅點點洋裝的塗山形柔,跳著小碎步,穿過兩個格子襯衫宅男,要給仁雄看看。
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另外一個方向,才瞎拚完一波的貴婦團TEAM2,提著兩個手提袋,+499多一個保溫杯,美杜莎、子寧、姬莉葉跟赤兔,四女走入UNIQLO。
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美杜莎帶著一絲怯意,想將剛剛姊妹們替她挑選的衣服穿來給仁雄看。兩團合流,各部會老婆靜默。
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「蛇蛇,原來妳也喜歡草間彌生(圓點)啊。這件洋裝穿在妳身上真合適,妳看起來好年輕哦~」
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媽的,撞衫。仁雄還沒法顧及眼前這對吊帶褲假母女,塗山形柔跟美杜莎,她們居然穿著一模一樣的小圓點洋裝,可九尾天狐使用了相澤南的外表,希臘蛇女的性感超模身材,還真的把她屌虐到體無完膚,相形見絀。
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虛假的姊妹VS真實的姊妹──
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「老闆,依你看是我穿這件洋裝好看,還是杜莎姐姐穿這件好看。」九尾天狐也管不了UNIQLO還有很多人,她直接一哭二鬧三上悠亞,真的使用三上悠亞的外表了。
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「都好看,妳是有什麼毛病啊……」仁雄一臉不耐,還真是一哭二鬧三上悠亞。
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「才沒有、敷衍,你不尊重狐,狐森氣氣惹。」穿著點點洋裝的三上悠亞一哭二鬧,UNIQLO鴉雀無聲,各部會老婆見狀紛紛散場離去,只留下仁雄、吊帶褲假母女,撞衫兩位,其他路人客。
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