惡名之下
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致不想回想起的記憶
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我不是那種「一般」的孩子373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdonFy7Cg9N
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ219tmsEpk7
但特殊得來，又不叫人驕傲的特別373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuH9kQUsEN
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童年、成長、至今，我深知自己和其他人的不同，正因如此，我也因為這份特殊與我該在的地方、該有的身分道出分離宣言
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不是我害怕373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFojI1S8wxD
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是害怕自身
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世界很奇怪，只是不一樣的，所謂之「特別」，往往引人恐懼，危險的出現373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdgbYorrDK
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因為不同，意味改變373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmcbcoM6r1
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縱然沒人希望遇上困難，但又想克服，就只能待困難自己解決、或是自身忽然學懂如何去使吹灰之力的程度373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IaSjYBhh8
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卻現實中，是沒有可能發生此種事，萬物不由己生，正如沒有不勞而獲，其之獲的勞，純粹不是由自己付出而已373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb404Zr5oHi
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這道理373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTT5sULtNyS
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我是明白的373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHu7oB65YMX
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但又現實中，我做不了什麼，我無法展現自己在這方面的認知373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd05uIEfIDA
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373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6K6B2u7SO
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—— 啪喇 ——373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8yYcBYa77
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「廢物！」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QFpJ1an7Y
「您是吃撐沒事幹嗎？！」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYN3RvOPXnd
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見玻璃零碎散落，深紅沾在純黑的地毯，清脆響亮的聲響堪比硫磺一發，暗中的深紅滿滲若如蚊餐一地，儘管而言並非直對此方，隱約可見利片刺中了自己373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznYZrj4M6c
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「現在有毛有翼曉升天了，作反了哦？！」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMx9lg0dUW
「您究竟是不是真的弱智哦？！」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MlqZefBRK
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldKKVyuaPh
「麻煩製造者⋯您可真是⋯⋯可不可以有點自知之名？」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNOwRMPKC0
「該死⋯」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWfGBl3M37
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使力擦著額，短棕髮的她伸手到黑木桌子，「咻」一聲扯開櫃門，反手便伸入其中，撥開文具，翻走書本，往當中內最深處伸去373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74wXak8JbX
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數聲粗魯的物品碰撞，還有其後那響亮至耳窒的拍門，女性在視野外掏出一白中漂黃的東西
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象牙製煙斗
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勾在嘴裏，同時從胸前口袋中拿出小圓盒，像口紅的造型，倒是金屬製，畢竟說到底才非打份用373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMeLwQJzOV
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Fu8oNHeiR
熟練地扭開蓋鎖，拇指彈上開蓋，倒轉在煙斗的填裝位，一滴373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3IuV3y7lk
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「⋯呼⋯⋯」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GZ51pMhsW
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雜草味，燒靑草的氣味，少許攻鼻，但並不濃，再者也未到刺激的程度，單純是蠻有葉綠味而已，連漂出來的白煙也幾乎不存在，室內散佈最強烈的，唯有植物的味道
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背對自己，她抽著煙斗，看往窗外
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不是特別高樓層，當然整座大廈也是己業前提，地方必是自己選址選樓層
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若是較高的位置，是可以看到海景，朝向東邊的海藍天，以及遠方一帶沿海的密集，高樓大廈又有，不起眼的小方塊亦有，熊本縣的各沿海城市，整個一起，掃望而入眼內373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGGrR6FJpZ
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4rnQqKa2q
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpVZncxREO
但她不同，她的選擇往往比任何⋯一般人，自己所想的奇怪，然而又有其論點，要說的話，就是她擁有著不同自己，過於複雜而與別不同的想法373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIZtttv2Nn
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373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABh680O9Wt
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作風不一，思考的模式不一樣
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就好比她不打算把辦公室置於上面，而是這兒，這層，剛好不高於窗戶所面向，商店街的頂蓋，的一層
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373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0R3r3es5c
看到車站、酒吧街街頭、商場門口，各種
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373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fPDsuffyk
因為她要真正的「全景」
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我真的搞不清楚，嘛，無法理解
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好比她究竟是怎樣看待自己一樣
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373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZJHUhgpYp
我知道，我也明白自己現在可是搞出大麻煩了，不但引起了刑警的注意，還有引致本地一眾不良、暴走族的騷動，現在回望，嘛，還真是想也想不到自己有這麼的能力373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUkHSXH0pv
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抑或說，是我一直以來，低估了老姐她的聲譽及影響力373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRaAIp57zf
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4F7tAGG4B
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山松組的力量373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqR94M6H7HX
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1bnZIyRqh
「您到底⋯什麼時候才會學乖呀？混帳⋯」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzfsxyk1LH
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLW2KolQjwh
回神過來，她已經坐了在那辦工椅上，左腳放右腳膝頭，口中濃吐淡煙，即使口氣稍安定，放大的瞳孔凶剎不爾373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5JkjtUd0T
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她是我的姐姐373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPUe7uon6x
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山松組的老大373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHJjctCP1s
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大和英加373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6tDvwKdsS
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7VgPD0WxU
「說話啊」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpdlxGhyov
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央百花373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wJ709fPyz
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我努力地站在原處，就這樣一聲不吭，但是視線一交上，就看不了更多，看不到，尋找不到視線可聚落之處，可是呢，她可還生氣著，直對自己373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CpVuzS4zC
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「⋯我可不會當你啞的」
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「⋯⋯你要是不說話⋯那好⋯⋯好⋯」
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「就讓我倆在這，一直⋯一直在這」
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「在這一起浪費時間，反正⋯ 我 · 很 · 閒 」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIw15ROHYu
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「⋯⋯」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lvYwe2uG7
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呼吸聲由緊縫的唇瓣洩出，曾有再多的話，希望反駁、說理，又說不出，不在她面前373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡui8yWFCcn9
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCFvQBY74s
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我不只是害怕，畢竟目前為止，一生中最敬重，亦最不喜歡的，也是她，我的姐姐373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7dJDSKAew
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她為我做了很多，太多，甚至我了解，自己所認知的，只是整幅拼圖的一小塊373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfr2ki3plS
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理應我該做好自己就好了，對她來說是最好了373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFR3kSd3ii
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所以說，我到底做了什麼？373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3MAahd7Ss
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我在反叛嗎？可能373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOLPWyerbi
為了什麼？
為了什麼⋯？
成為些什麼的身分？
為了她的認同？
⋯⋯
我不知道
我自己也搞不清楚
回去一開始談到的地方
我選擇了前者
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讓困難自己解決373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hPPIvUcLo
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但困難就是自己373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgU4RwANdCU
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所以才裝模作樣，卻又成了反效果，或是說，我從來也沒有想清楚任何事情，而衝進去做373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmKZRY4wqU
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokgW3ZaKab
我做事沒腦根、理性，是後來的事情，日益嚴重，動不動就動氣，感性行事，這樣子便不用想了，不用想太多了373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8ejWcpwRE
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不用去想更多平時的負面了373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhQZJsXwrX
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單憑感覺行事373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYMw5mXxBI
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這樣子便不用去研究他人的目光、想法，自己的得失，將來的後果，麻煩的各種373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUhmgkUwkk
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反正本身裏頭已經積累了太多373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXtkW8jPrw
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確實地問我，是不是很想孤立自己？373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbc4yVNYiZ
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別開玩笑373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXDIFtSTKq
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但我有選擇嗎？373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DMLAnUDgG
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注定無法「正常」地生活的我，注定混混噩噩過日子的自己，大概⋯本身已經叫姐姐她傷心了吧？373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdim0geqUeZ
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不過單是自己也是373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpXpad2iGS
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我不想這樣子373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IhsGxhAMw
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我不希望這樣子的「特別」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2LB1X6ahi
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但對自己來說，所謂的「未來」已是注定的
不能做到什麼
不能實現什麼
那怕是已經放棄得崩潰、討厭自己
也不能有什麼改變
我看不到明天，也看不到昨天
但⋯有分別嗎？
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當初的命運已經被注定，因為自己是大和氏，因為和那混帳有關係，因為⋯因為373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDMtaibLeO
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我根本沒有能力去保護自己373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4XTOQpWZB
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沒有能力373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZp2aOMQCiD
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一直以來也是373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwU70Vt6kG
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我⋯⋯373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSr9l60Gxgn
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我373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsc920lZRH
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我根本沒有選擇373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoLsceZB08
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現在的話，選不選擇也沒差別吧⋯373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoC2cjDo4Bo
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算啦⋯373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJjHWVVFAp
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就讓我自暴自棄吧
將我棄之不理吧
但一定，一定
一定會被反對為結果吧
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「⋯」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrEXXZTNjU
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怎也沒所謂了373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZZpRZy1EI
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkGTQLRaDD
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStZWw0Qrde
「⋯算了」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUu4fmbV6eb
「我要出去食晚飯了」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTTbX5NvGl
「你打算怎樣子呢」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yPK6bN6Hv
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISXa2lYk5L
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30UjkxZd4k
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcWzUp7JyV
「⋯⋯嗯」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTOSerQ2Xh
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxN5TqtuTih
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaL3auDnTPF
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3y5rheipcs
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0raxnZNtqS
沒所謂了373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaOcTPr7Sh
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfxkDhwDzO
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmFqiIAm53
「⋯⋯」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3IqZykKQ1
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzsKNJsZ35
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZ70xnreKi
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67aKV6hv5p
反正我就是生下來那刻開始被詛咒了373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oXeZcnjQx
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4FabB62Vh
反正是我自己弄到自己得如此下場373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdyJyTgq9q
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2i8SYHWbV
反正373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmbafsVJW2
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9d0vGDuo3
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfuqFM3QOL
「⋯」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpLTdEN7M0
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhwFnX5gQz
「笨蛋」373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqirbs3PQ94
373Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGGk67F2FG
我是不值得被愛被相信的惡名之子
然後按「加至主畫面」