惡名之下
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致不想回想起的記憶
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我不是那種「一般」的孩子345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHLBtiVv7d
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwXw7rcNfJ
但特殊得來，又不叫人驕傲的特別345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzUrKz2Y6b
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345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCST3z55zm
童年、成長、至今，我深知自己和其他人的不同，正因如此，我也因為這份特殊與我該在的地方、該有的身分道出分離宣言
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FDzVkGuXc
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1PL1K37CU
不是我害怕345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8wNbD4dxo
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YMZjfC7Oz
是害怕自身
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世界很奇怪，只是不一樣的，所謂之「特別」，往往引人恐懼，危險的出現345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8HvE5QePi
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因為不同，意味改變345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHS4ihJpCM
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxSFFmRsWL
縱然沒人希望遇上困難，但又想克服，就只能待困難自己解決、或是自身忽然學懂如何去使吹灰之力的程度345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBmBBgyPsR
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIM3YwERJi
卻現實中，是沒有可能發生此種事，萬物不由己生，正如沒有不勞而獲，其之獲的勞，純粹不是由自己付出而已345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7yw7afw5a
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtLIZ4L1wS
這道理345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4O7c5gS2v
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77tscsVEaY
我是明白的345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9o2mKzhYrj
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jGtEjVgmF
但又現實中，我做不了什麼，我無法展現自己在這方面的認知345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5YHHrMSGv
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XH9euIt3f
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkuOy0M1OR
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNa9n4psG0w
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—— 啪喇 ——345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCpb7BlIac
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQyWnMr12x
「廢物！」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa561aKVpym
「您是吃撐沒事幹嗎？！」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAW9Bk81Gw7
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9qnH0zBPl
見玻璃零碎散落，深紅沾在純黑的地毯，清脆響亮的聲響堪比硫磺一發，暗中的深紅滿滲若如蚊餐一地，儘管而言並非直對此方，隱約可見利片刺中了自己345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhg3WExVmyE
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4ZzoqIoL9
「現在有毛有翼曉升天了，作反了哦？！」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkqdD7qyBp
「您究竟是不是真的弱智哦？！」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5PBf61XMB
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXzXDsnnAb
「麻煩製造者⋯您可真是⋯⋯可不可以有點自知之名？」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOxRliywXv
「該死⋯」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5BsFEtaIi
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使力擦著額，短棕髮的她伸手到黑木桌子，「咻」一聲扯開櫃門，反手便伸入其中，撥開文具，翻走書本，往當中內最深處伸去345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdVVRFSRh9
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6m9yHXDUD
數聲粗魯的物品碰撞，還有其後那響亮至耳窒的拍門，女性在視野外掏出一白中漂黃的東西
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuREcayUQ1
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30uIzKU5TY
象牙製煙斗
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勾在嘴裏，同時從胸前口袋中拿出小圓盒，像口紅的造型，倒是金屬製，畢竟說到底才非打份用345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsF4MFuDg4f
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwohQ0rq9Sx
熟練地扭開蓋鎖，拇指彈上開蓋，倒轉在煙斗的填裝位，一滴345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllpP7BPGhy
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fVTiELgNY
「⋯呼⋯⋯」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMG0GpYnzI
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雜草味，燒靑草的氣味，少許攻鼻，但並不濃，再者也未到刺激的程度，單純是蠻有葉綠味而已，連漂出來的白煙也幾乎不存在，室內散佈最強烈的，唯有植物的味道
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背對自己，她抽著煙斗，看往窗外
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345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6O74THVSio
不是特別高樓層，當然整座大廈也是己業前提，地方必是自己選址選樓層
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345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlW2mmsOGo
若是較高的位置，是可以看到海景，朝向東邊的海藍天，以及遠方一帶沿海的密集，高樓大廈又有，不起眼的小方塊亦有，熊本縣的各沿海城市，整個一起，掃望而入眼內345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmm4KUxTjTH
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOx7D7Audax
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pd91edIcw
但她不同，她的選擇往往比任何⋯一般人，自己所想的奇怪，然而又有其論點，要說的話，就是她擁有著不同自己，過於複雜而與別不同的想法345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQt85fI8687
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345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKzEt8TTvM
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uU29IkUJB
作風不一，思考的模式不一樣
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345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwnQHDa13a
就好比她不打算把辦公室置於上面，而是這兒，這層，剛好不高於窗戶所面向，商店街的頂蓋，的一層
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllaZwZzkAb
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tD73ApcRz
看到車站、酒吧街街頭、商場門口，各種
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345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NMnbrdY3L
因為她要真正的「全景」
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我真的搞不清楚，嘛，無法理解
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345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVi7DqULzm
好比她究竟是怎樣看待自己一樣
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345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWo0OQvFsoF
我知道，我也明白自己現在可是搞出大麻煩了，不但引起了刑警的注意，還有引致本地一眾不良、暴走族的騷動，現在回望，嘛，還真是想也想不到自己有這麼的能力345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XsYYfNhsj
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmau8bH5U7K
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKmQsnoZhU
抑或說，是我一直以來，低估了老姐她的聲譽及影響力345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcryfnfNggg
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfHpLECsve
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山松組的力量345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAvZSfAwRE
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VYHDKPLxo
「您到底⋯什麼時候才會學乖呀？混帳⋯」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwrJIWLcAv
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo14WJxNYKz
回神過來，她已經坐了在那辦工椅上，左腳放右腳膝頭，口中濃吐淡煙，即使口氣稍安定，放大的瞳孔凶剎不爾345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSQn1SmpiM
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJymSXAsRDT
她是我的姐姐345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQCPumEdQ2
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzrofwIqtt
山松組的老大345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2WVsFN0bk
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IKN1sHsE0
大和英加345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlXPlTvEVx
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRSLv5ZL00
「說話啊」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfUyFi7JxB
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWxcZ1gYKa
央百花345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBJMYbupyY
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiy3tOIg7G
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7nJb0m7hX
我努力地站在原處，就這樣一聲不吭，但是視線一交上，就看不了更多，看不到，尋找不到視線可聚落之處，可是呢，她可還生氣著，直對自己345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxAO25i0JB
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1gNcPRIxA
「⋯我可不會當你啞的」
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「⋯⋯你要是不說話⋯那好⋯⋯好⋯」
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「就讓我倆在這，一直⋯一直在這」
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「在這一起浪費時間，反正⋯ 我 · 很 · 閒 」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8fsjRjLg4
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTtsx6ap5e
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「⋯⋯」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiy4eUoUHX
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呼吸聲由緊縫的唇瓣洩出，曾有再多的話，希望反駁、說理，又說不出，不在她面前345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUrB5nVpqp
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPOHMfrXfa
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTC8l1Xg5KV
我不只是害怕，畢竟目前為止，一生中最敬重，亦最不喜歡的，也是她，我的姐姐345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa97KbsOKgZ
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJxZSnbv7l
她為我做了很多，太多，甚至我了解，自己所認知的，只是整幅拼圖的一小塊345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQxF5Gtjcn
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dHUzyjRW4
理應我該做好自己就好了，對她來說是最好了345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnb80vpvsw
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IYkAVs39I
所以說，我到底做了什麼？345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGARhLXqiq
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我在反叛嗎？可能345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGG21p2AMV
為了什麼？
為了什麼⋯？
成為些什麼的身分？
為了她的認同？
⋯⋯
我不知道
我自己也搞不清楚
回去一開始談到的地方
我選擇了前者
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0XoUqgCHS
讓困難自己解決345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPskPNy4pB
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xP9ErqgNu
但困難就是自己345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQSLbspROk
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGGkHPoNnk
所以才裝模作樣，卻又成了反效果，或是說，我從來也沒有想清楚任何事情，而衝進去做345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSnRuvBeVF
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK98WqiSwG6
我做事沒腦根、理性，是後來的事情，日益嚴重，動不動就動氣，感性行事，這樣子便不用想了，不用想太多了345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfthLBYo3Y
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不用去想更多平時的負面了345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKH7Ft66V5a
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單憑感覺行事345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOO9wfGCj0N
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這樣子便不用去研究他人的目光、想法，自己的得失，將來的後果，麻煩的各種345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Xgw2h2uU9
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UBNEPuyFs
反正本身裏頭已經積累了太多345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnKAQ1DmKp
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確實地問我，是不是很想孤立自己？345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CDvBi1HS2
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別開玩笑345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SQl3VxQaG
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但我有選擇嗎？345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBNKuugwWT
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注定無法「正常」地生活的我，注定混混噩噩過日子的自己，大概⋯本身已經叫姐姐她傷心了吧？345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPebxUmj6o2
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不過單是自己也是345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOvr0vTrfz
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我不想這樣子345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTiIEyxBaT
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我不希望這樣子的「特別」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqXNQlF3GO
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFqmPvwRbv
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNw7wNCvr8v
但對自己來說，所謂的「未來」已是注定的
不能做到什麼
不能實現什麼
那怕是已經放棄得崩潰、討厭自己
也不能有什麼改變
我看不到明天，也看不到昨天
但⋯有分別嗎？
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFtSYKSc3e
當初的命運已經被注定，因為自己是大和氏，因為和那混帳有關係，因為⋯因為345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsyE0VIywN
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我根本沒有能力去保護自己345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBscQBNOaT
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沒有能力345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcJ8yhpX2r
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一直以來也是345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMS1v2zcu2x
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我⋯⋯345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnWufNdgX8
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我345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEQhaqyOec
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我根本沒有選擇345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAMWgHq0Vz
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現在的話，選不選擇也沒差別吧⋯345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ovy7Dx5pX
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算啦⋯345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqaixR6d1o
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyJjdCP9sM
就讓我自暴自棄吧
將我棄之不理吧
但一定，一定
一定會被反對為結果吧
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「⋯」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3U2ADlG5s
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZy7QE16e5P
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhMlUbrw9d
怎也沒所謂了345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dPd4ShYBh
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUSyufXfzl
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63BC8h5d1M
「⋯算了」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpAUrLjDmC
「我要出去食晚飯了」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZDfoDJqq6
「你打算怎樣子呢」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vks3SffqH
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rraVZNd32
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKu4DPis8LJ
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVaYpYfjLx
「⋯⋯嗯」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifM23YPwg1
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyjtceJ7DX
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKmnm8Mzct
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEPI6T9KyT
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mqI9frVGN
沒所謂了345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KwuOxdaJY
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFh0WcuXm1H
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQfiSVTqmk
「⋯⋯」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpv37mcIL6q
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiG1FiXzyL
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0ZC5aJONf
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZdm9h1X26
反正我就是生下來那刻開始被詛咒了345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKwCBJV4Pw
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6CKxeZtn0
反正是我自己弄到自己得如此下場345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTADK7vw74
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9NyUHPgLW
反正345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYyh4c6ceY
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjJ4K8ALH5
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHI7LiWjXK
「⋯」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gGxlWietW
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3qWAKESdh
「笨蛋」345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyCSWJt4S1
345Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5eCChHzCW
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