惡名之下
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致不想回想起的記憶
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我不是那種「一般」的孩子383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKo86m53hR
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8CHX8d27w
但特殊得來，又不叫人驕傲的特別383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGAZ4B8MJQ
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童年、成長、至今，我深知自己和其他人的不同，正因如此，我也因為這份特殊與我該在的地方、該有的身分道出分離宣言
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不是我害怕383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfs11A3Ywcx
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是害怕自身
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世界很奇怪，只是不一樣的，所謂之「特別」，往往引人恐懼，危險的出現383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoHbDs5QjE
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因為不同，意味改變383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJL4wjKcGVj
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縱然沒人希望遇上困難，但又想克服，就只能待困難自己解決、或是自身忽然學懂如何去使吹灰之力的程度383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr056qoMhU8
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卻現實中，是沒有可能發生此種事，萬物不由己生，正如沒有不勞而獲，其之獲的勞，純粹不是由自己付出而已383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RofdzBGnw
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這道理383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9aNITXW53
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我是明白的383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNIrTEiZWZ
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但又現實中，我做不了什麼，我無法展現自己在這方面的認知383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOg70yMA2mC
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—— 啪喇 ——383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqacS2Q7VVX
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「廢物！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ8V5e63rf
「您是吃撐沒事幹嗎？！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvF406VkKW
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見玻璃零碎散落，深紅沾在純黑的地毯，清脆響亮的聲響堪比硫磺一發，暗中的深紅滿滲若如蚊餐一地，儘管而言並非直對此方，隱約可見利片刺中了自己383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6VdKEfzIh
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「現在有毛有翼曉升天了，作反了哦？！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqQudtouZj
「您究竟是不是真的弱智哦？！」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WWm5U7SjX
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「麻煩製造者⋯您可真是⋯⋯可不可以有點自知之名？」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVs3Mpm34W
「該死⋯」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl60LPL7oDl
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使力擦著額，短棕髮的她伸手到黑木桌子，「咻」一聲扯開櫃門，反手便伸入其中，撥開文具，翻走書本，往當中內最深處伸去383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDool3cEUrb
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數聲粗魯的物品碰撞，還有其後那響亮至耳窒的拍門，女性在視野外掏出一白中漂黃的東西
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象牙製煙斗
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勾在嘴裏，同時從胸前口袋中拿出小圓盒，像口紅的造型，倒是金屬製，畢竟說到底才非打份用383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLsDatfRK7
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熟練地扭開蓋鎖，拇指彈上開蓋，倒轉在煙斗的填裝位，一滴383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJumLwP5RG
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「⋯呼⋯⋯」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE410vWRFG6
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雜草味，燒靑草的氣味，少許攻鼻，但並不濃，再者也未到刺激的程度，單純是蠻有葉綠味而已，連漂出來的白煙也幾乎不存在，室內散佈最強烈的，唯有植物的味道
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背對自己，她抽著煙斗，看往窗外
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不是特別高樓層，當然整座大廈也是己業前提，地方必是自己選址選樓層
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若是較高的位置，是可以看到海景，朝向東邊的海藍天，以及遠方一帶沿海的密集，高樓大廈又有，不起眼的小方塊亦有，熊本縣的各沿海城市，整個一起，掃望而入眼內383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxaZ3eiKXp
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但她不同，她的選擇往往比任何⋯一般人，自己所想的奇怪，然而又有其論點，要說的話，就是她擁有著不同自己，過於複雜而與別不同的想法383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIpMZ4WZF1
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作風不一，思考的模式不一樣
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就好比她不打算把辦公室置於上面，而是這兒，這層，剛好不高於窗戶所面向，商店街的頂蓋，的一層
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看到車站、酒吧街街頭、商場門口，各種
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因為她要真正的「全景」
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我真的搞不清楚，嘛，無法理解
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好比她究竟是怎樣看待自己一樣
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我知道，我也明白自己現在可是搞出大麻煩了，不但引起了刑警的注意，還有引致本地一眾不良、暴走族的騷動，現在回望，嘛，還真是想也想不到自己有這麼的能力383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKew97aWHe
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抑或說，是我一直以來，低估了老姐她的聲譽及影響力383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5fxEk3dRd
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山松組的力量383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIN5ojNNYY
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「您到底⋯什麼時候才會學乖呀？混帳⋯」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwXNIcXW5a
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回神過來，她已經坐了在那辦工椅上，左腳放右腳膝頭，口中濃吐淡煙，即使口氣稍安定，放大的瞳孔凶剎不爾383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzGA8TS5rU
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她是我的姐姐383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3FuwW0cu4
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山松組的老大383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DmwkkNcGi
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大和英加383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDhKQCnHSE
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「說話啊」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgfaAmQr7g
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央百花383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3QgoySKdX
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我努力地站在原處，就這樣一聲不吭，但是視線一交上，就看不了更多，看不到，尋找不到視線可聚落之處，可是呢，她可還生氣著，直對自己383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPJDTZkpPO
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「⋯我可不會當你啞的」
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「⋯⋯你要是不說話⋯那好⋯⋯好⋯」
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「就讓我倆在這，一直⋯一直在這」
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「在這一起浪費時間，反正⋯ 我 · 很 · 閒 」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHfycMVYJr
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「⋯⋯」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByhtKEFTXF
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呼吸聲由緊縫的唇瓣洩出，曾有再多的話，希望反駁、說理，又說不出，不在她面前383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0K7HltXoh
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我不只是害怕，畢竟目前為止，一生中最敬重，亦最不喜歡的，也是她，我的姐姐383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdi25DYKcon
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她為我做了很多，太多，甚至我了解，自己所認知的，只是整幅拼圖的一小塊383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbycYLwMnNe
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理應我該做好自己就好了，對她來說是最好了383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNy1z4PZfH
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所以說，我到底做了什麼？383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa61mgKS5nn
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我在反叛嗎？可能383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozbBLYGQWX
為了什麼？
為了什麼⋯？
成為些什麼的身分？
為了她的認同？
⋯⋯
我不知道
我自己也搞不清楚
回去一開始談到的地方
我選擇了前者
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讓困難自己解決383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1Xs4JKY5B
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但困難就是自己383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajomQrn9IV
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所以才裝模作樣，卻又成了反效果，或是說，我從來也沒有想清楚任何事情，而衝進去做383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGW7yn3DcU
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡracrsRDdbh
我做事沒腦根、理性，是後來的事情，日益嚴重，動不動就動氣，感性行事，這樣子便不用想了，不用想太多了383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcbCPHCos2
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不用去想更多平時的負面了383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbILVjebzc
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單憑感覺行事383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWiKCrQfIL
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這樣子便不用去研究他人的目光、想法，自己的得失，將來的後果，麻煩的各種383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Mjdiis4tV
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反正本身裏頭已經積累了太多383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKy2qNCHpy8
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確實地問我，是不是很想孤立自己？383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxo8bAoltfJ
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別開玩笑383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqrwI0tZIf
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但我有選擇嗎？383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuZVuUOViH
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注定無法「正常」地生活的我，注定混混噩噩過日子的自己，大概⋯本身已經叫姐姐她傷心了吧？383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE241RzTQlj
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不過單是自己也是383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2y8R2jfPyR
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我不想這樣子383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJThIKwesa
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我不希望這樣子的「特別」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEBeIRz5ln
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但對自己來說，所謂的「未來」已是注定的
不能做到什麼
不能實現什麼
那怕是已經放棄得崩潰、討厭自己
也不能有什麼改變
我看不到明天，也看不到昨天
但⋯有分別嗎？
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當初的命運已經被注定，因為自己是大和氏，因為和那混帳有關係，因為⋯因為383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGrlRyVirS
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我根本沒有能力去保護自己383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhr1QvTkmwQ
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沒有能力383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWPjcL2iG4
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一直以來也是383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfxN2aNP7F
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我⋯⋯383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oKF80p950
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我383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjGH6tAb7u
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我根本沒有選擇383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekHNPeITVW
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現在的話，選不選擇也沒差別吧⋯383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JCbTxytxw
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算啦⋯383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzK1860zrz
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就讓我自暴自棄吧
將我棄之不理吧
但一定，一定
一定會被反對為結果吧
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「⋯」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzA9DZYZNYB
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怎也沒所謂了383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbpUIXVDDp
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCBhugZwI8
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAhsGdt0SK
「⋯算了」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7pUx5iznv
「我要出去食晚飯了」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBTZ9P2LR6
「你打算怎樣子呢」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9xMBpbkLa
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYngB1jjac
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「⋯⋯嗯」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhI27kudwWG
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383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rMHQ8HPkQ
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWW7jcjeYBO
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3VQMSjzgw
沒所謂了383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG38xtnZC3
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmHigScfcL
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「⋯⋯」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5Znk9nLYI
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjujIf2pkA1
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRSKvwz7Te
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TsdaWNUly
反正我就是生下來那刻開始被詛咒了383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbuxMoYWjS
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOy2V8obgV
反正是我自己弄到自己得如此下場383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1E1BfTNWhB
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPrJmKXxBz
反正383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiXUUMAAVP
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCoV5nVYvt
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOg2H3FqwR8
「⋯」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFFqxUvWYV
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTr4DuddNqB
「笨蛋」383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuLwzYd47s
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9O7MTDVGr
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