致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8o4MUwdw9c
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前提，是特殊情況之下365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68u9HkLrTL
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbkfKvR27u
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大概365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJD9NNT7t1
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZvyREoPHf
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIotg6Uxu6
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「⋯」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHpOr0lmGH
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3Kx1vLs9S
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21mgSlxnBv
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WN5vu2Gpo
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrN4kSjOMj
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不良日常性時候365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPDhBWXvp9
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Z8UBl5rlU
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttuzNsg0Kx
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhNUnirLer
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGIm49baMc
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡue99I6tjcj
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLek7cpNdhx
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktoQCNslF8
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ffIFybdGO
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQpoy9FaEQ
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXT4Cm7tg1
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「呀！來了、來了！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8qVPbvWfK
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「走啊～」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAE22wDsjk
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoaKiMqjGV
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZwyczD52T
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他365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPI9omQrpE5
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「又被欺負了嗎？」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDkJCUJKfY
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCynzPgTp4
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLgXwwDfC2
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5puuQbx7ax
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroSVrHpUBv
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6W3Znmns2p
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⋯⋯365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwURoDt1MSB
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怎也好呢365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpFMETsLCm
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「⋯⋯」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHKNBo310r
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXIJosMEKy
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0G04QkjqQ
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—— 咔 ——365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkPRCuKCcA
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⋯365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEXf9QtNzv
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⋯⋯365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqzSbFTURu
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdk2YwYDfEH
「嗚⋯」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaI7GN1aBs
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYoGWlV55x
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYmhwOAMwX
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Rvynh9Ofh
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「啊？！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlqMlHg87l
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—— 啪噹 ——365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiG51wG71du
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDw4hACD220
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YwZtJaMxQ
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她一樣365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzMjZcKrvB
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7DLnEBrhX
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UBlvALMl8
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「對不起！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHLl6nbuhC
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ltMOgXSe0
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「來」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2D3fCGyGC
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「⋯謝謝」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVRCx702Jt
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8gfAbUGUt
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdd5XraiJW
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUF8NuVset
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTcWmgDDZh
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「那個，水無月？」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74uYepsKf7
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「怎麼了？」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4HqGihMca
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBJvwET1un
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各種365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNkrX44c7H
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0akEcDOFdj
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr90r2hIfRW
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且只能回味365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOotG4TRBcy
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「回來了嗎，島見？」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RoQBq69aY
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUYlxopR0j
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx9HWI3lWZ
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6A6W6XU3s
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「媽媽⋯」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRFXPvHyqP
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「⋯⋯是的？」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLxvIFSnZx
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkmkNpIcZ1
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnksXkzAziW
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrh68kyhWGL
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MAlTMMwGC
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呢365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMrSlmuSEp
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizTxo3d4WF
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4d75edvvI
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來得太突然了
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6AuJU6XHe
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvfXP37nCe
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhRlqLi7z4
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我不想365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkb1SkiMSLd
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5Y2t9gfoE
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qxCPpnrBt
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我不想那樣子365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTKe9vcI6l
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWh1ZTI3aOY
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbNMW17rHH
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無論如何，日子倒是來了365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYQYKjuGZs
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfGVUIv4gO
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—— 啾 ——365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclyRhT95ye
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我不接受365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvz1TaHR5ud
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「賀羽⋯？」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkQecfNyMd
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7JRyBsYKr
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我終究只是野獸而已呢365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fDBhb9ET5
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoujR7G72gT
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而作為人形野獸真的該死365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJz3qNGrkLl
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忘記不能也是365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWrIcyWPsP
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TZGSwe1ep
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Dbo5vbp18
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所謂的365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHP1Aczvhn
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「正常」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzorJaeluhM
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純粹是個謊言365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92nd4zrGES
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05SByhzy0N
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⋯⋯365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzuKbFYyvc
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所以說，我是異類嗎？365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7Oh0CcTEm
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「⋯⋯再見了」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIq6zN4zhb
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當然365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVGz0MBCJ9
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJPhmV4AWm
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrT0MaZxVnQ
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「嘿⋯」365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BO9W1E3ZP
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自討而已365Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbaaJnbB8z
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
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