惡名之下
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致不想回想起的記憶
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我不是那種「一般」的孩子324Please respect copyright.PENANA8mPPl3wlTF
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但特殊得來,又不叫人驕傲的特別324Please respect copyright.PENANAAjyrLD48Ke
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童年、成長、至今,我深知自己和其他人的不同,正因如此,我也因為這份特殊與我該在的地方、該有的身分道出分離宣言
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不是我害怕324Please respect copyright.PENANAvIeshyTs2m
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是害怕自身
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世界很奇怪,只是不一樣的,所謂之「特別」,往往引人恐懼,危險的出現324Please respect copyright.PENANAzxtG0WeCzH
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因為不同,意味改變324Please respect copyright.PENANAG94VSlNi5i
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縱然沒人希望遇上困難,但又想克服,就只能待困難自己解決、或是自身忽然學懂如何去使吹灰之力的程度324Please respect copyright.PENANA1ON4DzxHT9
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卻現實中,是沒有可能發生此種事,萬物不由己生,正如沒有不勞而獲,其之獲的勞,純粹不是由自己付出而已324Please respect copyright.PENANAfZVYIfO8rs
324Please respect copyright.PENANAPkZr5s2dhn
這道理324Please respect copyright.PENANAM3HOx9HrUi
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我是明白的324Please respect copyright.PENANA4rOWqj0UIH
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但又現實中,我做不了什麼,我無法展現自己在這方面的認知324Please respect copyright.PENANAzqN7A1pWH4
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—— 啪喇 ——324Please respect copyright.PENANA7yx5A5GqCY
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「廢物!」324Please respect copyright.PENANA5uXlDiEHUZ
「您是吃撐沒事幹嗎?!」324Please respect copyright.PENANAvC7HyTqfNw
324Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3m4soUy25
見玻璃零碎散落,深紅沾在純黑的地毯,清脆響亮的聲響堪比硫磺一發,暗中的深紅滿滲若如蚊餐一地,儘管而言並非直對此方,隱約可見利片刺中了自己324Please respect copyright.PENANAodLWNb9O66
324Please respect copyright.PENANAhfKRE5TGBp
「現在有毛有翼曉升天了,作反了哦?!」324Please respect copyright.PENANANriz171hso
「您究竟是不是真的弱智哦?!」324Please respect copyright.PENANAcRSFODagJd
324Please respect copyright.PENANARsHcvFqMEn
「麻煩製造者⋯您可真是⋯⋯可不可以有點自知之名?」324Please respect copyright.PENANA16HEXw7Jso
「該死⋯」324Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5p4IIdQ0t
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324Please respect copyright.PENANArTYSqUcwKi
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使力擦著額,短棕髮的她伸手到黑木桌子,「咻」一聲扯開櫃門,反手便伸入其中,撥開文具,翻走書本,往當中內最深處伸去324Please respect copyright.PENANAG8s7U8Q2aG
324Please respect copyright.PENANA5QBdvZ1Fy1
數聲粗魯的物品碰撞,還有其後那響亮至耳窒的拍門,女性在視野外掏出一白中漂黃的東西
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象牙製煙斗
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勾在嘴裏,同時從胸前口袋中拿出小圓盒,像口紅的造型,倒是金屬製,畢竟說到底才非打份用324Please respect copyright.PENANASEAKgx0AoG
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熟練地扭開蓋鎖,拇指彈上開蓋,倒轉在煙斗的填裝位,一滴324Please respect copyright.PENANAppD44Zj994
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「⋯呼⋯⋯」324Please respect copyright.PENANAkfLB7GxFaM
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雜草味,燒靑草的氣味,少許攻鼻,但並不濃,再者也未到刺激的程度,單純是蠻有葉綠味而已,連漂出來的白煙也幾乎不存在,室內散佈最強烈的,唯有植物的味道
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背對自己,她抽著煙斗,看往窗外
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不是特別高樓層,當然整座大廈也是己業前提,地方必是自己選址選樓層
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若是較高的位置,是可以看到海景,朝向東邊的海藍天,以及遠方一帶沿海的密集,高樓大廈又有,不起眼的小方塊亦有,熊本縣的各沿海城市,整個一起,掃望而入眼內324Please respect copyright.PENANA9PW1RskUSj
324Please respect copyright.PENANALEnGaSzSyW
324Please respect copyright.PENANAmUYILOVU5r
但她不同,她的選擇往往比任何⋯一般人,自己所想的奇怪,然而又有其論點,要說的話,就是她擁有著不同自己,過於複雜而與別不同的想法324Please respect copyright.PENANAVSPgGy7FVX
324Please respect copyright.PENANAt5UtPl18BE
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324Please respect copyright.PENANArPaSEoGD4H
作風不一,思考的模式不一樣
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就好比她不打算把辦公室置於上面,而是這兒,這層,剛好不高於窗戶所面向,商店街的頂蓋,的一層
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看到車站、酒吧街街頭、商場門口,各種
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因為她要真正的「全景」
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我真的搞不清楚,嘛,無法理解
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好比她究竟是怎樣看待自己一樣
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我知道,我也明白自己現在可是搞出大麻煩了,不但引起了刑警的注意,還有引致本地一眾不良、暴走族的騷動,現在回望,嘛,還真是想也想不到自己有這麼的能力324Please respect copyright.PENANAOy5ndY0Mic
324Please respect copyright.PENANAykMoL0J79C
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抑或說,是我一直以來,低估了老姐她的聲譽及影響力324Please respect copyright.PENANAb3oR2K2amX
324Please respect copyright.PENANAV71qjXBqkk
324Please respect copyright.PENANAgwtEqXjMPy
山松組的力量324Please respect copyright.PENANApkYgmkmfkO
324Please respect copyright.PENANAJyneFSGaQp
「您到底⋯什麼時候才會學乖呀?混帳⋯」324Please respect copyright.PENANA1qMMbyDT3P
324Please respect copyright.PENANAFtm8iHQDmt
回神過來,她已經坐了在那辦工椅上,左腳放右腳膝頭,口中濃吐淡煙,即使口氣稍安定,放大的瞳孔凶剎不爾324Please respect copyright.PENANA9KSV6Kr6n2
324Please respect copyright.PENANAhGRyODMMGa
她是我的姐姐324Please respect copyright.PENANAxPTNgOXZOz
324Please respect copyright.PENANACq87ylqlDP
山松組的老大324Please respect copyright.PENANAMUSxVewWnN
324Please respect copyright.PENANAmhZIaCBUhk
大和英加324Please respect copyright.PENANAlU6oQxOCTv
324Please respect copyright.PENANAF3JBocPv0P
「說話啊」324Please respect copyright.PENANAS9RQFePR8I
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央百花324Please respect copyright.PENANAs584RzumDz
324Please respect copyright.PENANAei2VcRj9X4
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我努力地站在原處,就這樣一聲不吭,但是視線一交上,就看不了更多,看不到,尋找不到視線可聚落之處,可是呢,她可還生氣著,直對自己324Please respect copyright.PENANAfcpRaf2Wry
324Please respect copyright.PENANAAI6Z1D92fh
「⋯我可不會當你啞的」
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「⋯⋯你要是不說話⋯那好⋯⋯好⋯」
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「就讓我倆在這,一直⋯一直在這」
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「在這一起浪費時間,反正⋯ 我 · 很 · 閒 」324Please respect copyright.PENANAQwAEqa6g8c
324Please respect copyright.PENANArODbwmLLEU
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「⋯⋯」324Please respect copyright.PENANA2Lw0WKo2pM
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呼吸聲由緊縫的唇瓣洩出,曾有再多的話,希望反駁、說理,又說不出,不在她面前324Please respect copyright.PENANAbh4innYJJI
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我不只是害怕,畢竟目前為止,一生中最敬重,亦最不喜歡的,也是她,我的姐姐324Please respect copyright.PENANAGNjvX0meLg
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她為我做了很多,太多,甚至我了解,自己所認知的,只是整幅拼圖的一小塊324Please respect copyright.PENANAQxUgiFxKs4
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理應我該做好自己就好了,對她來說是最好了324Please respect copyright.PENANAd9oJYPgphM
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所以說,我到底做了什麼?324Please respect copyright.PENANAfwRuFvQwLE
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我在反叛嗎?可能324Please respect copyright.PENANA5b6BybVcFM
為了什麼?
為了什麼⋯?
成為些什麼的身分?
為了她的認同?
⋯⋯
我不知道
我自己也搞不清楚
回去一開始談到的地方
我選擇了前者
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讓困難自己解決324Please respect copyright.PENANA8DFTWOCG1Y
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但困難就是自己324Please respect copyright.PENANAlEXy03SHWs
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所以才裝模作樣,卻又成了反效果,或是說,我從來也沒有想清楚任何事情,而衝進去做324Please respect copyright.PENANArY6C5DgZKN
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我做事沒腦根、理性,是後來的事情,日益嚴重,動不動就動氣,感性行事,這樣子便不用想了,不用想太多了324Please respect copyright.PENANA4A1fB3rVIy
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不用去想更多平時的負面了324Please respect copyright.PENANAdwKNSSISRc
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單憑感覺行事324Please respect copyright.PENANABfkG2QMXuM
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這樣子便不用去研究他人的目光、想法,自己的得失,將來的後果,麻煩的各種324Please respect copyright.PENANAYxHM3omDBU
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反正本身裏頭已經積累了太多324Please respect copyright.PENANA2fFZfTd4Cu
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確實地問我,是不是很想孤立自己?324Please respect copyright.PENANAA43IUC7BLs
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別開玩笑324Please respect copyright.PENANAnrPRjLr1vS
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但我有選擇嗎?324Please respect copyright.PENANAkOgIYbM1pf
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注定無法「正常」地生活的我,注定混混噩噩過日子的自己,大概⋯本身已經叫姐姐她傷心了吧?324Please respect copyright.PENANA7LqVbYzksC
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不過單是自己也是324Please respect copyright.PENANANMAiHPJv3I
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我不想這樣子324Please respect copyright.PENANAmqOq4H29ug
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我不希望這樣子的「特別」324Please respect copyright.PENANAnSUWXelm3H
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但對自己來說,所謂的「未來」已是注定的
不能做到什麼
不能實現什麼
那怕是已經放棄得崩潰、討厭自己
也不能有什麼改變
我看不到明天,也看不到昨天
但⋯有分別嗎?
324Please respect copyright.PENANAQ0qWsTgvHj
當初的命運已經被注定,因為自己是大和氏,因為和那混帳有關係,因為⋯因為324Please respect copyright.PENANAAwsrygMmYW
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我根本沒有能力去保護自己324Please respect copyright.PENANAHVE47NHJvE
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沒有能力324Please respect copyright.PENANAAbkxznlVPG
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一直以來也是324Please respect copyright.PENANAxzoGmmQOKX
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我⋯⋯324Please respect copyright.PENANAK9Fk8Z0axn
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我324Please respect copyright.PENANAoCiAxrsDrg
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我根本沒有選擇324Please respect copyright.PENANAZIRi4YrxKl
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現在的話,選不選擇也沒差別吧⋯324Please respect copyright.PENANAy6QIgFCHQT
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算啦⋯324Please respect copyright.PENANAtPFhvLDZHz
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就讓我自暴自棄吧
將我棄之不理吧
但一定,一定
一定會被反對為結果吧
324Please respect copyright.PENANAWWT0kCFOAE
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「⋯」324Please respect copyright.PENANAxezBYumFYH
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怎也沒所謂了324Please respect copyright.PENANAE24Dz9xoRf
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324Please respect copyright.PENANAFUfmAjWi9b
「⋯算了」324Please respect copyright.PENANAIyb4wzerJi
「我要出去食晚飯了」324Please respect copyright.PENANAOwU349XnUC
「你打算怎樣子呢」324Please respect copyright.PENANAPAXaZW1Ic5
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「⋯⋯嗯」324Please respect copyright.PENANAac3kGaFMkk
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沒所謂了324Please respect copyright.PENANAUQpON54f0T
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「⋯⋯」324Please respect copyright.PENANADdwSeGJtfO
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反正我就是生下來那刻開始被詛咒了324Please respect copyright.PENANAUOlt3JZVIW
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反正是我自己弄到自己得如此下場324Please respect copyright.PENANAOGUsXHYmOg
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反正324Please respect copyright.PENANAMdaoWjNut5
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「⋯」324Please respect copyright.PENANA50l6034YEh
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「笨蛋」324Please respect copyright.PENANAO9O6XsZ3tb
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我是不值得被愛被相信的惡名之子