惡名之下
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致不想回想起的記憶
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我不是那種「一般」的孩子344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPja8z9SDOX
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但特殊得來，又不叫人驕傲的特別344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSm9jucD6dD
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童年、成長、至今，我深知自己和其他人的不同，正因如此，我也因為這份特殊與我該在的地方、該有的身分道出分離宣言
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不是我害怕344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4LK0p2yJD
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是害怕自身
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世界很奇怪，只是不一樣的，所謂之「特別」，往往引人恐懼，危險的出現344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVIFUFiCDm
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因為不同，意味改變344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TVWq8IVSE
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縱然沒人希望遇上困難，但又想克服，就只能待困難自己解決、或是自身忽然學懂如何去使吹灰之力的程度344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYj5RuSajg7
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卻現實中，是沒有可能發生此種事，萬物不由己生，正如沒有不勞而獲，其之獲的勞，純粹不是由自己付出而已344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6aZylLuMc
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這道理344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKWebHRD15
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我是明白的344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28WbJk4fP0
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但又現實中，我做不了什麼，我無法展現自己在這方面的認知344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGbLPMKgYQ
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—— 啪喇 ——344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaWKjAY4C2
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「廢物！」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOZXQCdB1f
「您是吃撐沒事幹嗎？！」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2KUdxxAHu
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見玻璃零碎散落，深紅沾在純黑的地毯，清脆響亮的聲響堪比硫磺一發，暗中的深紅滿滲若如蚊餐一地，儘管而言並非直對此方，隱約可見利片刺中了自己344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkZHxfnyzp
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「現在有毛有翼曉升天了，作反了哦？！」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSrQW0CAel
「您究竟是不是真的弱智哦？！」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9A9PtkUmoe
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「麻煩製造者⋯您可真是⋯⋯可不可以有點自知之名？」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hK7VUvkx4
「該死⋯」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRz5HGq633
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使力擦著額，短棕髮的她伸手到黑木桌子，「咻」一聲扯開櫃門，反手便伸入其中，撥開文具，翻走書本，往當中內最深處伸去344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33Dcy2ivI1
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數聲粗魯的物品碰撞，還有其後那響亮至耳窒的拍門，女性在視野外掏出一白中漂黃的東西
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象牙製煙斗
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勾在嘴裏，同時從胸前口袋中拿出小圓盒，像口紅的造型，倒是金屬製，畢竟說到底才非打份用344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRd33vDNv2q
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熟練地扭開蓋鎖，拇指彈上開蓋，倒轉在煙斗的填裝位，一滴344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAmpLTeMkQ
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「⋯呼⋯⋯」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnWkbkV59D
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雜草味，燒靑草的氣味，少許攻鼻，但並不濃，再者也未到刺激的程度，單純是蠻有葉綠味而已，連漂出來的白煙也幾乎不存在，室內散佈最強烈的，唯有植物的味道
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背對自己，她抽著煙斗，看往窗外
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不是特別高樓層，當然整座大廈也是己業前提，地方必是自己選址選樓層
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若是較高的位置，是可以看到海景，朝向東邊的海藍天，以及遠方一帶沿海的密集，高樓大廈又有，不起眼的小方塊亦有，熊本縣的各沿海城市，整個一起，掃望而入眼內344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCa32J7Dz8H
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但她不同，她的選擇往往比任何⋯一般人，自己所想的奇怪，然而又有其論點，要說的話，就是她擁有著不同自己，過於複雜而與別不同的想法344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHU4fts4dF
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作風不一，思考的模式不一樣
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就好比她不打算把辦公室置於上面，而是這兒，這層，剛好不高於窗戶所面向，商店街的頂蓋，的一層
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看到車站、酒吧街街頭、商場門口，各種
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因為她要真正的「全景」
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我真的搞不清楚，嘛，無法理解
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好比她究竟是怎樣看待自己一樣
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我知道，我也明白自己現在可是搞出大麻煩了，不但引起了刑警的注意，還有引致本地一眾不良、暴走族的騷動，現在回望，嘛，還真是想也想不到自己有這麼的能力344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlH5qWa91f
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抑或說，是我一直以來，低估了老姐她的聲譽及影響力344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsn1GdW6nDR
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山松組的力量344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytjzazcY2O
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「您到底⋯什麼時候才會學乖呀？混帳⋯」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EhyenJ6b5
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回神過來，她已經坐了在那辦工椅上，左腳放右腳膝頭，口中濃吐淡煙，即使口氣稍安定，放大的瞳孔凶剎不爾344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUjaxHVIBc
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她是我的姐姐344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1HkUOxOAB
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山松組的老大344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarsTV3OZSj
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大和英加344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPkXplu6SW
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「說話啊」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKjI9Oerua
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央百花344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKWJC1U3z7
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我努力地站在原處，就這樣一聲不吭，但是視線一交上，就看不了更多，看不到，尋找不到視線可聚落之處，可是呢，她可還生氣著，直對自己344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKe4vLpmcJb
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「⋯我可不會當你啞的」
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「⋯⋯你要是不說話⋯那好⋯⋯好⋯」
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「就讓我倆在這，一直⋯一直在這」
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「在這一起浪費時間，反正⋯ 我 · 很 · 閒 」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwjRr0eCUa
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「⋯⋯」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GZytFtgyM
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呼吸聲由緊縫的唇瓣洩出，曾有再多的話，希望反駁、說理，又說不出，不在她面前344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLKTOlYP1z
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我不只是害怕，畢竟目前為止，一生中最敬重，亦最不喜歡的，也是她，我的姐姐344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBIxDp6jhK
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她為我做了很多，太多，甚至我了解，自己所認知的，只是整幅拼圖的一小塊344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8JsNqvCmf
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理應我該做好自己就好了，對她來說是最好了344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gmicEZAsE
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所以說，我到底做了什麼？344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAu6sxfQEe6
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我在反叛嗎？可能344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4GuV2xSSY
為了什麼？
為了什麼⋯？
成為些什麼的身分？
為了她的認同？
⋯⋯
我不知道
我自己也搞不清楚
回去一開始談到的地方
我選擇了前者
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讓困難自己解決344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDOogziYTK
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但困難就是自己344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZKOIlFxhB
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所以才裝模作樣，卻又成了反效果，或是說，我從來也沒有想清楚任何事情，而衝進去做344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzg9eECxH6
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我做事沒腦根、理性，是後來的事情，日益嚴重，動不動就動氣，感性行事，這樣子便不用想了，不用想太多了344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4H6QrvfHQ
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不用去想更多平時的負面了344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3V1sfyOohi
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單憑感覺行事344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACZ7IlJcNl
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這樣子便不用去研究他人的目光、想法，自己的得失，將來的後果，麻煩的各種344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7exbs8sQeU
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反正本身裏頭已經積累了太多344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ndMaBYpAq
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確實地問我，是不是很想孤立自己？344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpqq9BmOfx
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別開玩笑344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdYqp2vewD
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但我有選擇嗎？344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7i8Z6iwUCS
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注定無法「正常」地生活的我，注定混混噩噩過日子的自己，大概⋯本身已經叫姐姐她傷心了吧？344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGTSYJNaxO
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不過單是自己也是344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqrE3OeWDh
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我不想這樣子344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZddRguL4e5
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我不希望這樣子的「特別」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMpwsFWHvA
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但對自己來說，所謂的「未來」已是注定的
不能做到什麼
不能實現什麼
那怕是已經放棄得崩潰、討厭自己
也不能有什麼改變
我看不到明天，也看不到昨天
但⋯有分別嗎？
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當初的命運已經被注定，因為自己是大和氏，因為和那混帳有關係，因為⋯因為344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKZoKzbvzt
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我根本沒有能力去保護自己344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8FBbuk7yJ
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沒有能力344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKskrB7ddQu
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一直以來也是344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFJ5eKRxbV
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我⋯⋯344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhKB2NQEzG
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我344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1E47nR9Ft
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我根本沒有選擇344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbNhtokj62
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現在的話，選不選擇也沒差別吧⋯344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKh8Y65VQH
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算啦⋯344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBduKXLPkHh
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就讓我自暴自棄吧
將我棄之不理吧
但一定，一定
一定會被反對為結果吧
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「⋯」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKTL3hVL6c
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怎也沒所謂了344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8PIs7Iml4
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DTi8oNifB
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7f3PxvtOK
「⋯算了」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkONcADdkuI
「我要出去食晚飯了」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiw7hqxAua
「你打算怎樣子呢」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMFTPf1B2k
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRVG6uVWTl
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7oh8mnhdF
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54MNJF4Lzz
「⋯⋯嗯」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJNbWxZKVG
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjH3N3YCGz2
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZTHiKCQI6
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVhHAlnZWl
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogb5NmGiVr
沒所謂了344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2bqGtEYi3
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNksDZBcXHB
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMy5WN9DpPr
「⋯⋯」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUDTWlm3tz
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4Pu3GLGmT
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CdWHjvuM0
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRb54sh0UI
反正我就是生下來那刻開始被詛咒了344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJoBoS5s1o
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62i9evKqIt
反正是我自己弄到自己得如此下場344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAHf5Rj43d
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGa75bi7TsR
反正344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIofQjTgZWi
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGB8wFkJ32p
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNl0OEvpvb
「⋯」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFE8aWUv634
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3MSniXTpy
「笨蛋」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdbPX2bZg9
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZF7OnHI2o
我是不值得被愛被相信的惡名之子
然後按「加至主畫面」