惡名之下
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致不想回想起的記憶
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我不是那種「一般」的孩子324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mPPl3wlTF
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcGbCWSKwh
但特殊得來，又不叫人驕傲的特別324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjyrLD48Ke
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童年、成長、至今，我深知自己和其他人的不同，正因如此，我也因為這份特殊與我該在的地方、該有的身分道出分離宣言
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不是我害怕324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIeshyTs2m
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是害怕自身
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世界很奇怪，只是不一樣的，所謂之「特別」，往往引人恐懼，危險的出現324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxtG0WeCzH
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因為不同，意味改變324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG94VSlNi5i
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縱然沒人希望遇上困難，但又想克服，就只能待困難自己解決、或是自身忽然學懂如何去使吹灰之力的程度324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ON4DzxHT9
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5ZzgniwUZ
卻現實中，是沒有可能發生此種事，萬物不由己生，正如沒有不勞而獲，其之獲的勞，純粹不是由自己付出而已324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZVYIfO8rs
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkZr5s2dhn
這道理324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3HOx9HrUi
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRpphqV95v
我是明白的324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rOWqj0UIH
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEF002fWct0
但又現實中，我做不了什麼，我無法展現自己在這方面的認知324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqN7A1pWH4
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ymW5O2g6Q
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBkvt6Brqq
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LExSKNttV
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOotj9cNulG
—— 啪喇 ——324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yx5A5GqCY
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「廢物！」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uXlDiEHUZ
「您是吃撐沒事幹嗎？！」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvC7HyTqfNw
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3m4soUy25
見玻璃零碎散落，深紅沾在純黑的地毯，清脆響亮的聲響堪比硫磺一發，暗中的深紅滿滲若如蚊餐一地，儘管而言並非直對此方，隱約可見利片刺中了自己324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodLWNb9O66
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfKRE5TGBp
「現在有毛有翼曉升天了，作反了哦？！」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNriz171hso
「您究竟是不是真的弱智哦？！」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRSFODagJd
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsHcvFqMEn
「麻煩製造者⋯您可真是⋯⋯可不可以有點自知之名？」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16HEXw7Jso
「該死⋯」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5p4IIdQ0t
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使力擦著額，短棕髮的她伸手到黑木桌子，「咻」一聲扯開櫃門，反手便伸入其中，撥開文具，翻走書本，往當中內最深處伸去324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8s7U8Q2aG
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數聲粗魯的物品碰撞，還有其後那響亮至耳窒的拍門，女性在視野外掏出一白中漂黃的東西
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象牙製煙斗
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勾在嘴裏，同時從胸前口袋中拿出小圓盒，像口紅的造型，倒是金屬製，畢竟說到底才非打份用324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEAKgx0AoG
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisShRhHDQV
熟練地扭開蓋鎖，拇指彈上開蓋，倒轉在煙斗的填裝位，一滴324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppD44Zj994
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「⋯呼⋯⋯」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfLB7GxFaM
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUEzo3PyWh
雜草味，燒靑草的氣味，少許攻鼻，但並不濃，再者也未到刺激的程度，單純是蠻有葉綠味而已，連漂出來的白煙也幾乎不存在，室內散佈最強烈的，唯有植物的味道
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背對自己，她抽著煙斗，看往窗外
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324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYtrZc8Df3
不是特別高樓層，當然整座大廈也是己業前提，地方必是自己選址選樓層
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324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1D7wGRke7M
若是較高的位置，是可以看到海景，朝向東邊的海藍天，以及遠方一帶沿海的密集，高樓大廈又有，不起眼的小方塊亦有，熊本縣的各沿海城市，整個一起，掃望而入眼內324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PW1RskUSj
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEnGaSzSyW
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUYILOVU5r
但她不同，她的選擇往往比任何⋯一般人，自己所想的奇怪，然而又有其論點，要說的話，就是她擁有著不同自己，過於複雜而與別不同的想法324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSPgGy7FVX
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作風不一，思考的模式不一樣
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324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFGz6vxJDQ
就好比她不打算把辦公室置於上面，而是這兒，這層，剛好不高於窗戶所面向，商店街的頂蓋，的一層
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNb3K9JLBz
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo02cnEMbs6
看到車站、酒吧街街頭、商場門口，各種
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因為她要真正的「全景」
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我真的搞不清楚，嘛，無法理解
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好比她究竟是怎樣看待自己一樣
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324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2Yk6kTY80
我知道，我也明白自己現在可是搞出大麻煩了，不但引起了刑警的注意，還有引致本地一眾不良、暴走族的騷動，現在回望，嘛，還真是想也想不到自己有這麼的能力324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOy5ndY0Mic
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykMoL0J79C
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWvE8MHxdK
抑或說，是我一直以來，低估了老姐她的聲譽及影響力324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3oR2K2amX
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV71qjXBqkk
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山松組的力量324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkYgmkmfkO
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「您到底⋯什麼時候才會學乖呀？混帳⋯」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qMMbyDT3P
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtm8iHQDmt
回神過來，她已經坐了在那辦工椅上，左腳放右腳膝頭，口中濃吐淡煙，即使口氣稍安定，放大的瞳孔凶剎不爾324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KSV6Kr6n2
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她是我的姐姐324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPTNgOXZOz
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCq87ylqlDP
山松組的老大324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUSxVewWnN
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhZIaCBUhk
大和英加324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlU6oQxOCTv
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3JBocPv0P
「說話啊」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9RQFePR8I
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RUdcIk0qh
央百花324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs584RzumDz
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡei2VcRj9X4
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgkAr8wgDh
我努力地站在原處，就這樣一聲不吭，但是視線一交上，就看不了更多，看不到，尋找不到視線可聚落之處，可是呢，她可還生氣著，直對自己324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcpRaf2Wry
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAI6Z1D92fh
「⋯我可不會當你啞的」
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「⋯⋯你要是不說話⋯那好⋯⋯好⋯」
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCKU4kP2gq
「就讓我倆在這，一直⋯一直在這」
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「在這一起浪費時間，反正⋯ 我 · 很 · 閒 」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwAEqa6g8c
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrODbwmLLEU
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOoOrPnPAV
「⋯⋯」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Lw0WKo2pM
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呼吸聲由緊縫的唇瓣洩出，曾有再多的話，希望反駁、說理，又說不出，不在她面前324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbh4innYJJI
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIQWqMBobw
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEw2mAzr4L8
我不只是害怕，畢竟目前為止，一生中最敬重，亦最不喜歡的，也是她，我的姐姐324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNjvX0meLg
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDJU8mNXVr
她為我做了很多，太多，甚至我了解，自己所認知的，只是整幅拼圖的一小塊324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxUgiFxKs4
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理應我該做好自己就好了，對她來說是最好了324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9oJYPgphM
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTANCekYKxJ
所以說，我到底做了什麼？324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwRuFvQwLE
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我在反叛嗎？可能324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5b6BybVcFM
為了什麼？
為了什麼⋯？
成為些什麼的身分？
為了她的認同？
⋯⋯
我不知道
我自己也搞不清楚
回去一開始談到的地方
我選擇了前者
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqtVcljqEw
讓困難自己解決324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DFTWOCG1Y
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但困難就是自己324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEXy03SHWs
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所以才裝模作樣，卻又成了反效果，或是說，我從來也沒有想清楚任何事情，而衝進去做324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrY6C5DgZKN
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptFV9sQHQ5
我做事沒腦根、理性，是後來的事情，日益嚴重，動不動就動氣，感性行事，這樣子便不用想了，不用想太多了324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4A1fB3rVIy
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不用去想更多平時的負面了324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwKNSSISRc
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單憑感覺行事324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfkG2QMXuM
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這樣子便不用去研究他人的目光、想法，自己的得失，將來的後果，麻煩的各種324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxHM3omDBU
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反正本身裏頭已經積累了太多324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fFZfTd4Cu
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確實地問我，是不是很想孤立自己？324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA43IUC7BLs
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別開玩笑324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrPRjLr1vS
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但我有選擇嗎？324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOgIYbM1pf
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注定無法「正常」地生活的我，注定混混噩噩過日子的自己，大概⋯本身已經叫姐姐她傷心了吧？324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LqVbYzksC
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不過單是自己也是324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMAiHPJv3I
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我不想這樣子324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqOq4H29ug
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我不希望這樣子的「特別」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSUWXelm3H
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYowBUFkTwx
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXA9PCmqhA
但對自己來說，所謂的「未來」已是注定的
不能做到什麼
不能實現什麼
那怕是已經放棄得崩潰、討厭自己
也不能有什麼改變
我看不到明天，也看不到昨天
但⋯有分別嗎？
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當初的命運已經被注定，因為自己是大和氏，因為和那混帳有關係，因為⋯因為324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwsrygMmYW
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我根本沒有能力去保護自己324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVE47NHJvE
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沒有能力324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbkxznlVPG
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一直以來也是324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzoGmmQOKX
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我⋯⋯324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9Fk8Z0axn
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我324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCiAxrsDrg
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我根本沒有選擇324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIRi4YrxKl
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現在的話，選不選擇也沒差別吧⋯324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6QIgFCHQT
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算啦⋯324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPFhvLDZHz
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就讓我自暴自棄吧
將我棄之不理吧
但一定，一定
一定會被反對為結果吧
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「⋯」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxezBYumFYH
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怎也沒所謂了324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE24Dz9xoRf
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5SKxKJiB3
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUfmAjWi9b
「⋯算了」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyb4wzerJi
「我要出去食晚飯了」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwU349XnUC
「你打算怎樣子呢」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAXaZW1Ic5
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLzsIikAIx
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7rXhkkIib
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbprjgNH8uM
「⋯⋯嗯」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡac3kGaFMkk
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzak7IzOvA0
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO2dxB6ghH
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlC0WoMytlH
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXfwkPDrFX
沒所謂了324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQpON54f0T
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQIWXh7YZa
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHzZ8bnBN9
「⋯⋯」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdwSeGJtfO
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAAcIFLLnd
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIuebgZg1L
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCrNZTmhgn
反正我就是生下來那刻開始被詛咒了324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOlt3JZVIW
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVB5BRqaJj
反正是我自己弄到自己得如此下場324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGUsXHYmOg
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqBfqwxlx1
反正324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdaoWjNut5
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApkmzzfk4b
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBhFyAJSgo
「⋯」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50l6034YEh
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkulNpw6vzB
「笨蛋」324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9O6XsZ3tb
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNgerq5Nd1
我是不值得被愛被相信的惡名之子
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