With All My Heart - Part 10
Word Count: 2969
Pairing: Jensen x Reader
Warnings: Medical situations
A/N: Tag lists for this series are closed. Unbeta’d. All mistakes are mine.
Feedback and constructive criticism always welcome
“What the hell is taking so long?” Jensen hadn’t stopped pacing the waiting area since he walked in the room. First it was straight lines back and forth, now it had evolved into circles around the set of chairs.
“Jensen, it’s been 45 minutes. This takes 2-4 hours.” Emma said. “Please sit down before you wear a hole in the floor and fall through it.”
“How are you so damn calm?” Jensen asked Emma and Emma grabbed his hand, yanking him over and pulling him down in the chair next to her.
“Dude, I’m not calm at all. That’s my best friend.” Emma laughed. “But I’m also a nurse and I know there’s literally nothing I can do right now. It’s up to the surgeon and to her.”
“She’s right.” Jared approached from behind, throwing a bag of food into Jensen’s lap. “Eat. Both of you. No arguments.”
Jensen sat in silence, shaking his leg up and down once he finished forcing himself to eat. “She’s gonna be fine. My girl’s a fighter, despite some of the more screwed up choices she’s made.” Y/D/N said, taking a seat next to Jensen. “I never really understood how she ended up with the guys she did.” Your dad chuckled. “I always pictured her with someone more like you. I don’t know how it took so long to get here.”
“Jensen?” Dr. Roth, the cardiothoracic surgeon, walked into the waiting room and Jensen shot out of his chair like he was shot from a cannon. Your parents, Emma, and Jared all crowded around her trying to hear.
“The new valve is in. It’s functional.” Dr. Roth explained. “She’s doing pretty well. The ventilator is still in place and that’s gonna stay there until she wakes up.”
“She’s not awake?” Jensen questioned. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Dr. Roth put a hand on Jensen’s shoulder to calm him. “We keep our valve replacement patients sedated for a bit to make sure everything stays functioning properly. Give them some time to recover. We’ll probably really start to wake her up a little later today or tonight.”
“Can we see her?” Your mother asked.
“Jensen can.” Dr. Roth stated, matter of factly. “She made a list of approved visitors and he’s the only name on the list.”
“Wait, what?” Your mother glared at Jensen, close to launching herself at him. “You made her write that down?”
“No, Y/M/N.” Emma stood between Jensen and your mother, defending Jensen and you. “She wrote it herself. They told me. She doesn’t want a crowd in there it’s too overwhelming for her.”
“I’m her mother!”
“And you’re overbearing and sometimes completely irrational. She doesn’t need that right now!” Emma retaliated.
“She came to me.” Jensen cleared his throat, trying to sound as calm as he could when all he wanted to do was run to your room and let Emma handle this. “It was yesterday. She said that she wanted it to be just us in the room until she felt ready for more people and I supported that. She didn’t tell me why and I didn’t ask.”
“Go, Jensen.” Your father said. “I’ll handle this. I know my daughter and I know you’re telling the truth.” Your mother started to say something else but Emma’s glare cut her off before she got the chance. Jensen nodded and followed the doctor down the hall to your room, bracing himself outside.
“It can be overwhelming at first.” Dr. Roth comforted. “But she’s completely fine, despite all the equipment hooked to her. It’s just there to monitor her and keep her stable this soon out. Most of it will be off tonight.”
“Ok.” Jensen took a deep breath and finally walked in, stopping for a brief second to regain his bearings after he saw you. He expected you to be lying flat, but the bed was positioned more upright. The breathing tube was the worst thing, even though he knew that wasn’t permanent. “Hey, beautiful.” He finally made his way to your bedside and ran his fingers through your hair. “You did good, you know that?” He pulled the chair from the corner and took a seat, leaving one hand in your hair and taking your hand in the other, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles. When your hand noticeably tightened around his he let out a little chuckle, giving you a squeeze a back. “I’m not going anywhere. Promise.”
Hours later you had shown more signs of consciousness. Jensen had watched as your eyes had moved around and fluttered open and closed several times. You hadn’t quite been able to keep them open yet, despite great effort on your part.
You felt like you were stuck in a tunnel. You could hear everything happening around you. The machines beeping, the nurses talking, Jensen talking to you. You just couldn’t quite reach it. “It’s ok, Y/N/N. Just rest.” Jensen murmured in your ear. “You don’t need to try that hard if you’re still that sleepy, baby.”
You could hear two different nurses calling out your name, essentially telling you the exact opposite of Jensen. When you forced your eyes open this time they stayed open about halfway, locked directly on Jensen’s. “Hey sleeping beauty.” Jensen smiled. “You with me?”
That was the moment you realized you couldn’t speak and diverted your attention to the tube in your throat, instantly moving your hand toward it. “No.” Jensen pulled your hand back toward him. “They’ll get it out soon. You can’t talk until they do, though. Here try this.” Jensen pulled a notepad and pen from the table and held it for you, sliding the pen in your hand. You were so exhausted you could barely hold it but you were determined to try. You moved the pen sloppily across the paper, bound and determined to get your message to Jensen even if it was a mess.
Hi :) I lived.
“Yeah, you did.” Jensen huffed a laugh. “Hi. Do you need anything?”
Water. You scribbled. “Not until the tube comes out.” Jensen said. “Sorry, sweetheart. They’ll get you ice chips after that.” You drew a sad face on the paper and he chuckled, ruffling your hair. “Are you in pain?” You shrugged a shoulder and Jensen chuckled. “You don’t know or it’s not that bad?”
Not bad. You wrote down, annoyed that you couldn’t speak. Your handwriting was such a mess and took so long you were surprised he could even read it. You drew a heart while you waited for the nurses, struggling to stay awake, and Jensen pressed a kiss to your cheek. “I love you too.”
“Alright, Y/N, we’re gonna take the tube out, OK?” Both nurses approached you, one of them held a pillow firmly against your chest and the other grabbed the tube, doing something with it you couldn’t quite see. “I’m gonna deflate the balloon holding it in there and it’s gonna make you cough. I need you to give me one good cough and it’ll come right out, alright?”
The cough was painful but not having the tube anymore was well worth it. Your mouth and throat were like a desert but the very first thing you did after the tube was out was turn to Jensen and motion for him to get close. He bent down so he could hear you and you kissed his temple. “I love you.” Your voice came out weak and raspy but clear.
“I know.” Jensen teased. “You might’ve mentioned it once or twice.”
“Can you tell us your name?” One of your nurses asked. “I need your name and what year it is.”
“Y/N.” You had to force the sound out of your dry throat. “2017.”
“Are you in any pain?” You nodded your head yes, the honest answer. After the slightly increased activity the pain started to increase and you weren’t about to let it get any worse. “Can you rate it for me?” You held up 6 fingers for as long as you could before your arms dropped back down and to her credit, the nurse was right there, injecting something in your IV. The warmth spread through your entire body in seconds and you heard Jensen’s attempt to silence his giggle fail miserably next to you.
You looked over at him and raised an eyebrow questioningly and he just smiled back. “Nothing.” He shrugged. “You can just totally tell when it hits you because your eyes flutter and roll back but you try to stay awake and it’s really cute.” A nurse passed Jensen a cup full of ice chips along with a spoon and he dipped the spoon inside, bringing it carefully to your lips. “Here, beautiful.”
Once the ice touched your tongue you practically moaned, making Jensen laugh again. “Shut up.” You sighed, after a few more spoonfuls of ice coated your throat enough for you to speak.
“There’s that beautiful voice.” He smiled. “Feel better?”
“Wanna cuddle.” You stuck out your bottom lip and Jensen leaned closer, kissing your lips for the first time since the tube came out.
“There’s anesthesia girl.” He smiled. “Clingy, cuddly, Y/N. I was kinda wondering when she’d show up. I don’t think they’re gonna let me cuddle. I think this is about as close as I can get.” Jensen leaned over the bed as far as he comfortably could, tickling your neck with his scruff and laying his face next to yours, brushing your cheek with his fingertips.
“Why?”
“Because there’s too many tubes and wires and stuff.” Jensen explained. “I could break something. Or you. Don’t wanna do that.”
“Not fair.” You turned your head, pressing tiny kisses to his face anywhere you could reach until exhaustion overtook you again. “So many freckles.” You slurred. Once you started to slow down, Jensen kissed you slowly and sweetly on the lips until you fell asleep again.
When you woke up again you were much more aware of your surroundings and Jensen’s soft breaths next to your ear. You were hesitant to wake him but there was no way he could be comfortable in the position he was in. “J.” You ran your hand through his messy hair and he groaned, blinking his eyes open. “Hey. Sit up or your back is gonna kill you.”
“Hey.” Jensen yawned and smiled brightly. “You’re awake for real this time.” He sat up and you could hear the bones in his back crack and pop with every movement. “I’m supposed to grab a nurse so they can get you out of bed and in a chair for awhile if you’re up for it.”
“Did you get food and stuff for you?” You ignored his rambling and focused on his wellbeing, knowing he wouldn’t. “Not just this morning but tonight. I’m assuming it’s night time.”
“It’s like…11pm.” Jensen glanced down at his watch then back at you. “Jared got me lunch. Emma brought me dinner. Your dad brought me second dinner. I’m good.”
“And my mom…?” Jensen chewed his bottom lip, wondering how much he should tell you. “Let me guess, she found out I put you down as my only visitor and blew a gasket that my father and probably Emma had to take care of?”
“Pretty much, yeah.” Jensen nodded. “It’s fine. It’s alright. I don’t need you to worry about it right now.”
“I’m not worried. I don’t know if it’s the drugs or just me but to be honest I don’t really care.” Jensen huffed a laugh and shook his head, leaning back down to kiss your forehead.
“I think it’s both, sweetheart.”
“Hi. You’re awake. That’s great!” A different nurse from earlier walked in with a bright smile on her face, red hair bouncing as she walked. Another brunette nurse followed behind her. Jensen must’ve pressed the call button in lieu of leaving the room. “Do you think you can handle getting out of bed and into a chair? The quicker you do that the better.”
“Maybe. Yeah.” You shrugged. Jensen helped the nurses and you swing your legs over the bed so you were sitting up, which was enough of a struggle in itself. You were trying not to show pain or fear. Jensen’s hands supported your back while the nurses had your arms.
“You got this, baby.” Jensen said from behind you, rubbing circles across your bare skin where the gown had opened. “It’s gonna hurt, you know that, but the worst is over, right?”
“Right.” You nodded, trying to take deep breaths but finding it impossible with the giant cut in your chest.
“On 3.” One of the nurses said. “We’re gonna pull you up and then move you to the chair, OK?” You nodded and waited for them to count. As soon as they pulled you up it felt like your chest was ripping apart and you bit down on your bottom lip, unaware of the noise that had come from your throat. As soon as they placed you in the chair you tilted your head back, gasping for air.
“You’re OK. You did good.” The brunette nurse ran her hand over the top of your head for comfort. “Just breathe, sweetie.” You started to hyperventilate which only served to make the pain worse.
Jensen made his way around from the bed and pulled up the chair next to you, sitting down and grabbing your hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Slow it down, baby.” When he saw the tears starting to flow down your face he gently pulled you closer, moving his chair into a position where he could pull you against his body without causing you more pain. “I got you. You’re fine.”
“Hurts.” You muttered against his chest, your tears soaking through his shirt. “A lot.”
“I know. They just put more medicine in your IV, did you feel it?” You nodded your head and burrowed it further into his chest. “I talked to your doctor while you were asleep.” Jensen said, trying to distract you with conversation. “She said you did really well and you should move out of ICU tomorrow or the next day. The new valve is working like it should. The old one was super gross. Technical term.”
You let out a giggle at that, unable to stop yourself. “When do I get to go home?”
“I don’t know.” Jensen admitted. “A couple days after they put you in a normal room, I think. Oh. I talked to Emma, your dad, and Jared. I told them how you were so everyone knows everything. Everyone’s up to date. I forgot to tell you that earlier.”
“Can we stay like this?” You questioned, mostly to the nurses. “If you’re comfortable, I mean.” You looked up at Jensen and he stared down at you in confusion.
“You mean, me?” He asked. “I’m comfortable like this. Are you asking if you can stay out of bed and in my lap like this?” You worried your bottom lip and nodded your head, resting it back on Jensen’s chest and looking over to one of your nurses.
“If you’re comfortable I don’t see why you can’t.” She smiled and grabbed a fresh blanket, opening it up over you both. “Just in case either of you get cold.” She grinned. “If you need anything at all, just push the call button. We’ll be in to check on you.”
“Thanks.” You mumbled from the nest you’d managed to make out of Jensen’s chest.
“Hey.” Jensen murmured low into your ear. “You lived.”
“I lived.” You chuckled. “Did I actually write that down or was I dreaming?”
“No, you wrote it down. I still have it.” Jensen laughed. “We should frame it and put it on the wall of our house.”
“Shut – wait.” You stopped midsentence when your brain caught up to what he’d said. “Our house?”
“Mmmhmm.” He mumbled sleepily. “I was thinkin’…you don’t spend any time at your house anymore. What’s the point of keeping it, right? Why don’t you just move everything into ours? Put yours up for sale?”
“I’m definitely dreaming.”
“No you’re not.” Jensen chuckled. “You’re just high so I’m not asking you to make a decision right now. I wouldn’t do that. I just wanted to throw it out there to think about.”
“What if I said yes?”
“I’d say you’re still gonna think about it because you’re stoned out of your mind and I’m not having you make that decision right now.” Jensen repeated, rubbing circles on your back as you pouted. “But I’m still glad you said yes.”
Jensen let out a yawn and buried his face in your hair, snuggling closer and letting out a low moan. “I’m sleepy too.” You mumbled.
“You’ve been sleeping all day.” Jensen teased, his voice thick and husky with exhaustion. “You should stay up and hold me while I sleep now.”
“K.” You agreed and clung to his shirt. “Go to sleep. I got you.” Jensen was already out before you finished talking. You rubbed your hand gently up and down his chest, not quite ready to sleep just yet. All you could think about was how much he’d done for you in such a short time and how much you really needed to show him how much you loved him. You just weren’t sure how or what to do.
You made a mental note to talk to Jared about it later while you laid there, listening to Jensen breathe, thinking about all the time you’d have together with your heart fixed. There’d be so much less worrying about your health once you’d recovered. No more IV’s at home. Everything, for the most part, would be back to normal. The thought of it put a smile on your face as sleep took over again.
ns 172.70.131.69da2