第二章 —— 粉碎心靈而行
EP 1
知性逆襲
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是否忘記了初衷437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3bnJa7uLp
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有一件事，她從來不理解，照其個性，那怕重來也不明白，為什麼、如何、怎樣地，質疑事實，儘管已經繞之而轉一輩子了，每一角落、真相的碎片亦熟知437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mzR8Ya9I1
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還沒有學會「接受」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRVbtJbO86
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接受現實437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpAfxWQ9J7
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因為認為是屈服437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpTtVuGxP5
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感覺好像自己在投降437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WEGttpsHG
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放棄一切437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYFw22MjtW
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追求完美至上，而不允許錯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdE9Hh7W6b
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如其之出生，尤像生活，所聽、知，授教的437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkmEex9ARk
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認為是這樣子的狂妄437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXcx8R45pP
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無他437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCC6HuxWig8
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說是愚痴也不過份437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKbnSYPkLv
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只是她不相信437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVe8mjGDjk
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懷疑437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPlki8cp8s
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她⋯⋯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zrBpR52t2
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「⋯⋯」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFLacivsDc
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由一開始，女孩的這種個性就已經總結了此下場，這並不為因果關係，純粹因這個下場的發生堪於必然，而是狀況的現象化，星星的模樣，是因為太遙遠才是唯美而存，近看，以生命來燃燒的想法，無比嚇人437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEAwgXrLIR
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單單是想像也有夠不安437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIiHDZZrBC
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儘管此刻的自己也如看鏡面一樣，對此狀況不只是目擊證人，近是案內者，經歷者437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuuxzAm2yK
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但若論為什麼會對其驚訝437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VU7sxcFOg
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唯一句437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMg1ETV0Xhm
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當局者迷，旁觀者清437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0qsDMkFcw
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當初，我也不曾察覺其他的事情，只為信仰而活的自己，追求理想的結局，拋棄所有的我437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmDtbZHxhQ
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根本不在意自己的身體點燃上星似熊烈437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghZAx5N4XJ
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想法，是會傳染、變異、影響、控制437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ20YRXE7qY
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且不死，無法殺死437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TPPb7zoYF
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人家已經很盡力了437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaTgQzA6wn
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我一直嘗試在抵抗這份感情437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZB7YwhnNv
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憤怒437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5sMogD8dx
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一直以來無論多麼努力亦不能有什麼結果437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3e1VFByMI
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因為我沒有用437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBGTOEsmpv
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因為我的能力不足
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—— 咯 ——
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輕輕地扭開門把，金屬的把條縮回門鎖之中，角度的漸大，門的打開，男人就在該處站著437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9j3jWMkeT
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「是的，陳熒羽⋯對嗎？」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCis9DOqFrp
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「嗯⋯嗯⋯⋯打擾了」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wP4ASLMXB
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進入到久違的房間，和記憶同模印的擺設佈局，主色調為米色，副色白437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWumO3W53L
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—— 咔 ——
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關上門，房間消音的性質方真正開始，完全隔絕外在，此處的所有聲音仍會遭吞蝕，留在這裏，只有這裏，才將自己從這個世界中抽離437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmow51ZgJG
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沒有吵鬧聲
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餘下的，是自己腦內的聲音437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Kxy24o9my
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與其說是喜歡，說是比較、偏好才對，始終腦內的聲音，一直停不下來437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1JdZUtmqD
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討厭
討厭
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「唔⋯⋯對不起⋯上次臨急改期⋯」
「不，沒關係」
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男人走向沙發，攤開掌心，以手勢示意
「來，請坐」
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對他點頭道謝後，我往位置坐下來
「那麼⋯最近睡得還可以嗎？」
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「唔⋯嗯⋯還可以⋯⋯」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7X8laggNtm
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深呼吸，讓血管稍微收壓、放鬆，使心跳稍為緩下437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhL9FcGCk4T
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舔了舔下唇，我才繼續
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「⋯最近⋯夜驚的情況⋯有改善到」
「但還是有嗎？」
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「嗯⋯」
胸口的壓力感在說完話後消退，弄得自己好像成就了什麼大事般
「⋯這樣喔⋯沒關係，不用勉強，放鬆就可以了」
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「嗯」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4Lm0LYQis
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⋯⋯
那對眼睛
⋯
不要一直看過來⋯⋯
不要⋯不要——
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已經無法呼吸了多久？437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGmHtZRyQM
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太久了，不過至從學懂存在，便已經失去了呼吸的權利，「自由」一字的概念遙遠得不但不能觸及，甚至連想像的機會也沒有，提心吊膽地呼吸，屏住心跳，一輩子活在的地方 —— 恐懼而不和平的暗影之中437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhkb5YtOGN
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已經失眠了多久？437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5HtsO1szc
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失眠不是問題，而是衍生出來的結果，閉上眼睛仍然無法逃離，知道張開眼睛所面對的未來，毫不期待，害怕未來，受到過去而滿身傷痕，無論如何也得不到明天，好想好想那裏也不去，不前進不回去，待在原處，寧願原地踏步，寧願當個別人口中的笨蛋，討厭改變，卻437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19yI7cdjDF
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卻⋯卻⋯⋯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAotsEWxEUj
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一點不想繼續這樣承受下去，而終究還是困在如此循環中，沒有所謂「時間」的存在，昨天即是今天，明天也去不了那去，等候自己的未來，只是幻覺437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYLKeWiBPv
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還是說，世事可以和大家口中一樣嗎？
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由開始，已經不像任何人的前提，是可以怎叫自己活得正常，我不能、不會、不懂，現在不會，將來也是，儘管我是對這強烈不滿437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlY8ROOyjWA
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但我有選擇嗎？面對種種，難道有其他方法嗎？
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每天晚上也這樣想著，徹夜未眠，哭過無數次，甚至麻木，到淚水不自覺流在臉上，同樣的床，同樣的夜空，左右被冷意包圍，呆呆無意墮入腦內437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhvjTAWIHS
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好想，一覺不醒
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即使每一次的夢也不完美，我知道自己的夢有多麼壓迫，難受苦人又使人瘋狂，但好歹是夢，醒來之後便能脫離，不似得這個現實，所在所有的破生活，根本忘不了，尤其這份痛苦，以夜以日頻頻萌生新的根，扎在過迫的心靈中437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lX228PUNC
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恨不得粉碎了之，那怕會死
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死一死也蠻好嘛
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結束就好了
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—— 別開玩笑了
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人家也希望能夠快樂437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB78sFd0qlk
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可是從來沒有，是完全沒有一個這樣的機會437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9iy7Vwb83
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也希望被愛
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也希望被認同
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⋯⋯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPD1uTvdkW
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我不知足？
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⋯⋯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafbzwfhkwU
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這世界一開始也沒有給到我們些什麼，「足夠」也是自己所定義的不是嗎？沒錯吧？！437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSRD2rYd1T
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——呀？
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嗯？437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1JUPvOLVg
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又是這樣
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難得我想表達自己，鼓起勇氣，想成為別人所希望的模樣，總是在自己嘗試前攔下自己，阻擋自己到前方去，但明明是同一班人叫人家去相信，要怎樣怎樣努力，結果又只是說說而已437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3rO1YXG9x
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeeGqWGwKV
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gy4ZDBNmv
我是笨了一點，呆了一點，像個白痴，直接當成傻仔也不過份，然而⋯⋯然而⋯我⋯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WgdxVMqLI
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiT1pE4NyxJ
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsniow1380
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfNuHGl3e2
我也想活下去
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZT1RbaYnaC
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjFASjWCRU
但一而再，再而三，真正阻止我從現況中掙扎出來的，是同一人，給予假希望，當自己不足為提，尤如走狗又好，簡直為玩具，喜歡便拿來玩，不喜歡便拿出來踐踏好一番，然後沒了興趣時，就隨手一丟，棄之不理
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3HWAFEqj0
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7DdmtccaW
莫名其妙，但真的好痛，我嘗試將心比己，下場居然是遭隨意玩弄然後棄之，我躲起來哭時又在安慰我，這是什麼？
這是什麼？
我寧願自己一人好了
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4j9zLpAs7
一直以來，我的人生，完全是自力更生，因為沒有那個誰，能真正幫助到我437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefhUSIAoEl
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVSb2FB4VV
或是說，我不希望⋯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXk9QjgZsKO
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXDPT1ClIA
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWBOJ2qSWU
⋯⋯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqEZu6z0sg
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDBHAJSEoc
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pxAZuGQwa
對不起437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYD6xkdNLV
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2P1v9wvqL
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLK0uXtepO
我也希望自己⋯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsAUTE6xkO
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZO3k4yU4RX
不過⋯⋯
「⋯那麼好了⋯今天就先這樣吧」
「剛剛斷藥一星期，狀況已經是有很大改善了」
「所以你真的不用那麼勉強自己」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZddVxwPYE
「唔⋯⋯」
「既然完成了⋯那麼⋯」
男人深呼氣，站起，走近自己
「我們還有些時間」
「嗯⋯」
緊張，我吞口水下騷燥的喉嚨
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlxavIDapw
男人他站在自己後面，就在沙發椅子後面，伸手按下椅旁的按鈕，讓椅背調低，另一手則是在輕輕地撥弄自己的額髮，角度之下，我能直視之俯視的顏容437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRSClbPgq1
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4KNHFMSrt
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0WUxre0VK
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9PxyNLOAG
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8YB1XHiXn
角度最大，椅背的最低，躺在沙發上的自己在剛才過度集中精神，現時便持續精神疲勞狀態，稍有腦昏，意識模糊，但仍然，我知道接下來的發展
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozD5npLPJ0
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrePgE9cLTR
對此，心跳開始不受控制，我的呼氣聲明顯大了
「剛剛在外面的是？」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJp9fDnWFz
「⋯哥哥」
「不再是家人以外的嗎？」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6whh7pyfm
「⋯⋯嗯」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5xTudUXTP
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmBYxYZ5vu
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5Jz8qYU8E
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7jgEGvf0l
男人緩緩地往自己校服裙領，衣領，膀子那邊伸手，溫柔，但快速地解開鈕扣，使頸前空間寛鬆些許
「哥哥⋯⋯會討厭哥哥嗎？平常」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCA3OfetzM
「很少⋯」
「真的？要説真話喔」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRU6NNNvdV
「⋯⋯」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uSJzyVjz7
「真的」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfGOYuAKXP
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohvGa5QVy5
反手，迅速地拉下了背後的拉鍊
「這樣嗎？」
—— 『反正會變成怎樣，我也不在意了』 ——
托著肩，使自己稍為露出背給對方看
「⋯哎⋯不行喔⋯沒穿嗎？」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7OHutukVP
「今天趕著出門口便⋯」
「不行呢⋯你可要注意一下自己的身份喔」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvj74Z9sr1S
「對不起——呀⋯」
「是我的手冷嗎？」
「還可以嘛？」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5KuYQlOMA
「沒事⋯只是有點緊張⋯⋯」
「也不是第一次了呢，放鬆吧」
「我會盡快的」
除下上面的部份，完全露出後背來
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYPeE6oNWV
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4zBObIrqe
沒有直接看，觸感因而格外特出
「不看過來嗎？」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wW5ifdGVz
「⋯⋯不用了⋯」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDTKyn0YFh
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE95CCWo4LB
世界內完全隔絕其中的空間，我的呼吸才叫無比格外突出的存在
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq51tbKi5an
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtSvbjKvZi
冰冷的手撫在這副體溫比常人高個1-2攝氏(C)度，對比之下任何東西才更為清晰，尤其一對一之下，我方才明白自己的真正
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxQeZzPrLX
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3YWovsMTM
從背縫伸入裙中，撫著背脊，繼續下去
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zKHrq26i3
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCZ8bNiFKb
往那兒去
「啊，醫生⋯那、那個⋯」
突然地動了動，使男人的動作暫停了半頓437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ110FfvWbtF
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1zxT1iL53
「可以⋯不要嗎？」
「不行」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqBcWVNwH1
「⋯我怕痛⋯」
「⋯⋯要先從前面來嗎？」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcHWZ4kciN
「⋯⋯嗯，拜託⋯」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJ1HqIygSF
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBxGfXFTkm
抽手，繞過身，徬如要抱住自己
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SfgcEswgc
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgzCrM9RdA
見他的手遲遲不動，意識到什麼的自己方才示意
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzw4EPVF3d
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPQp73QKS0
拉起裙子，他的手伸至自己下腹
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHwIGy7ufb
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwcfntsun9
如記憶一樣強烈的感覺，身體因那股不只為痛楚之上的刺激稍為扭計抽搐，更可能因感覺過為久違而特別地格外，淚水溢出，我知道不可以動，但下盤，比較近的那處，完全就不聽命
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hJgcyVCzF
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOeaAmfsCE
「哈⋯醫生⋯呀⋯手⋯手⋯」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLydbygBTaU
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51ZNA69nij
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFj9hNsDme
伸過來另一手，習慣性地抱住在臉前，口前，咬住437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFwUN4TLAJ
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfT7c2CSoEE
「唔⋯唔⋯咿！」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDesQ70ViB5
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnizs7JWbN
最後一記，最強烈
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1Bm9NTjwb
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxitdckzcu
「⋯哈啊⋯」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GBTQizMdV
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgJAdZOfnn
鬆口，直至其手到胸口437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63XpzUFkjB
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2u0BLyJWKB
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJu1p3ahqeD
儘管此處沒有下面的刺激，但仍然⋯痛楚必居多，畢竟是心臓
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9QQysIgta
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1ynBppcWS
放在前方，我閉上眼睛，任由感覺告訴自己而不想目睹
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFf5KbNbL2
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lyOEYFlsg
卻似乎⋯在自己預備好之前已經結束
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEP6XEG77t
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRIljbqIvu
「⋯啊？」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROIv8RJ40G
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUy6cPc4dv8
連咬也不用，只有半秒的電流感
「前面完成了」
男人如此說道437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs9aZX9GR5
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlJrM4g7Yc
那麼接下來⋯
「那麼⋯」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbekHlx51l
「⋯⋯來吧⋯快點完事吧」
「好的——」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdbIiXc9j0
「等、等等」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsYiFpQa1R
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjl8wChdArT
在他的手移至自己背時，我叫止
「⋯⋯」
「怎麼了？」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6U7BIIKGI
「我調轉身體，趴著，您從後面來⋯⋯比較容易對吧？」
「你喜歡吧」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3NRIp6uHj
「⋯⋯嗯⋯」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdkU84aR8M
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbRogoKRsp
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvtEToiZRz
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nJtTsJ99X
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5nsa7BdXF
完全將裙子脫下，連最後一塊布料也脫下，掛在一旁，接著倒轉，趴在沙發上437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaknfMV0Cdb
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk18gIAdmuR
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpRrCgn9gW
沒有什麼停頓的時間，在感覺到之際，我閉上眼睛
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XFs00uX7c
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrf2voOd3Fo
好痛
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOK8HHqmbPH
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBXFX0vNPw
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlXpiwks2K
但會有人在意嗎？
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUyFSTUBZF
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQCbkMU3Dy
他會、她會，但我不想使任何人擔心
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQ0ky3z6jA
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRCAWwzfVO
始終倒頭來，人家我根本不會怎樣和人相處，完全不出奇，毫無意外，畢竟沒有人教導過我，也沒有這個機會，本來與人相處，我也沒有那個需要，但另一個需求，更不想去實踐
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zB0UZFWso
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9luy2TIkk
無數次因能力不足的錯敗，完全是拖延別人進度的我在之前找不到自己的位置，現在也不能，即使以自己的能力而言，是會完全勝任
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfFpbijzBM
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmeL40A6HR
單單經驗，和他一起高居其上，但致命的是臨場發揮，我不能437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36OlL3xaLI
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiL0dOOtH2
長期的壓力與否認積累下來，成為了自己那無形的牆，困住自己，我⋯⋯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjnyIvu8QJ
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNazjz9nO50
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9B1qCWZCX
永生而來也是所謂「理性」的囚奴
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIpnkcNE3T
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQE3I2QLJJV
名為「理性」的魔物是我腦內的聲音，也是各種困難的化身，我無從逃離，因為它無處不在437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLNIvCm8Pt
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwCvUALsAr
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMR8x44uMrb
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1R4FmMSJBS
每日侵喰自己的精神，我口中的疲累，永遠會是先指精神疲累，做事，任何一件也是，它亦會阻止我，更不止一次而是無限多次
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VDQSJcQ9b
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRFedUe7eg
控制我的動作，以自己的精神和動力為糧，在開始點絆倒自己，途中不斷勸退自己的努力，在受傷時再插自己一刀，在面對困難時成為負擔，以及那些不斷催促自己前進的壓力，成為自己真正到不了那去的最主要原因437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxfYRyJcuh
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6mS2WUasJ
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3Io9SjUwu
比較下，條件不由自己定
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJHooJ4fnD
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGcQnguG7Q
我沒有選擇權437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcHbAn8aBW
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjhHDdUeMB
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Raeb9ECeS
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAIHaYSMou
就連思考時，亦會來作崇，煽動自己做出愚蠢之動，決定時一二不是，我失去了選擇，見步行步什麼的，對我而言只是屈服437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcKVXO5gJy
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM4lKiw8uW
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5u5AHpi1F
明白嗎？437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGIbjAmxpu
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuopdw98Kl
我不是不想努力，而是我所有事的起跑線都比別人遠、艱苦，無法正常地思考的痛苦，總是被他人卑視又白眼，我在努力，他們看到嗎？可以讓我努力嗎？437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2VGyamUk5
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DjjemhFbW
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrzl0o78LK
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeSNnlTt5P
若世界更溫柔的話——
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjimrYmKqBZ
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14xK9TLQiA
不可能437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4kDe8TZWH
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1JiNscoB6
故然，我的作用⋯也沒有所謂的意義437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHeNA7jn7u
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aQr2P6YA9
什麼也沒有437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghUpaRwnoM
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtyUhxQ4dm
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwAeZ4PTy7
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyE3iuiUBZ
在邊緣望向彼方，死亡那，我想過去嗎？437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4eZYAHm4L
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjT78hOlM9Q
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAVQr7yUF5
當然437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCH127dYM45
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRZF23yuar
絕對
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRxPLEwuR9
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6YwLLJW5Y
不想437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBebTRbKAoj
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqK6GFLcbE0
但始終，真的太辛苦了437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsvzSFe3t7
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gfGyp71Jx
⋯⋯437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Mfc4oVNu2
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPaKJgfnB0
思考真的太辛苦了437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0q1LaH8FB
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LUr1Q2NMv
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgNRGbLKIP
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9CrAzsCwx
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUkfjRuWOm
「好了，怎樣了？痛嗎？」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRS2idx40Qk
「呀⋯⋯還可以⋯啊⋯」
「嘛，好像新的藥劑太強了」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cNXDyes0Y
「不⋯不這樣⋯我真的會休克⋯」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fogaGtoxk
「給人家條毛巾可以嗎？」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClDdTQQfzu
「⋯⋯還有⋯抱歉⋯⋯」
「沒關係，我待會清潔」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EdnE6kCK5
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFdnwsPjPR
「⋯⋯對不起」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAukWpKpaS
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQj0mn00Xuc
「那麼⋯先來聽一下結果吧」
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm33EwrnNeb
「嗯⋯」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtYOrxZATV
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlO3OoWnZF
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yfxp1bD8j
「你已經有四成崎品變異融合了」
「骨髓、荷爾蒙、肌肉組織也完全適應了」
「看來，你的身體已經預備好了」
「嗯」
「在不久的將來」
「為新人類的未來祈福，紅雲感激你的犧牲」
曾經，我也有夢想
我希望使他人微笑、快樂
幸福
儘管我不曾能理解
但現實拒絕了我
正在自己徘徊崩潰之際，他們找到了我
說服我成為他們的工具
「忠誠致赤雨之日」
既然已是理性的囚犯，那麼就不自由下去吧，粉碎心靈也好
反正⋯⋯
人家我早已不在意
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最強大的力量，為信念
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437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlzyauVK3P
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gEebN0rlt
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvzVXztx8i
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6etVhFjYZ
「忠誠致赤雨之日」437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuu6riRIQZ1
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvNvUxvOVF
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8cw6oCc7j
女孩說道
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHI6f1JBy6
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDKmLrK9ag
旁周的範圍漸漸陰暗，連光源 —— 燈管，周圍也暗淡
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaepae6huJD
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLhAnPj8BA
但不是燈光的點滅，反倒是影子的逆襲
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiT7VTX6Gyw
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOn5gsLwKoz
是女孩的指示437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkrlajh8Ip
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvd0T63TEL
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwjVlwyep5
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4uCcFkAvI
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1gEb5wdK1
從其身體散出，影子隨之散至每一個角落，讓漆黑侵佔光明
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoAhllXJPl
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMY3yF24NJ
伸手不見五指，女孩逐漸消失在眼前
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoi43oDfu67
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIaULke2s3
直至最後能看見的——437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mbIMxlrH5
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEA7qTPqPN
也不存在
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHpw7hugG0
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNONj3ecML
唯好像隱弱聽到了什麼437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXCX3qdIoV
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXy0281sIJ
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYI72YzNn4
但無法辨認437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoXBVQhkfD
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODU3jojhhz
或是記住至可以重組一個句子
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoVYRPOPCp
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKfcRbNUMD
黑暗將自己包圍437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNcTNUZLjR
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZeYIo6FWw
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKi0nYHg01b
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGhIdw9jeV
不知多久了437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0PO8GQMDX
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMv98dhOIW9
在那時開始437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdusXUJ9Gg
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWJ1ZxRtTo
那裏437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5L6IK3jUK0
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5zK8zRhVa
但有些事情〇〇
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcHgp65Vd3
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWAJIYSbyi
〇〇〇437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEfVCEV4CA
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXK5EysIrT0
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEChU83ks1
〇〇〇〇〇〇437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSTwZNA7lD
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AHrG27zy7
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLDNrUFfR8
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6foptjsIlL
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Bl9tiBmzi
現在不是你的回合437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKOhLp2zPI
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dKEsJ3lsY
437Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwDad4BK6S
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然後按「加至主畫面」