第二章 —— 粉碎心靈而行
EP 1
知性逆襲
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是否忘記了初衷499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElyryoXBQT
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有一件事，她從來不理解，照其個性，那怕重來也不明白，為什麼、如何、怎樣地，質疑事實，儘管已經繞之而轉一輩子了，每一角落、真相的碎片亦熟知499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQedQYKfbNB
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還沒有學會「接受」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1BqN8VIk5
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接受現實499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6cFcq0yPl
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因為認為是屈服499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOKRgdx7El
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感覺好像自己在投降499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8IsS2QYtU
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放棄一切499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OfZFPK0Mz
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追求完美至上，而不允許錯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7I5Qo6XV3t
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如其之出生，尤像生活，所聽、知，授教的499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVlKuMjWLS
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認為是這樣子的狂妄499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoUYQZId3l
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無他499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnshRVXflk
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說是愚痴也不過份499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNXascPnZ3
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只是她不相信499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHzQP8wYXF
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懷疑499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGPcYDX77t
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她⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpyDZcdX4A
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「⋯⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45ocFZhYtB
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由一開始，女孩的這種個性就已經總結了此下場，這並不為因果關係，純粹因這個下場的發生堪於必然，而是狀況的現象化，星星的模樣，是因為太遙遠才是唯美而存，近看，以生命來燃燒的想法，無比嚇人499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiE4gZnUON
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單單是想像也有夠不安499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwOCFxUj50
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儘管此刻的自己也如看鏡面一樣，對此狀況不只是目擊證人，近是案內者，經歷者499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhClOmAIfyA
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但若論為什麼會對其驚訝499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqV0Yg8Xn2
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唯一句499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTcrsdL5Gi
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當局者迷，旁觀者清499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEoWDYD1bl
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當初，我也不曾察覺其他的事情，只為信仰而活的自己，追求理想的結局，拋棄所有的我499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKpkxs1vov
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根本不在意自己的身體點燃上星似熊烈499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbvIMuwjJD
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想法，是會傳染、變異、影響、控制499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTo6fUpcuEz
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且不死，無法殺死499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEwyccsj1R
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人家已經很盡力了499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXv2Qrbzhw
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我一直嘗試在抵抗這份感情499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctc1VEnZjs
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憤怒499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEdm22rXkX
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一直以來無論多麼努力亦不能有什麼結果499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx68PrwUkxa
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因為我沒有用499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfiEdvqOVb
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因為我的能力不足
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—— 咯 ——
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輕輕地扭開門把，金屬的把條縮回門鎖之中，角度的漸大，門的打開，男人就在該處站著499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnNCxl20BN
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「是的，陳熒羽⋯對嗎？」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFwf7WzT1U
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「嗯⋯嗯⋯⋯打擾了」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTrI0IaP6A
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進入到久違的房間，和記憶同模印的擺設佈局，主色調為米色，副色白499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmXQupnERL
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—— 咔 ——
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關上門，房間消音的性質方真正開始，完全隔絕外在，此處的所有聲音仍會遭吞蝕，留在這裏，只有這裏，才將自己從這個世界中抽離499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyTLqm4lFi
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沒有吵鬧聲
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餘下的，是自己腦內的聲音499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVesTNOAOL
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與其說是喜歡，說是比較、偏好才對，始終腦內的聲音，一直停不下來499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnctr6KsSYY
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討厭
討厭
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「唔⋯⋯對不起⋯上次臨急改期⋯」
「不，沒關係」
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男人走向沙發，攤開掌心，以手勢示意
「來，請坐」
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對他點頭道謝後，我往位置坐下來
「那麼⋯最近睡得還可以嗎？」
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「唔⋯嗯⋯還可以⋯⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqekMspxqT
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深呼吸，讓血管稍微收壓、放鬆，使心跳稍為緩下499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJfhzvKP1p
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舔了舔下唇，我才繼續
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「⋯最近⋯夜驚的情況⋯有改善到」
「但還是有嗎？」
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「嗯⋯」
胸口的壓力感在說完話後消退，弄得自己好像成就了什麼大事般
「⋯這樣喔⋯沒關係，不用勉強，放鬆就可以了」
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「嗯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoedtGbBdd
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⋯⋯
那對眼睛
⋯
不要一直看過來⋯⋯
不要⋯不要——
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已經無法呼吸了多久？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcp8WAcy5G8
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太久了，不過至從學懂存在，便已經失去了呼吸的權利，「自由」一字的概念遙遠得不但不能觸及，甚至連想像的機會也沒有，提心吊膽地呼吸，屏住心跳，一輩子活在的地方 —— 恐懼而不和平的暗影之中499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJUhqRgOHl
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已經失眠了多久？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYM2yDYEoK
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失眠不是問題，而是衍生出來的結果，閉上眼睛仍然無法逃離，知道張開眼睛所面對的未來，毫不期待，害怕未來，受到過去而滿身傷痕，無論如何也得不到明天，好想好想那裏也不去，不前進不回去，待在原處，寧願原地踏步，寧願當個別人口中的笨蛋，討厭改變，卻499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3n9rzcRDI
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卻⋯卻⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjZOdhbEdU
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一點不想繼續這樣承受下去，而終究還是困在如此循環中，沒有所謂「時間」的存在，昨天即是今天，明天也去不了那去，等候自己的未來，只是幻覺499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAZo3QNpnV
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還是說，世事可以和大家口中一樣嗎？
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由開始，已經不像任何人的前提，是可以怎叫自己活得正常，我不能、不會、不懂，現在不會，將來也是，儘管我是對這強烈不滿499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjVZR5j2rN
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但我有選擇嗎？面對種種，難道有其他方法嗎？
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每天晚上也這樣想著，徹夜未眠，哭過無數次，甚至麻木，到淚水不自覺流在臉上，同樣的床，同樣的夜空，左右被冷意包圍，呆呆無意墮入腦內499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNqEdtlKq5
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好想，一覺不醒
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即使每一次的夢也不完美，我知道自己的夢有多麼壓迫，難受苦人又使人瘋狂，但好歹是夢，醒來之後便能脫離，不似得這個現實，所在所有的破生活，根本忘不了，尤其這份痛苦，以夜以日頻頻萌生新的根，扎在過迫的心靈中499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2VCwHJ0HV
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恨不得粉碎了之，那怕會死
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死一死也蠻好嘛
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結束就好了
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—— 別開玩笑了
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人家也希望能夠快樂499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgLxV9ACu2
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可是從來沒有，是完全沒有一個這樣的機會499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3jqW89Lz6
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也希望被愛
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也希望被認同
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⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44phvl4c7j
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我不知足？
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⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQjNhSbfac
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這世界一開始也沒有給到我們些什麼，「足夠」也是自己所定義的不是嗎？沒錯吧？！499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfCthBrwFr
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——呀？
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嗯？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG3pS31BmX
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又是這樣
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難得我想表達自己，鼓起勇氣，想成為別人所希望的模樣，總是在自己嘗試前攔下自己，阻擋自己到前方去，但明明是同一班人叫人家去相信，要怎樣怎樣努力，結果又只是說說而已499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmKO2LPJrW
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zsaJteJVi
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWuQFT1CtR
我是笨了一點，呆了一點，像個白痴，直接當成傻仔也不過份，然而⋯⋯然而⋯我⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7Oq4L4CcR
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIXoX7JHxY
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxKjr8w9aG
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8RDiN6ct3
我也想活下去
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uECmMbi0s
但一而再，再而三，真正阻止我從現況中掙扎出來的，是同一人，給予假希望，當自己不足為提，尤如走狗又好，簡直為玩具，喜歡便拿來玩，不喜歡便拿出來踐踏好一番，然後沒了興趣時，就隨手一丟，棄之不理
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVI0bqxQbgx
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrom0T69Sdq
莫名其妙，但真的好痛，我嘗試將心比己，下場居然是遭隨意玩弄然後棄之，我躲起來哭時又在安慰我，這是什麼？
這是什麼？
我寧願自己一人好了
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFt8KGQtso
一直以來，我的人生，完全是自力更生，因為沒有那個誰，能真正幫助到我499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhwyUwxtlc
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1OGkP1NBn
或是說，我不希望⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRnQSCX1sN
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ644kW9IvwU
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DHh2qStP8
⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRpk4E4K2b
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8buxq6cSE
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVcjPTQw9x
對不起499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwQgwswG8G
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tB3rf4nGo
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaE38VzYwY
我也希望自己⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHVroSM3A3
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBydGnr8Q0
不過⋯⋯
「⋯那麼好了⋯今天就先這樣吧」
「剛剛斷藥一星期，狀況已經是有很大改善了」
「所以你真的不用那麼勉強自己」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdPbiSYHg0
「唔⋯⋯」
「既然完成了⋯那麼⋯」
男人深呼氣，站起，走近自己
「我們還有些時間」
「嗯⋯」
緊張，我吞口水下騷燥的喉嚨
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUD8ljsG35
男人他站在自己後面，就在沙發椅子後面，伸手按下椅旁的按鈕，讓椅背調低，另一手則是在輕輕地撥弄自己的額髮，角度之下，我能直視之俯視的顏容499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpU2BXsAFn
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0EmI9Mqn5
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGvRpWPHnI
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeb8N1wPlPj
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTohGAQwGNr
角度最大，椅背的最低，躺在沙發上的自己在剛才過度集中精神，現時便持續精神疲勞狀態，稍有腦昏，意識模糊，但仍然，我知道接下來的發展
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfOjDpJysI
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWcukIaLRW
對此，心跳開始不受控制，我的呼氣聲明顯大了
「剛剛在外面的是？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8st7ykhVu
「⋯哥哥」
「不再是家人以外的嗎？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzt0f5w8qe
「⋯⋯嗯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFfD7VWS0C
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WTHubLpyo
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevGGAxCNCG
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1paIuMnbx
男人緩緩地往自己校服裙領，衣領，膀子那邊伸手，溫柔，但快速地解開鈕扣，使頸前空間寛鬆些許
「哥哥⋯⋯會討厭哥哥嗎？平常」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwDr843NdW
「很少⋯」
「真的？要説真話喔」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSyXwAVhkC
「⋯⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLfClfuqYk
「真的」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlJYbAtpam
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JHaibjKKp
反手，迅速地拉下了背後的拉鍊
「這樣嗎？」
—— 『反正會變成怎樣，我也不在意了』 ——
托著肩，使自己稍為露出背給對方看
「⋯哎⋯不行喔⋯沒穿嗎？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkz9KwNz0n
「今天趕著出門口便⋯」
「不行呢⋯你可要注意一下自己的身份喔」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEn8xTRfRqd
「對不起——呀⋯」
「是我的手冷嗎？」
「還可以嘛？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclTe52r4h8
「沒事⋯只是有點緊張⋯⋯」
「也不是第一次了呢，放鬆吧」
「我會盡快的」
除下上面的部份，完全露出後背來
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEjlmHykpu
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPVmkApyYm
沒有直接看，觸感因而格外特出
「不看過來嗎？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikPlzPyTik
「⋯⋯不用了⋯」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqniJiPuzr
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBmQaPAbqK
世界內完全隔絕其中的空間，我的呼吸才叫無比格外突出的存在
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlFa9Jptgz
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VyZdGTHpy
冰冷的手撫在這副體溫比常人高個1-2攝氏(C)度，對比之下任何東西才更為清晰，尤其一對一之下，我方才明白自己的真正
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rfEcnMGH4
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchJgJvERZU
從背縫伸入裙中，撫著背脊，繼續下去
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRnrI0kREx
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzChn1kx1Nf
往那兒去
「啊，醫生⋯那、那個⋯」
突然地動了動，使男人的動作暫停了半頓499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyHU93OhJC
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCqnKxQZ4V
「可以⋯不要嗎？」
「不行」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx71SjGHWIt
「⋯我怕痛⋯」
「⋯⋯要先從前面來嗎？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwobnHGBfX
「⋯⋯嗯，拜託⋯」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNjecQHDKX
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7Jsp1FUKR
抽手，繞過身，徬如要抱住自己
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYol1ANDts
見他的手遲遲不動，意識到什麼的自己方才示意
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzl2JBmcAj
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBLcUKAjjo
拉起裙子，他的手伸至自己下腹
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6p1Aeozsq
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbLTw2c5yu
如記憶一樣強烈的感覺，身體因那股不只為痛楚之上的刺激稍為扭計抽搐，更可能因感覺過為久違而特別地格外，淚水溢出，我知道不可以動，但下盤，比較近的那處，完全就不聽命
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaN8ABspUC
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0QOs2hmwS
「哈⋯醫生⋯呀⋯手⋯手⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQt4pi7yAW
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPBnTDgJGT
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vycP8ljQb
伸過來另一手，習慣性地抱住在臉前，口前，咬住499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIz4ah5aeWd
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVYql9CivA
「唔⋯唔⋯咿！」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZ51rTXAsX
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGldD7vaiwX
最後一記，最強烈
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6t846xpf0
「⋯哈啊⋯」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgFWXqAImP
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbqKDTJlJN
鬆口，直至其手到胸口499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNqoZYCCJe
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgddZjgOVh
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsPtMfIdJC
儘管此處沒有下面的刺激，但仍然⋯痛楚必居多，畢竟是心臓
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9ATzVX1u4
放在前方，我閉上眼睛，任由感覺告訴自己而不想目睹
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAC1WP6VWao
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypbcaRGSiG
卻似乎⋯在自己預備好之前已經結束
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJQTsLrtPd
「⋯啊？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85c1Dv8rxa
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLk4NQ2FMmC
連咬也不用，只有半秒的電流感
「前面完成了」
男人如此說道499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQnUstdeKd
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbI4OnqN829
那麼接下來⋯
「那麼⋯」
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「⋯⋯來吧⋯快點完事吧」
「好的——」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbAeB5uQyD
「等、等等」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpLUuEr1x3
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYtNCecSG3
在他的手移至自己背時，我叫止
「⋯⋯」
「怎麼了？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbNAPVzRVC
「我調轉身體，趴著，您從後面來⋯⋯比較容易對吧？」
「你喜歡吧」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuW3kyUoMo
「⋯⋯嗯⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuZMYSNblZ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNS56Egqkfr
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQMp5xMCJz
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Goif9rCDo
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWapS7Kabx
完全將裙子脫下，連最後一塊布料也脫下，掛在一旁，接著倒轉，趴在沙發上499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjP1IBKHu34
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzLCmEEJvq
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUdMMNaThe
沒有什麼停頓的時間，在感覺到之際，我閉上眼睛
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡce8xl90FcQ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifIUXLMnJE
好痛
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDChLUNJ9e
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfeir0sIn2
但會有人在意嗎？
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNtZauckAZ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8rgoMegl4
他會、她會，但我不想使任何人擔心
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9CM6M0XiM
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHmL64XTgW
始終倒頭來，人家我根本不會怎樣和人相處，完全不出奇，毫無意外，畢竟沒有人教導過我，也沒有這個機會，本來與人相處，我也沒有那個需要，但另一個需求，更不想去實踐
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrX8ElEt1tO
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVCpzp9wPD
無數次因能力不足的錯敗，完全是拖延別人進度的我在之前找不到自己的位置，現在也不能，即使以自己的能力而言，是會完全勝任
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUbbQ5rL2c
單單經驗，和他一起高居其上，但致命的是臨場發揮，我不能499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kfrIWMNIH
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ckIZCwSMW
長期的壓力與否認積累下來，成為了自己那無形的牆，困住自己，我⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSINuJTbl7D
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUym1rfeyY
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiE4LdqWlg
永生而來也是所謂「理性」的囚奴
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGlqzisiP3
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn01GUOPSTZ
名為「理性」的魔物是我腦內的聲音，也是各種困難的化身，我無從逃離，因為它無處不在499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt89vzvuZa
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7zZukNaul
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NlzuMBWsY
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOjtNCFZIW
每日侵喰自己的精神，我口中的疲累，永遠會是先指精神疲累，做事，任何一件也是，它亦會阻止我，更不止一次而是無限多次
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYp9vyhoZV
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHV93jpAuUc
控制我的動作，以自己的精神和動力為糧，在開始點絆倒自己，途中不斷勸退自己的努力，在受傷時再插自己一刀，在面對困難時成為負擔，以及那些不斷催促自己前進的壓力，成為自己真正到不了那去的最主要原因499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnVlUfLQjN
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPloVK1JYX9
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLW5JughGVP
比較下，條件不由自己定
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQIdDY9L0e
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2lxNycAWH
我沒有選擇權499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbe7CjR5fwd
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCZAnIUhuf
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8U3COLRDDw
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8tmexQJXx
就連思考時，亦會來作崇，煽動自己做出愚蠢之動，決定時一二不是，我失去了選擇，見步行步什麼的，對我而言只是屈服499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGFDIf10K5
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0WjP4h0rL
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzROK8sugMi
明白嗎？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYtInSbboO
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPqn7dva6A
我不是不想努力，而是我所有事的起跑線都比別人遠、艱苦，無法正常地思考的痛苦，總是被他人卑視又白眼，我在努力，他們看到嗎？可以讓我努力嗎？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVooQMqnbOO
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UGWpOnm6D
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LP8n3rdoc
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjB81rWPjBm
若世界更溫柔的話——
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAv7muKWVkn
不可能499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHg5qABef2
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxwThdAKUt
故然，我的作用⋯也沒有所謂的意義499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdveszgz2b
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BDlGFI7sc
什麼也沒有499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF02yPqBx2K
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcCgde6Xbb
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVw4e1GBNEz
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhom0a6GiqV
在邊緣望向彼方，死亡那，我想過去嗎？499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR04yI1FCpp
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTNqzOrkuQ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2nxI8XOCK
當然499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNk8Pi7pihk
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絕對
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOvGszfV7A
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1iZXAqTNX
不想499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rqmixX8hE
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Eu4m2AVxS
但始終，真的太辛苦了499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyNbjYo4AQ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcSAl3CBOf
⋯⋯499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjegcUfrN5P
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmktNslo3Q
思考真的太辛苦了499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAqM9MKKTS
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmekUxtOF42
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZsqKY3Gi9
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjztmsmD4t
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIemYrni1a8
「好了，怎樣了？痛嗎？」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjse8x9BVlL
「呀⋯⋯還可以⋯啊⋯」
「嘛，好像新的藥劑太強了」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQE6qdmzLy9
「不⋯不這樣⋯我真的會休克⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwtSbAfqwm
「給人家條毛巾可以嗎？」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUe3VoUcpB
「⋯⋯還有⋯抱歉⋯⋯」
「沒關係，我待會清潔」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCfpMXLsZB
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡru32mBueLp
「⋯⋯對不起」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lPjNSDBIm
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkpJ2P8KEg
「那麼⋯先來聽一下結果吧」
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuD1iRO9Vp
「嗯⋯」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7lf64K9Zn
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgGUMlPioh
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHgOfsoUbH
「你已經有四成崎品變異融合了」
「骨髓、荷爾蒙、肌肉組織也完全適應了」
「看來，你的身體已經預備好了」
「嗯」
「在不久的將來」
「為新人類的未來祈福，紅雲感激你的犧牲」
曾經，我也有夢想
我希望使他人微笑、快樂
幸福
儘管我不曾能理解
但現實拒絕了我
正在自己徘徊崩潰之際，他們找到了我
說服我成為他們的工具
「忠誠致赤雨之日」
既然已是理性的囚犯，那麼就不自由下去吧，粉碎心靈也好
反正⋯⋯
人家我早已不在意
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最強大的力量，為信念
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499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEMmwFegfn
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnKpdbFLmC
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiYs3q5Orr
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXvc4vREKz
「忠誠致赤雨之日」499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsf9jfNrDdl
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgNWocZzFw
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJOtgL2UuL
女孩說道
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXqDh6fwo2
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbX3MtbxEW
旁周的範圍漸漸陰暗，連光源 —— 燈管，周圍也暗淡
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgF3XxQRAyY
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOj0uBR8pHb
但不是燈光的點滅，反倒是影子的逆襲
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNXLWcRLGd
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkWI9BFWrj
是女孩的指示499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuIaOrdom4
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2Sm4Fgzox
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0sdGpy6Rl
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FKQ9Q6Esw
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SVnXVRdEG
從其身體散出，影子隨之散至每一個角落，讓漆黑侵佔光明
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpd27D2QOdm
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVDeveBt70
伸手不見五指，女孩逐漸消失在眼前
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSJZ7Ni3oJ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlSIhBGdJG
直至最後能看見的——499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6MneVuHwt
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXEhQtWpAB
也不存在
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGojqypQur
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFppkI8OfB
唯好像隱弱聽到了什麼499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROroVn9nQO
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05gJo5zH1E
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1ozI9J038
但無法辨認499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnN0TjD9K7Q
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgDNBWVNAO
或是記住至可以重組一個句子
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmpEiSDwuX
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHr5uRTZCv
黑暗將自己包圍499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKl5hvooGRk
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIyJg5Anpq
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfgKzEOBtL
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXzaNyWHHq
不知多久了499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DOvgBLM0D
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNx40YkAMf
在那時開始499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49sB7amU0v
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSRnUbzzQH
那裏499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYh8KWbqNj
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcYJjeQpzE
但有些事情〇〇
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh61zjQpMIA
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pMHGNiLEf
〇〇〇499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQp8YnEWSp
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOQJZvx4OJ
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4DfPSy9Jx
〇〇〇〇〇〇499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qb0WWDv7A
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBYVItOlt6
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi6YyTYx0E
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtO1vglp6Zj
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbrI9E0icU
現在不是你的回合499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzzmRCaWe4
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkQyNzSWAv
499Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtpH9lLPSq
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然後按「加至主畫面」