free! ep 12 thoughts (of the pro swimmer Haru kind)
It has been a long road full of struggles but we’ve finally reached our destination and I am so happy about it that I wasn’t going to comment; especially because I think that next episode we may have more insight as to what things touched Haru and in what measure.
But then I rewatched the episode and I couldn’t help but to form my own guesses; and given that this is the topic that has got me more emotionally invested this whole year, here goes nothing!
When the season started airing, I said that I felt it would be necessary to make Haru acknowledge his competitive drive beyond Rin. And then when Episode 7 aired, I said that personally:
I feel that there are mainly two things that fuel that fear and that keep Haru from honestly addressing the possibilities being presented to him; on one hand, it’s his own philosophy - aka “free”. On the other hand, it’s the future itself and more specifically: the change that future brings. (x)
And I can’t help but to feel that this episode tackled both things. The first I feel was through Haru’s interactions with Russell and Lori; or more specifically, through watching Rin’s interactions with them.
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We had an inordinate amount of focus on Haru noticing these things; complete with his eyes trembling right in that last shot. It struck me as peculiar and I wasn’t sure what to make of it at first; but after giving it some thought, to me this feels like Haru may as well have been realizing that you can have a home away from home. That change does not have to be something negative; that leaving Iwatobi does not have to be a depressing prospect. That he can forge bonds and belong somewhere else, too (which I have to say was probably even more effective because Rin told him all about his hardship first).
In other words, I feel that Haru being able to experience the bond Rin was able to form with Russell and Lori - how welcoming they are, how much like family they are - eased Haru’s fears and hesitation regarding change; regarding leaving his roots and his comfort zone and stepping out into the unknown.
So I feel that is one of the vital pieces that allowed Haru to give that step forward at the end. Another one would be Rin’s talk to him in the bed; because it lead to something fundamental (at least to me):
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Haru remembered the thrill he felt when competing against Rin. That thrill that fires him up; the sensation he unconsciously sought yet lost sight of.
There is a clear change when it comes to Haru’s disposition during his first day in Australia, and that morning when Rin takes him to the pool. And if I had to point to particular moments that lead to said changes, I would pick those two as the biggest stepping stones. (I forgot to say this when I first made this post; but the way we see Haru clench his fist at the end of the bed scene reminds me of what happened in s1ep12; how when Haru felt lost again his fist slackened, and once he began to feel purpose and hope renewed - well, we know what happened)
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Which lead to this:
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“This is where the best swimmers in the world race one another”. Haru’s eyes are trembling while he watches that pool. And I feel it is because that fire; that drive, that desire to be the best in the water that he has never truly acknowledged but has always been there was brought back to the forefront of his mind due to his talk with Rin.
So I feel that when the member of the national team stepped by his side, part of the sight Haru was able to see was precisely him belonging to that group of the best swimmers in the world. I feel his line, that “I want to swim in this place forever" may as well reflect that; because that is how Rin defined it. As the place where the best swimmers in the world race one another.
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I feel that Haru has realized and expressed his desire to belong there with those lines. And I think this is why Kyoani made sure not to have Rin and Haru racing each other this episode.
Back when the season started, I felt that Sousuke’s role would be to help show that Haru enjoys competition outside of his rivalry with Rin, too; I was wrong when it came to it being Sousuke’s role, but I feel that the last scene of this episode basically served to fulfill that role nonetheless. Which leads me to the other thing I think Kyoani wanted to make sure of; aka, that we know that Haru isn’t doing this for Rin, but for himself.
Back to the possibility of Haru going pro and why I felt this episode was so important for that; the reason is that I feel this laid out on the table the very real, pressing need that Haru has to find a reason of his own to chose that road. Something that may be brought around by Rin - be it directly or indirectly through Sousuke - but that will give Haru enough motivation to want to pursue this for himself. (x)
(please forgive me for quoting myself again but I’m too tired to re-articulate my thoughts ;~;)
Which was absolutely necessary, because what point or meaning would there be in Haru swimming professionally if he only gets enjoyment out of it when Rin is with him? None.
But now - now we can indeed see that this is something Haru himself desires. That just like Rin - this is his wish. And is it something he will want to do with Rin? You bet. Will Rin be part of his drive? I believe that is another definite yes. But it is a dream that Haru can call his own, and that is the most important thing.
Lastly!! That second hurdle I felt Haru had to overcome was the ambiguous and limited meaning of his philosophy, free; and I feel that at this point it’s safe to say that as expected, Reisus did take care of that in ep 7; though Haru most likely did not fully internalize the meaning of Rei’s words just yet.
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But if the imagery this episode is anything to go by:
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He feels them now.
I mean, Haru is soaring like a bird. And leaving aside how Haru has been tied to a bird in the past, I feel that this also serves to symbolize a myriad of things; that he is now ready to step towards his future, that he has found his dream - and also, that he is free once more. Because I don’t know you, but when I see that gorgeous shot of Haru expanding his wings and flying that is the first thing I think about; freedom. He looks free and ready to follow the winds of his future to wherever they will take him.
So tl;dr I feel this episode - without ever stating it outright - did lead very seamlessly towards Haru’s realization by lifting what remained of Haru’s hurdles one by one. All the pieces that I felt were necessary to lead to pro swimmer Haru are finally put together and I really cannot be any happier for him.
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and then Add to home screen.