我和鄰居大姐姐的故事（Tier 1至3已完結/無課連載中） - 四百四十六

四百四十六

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我其實又冇刻意去疏遠淇淇，反而係叫佢疏遠我，所以只要佢唔肯既話，其實成效有限。

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不過點都好，我做得出呢啲野，即係我心入面既天秤，已經偏左埋去分手果一面。

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只係我真係未下定到決心要同淇淇講分手，我真係做唔出呢件事去傷害呢底谷入面將我拯救出黎既恩人。

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而同淇淇二人世界又或者同朋友一齊既時候，我需要強壓住自己內心入面既矛盾，儘量做返一個好男朋友既樣子。

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不過……

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其實我又有冇響不經意間流露出自己既感覺呢？

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放學之後，淇淇陪我返屋企都變左我日常一部分。

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我有提議過不如調返轉係我送淇淇返屋企，但佢堅持我完全康復之前都要陪我。

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其實正路有咁既女朋友，真係幾生修來既福氣？

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唉屌。

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但我竟然有諗過好唔好同佢分手好，我真係仆街……

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呢一日我如常同淇淇兩個人一齊返屋企，然後準備做啲好健康既拍拖活動。

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……

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做功課。

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呢排淇淇響兩個人獨處既時候，有時會比較靜，可能佢都感覺到我想疏遠佢？

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定會係有其他野煩住佢？

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作為男朋友我應該係要關心下？

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但我自己全副心思都擺左落分唔分手既問題，所以完全冇理會過淇淇，相反地我甚至諗如果佢真係主動分手唔係仲好咩？

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屌，其實……我做人男朋友都幾失敗。

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一開始又話要報恩又話要照顧返人，但係而家竟然想同人講分手。

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或者……

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其實事而至此，我係咪真係應該同淇淇分手？

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我考慮既問題，應該係分左手之後仲可以點樣同佢繼續做好朋友，同時以好朋友身份照顧佢。

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係吖，好朋友都可以照顧另一個好朋友架嘛！

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「淇淇……」

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「唔？」淇淇從功課堆中抬起頭望住我。

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「呃…」我諗諗下野，竟然不由自主咁想好衝動咁同淇淇講分手……

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唔得唔得。

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仲有好多準備工夫要去做。

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唔可以咁快講分手住。

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「都係冇野。」我都係繼續埋首做功課先。

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「……熙熙。」不過，反而係淇淇停低手上面既野望住我。

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「唔？」今次到我由功課堆入面抬起頭。

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「……」淇淇咬左唇咁望住我，好似諗緊開唔開口講某啲野出黎。

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呢一刻我有諗過，唔通係淇淇打算首先開同我講分手先？

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係又幾好喎，唔駛我煩惱。

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屌，其實我有呢個諗法，已經好人渣。

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但事實往往同想像既係完全唔同既走向……

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「你鍾唔鍾意我？」淇淇突然爆左呢句出黎。

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要答鍾意呢兩個字好容易，而我身為佢既男朋友都好應該咁答。

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但係……

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我竟然猶豫講唔講出口！

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淇淇咬住唇，雙眼水汪汪咁好似好可憐咁，我終於忍唔住呃佢話：「鍾意。」

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我心下嘆左口氣。

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早知反正都係要講黎氹佢，點解我唔一早講？

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「熙熙，我都係好鍾意你。」淇淇用佢果雙水汪汪既眼睛望住我：「我諗…我已經唔可以冇左你…我想像唔到冇左你既話，我既生活會點……」

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「哈哈，有冇咁誇張？」我面上擠出笑容，彷彿佢係講緊個笑話咁。

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不過我心入面其實嚇左一嚇，我估唔到淇淇會一臉認真又可憐咁同我講呢啲野。

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淇淇搖一搖頭，道：「唔誇張架。」然後幽幽地望住我，深呼吸一啖氣，道：「熙熙啊，你呢排好似都冇乜點錫過我。」

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「下？乜係咩？」我冇乜留意……

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但佢咁講落，又好似係……

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最近同佢拍拖二人世界，我都係循規蹈矩，淨係拖下手仔咁……

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或者係因為最近盤算緊同唔同淇淇分手，想佢自己疏遠我，所以潛意識入面都不自覺咁同佢保持返啲距離？

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「可唔可以錫啖我啊？」淇淇望住我。

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……

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呢一刻我仲係佢男朋友……

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而男朋友錫女朋友係天公地道架呵？

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再加上淇淇用咁既表情望住……

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所以雖然內心有小小抗拒，但我都擠出微笑點點頭，道：「梗係可以喇。」

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淇淇合埋雙眼等我錫埋去。

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...

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我緩緩咁伸個頭埋去，蜻蜓點水式響佢咀唇錫左一下。

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然後...

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淇淇紅住面咁睜返開雙眼望住我。

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好情深咁望住我。

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（待續）

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