[HEHE] 認真便輸了 (Move on plz) - 第二章: 放棄 (thank u, next)

五

接下來嗰嗰禮拜，我不斷嘗試同Ｃ先生傾計。但比起L先生，我同C先生根本一啲都唔啱傾，又或者，佢根本就無心進一步認識我。感覺上，C先生總係「hea覆」或者「鳩覆」，我成日都唔知可以點樣覆佢。不過，其實Ｃ先生試過約我幾次出嚟，但每次都約唔成。第一次嗰陣，佢：「想約你出嚟食晚飯，咦，唔記得而家六點後無堂食添！」嗰次嘅約飯俾我一種想引導我答「咁上屋企食囉」嘅感覺，所以我借啲意避開咗呢個邀請，轉而問佢：「咁一係約食lunch？」但佢似乎不感興趣。

至於第二次，C先生想約我出嚟lunch食拉麵。但無奈嘅係，佢前一日發燒，去咗做深喉，檢測報告未出，公司要佢work from home。其實當時嘅我都好想出去，但因為約咗禮拜五上E小姐屋企整蛋糕，怕萬一從C先生身上中招再傳染俾E小姐，所以我也只好拒絕C先生嘅邀約。其實呢個蛋糕，係接下落嚟嘅故事入面都有著一定程度嘅重要性。早喺上個禮拜六，我就已經約好咗Little J同另個幾個朋友，諗住之後個禮拜六晚再上嗰間gay bar慶祝Little J同另一個朋友嘅生日。而當時仍然work from home嘅我就諗住自己整個cheesecake嚟做生日蛋糕。而我又有將呢樣野同C先生講過，佢之後又send咗一啲食譜俾我，我亦揀咗其中一個嚟整。

六

短短六日，從IG DM到Whatsapp，我始終覺得同C先生唔係好啱傾，亦感受唔到佢嘅主動同熱情，所以漸漸產生咗「算數」嘅念頭。不過，我唔係無諗過，其實有啲人可能唔叻或者唔鍾意send message，但當現實相處嘅時候可能會好啱傾。當然，呢種諗法可能亦只係我俾對方或者自己嘅一種辯解同埋藉口。我一直都好期待禮拜六會再見到佢，喺有機會面對面相處嘅時候再「試」一下。可惜嘅係，因為C先生嘅深喉結果遲遲未出，再加上佢食緊藥嘅緣故，佢同講自己呢排無得飲酒（亦即暗示佢應該唔會係嗰嗰禮拜六上嗰間bar）。

於是，禮拜六下午，我忽然下定決心：「放棄！」──無論係Ｌ先生，定係Ｃ先生。一方面，C先生嘅出現令我深深明白到我同L先生嘅不可能，無feel就係無feel，點培養都係白費心機。另一方面，我亦懶得再去等待同C先生再次見面嘅機會，亦唔想再花時間嚟處理C先生嘅「hea覆」。如果我同C先生嘅故事就此結束，大概我好快就已經無事，亦應該唔會有呢篇故事嘅出現。

七

[24:33, 8/15/2020] Me: 愈黎愈想放棄C先生

[24:33, 8/15/2020] Me: 😂

[24:33, 8/15/2020] Me: 無癮

[24:33, 8/15/2020] Me: 佢係咁同其他人wtsapp 我覺得自己係唔知排第幾

[24:33, 8/15/2020] Me: not even second place

[13:31, 8/15/2020] Me: This is so fucking stupid and makes me speechless-.-

[14:00, 8/15/2020] (Forwarded) Me: 我真心覺得佢真係勁hea同埋有心對你懶係忽冷忽熱

[14:00, 8/15/2020] (Forwarded) Me: 36歲人唔會唔識溝仔

[14:01, 8/15/2020] Me: this

[14:01, 8/15/2020] Me: so fucking true, suddenly so awake 😂

[14:03, 8/15/2020] E小姐: My friend said the same thing about his colleague

[14:03, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 27 years old

[14:03, 8/15/2020] E小姐: Actually

[14:03, 8/15/2020] Me: 聽完突然個人明白晒

[14:03, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 正常樣

[14:03, 8/15/2020] Me: 真心

[14:03, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 大學之後

[14:03, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 點會唔識

[14:03, 8/15/2020] Me: 36歲 suppose so experienced

[14:04, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 重點係

[14:04, 8/15/2020] Me: 所以佢而家既行為 = 無心溝

[14:04, 8/15/2020] Me: End of the story

[14:04, 8/15/2020] E小姐: Worse

[14:04, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 冇心受溝

[14:04, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 你都叫有主動下

[14:05, 8/15/2020] Me: Trueeeeee

[14:06, 8/15/2020] Me: Ok

[14:06, 8/15/2020] Me: 學婊姐個句: 而家將佢放係list既最下面

[14:06, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 對

[14:07, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 成為過客也可以

[14:07, 8/15/2020] Me: 嗯

[14:07, 8/15/2020] Me: from now on ignore him

[14:08, 8/15/2020] Me: 突然間覺得成件事好on9 明明佢主動先而家好似變到我係單戀咁= =

[14:09, 8/15/2020] E小姐: Very very common

[14:09, 8/15/2020] Me: 最慘既係我本身仲要有鍾意我既人= =

[14:10, 8/15/2020] E小姐: Not necessary on9 ge

[14:10, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 對佢黎講

[14:11, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 有個moment 覺得attractive

[14:11, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 咪去認識下你

[14:11, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 發覺都唔啱傾

[14:11, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 咪走

[14:11, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 對你黎講

[14:11, 8/15/2020] E小姐: L先生 not good enough

[14:12, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 又好似有人對你有興趣

[14:12, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 咪去認識下佢　發覺都唔啱，bye~

[14:12, 8/15/2020] E小姐: Can be simple

[14:13, 8/15/2020] Me: Ok

[14:13, 8/15/2020] Me: Thank you, next

[14:13, 8/15/2020] E小姐: 令到呢件事稍為複雜咗少少嘅點　係心動過一下

[14:13, 8/15/2020] Me: 嗯

[14:13, 8/15/2020] E小姐: But it’s ok　好快有next

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