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我無法原諒自己的執著
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我亦不允許自己去原諒
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—— 爱麗絲 · 鈴木 · 花子
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大和 英花 (女) 2218/9/5 -神隱島//KDUL基地遺址//G30層-中區核心醫院
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「⋯不要⋯不要掙扎了⋯可以嗎？」
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緊緊地拉著手中的繩端，我將繩結束緊，然而這也不能阻止他身體的激烈擺動
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將水無月包成肉粽般，我打算就這樣放他在此處，以不干預到自己的行動
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「是了⋯你是從哪裏拿來這些繩子的？」
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「走廊的角落」
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語畢，我把水無月這副摺成板子的身體捧起，然後像拿粽子一樣，捉住，就扯住唯一的繩端，吊起他的身體
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「他大概不會逃到出來的了」
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我說，並看了看赤羽那狂氣的雙瞳，緊皺的眉間和起紋的鼻樑，如老虎似獅子，像隻豹，但吼不出來，因為被布料塞住嘴巴，總之只不過是紙老虎，至少目前是
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「⋯你確認？」
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「確認」
「綁架勒索又不是第一次幹，此結可不是第一用」
「這個嘛，束住他的是靠人體工學，不是死力，基本上只要不是他的身體構造過於非人類，他是動不了的」
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放在櫃子裡面，我合上櫃門
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「相信老娘的技術啦」
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我走前對佐島笑語道
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「⋯嗯」
「那麼現在？」
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帶領他離開這房間，我為抱著良世的他開門，並待他出來後再閉上門
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「反鎖這房間」
「您會方法嗎？」
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「我可以⋯不過你先抱著良世——」
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「我抱著她了，你去弄吧」
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理論上像是搶過來才對，我在他還沒把話說完之前，便將良世一把從一茂懷中強硬接過來，單手抱著那嬌小的身體，我示意佐島上前
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「好⋯」
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從口袋中拿出一黑條，是髮夾，看著他把其捲成直條，然後塞進門鎖，輕輕的向左轉，感覺異常的熟練
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「是了，如果你要問我為什麼會這種事的話⋯⋯我是在花子那學回來的」
「這盒髪夾也是她的」
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拍拍褲袋，發出塑膠物碰撞聲
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「⋯好」
「那麼就⋯你先和良世回到剛剛的房間去吧，我就繼續去尋找鈴木吧」
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將良世交回對方，我如此說道
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「嗯」
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反手拾回放了在一旁的鐵板，我見佐島關上了門後才轉身，往走廊的另一端走去
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「⋯⋯」
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我手握鐵板，再往這空無一人的空間看過去，異常的安靜，從佐島閉上了門的那刻開始，我感覺不了時間的流動，不是一切停止運作了，電燈倒還是在閃爍不停，閃昏眼睛，卻叫人麻木，叫人觸感上的習慣了，認為一切貌似本應如此的存在，逐漸忘卻時間的存在
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我們在這裏待了多久？
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足足是一天二十六小時？
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還是三天？
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抑或是⋯⋯更多？
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儘管我嘗試估計現在是什麼日子什麼時間，但在這終不見天日的地方，我無法正常地擁有「時間」的觀念，別說判斷此刻是上午下午、凌晨黃昏了，此刻就連叫我算出一分鐘的時間，我也不敢保證有沒有算快了或慢了
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「⋯」
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「快點離開這裏吧」，我純粹如此想著，一心一意只希望離開這破地方
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是了，怎麼好像⋯自己從某些時候開始，便有這種⋯「包在我身上吧」的要當帶領的感覺⋯
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不是說以前並沒有，作為不良分子和黑道組老大，基本上以往中也是說義氣的，不留下任何人，共同進退的⋯只不過⋯嘖⋯怎麼說⋯⋯
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指的是⋯對這班人⋯
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鹿波、佐島、新井、鈴木⋯⋯這羣一同被帶來的傢伙
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不只是因為和新井是乾姐妹，不只是局限親朋戚友層面；不只是因為鹿波協助過自己逃過警察，不只是單純的恩情
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這更像是⋯無形之間的凝聚力⋯
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難道我們在以前見過面？不，我相信自己的記憶
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還是⋯在過去幾天所發生的事情⋯？
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『赤丸、奧窩洗腦、清除記憶的方法不是直接抹走其存在，而是隱藏它，令到記憶不能以一般方法回想起來，所以事實上只要仔細尋找有沒有遺失的記憶空隙，然後再回想那破洞，便能解鎖其片段』
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佐島不久之前對我這樣說過
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自己已經能夠回想起這數天所發生的所有，我知道自己過去做了什麼事情，糟糕且令人討厭的事情，然而，即使知道自己幹了什麼又如何，我改變不了過去自己所犯下的錯
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因為一己之心，因為我的弱小、霸道，我傷害了大家
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我在過去排斥水無月，欺壓高尾，故意傷害鈴木，就為了什麼？滿足我的安全感？
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「⋯」
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想到此處時，不知不覺中，我已經走到走廊的轉角處，站在此段的盡頭，我遙望左方的走廊
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感覺上好像較明亮，但還是看不見盡頭，不是因長度影響，而是那團不知如何出現的水氣，整個走廊亦為水氣之中，濃霧籠罩之下，不用想其他原因，我只知道一接近濃霧，便將會面對叫人討厭的事情
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「爱麗絲」⋯⋯
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製造人們的噩夢，然後捕食他們
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鈴木⋯
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對不起⋯⋯
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緊握手中的鐵板，我步進其中
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理性究竟是指什麼？
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客觀中立性審判？
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思考因果關係？
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不
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理性是區別我們與其他生物之界
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而理性本身便是指自制能力，制止被欲望驅使的能力
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「理性和人性為分開兩回事」
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人性？
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道德？
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只不過是所謂的社教化概念
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「但人仍然是動物」
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沒有錯⋯擺脫理性，人仍是感性生物⋯
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所以說⋯您⋯⋯
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是理性的機器？還是感性的禽獸？
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喲
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不用回答的
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畢竟因為沒有絕對的理性或感性
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有缺陷的人類
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才如此醜惡之如又愚蠢啊
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大和 英花 (女) 2218/9/5 -神隱島//KDUL基地遺址//G30層-中區核心醫院
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「⋯」
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伸手不見五指，雖然是有光，勉強能清楚看清方向，但視野之內灰白的水霧，模模糊糊的感覺好像要吞拼自己
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「⋯⋯」
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向前走，我繼續於這片迷濛中步行至前
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「⋯」
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視線範圍逐漸清晰，貌似是因為自己終於通過了那濃霧
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「？」
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然而納入視覺中，我所看到的第一個場景，是草地，不，是山地，不，是森林
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「怎麼⋯？」
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轉身，回望過去我走來的方向，沒有了左右兩邊的牆，沒有位於頭頂上方，閃著的電燈，沒有走廊的存在，除了草地，還有兩旁密集的樹，儘管可讓我行走的草花範圍很廣，但在看不見樹海後方的天空，如此前題下，反而叫人更為不安，毫無安全感
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還有，我好像認得出這地方
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「冷靜⋯呼⋯」
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握緊手中僅存的現實，我姑且將其當作那把狼牙棒
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『最大的噩夢』⋯？
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對我而言的話⋯這個⋯⋯如果真的是那個的話⋯
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莫說是最大了，它連大也不是
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因為它就是我解譯「煉獄」的定義詞啊⋯
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「⋯」
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振作點，該死的，打起精神來，該死⋯
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英花⋯莉莉花⋯
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這已經過去了⋯妳已經克服了⋯現在⋯沒有任何事情能傷害到妳的
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對，沒有任何事情
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現在⋯深呼吸⋯⋯
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「哈⋯⋯」
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「⋯⋯呼」
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好了，沒問題的
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「呼⋯」
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深呼吸後，我抬頭，把鐵板放在肩上，緩步走前
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『要擺脫夢境迷惑，你要在爱麗絲自殺或消失前把所有虛偽的東西殺死』
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是嗎？
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「⋯」
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走到樹海走廊的末端，前方是一片大草原，以及隱若中可現的建築物
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我記憶中也有那棟廢醫院
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四層，半框U型建築設計，屏風樓那種
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「⋯」
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沒有事的
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沒有事的
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不會有⋯
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「⋯嗯？」
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感覺不屬於此處的顏色出現在眼前，視野範圍內的下方部分，是白色，純潔的漂豔吸引我的注意，我低頭俯視草地，只見腳前有數朵白色，在我感覺不到的風下擺動，或許它是有它自己生命的，真的是的話也不出奇，這可是一個夢而已
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「⋯百合花」
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六瓣、黃芯，忽然花朵搖了搖，純白的它在對自己揮手一樣，伴隨一陣清新的香氣，整個人都放鬆下來
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「⋯」
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這棵⋯真像姐姐房間純白的那盆呢⋯
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話說央百花(おもか)和莉莉花(りりか)也是沿自百合花而生的名字呢⋯
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究竟⋯為什麼是百合花呢？
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⋯算吧，花語什麼的我可不認識，不過我倒也喜歡百合，純粹因為那不刺鼻的香味和其美貌，樸素，卻深深吸引我
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「⋯」
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伸手，我輕摸其花瓣
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—— 不要啊 ——
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「欸？」
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—— 住手 ——
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是花朵發出的聲音，尖小的聲音微弱地呼救著，是擠聲音的那種無力，當中又帶幾分哭腔，表現得可憐，叫人心碎，然而衝擊自己的不只是其哀號，我發現自己認得出其聲線主人的瞬間，我感到雙腳一軟
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—— 碰 ——
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「啊⋯」
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—— 我不要啊！ ——
—— 停下來！！ ——
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這⋯
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—— 不要 ——
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這是⋯姐姐的聲音
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姐姐小時候的聲音
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「嗚啊⋯」
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目睹這朵白色的百合，先是花瓣逐漸的萎縮，然後是黃芯的掉落，還有下垂之如又出現皺紋的花瓣，從花芯中央逐漸延伸向外的紅色，擴散出去，污染白色的存在
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—— 不要 ——
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—— 好痛好痛喔 ——
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—— 求你了，停下來 ——
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—— 嗚哇啊 ——
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「不要⋯」
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紅色蔓延至全朵，百合花不應溺於紅色之中，清純不能被傷害，因為傷痕是一輩子的，癒合不了
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「不要⋯嗚啊⋯」
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看著百合花開始滴出紅色之液，我的眼淚亦一同流下，我害怕，但又不知道該如何面對這狀況，問我怎麼辦，有什麼方法，我可不知道
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我好怕
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—— 不要 ——
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—— 誰也好，救救我 ——
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—— 啊 ——
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先是數片花瓣落下，整顆花朵從枝上掉下來，落入地上的血泊中，它在慘叫中化成黑灰，融進泥土的紅色中
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隨著變異的花朵落下，那斷枝亦逐漸轉成赤色，不只這樣，其他花朵也是
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染成鮮紅，溢出血液，發出尖叫，花瓣墮下，她們也是同樣的下場
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—— 救我 ——
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—— 不要 ——
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—— 快救我 ——
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『鳴哇！不要啊！！求你放過我吧！』
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『停下來！我不喜歡這樣！！』
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『媽媽！！姐姐！！快來救我！！』
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很快地，便餘下唯一一朵白色，其他一切則是鮮紅以及死亡
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—— 救我 ——
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只見白色的花朵發出如此聲音的同時，震抖著
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「⋯我要保護她⋯⋯」
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從枝部折下，我把純白的百合花放在手心中
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「沒事的了⋯」
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「沒事的了⋯嗚⋯⋯我們不會有事的⋯嗚⋯」
「咿嗚啊⋯姐姐⋯我該怎麼辦啊⋯」
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放近胸前，眼淚流不停，能令我好過一點的，只有我手中這朵百合
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「把她交給我」
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「啊？」
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張開眼睛，我只見一朵紅玫瑰，巨大的紅玫瑰立在前方，莖刺異常地尖，玫瑰花的顏色亦異常地紅，這豔紅使它不是漂亮，而是恐怖起來
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熟悉的女聲，叫人討厭
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「不要做無謂的掙扎了」
「交出來」
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玫瑰花彎腰，把頭探過來
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「交出來」
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「⋯⋯不要」
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「什麼？」
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「不要⋯」
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「呵呵，真是可愛，你以為自己可以選擇嗎？」
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背脊發涼，我往後看，看來自己被玫瑰花的莖刺包圍了
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「⋯⋯」
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『不要碰我的妹妹！』
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『我不會讓你們傷害她的⋯』
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姐姐，我該怎麼辦？
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「怎麼了？你要交出來嗎？」
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「⋯」
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將百合花放在胸前的口袋，我低著頭唸道
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「誓死不屈」
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拿起旁邊的鐵板，我箭步上前
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一下、兩下、三下、四下⋯
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『姐姐！停下來！你要殺死她了！！』
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『這種人⋯
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死了也沒有所謂啊！！！」
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我對花瓣大力揮下去，對花托敲下去，它比起想像更要脆弱，鐵板只是一揮，玫瑰花瓣便掉下紅片，橫掃，支部便出現陷痕
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「去死吧！！」
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『⋯我討厭自己⋯為什麼保護不到自己的妹妹⋯』
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『沒關係喔⋯姐姐⋯⋯』
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『才不是⋯
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什麼叫沒關係！」
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「才不是沒有關係⋯」
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「姐姐⋯嗚⋯」
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—— 噹 ——
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鐵板從手中滑出，我望著這灘紅色，流著淚的我內心彷佛有個空洞
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「姐姐⋯嗚⋯」
「嗚哇⋯⋯」
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揉著眼，我嘗試不讓眼淚掉下來，卻做成了反效果
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「嗚⋯」
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「哈哈⋯真是可笑」
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此時，又一把聲音到來，聲音熟悉，也陌生
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「咳⋯鈴木⋯」
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趕緊抹去臉上的眼淚，我望向聲音的來源方向，只見鈴木身穿暗啞色的禮裙，是愛麗絲形象的那套衣服，裙前一塊白布，如圍裙一樣的裝扮，然而不是金髮，而是有點捲的白髮，曈孔翠綠，整個人像個玩偶般
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「想不到，黑道老大居然是個這麼依靠姐姐的人」
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語畢，她走近來，裙下的高筒襪是黑綠間
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「真是可愛呢」
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她嘲笑道
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見此，我提起了警覺
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「⋯有話便説」
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又再嘲笑，只見人偶她對自己嘆了口氣，然後拉高聲線
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「哈哈～真是出奇呢，如此程度也使不了你屈服」
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「別說笑了，你明明知道我看過什麼的」
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「嘿嘿⋯新井只不過是被強酸從內至外溶解器官啦，血肉模糊什麼的本來你是有抗性的，對吧？」
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聲音無力、不粗糙，人偶的聲音睡意重重，即使提高聲線，還是惰意十足，語氣不有威脅性，然而如此情況下，更像催眠的口吻
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「可是，我知道你有更深的記憶的」
「那麼⋯⋯
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一起去看看吧？」
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「你什麼意思——」
「⋯啊？！」
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回神過來，自己正坐在木椅上，奇怪，我不是站在草地上的嗎？
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這感覺如之前高尾消失的瞬間，無故觸感與氣氛的變動，然而身體還沒反應過來
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「你⋯⋯鈴木⋯？」
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剛剛正在驚訝，現在卻又有視覺上的變動，人偶的氣息突然消失，毫無先兆使一切莫名的詭異
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「⋯該死⋯我在那裡？」
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本來打算抓緊手中的鐵板，但發現手心空無一物，左右掃望，除了有點暗跡和裂縫之外，石地板上沒有什麼東西
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站起來的同時按了按胸口，果然，裏頭也是什麼也沒有
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「鈴木⋯你是要捉弄老娘到什麼時候⋯」
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跨過碎石，越過地上的縫隙，我向前走，走到此道路，這段走廊的盡頭，同是另一段走廊的開端，是一個走廊的轉角
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回到轉角位置，走廊的轉角位置
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「怎麼⋯」
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心感不妙的我倒抽一口氣，把腳步距離減少，同時亦放緩步速，我依著牆壁慢慢往左轉
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轉左，前方是一段看得到底的長廊
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沒有濃霧，沒有草地，沒有花朵和樹，就純粹是殘舊的走廊，石壁石地板石天花，左邊的牆壁有一扇大門，位於走廊最末端
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「⋯這裡是⋯」
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心臟又再鼓動，我的手也開始在震抖
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拜託，不要這樣吧⋯
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直到現在，我還無法確定自己是否真的有能力去看回這件陳年往事，這件困擾我一生的噩夢
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「⋯」
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但即使在憂慮，我仍然選擇走近
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畢竟這是我唯一的出路
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我必須面對
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3HU0j1KUH
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「⋯⋯」
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0ffg8aCSD
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「⋯⋯」
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「⋯⋯啊⋯？」
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越是走向走廊的盡頭，空氣便越來越冷，雖然知道這是夢，我也無法忍受如此壓迫感，更別說我好像出現幻覺了
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這裡⋯應該只有一對腳步聲的吧？
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幻覺、幻覺、幻覺⋯不要自己嚇自己
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「⋯」
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熾熱感在這裏，我的心中開始蔓延，燃燒著什麼，顯得身外環境格外的寒冷，令我顫抖，不過其實我知道，心臟如此強烈跳動的原因並非簡單，靠近恐懼的焦慮感彷佛成為了生物，跟隨自己背後
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「⋯」
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不對，是真的有東西在自己背後
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焦慮叫我眼淚再次溢出
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不要⋯不要⋯⋯
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「嗚⋯」
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加快腳步，我想儘快到達目的地，仍然後方的氣息也逐漸增強，再度加快腳步，氣息的腳步聲也加快，與自己的融合為一，它正在追我
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3m8K7H0dA6
「不要啊！！」
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我跑起來，慌張之中腳步凌亂，差點跌倒的感覺
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「不要啊⋯不要啊⋯」
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焦慮的感覺襲上心頭來，我感覺到視野的模糊，思維的混亂，身體的疲累，異常的無力感
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嗚哇，我不要！
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—— 啪次 ——
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「⋯嗚哇啊？！！！」
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左腿落入高一階的地板，踏下去的頓時我便知道不妙了，被東西牽拖著是其次，真正的要害處是那激烈的痛楚，刺入內肉的痺麻感令眼淚隨即奪框而出，左腿立馬成為一個負重，動不了左腿的自己便失去重心，倒在地上
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「嗚啊嗚哇咿呀⋯」
「好痛哦⋯嗚⋯⋯」
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腦袋的一角沉重下來，痛楚叫自己腦昏，我無法移動左腳，站立不能，趴在地上，看著巨大的黑影將自己吞蝕，心臟跳動得似要破裂
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「⋯這⋯這⋯⋯」
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這根本不是夢⋯
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明明就是記憶而已⋯⋯
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這不是橡皮筋啊⋯
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「不要啊⋯」
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我大力用指頭抓緊地板，右腳撐著地，爬行向前，但是左腳的負擔還是抵消不了
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「⋯」
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不⋯不要和它交上視線
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不要⋯和它⋯⋯
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⋯⋯交上視線⋯⋯
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqTM2gfI4g
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgePxqcN93I
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轉身，躺在地上的瞬間，我已經與其純黃色的曈孔交上
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「不⋯不要⋯⋯」
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赤裸的下身，雙腳、雙手也可見，更別提那叫人害怕的身體部分
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起疹的皮膚，粗糙肌膚
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純黃色的眼睛，它沒有曈孔，身體上部分有許多觸手的物體，伸出，向自己伸來
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「啊⋯」
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『你逃那啊？！』
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「——嗚啊！」
「放開我！！」
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觸手將自己包住，然後微微帶離地面，拿起，放近向它那對黃色的眼睛
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「放⋯放開我⋯⋯」
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不行⋯逃不了出去⋯
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「嗚啊⋯不要⋯不要⋯⋯」
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如此近距離，我嗅聞到它散發著的腥臭及銅臭氣
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFsgHiD0iT
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWXwu76P2a
『真是調皮呢』
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『都叫你不要亂跑嘛⋯』
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『看看你，現在左腿可廢了，不是嗎？』
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『不過沒關係⋯回去，我便幫你切掉這腿就可以了』
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『順便，莉莉花，對吧？』
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『讓你「放鬆」一下吧？』
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PEKND0lWi
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不要⋯⋯
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsN0dftL8gQ
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXf4YKzmv99
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我不要⋯
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3rQ5EV3Hu
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZnYa10v8d
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi82CQOchJi
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04PNuDQVBa
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eVWOknDJK
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6sOU17uWd
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7o3EMWJXey
「我不要！！滾開！！」
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiRgqNkMAP
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活動沒有被包住的手部，我大力往其黃眼出拳，命中其水汪處，怪物隨之放開了自己，我便倒在地上，往原來的方向看，我拖著受傷的腿以及捕獸夾，向只有數步之距的趟門看去
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「嗚啊⋯」
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管它痛不痛⋯
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我使用蠻力向前走
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「不要啊⋯」
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被捉到便完了⋯不要⋯
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『莉莉花！！你不要跑！！』
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去你的！臭男人！
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「啊！」
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痛楚中還是死力拉開門，我拉著沉重的左腿躍進去，然後大力關上門
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推住門，我抵抗，掙扎
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躲在櫃中的我走頭無路
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『快點開門！莉莉花！！』
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『我生氣了喔！！』
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『莉莉花！！』
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『開門啊！丫頭！！我殺死你！！！』
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『莉莉花！』
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大力與門的另一則角力，我看著門縫始終合不上，無助得很，理論上，我確是不能長久對抗
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怎麼辦？
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「嗚哇⋯不⋯不要啊⋯」
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『快開門！死丫頭！這次我不把你的腸子弄出來的話我可不罷休！』
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「不要啊⋯」
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怎麼辦？！
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如果這時候有——
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棒球棍⋯
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03OfpmKtYb
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGstBWj7Xby
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsZNEB0CMJ
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5MJzCP5X4
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGtzhuIP5I
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZRqcY16SJ
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkc4z0e4M0C
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhSDttuokB
『放棄掙扎吧！小母豬！』
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—— 碰 ——
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—— 噹 ——
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—— 哄 ——
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzsJHSXsHr
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnX8I0y2KQ
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—— 啪 ——
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDQddx0zBB
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmOTVfx17T
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「⋯」
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—— 咻咯 ——
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合上門，我把沾血的球棒丟到一邊去
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跪下，我抱腿
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」
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「姐姐⋯我好怕⋯快來救我⋯」
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顫抖的身體，我眼淚直下，坐著的地方，屁股該處，我感到有濕意，是因為外方流入的液體
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這不是夢⋯
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「嗚⋯」
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfZ9RcKLAd
「嗚咽⋯」
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「咻⋯啊⋯唔⋯」
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5Xdu2CjG2
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「嗯⋯咳⋯」
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再次感受到氣氛的轉變，我抬頭，只見人偶在自己前方，並剛好在自己視野中
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眼神輕俘，嘴角偏向下，鈴木擺出無趣的表情
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「切」
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她發出不屑的聲音
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重振呼吸，我再抹眼淚，但感到眼下的皮膚紅腫，叫我住手，任由其流動
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「⋯咳⋯怎麼了？」
「你要玩弄我到什麼時候？」
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站起，我邊整理著思緖邊說
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只見人偶更為縮起眼晴，咬住指甲，她好像對自己很不滿意，但原因的話，我倒是不清楚
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「⋯想不到呢⋯」
「還能保持理性⋯」
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沒有了上次說話的嘲笑口吻，倒是和印象中的鈴木一樣，無力卻有感情
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「你真是難搞⋯」
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「快放我出去」
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「⋯知道嗎？」
「本來我打算像水無月一樣催眠你⋯可是呢」
「我放棄了」
「我欣賞你的堅持」
「我也無謂殺了你」
「所以⋯⋯
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAYkqJoZoQ
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PyzADaSav
直接給我沉睡在這份痛苦中吧，婊子」
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「現在，我便去殺死那兩人」
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「鈴木！等等！你——」
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可是人偶已經在我能伸手之前消失
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「⋯鈴木你⋯⋯」
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⋯⋯
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所以，我現在該如何逃離此處呢？
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「⋯」
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「⋯⋯姐姐？」
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「⋯莉莉花⋯」
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⋯⋯
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這份記憶⋯只不過是同一份嘛⋯
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我最不想回憶的各種
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「姐姐⋯」
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短髮的女生，那時她經常穿著這套白衫加粉短裙，然後加安全褲和長白襪，即使是那天，被捉走的那天，她也是如此打扮
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可是不應發生的，也發生了，我還能改變什麼？
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「沒有事的，莉莉花⋯」
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「很快便完結的了⋯忍耐一下⋯⋯嗚⋯」
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一直以來，姐姐也為此事而自愧自疚
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事實上，我亦對此記憶一直盡可能的不理會
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可是，真的有用嗎？
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被污辱的事實是不會改變的⋯所以⋯⋯
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我不要再忍受了
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夠了
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我受夠了！
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我是大和氏家族啊！沒有骨氣的我⋯算什麼？
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cR6VAhZHE
「姐姐⋯」
「一起逃離吧」
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm51fXousEo
「欸？」
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當初也是我如此提出的
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所以⋯現在的我⋯⋯
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為什麼能沒有勇氣去面對呢？
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsb6nieUPnV
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拿起棒球棍，和那天一樣，我大力揮往男人的後腦勺
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重演當天的戲劇
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZF17EXAE3M
————————————————————————————————————————
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痛苦，對你而言有什麼用？
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理性，又是否如此重要？
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcoixo1ppA
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKREE05n7dy
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMw4WOiM7QX
鈴木 花子 2218/9/5 -神隱島//KDUL基地遺址//G30層-中區核心醫院
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張開雙眼，只見自己正坐在走廊上
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「⋯⋯」
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我有做錯嗎？
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看著自己純白的肌膚，看著這把白髪，我感到茫然
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為什麼要把噩夢降臨於人？
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我一直以來殺死的宿主⋯真的應該死嗎？
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『只是殺死犯罪的宿主⋯』
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擁有讀取别人記憶能力的我，不是如此地追求嗎？
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這⋯
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不⋯⋯
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不
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我必須堅持
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「⋯⋯」
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宿主本來就是邪惡⋯
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對吧？
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「沒錯的，對吧？」
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自言自語道說，我感到鼻子在酸，仍然淚水無法分泌，因為如此狀態，正捕獵的爱麗絲是不以肉體行動的，為不受傷、能自由改變身體大小而轉成人偶，人偶是沒有淚腺，也沒有胃部，器官，所以剛剛看到那些時，我吐不出，更別說自己氣息本來就是薄弱，即使看著大和，她也發現不到我
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⋯⋯哈哈⋯⋯
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可是怎知道⋯原來她是受害者⋯⋯
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她不是十惡不赦⋯
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她有她的親人，要保護的人
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更別說她本身深存於內的自責了⋯⋯
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更別提⋯她跟本沒有販毒過⋯⋯
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頂多⋯
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只是綁架欺凌者⋯
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頂多⋯⋯
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也是一些伸張公義的行為
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怎麼⋯⋯
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只是人格？
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等等⋯這樣⋯⋯我怎麼下得手？！
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我⋯⋯
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不行⋯⋯我⋯
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誰管他⋯⋯
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我⋯
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這是我一定要做的事情⋯我的使命
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一個是食屍鬼，一個是魅魔
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我現在要做的是殺了他們⋯是⋯我要⋯⋯
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我要⋯⋯
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「殺死他們⋯？」
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可是為什麼？
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為什麼會這樣⋯
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為什麼世界⋯這麼的⋯混雜
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黑白不明的呢⋯⋯
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吶⋯為什麼⋯⋯？
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我不明白⋯⋯
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「鈴木」
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「⋯是誰？！」
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沒有做回頭的預兆，不，抑或是說我根本沒有想過會這樣，有人會叫住自己，因而我轉身的頓時差點跌倒
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站穩，我看向前方，那個人
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「⋯大和？！」
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等等⋯我⋯⋯
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「你不是困了在你的夢中嗎？！」
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指著她，我因驚訝而大叫，但也因害怕而退後
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「⋯鈴木⋯⋯」
「你可以困住我，但你不能使我屈服」
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女子逐漸走近
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「真正在夢中的⋯是你才對」
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「你什麼意思？！」
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「我才問你什麼意思？！」
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出乎意料地，大和忽然對自己大喊，我便受其驚嚇，慌亂中絆倒了自己
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「⋯不⋯不要過來⋯」
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「不要過來！要、要不我便——」
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「催眠我？」
「你以為有用嗎？」
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她繼續走近，我則是往後爬
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「⋯鈴木⋯⋯」
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「鈴木」
「夠了」
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「啊？！」
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她走前，衝上來，一把抓了自己，然後扯住衣領拉起自己
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「大和⋯對不起⋯我⋯我⋯」
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「對不起」
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「什麼⋯？」
「呀⋯」
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然而此瞬間，她放開了手，我再次感受到地面
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「對不起⋯」
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「⋯⋯為什麼？」
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「你是對的⋯我確是很軟弱，經常欺壓他人」
「我不應以自己的標準去衡量別人」
「對不起，鈴木」
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「⋯⋯我⋯」
「不⋯我、我！」
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「大和！從我身上⋯滾開！！」
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我推開了她
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「⋯⋯我⋯你為什麼要這樣！」
「你是要我親手解決你嗎？！」
「⋯為什麼⋯⋯大和⋯」
「你這混帳⋯⋯」
「不要⋯不要讓我⋯嗚⋯」
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「鈴木⋯若是妳要殺死我，我不介意」
「我確是有罪」
「我是個黑道」
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「⋯不，你不是⋯」
「你有你的原因」
「我反而才是錯的那個⋯」
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「怎麼？」
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「我無權決定任何人的生死⋯」
「要是他們選擇悔改呢？」
「我現在才發現⋯這世上沒有絕對的事⋯」
「你是宿主又怎樣？」
「你造成最大的傷害是為自己、自己所愛的人殺死不義」
「你失去理性的方式⋯我做不到⋯」
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「你是發瘋中求生」
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「我呢？」
「我只是在屠殺」
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「我從來不渴望這個能力⋯大和⋯知道嗎？你能理解嗎？」
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「我只是⋯厭倦⋯看著不義傷害自己愛的人⋯然後自己卻愛莫能助⋯」
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「這不很予盾嗎？我殺死的人⋯難道真的全部很錯嗎？」
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「我討厭自己⋯身為宿主⋯」
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「怎麼辦才好？」
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「我不想這樣⋯大和⋯我不想⋯⋯」
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抱著臉，我是在哭，但這軀體哭不出眼淚來
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「鈴木」
「沒有事的⋯」
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「才不是⋯我⋯我是一個罪人⋯」
「拜託⋯⋯殺死我⋯嗚呼哇⋯」
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「不，鈴木，鈴木」
「看著我，鈴木」
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抬頭，我看向那堅定的眼神
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「每個人也有他們堅持的理由」
「這是沒有所謂的正確觀念」
「不過只要你還有理性的話⋯改變吧」
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOePeOIVUw
「收手吧，鈴木」
「你沒有錯的」
「原諒自己吧⋯」
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarTnaZotnD
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHHzWOkaXe
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IdZBb0P1l
「大和⋯」
「嗚哇啊⋯嗚⋯⋯為什麼⋯⋯」
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22BOWckPiD
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMgDlMOQWI
「沒事的」
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404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oOaoDElXG
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUXf56jLW6
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWI0nB0vtW
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1pZSkWu6J
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOADqN06S3
404Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvZt6b4rHz
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「畢竟並沒有什麼黑白分明的事情是存在於世上的」
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