由相遇那天計起已約11年半,但我從沒有忘記過牠,如果那一天沒有跟牠相遇,也沒有今天的我。305Please respect copyright.PENANA7j0bL41BPL
305Please respect copyright.PENANAyRjqDc7LYT
回想那天,仍在唸書的我在寵物店看見牠,牠是我最喜歡的喜樂蒂牧羊犬。在我的人生計劃表中,其中一個目標是有生之年一定要養一次狗,因此飼養的知識一直都有看。在取得母親同意之下,我便把牠買下來。305Please respect copyright.PENANAAK0OCHTX9j
305Please respect copyright.PENANArcvk0vzjog
牠是個三個月大的女孩子,尚算可以一手抱起,以這狗種來說是微胖的體型。305Please respect copyright.PENANAu1yJUrJCqj
305Please respect copyright.PENANAavXeP3FA0x
起初牠只會待在自己的小窩中,不太會周圍探索,也不會吠叫;然而這乖孩子形象只維持了三天,意識到這裡並沒有危險後,開始活潑好動起來。305Please respect copyright.PENANAGoPrt0IzQB
305Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3zyDorZVU
如是這般,這調皮的孩子便慢慢融入家中,體型也日漸由微胖變成重量級的肥胖。305Please respect copyright.PENANAK0eBGHrPo3
305Please respect copyright.PENANA574FnOluWV
由於家裡也沒有私家車,這些年間我也只是帶牠到家樓下散步,而這些地方就已經是牠的世界。305Please respect copyright.PENANAKeSXBH9hQ4
305Please respect copyright.PENANAlw1kW0NpuD
如同牠的世界只有我一般,在我人生經歷挫折、仕途不順、與家人關係惡劣之際,牠也是我堅持活下去的唯一動力。305Please respect copyright.PENANAOOVQ6P4anc
305Please respect copyright.PENANAwvKSWdAWgx
當時剛畢業的我只有微薄的薪水,為了盡可能彌補牠,我在牠飲食上花費毫不吝嗇、玩具經常換、假日陪牠玩直至牠累了不想動......雖然這養成了牠挑三揀四的小姐脾氣。305Please respect copyright.PENANAYoA4ndeeEC
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既然我把牠的命買下,就有責任去照顧牠。305Please respect copyright.PENANApXX4EDioca
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這是我應該做的,也是我必須做的。305Please respect copyright.PENANAyldCwTVtoE
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時光飛逝,轉眼間牠已經六歲半有多。305Please respect copyright.PENANAiIhSRZIWJe
305Please respect copyright.PENANAnqgJVLwzeC
某天牠的左眼瞼翻了一點點出來,因為牠也曾經有過這問題,當時給牠點了眼藥水就治好,因此以為這次也只是小毛病。305Please respect copyright.PENANAjIPQjyCETk
305Please respect copyright.PENANAkje4gh8DQj
可幫牠點了一個星期眼藥水也絲毫沒好轉,由於體型龐大的牠已不能偷偷乘搭交通工具,我便預約獸醫登門給牠檢查。305Please respect copyright.PENANANYdAVbHz19
305Please respect copyright.PENANAr09PR2hsLe
「牠可能眼睛受到感染了。」305Please respect copyright.PENANAFMJkAEfy1n
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獸醫在檢查後得出這結論,並處方了眼藥水和抗生素。305Please respect copyright.PENANAHZPNwzgrLp
305Please respect copyright.PENANAIb6dvD6ZM7
然而這些藥吃了幾天也不見任何作用,左邊鼻孔還開始流出淡黃色的鼻涕,因此我再次預約同一位獸醫登門診察。305Please respect copyright.PENANApUGRbqwwYk
305Please respect copyright.PENANAqUXi7qQzfr
「應該是感冒了。」305Please respect copyright.PENANAU6ay46D5kf
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這次除了抗生素,亦處方了消炎藥。305Please respect copyright.PENANA6y0j5ym1Pb
305Please respect copyright.PENANADTm8QO1zgc
同樣地吃了幾天藥也沒有好轉,鼻涕偶爾還會滲雜著血絲,左邊臉上亦多了一粒杏仁大小的硬塊。305Please respect copyright.PENANAy4kCRaQ9a7
305Please respect copyright.PENANAxslAtm88Ee
意識到登門的那位獸醫並不能治好牠,我便決定帶牠出門去診所應診。幸好當年已有叫車服務,就算沒有私家車,也能帶著寵物出門遠行。305Please respect copyright.PENANA3jFhvehXBw
305Please respect copyright.PENANAwtPJVEJ2Ir
「可能是蛀牙引起牙齦發炎潰爛,口鼻相通之下令鼻涕有血絲,臉上的顆粒是膿包,要治好就要把牠的大牙拔掉。」305Please respect copyright.PENANAE48JvDi3bG
305Please respect copyright.PENANAZNHO9BI4kU
雖然獸醫這麼說,但牠的牙齒分明健康又結實,加上牠也天天啃潔齒棒,實在難以想像牙齒有問題。305Please respect copyright.PENANAq3Jwjt8H0k
305Please respect copyright.PENANAK51oxGk5Kx
鑑於想聽多一個獸醫的意見,我便預約了同一間診所另一位評價比較好的獸醫。305Please respect copyright.PENANAyCoeE8UZEi
305Please respect copyright.PENANANDGQQmKPtv
這位獸醫摸了摸那硬塊,眉頭一皺,往牠臉上噴了點麻醉劑,便拿針筒刺上去想抽點什麼,但什麼都沒能抽出來。305Please respect copyright.PENANAWUbi8rEyu9
305Please respect copyright.PENANASO5KVbHlZ1
「如果是膿液的話,這顆粒會是軟的,而且也能用針筒抽出膿液,這肯定不是什麼好東西,但這家診所並沒有足夠的儀器,要轉介你去專科診所。」305Please respect copyright.PENANAXiOtl7JlFm
305Please respect copyright.PENANA6OpRMihrpv
雖然有向他投訴診所另一位獸醫的誤診,但他不以為意,實在令人泄氣。可幸護士們都很親切,馬上聯繫了專科診所,被視為急診的情況下,翌日就可以去應診。305Please respect copyright.PENANAJotKdus0Of
305Please respect copyright.PENANAsSSl6D5ndt
專科診所幫牠把臉上硬塊的部分組織切下送往外國化驗,此時它已由杏仁長至雞蛋的大小。一個星期後,等不及診所聯絡,我已主動打電話查詢,心想能切除的話就早一天切除。305Please respect copyright.PENANAzSH6k6aQex
305Please respect copyright.PENANAE1khQHh3lF
「牠患的是骨癌,而且長在臉上不能切除,沒有治好的可能。」305Please respect copyright.PENANAIb2XogRtVb
305Please respect copyright.PENANAtFggA4MWIc
這宣告實在太突然也太震驚,即使當時人在公司,也忍不住哭出來。305Please respect copyright.PENANAVxctWBGqpR
305Please respect copyright.PENANAL1kENgIjsg
之後我搜尋了很多可以幫狗延緩癌症的資訊,也嘗試過偏方(早晚餵食加了亞麻籽與冷壓麻籽油的茅屋芝士),但這偏方實在過於難吃,以致牠每次也會吐出來。305Please respect copyright.PENANA0P5zI4gba9
305Please respect copyright.PENANAjqz94GssGp
如果知道生命餘下的時間不多,我也不想只吃難吃的食物受苦,牠豈不是也如此嗎?305Please respect copyright.PENANASQ8s7JIXt2
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因此我停止了這偏方,轉而餵食新鮮食材。305Please respect copyright.PENANAVHbambQXTk
305Please respect copyright.PENANAqHMFz0Xaoc
由於牠左邊的口腔已被腫瘤侵蝕潰爛,幾乎咀嚼不到食物,所以我每晚下班回家都會用攪拌器把煮好的新鮮食材攪成糊再餵給牠。305Please respect copyright.PENANA84kO5NuYBk
305Please respect copyright.PENANAlOZCjkFJGz
在這最後的一個月,每逢假日我便會帶牠出遠門玩,雖然深閨的牠顯得有點害怕陌生環境,但習慣了之後還是看得出牠是很高興的。305Please respect copyright.PENANAP0REEts4ST
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我真的好後悔沒有更早帶牠出遠門。305Please respect copyright.PENANAe0Gh8KI4w4
305Please respect copyright.PENANAV68zUoRiXU
叫車服務其實早知道有,只是我一直把這計劃推遲,怎料牠原來已沒有多少時間能見識這個世界。305Please respect copyright.PENANAfC6CirhLCJ
305Please respect copyright.PENANAVUUJ2Vzi5A
發病起僅僅兩個月,腫瘤已如網球般大。或許侵蝕到腦部,有時牠會抽搐,左眼也被擠壓到變形,口腔的潰瘍也導致牠每天流很多血,輕易把一條浴巾染得血跡斑斑。305Please respect copyright.PENANAJTeCqunr0h
305Please respect copyright.PENANAqwCAkPKJGX
我知道牠很痛,同時也知道牠想活下去,動物從來都不會輕易放棄生存。305Please respect copyright.PENANAg2QBQHj3oq
305Please respect copyright.PENANAREjZiz7S6h
可這樣下去牠會死得很辛苦,掙扎了好久,我還是預約另一位獸醫登門,給牠安樂死。305Please respect copyright.PENANAze1C93gZrf
305Please respect copyright.PENANAbI6iCfMfZi
那天是除夕,亦是牠7歲的生日。305Please respect copyright.PENANAkQk1VFWLGm
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一整天我都陪著牠,但顯然牠並不知曉接下來會發生的事。305Please respect copyright.PENANAhagiw5gEwM
305Please respect copyright.PENANAMOi8wrGTkL
晚上8時,獸醫及他的助手到達,傻傻的牠還以為他們是客人,上前去討摸。305Please respect copyright.PENANAt1XIBGqZfK
305Please respect copyright.PENANAvWatk936pF
評估過牠的現況及看過化驗報告後,獸醫同意給牠安樂死,也指出牠的腫瘤已經非常大,即使處方高劑量類固醇也活不了多久。305Please respect copyright.PENANAAVNFXg9aiY
305Please respect copyright.PENANAMwI4sgWPlK
無論做了多少心理準備、腦海模擬過多少遍,分別一旦來臨,眼淚還是決堤而出。305Please respect copyright.PENANAjLxAdSxaA6
305Please respect copyright.PENANASHYp2tg1Ua
這是最後一次機會去做選擇,而我,最終亦選擇替牠安樂死。305Please respect copyright.PENANAHHeQl9Zb7Z
305Please respect copyright.PENANAFIuaMtLjJ6
獸醫先給牠注射了鎮靜劑,稍等幾分鐘至藥力生效,再給牠注射致死量的麻醉藥。305Please respect copyright.PENANAargFe77Okv
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牠就這樣緩緩地趴下,仿似只是睡著,隨時會醒來的樣子。305Please respect copyright.PENANAh8CbcaGIVZ
305Please respect copyright.PENANAdFZLnjSQNb
經獸醫檢查,確認牠的心臟已經停止跳動。305Please respect copyright.PENANAnI8Ypl1QlC
305Please respect copyright.PENANA9nnXEO4EHE
在牠7歲的這天,亦是我們離別之日;是我親自給予死亡,讓牠提前去了當狗天使。305Please respect copyright.PENANAWQaZ3sb3Aa
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直到現在我還會禁不住想,要是我當日快點找到合適的獸醫,是否就能趁腫瘤還細的時候切除?305Please respect copyright.PENANA9Mvm3Yq6Tq
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要是我能早點帶牠出遠門,牠的生命是否就能變得更完滿?305Please respect copyright.PENANA3ooNjS1d30
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事到如今,我對牠就只有無盡的愧疚和思念。305Please respect copyright.PENANA1K0VN4vVOd
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時間的無情。
責任的承擔。
生命的價值。
生死的別離。305Please respect copyright.PENANAmZGV8ANiWl
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這些都是牠以性命教曉我的。305Please respect copyright.PENANAnie9N97fsv
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即使牠已離去了差不多四年,我仍無法忘記與牠生活的日子。305Please respect copyright.PENANAqiAXInADMx
305Please respect copyright.PENANA0FHzs2PoKu
牠帶給我煩惱,也帶給我歡樂。305Please respect copyright.PENANA59GwNgQS6C
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能跟牠相遇,是我此生最大的奇蹟。
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