976Please respect copyright.PENANAV2r2nCQvHy
976Please respect copyright.PENANAFILEhDK3nH
其實我不是沒有喜歡過阿樂。976Please respect copyright.PENANAZCZetOF5o2
976Please respect copyright.PENANAHPz9Q5WYM2
只是,這種喜歡對我來說,是不夠的。976Please respect copyright.PENANAXz7Ssio2ug
976Please respect copyright.PENANABombQX5oKZ
剛剛認識阿樂的時候,我就覺得他很搞笑,不是娛樂的那種,而是因為他總是不說話,和整體的Ocamp氣氛很不夾。別人的熱情和他的靜默形成強烈對比,甚至他每次說話時都感覺很放不開,有點緊張。976Please respect copyright.PENANAbWYwiAVFZm
976Please respect copyright.PENANAU2ljdWknu8
這一點,令我覺得他比別人可靠,和別的滿嘴跑火車的人,不一樣。976Please respect copyright.PENANA1e7Cu2mru3
976Please respect copyright.PENANAmr7ibY4cx5
我認識了他,我和他相熟。976Please respect copyright.PENANAy2zuIg7FkY
976Please respect copyright.PENANA82Bwo3gRzH
阿樂不只是林子樂了,他還是「樂仔」。976Please respect copyright.PENANACmPiW9td2C
976Please respect copyright.PENANA6lKHMadV6l
我們是同一屆的新生,有好多事都是一起學的,譬如Reg科。我登入不到系統的時候,就找他求救,他幫助登入,不斷重刷那該死的網頁。976Please respect copyright.PENANAk2GzqiGg38
976Please respect copyright.PENANAFlzo317XXo
我們一起在晚上行過新亞書院的情人路,正正因為很黑,所以要有人陪才能行。他成了我一段路的情人,我捉過他的手臂,然而這一種肢體碰觸可能太過輕巧了,多走一會兒,就已經到達了本部。976Please respect copyright.PENANAYOX4XlYGzc
976Please respect copyright.PENANAxF6neCG9EY
我喜歡過阿樂,但其實,我也不知那是不是喜歡。976Please respect copyright.PENANAycBDjNdVfq
976Please respect copyright.PENANAMkmCTfUE5b
他陪在我身邊,和我日夜傾談的日子,我有心動。對,我發現我有心動,會很想等到他的WhatsApp,或者很期待和他連線睇戲。可是這一種感覺,卻沒有很強烈,就是很淡,很柔和的思念,僅此而已。976Please respect copyright.PENANAdTTNIvnSqN
976Please respect copyright.PENANAqYSf8VuPJM
然後戀愛,尤其是年輕人的戀愛,這樣的平淡對我來說是不夠的。每次對上阿樂的眼睛,我都懷疑自己的感情;喜歡他,和我以前喜歡別人時的感覺,差太遠了,以前真的是心跳很快很急,可是面對阿樂,卻沒有那樣的顛簸。976Please respect copyright.PENANAuWBPwZ92AY
976Please respect copyright.PENANAUsKJD0Vv0d
那一段時間,我淡然地喜歡着阿樂。我的表現如常,只是和他更頻繁地聊天。976Please respect copyright.PENANABlSFymxirQ
976Please respect copyright.PENANAOdWTCEBK8p
慢慢,我越來越依賴他。976Please respect copyright.PENANAYbqK4EJUYq
976Please respect copyright.PENANAJIotJ8RAXn
但是,我卻不想和他在一起,因為我覺得自己應該要和「更好」的人在一起,譬如,那個人可以給我更刺激的戀愛感覺。976Please respect copyright.PENANAkdQ4LmoH0h
976Please respect copyright.PENANAQqOqw9okWH
我感受到,阿樂也喜歡我,而且,和我的喜歡有一些差別,他真的對我很好,很照顧我,未必真的想在我身上索取什麼。976Please respect copyright.PENANANH2oK3Vl8l
976Please respect copyright.PENANAhJ9D0gjuzO
我對他的友誼變質了,再沒有當初純粹。我貪戀他的善待,即使我受着良心的譴責——她說我不應和他曖昧。可是,其實我也迷惑的。976Please respect copyright.PENANA7VAGFzTbTS
976Please respect copyright.PENANAmN4MxL0ae8
一方面,我喜歡他,也喜歡和他浪費時間;另一方面,我卻覺得將來會遇見更好。只是在這一段時間裏,他是最好的,所以,我也願意奉獻這一顆不夠純粹的真心,和他做朋友。976Please respect copyright.PENANAocW0MvyGzN
976Please respect copyright.PENANAOl2snnIVSH
後來,我戀愛了。果然,戀愛是很幸福的感覺,很濃烈,很快樂,那一條情人路,我也和男友走過。976Please respect copyright.PENANA0OvnsAas7y
這一段時間,我也和阿樂保持舊有的關係,他總和我說,我的男友是個MK仔,總和我吵架,不懂得珍惜我。我笑笑,總回答他,可是有你對我好啊。976Please respect copyright.PENANAXrKl9TzVYB
976Please respect copyright.PENANArnPlYddhPX
我對阿樂的依賴沒有隨時間消失,在男友的映襯下,我更覺得阿樂對我好。可是,那一種看一眼就鍾意的感覺,不是阿樂可以給我的。976Please respect copyright.PENANA2FUWy6KMvk
976Please respect copyright.PENANAOv3VJKTZtU
我和阿樂,可能是不夠來電吧,電流太弱了。976Please respect copyright.PENANAz06xdZ2Pv4
976Please respect copyright.PENANAMfgCvKsDsn
後來,我分手,阿樂和我表白,我拒絕了。976Please respect copyright.PENANAF03DDn4MYa
976Please respect copyright.PENANACedgwFlJWf
沒有什麼難過的原因,只是難堪而已。我對他的喜歡,不足以捆着我,因為我知道,我永遠不可能像他喜歡我一樣地喜歡他。976Please respect copyright.PENANAOaHeHlNZZn
976Please respect copyright.PENANA1lVCsJDagy
講到尾,其實就是我不夠喜歡他。976Please respect copyright.PENANASUsRKkUc3T
976Please respect copyright.PENANAd1a5Uq57D5
我們恢復聯絡,一切如舊。976Please respect copyright.PENANAICZ9iITCVq
976Please respect copyright.PENANA2dQr8jjgZS
我見有女孩子在他家住,第一下感覺挺不舒服的,但第二下、第三下,又覺得與我何干?我有些嫉妒別人也可得到他的款待,但這一個「唯一」我卻不太想要。976Please respect copyright.PENANAnBgkJHEct2
976Please respect copyright.PENANAO4wl27PsGM
大概是因為,我有心理負擔吧。976Please respect copyright.PENANA3RdonFWJti
976Please respect copyright.PENANAOtOeW6KC22
雖然你未必相信,但我是真心與阿樂做朋友的。這一種矛盾的友達以上也令我很混亂。他對我的喜歡其實也很明顯了,尤其是他抱我、愕然地看我時,我知道他受傷了,深深受傷。976Please respect copyright.PENANARZqJK1Vke0
976Please respect copyright.PENANArlwEWsAfQv
他因我的迷糊和貪婪受傷,可是講真,這於我不是超級超級重要——我更因而知道自己並不可能再進一步喜歡他。976Please respect copyright.PENANAJkY1XQIKJZ
976Please respect copyright.PENANA9dcXc5oUAa
我只得來自友情的心理負擔。976Please respect copyright.PENANAze0dUTlRtr
976Please respect copyright.PENANAN0n6r68zFH
我一直都覺得有些虧欠他,可是這一路走來,我都說服自己一切都是你情我願的;然而,確實因為我的存在,而令他有幻想和希望,因而,失望受傷。976Please respect copyright.PENANAqm5N0ybW5h
976Please respect copyright.PENANAOVhC6sAOZ1
唉,感情好難。976Please respect copyright.PENANA9L59q2mLzO
976Please respect copyright.PENANA8MWvRe3yBp
但是,就在這段期間,我遇上了阿賢,我喜歡他,真的。976Please respect copyright.PENANATPbv7GwD6i
976Please respect copyright.PENANA6yao86o7HC
我確實這一種心跳感覺,一如當初與舊男友時的心跳選擇。976Please respect copyright.PENANALSrjS78QAu
976Please respect copyright.PENANAYYeSWOKteD
這不是阿樂可以給我的,總是差了一些,或者差了很多。其實我也分不清。976Please respect copyright.PENANAFpfVktfTmV
976Please respect copyright.PENANAZKhHyhbUQn
我和阿賢在一起。976Please respect copyright.PENANAQPF6W98an3
976Please respect copyright.PENANAKMDjQGLnmX
我不想再與阿樂像以前那樣聯絡了。因為,我感覺到我們都變了,我認清自己對阿樂的感覺,他也不再像以前那樣,接受卑微的後備位置。我們的心態都失衡了,一切都會很奇怪,定位模糊,只得不甘的尷尬。976Please respect copyright.PENANA9XYiryXYEx
976Please respect copyright.PENANAj1IdpFEcBQ
我對他的依賴,也仿佛在這種拉鋸之中消散,突然覺得這一種關係是沒用的,對大家都沒有好處。變成,我更樂意依賴男友,還更有正當性呢。976Please respect copyright.PENANAO9MgPRZvQq
976Please respect copyright.PENANAnkS6oeYA7Z
阿樂看似接受了一切,可是我知道,他沒有,至少沒能那麼快。可是,都沒有辦法了。976Please respect copyright.PENANAYy0r6jBGCq
976Please respect copyright.PENANAFJTDczAvng
變質的友情,在真心和不夠純粹之間,都很難有平衡點。如果我真的喜歡他就好了,但我真的無能為力,其實我也痛苦,但也許沒資格說吧,所以,唯有希望他快樂,希望我們都能快樂。976Please respect copyright.PENANAGtCjSqrW2A
976Please respect copyright.PENANAzy3gyhwiTb
阿樂應該找一個很喜歡他的人,然後相愛。976Please respect copyright.PENANAOHQvguley8
976Please respect copyright.PENANAQUg922npD4
只是,這個人,無法是我。我不夠鍾意他,對不起。