*小札記一篇67Please respect copyright.PENANAahxnnnaI9Z
*無邏輯純抒發67Please respect copyright.PENANARnT0hDEzmX
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAOX06QSrDQl
早上七點,熟悉的鬧鐘鈴聲從耳邊響起,把在深深睡夢之中的我喚醒。我不耐煩的關掉了床頭的鬧鐘,茫然地睜開了雙眼。67Please respect copyright.PENANA87LfFl1mVp
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAOyjFHFtCFR
我迷迷糊糊的看著熟悉的房間,熟悉的陳設,熟悉的小抱枕。這不是夢,我已經從夢中醒來了—從噩夢中醒來了。天色今天似乎比平常要亮了些,似是在提醒著我,該要開始新一日了。67Please respect copyright.PENANAPJAkRPOi1y
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAhqnXqm4GEy
我不願起來面對現實的種種,卻又不想流連在那夢魘之中。67Please respect copyright.PENANA8Y4bFDM9WM
.67Please respect copyright.PENANArMhrXWM2lB
冷空氣從窗戶的小峰鑽入屋中,儘管屋内已經開上了暖氣,我依然覺得寒冷無比。許是因為我平常就怕冷,也或許是因為我是發自内心的如墜冰窖。67Please respect copyright.PENANANFIfLxSKCh
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA9yfsVHz5bO
我嘆了嘆,看了看手機的時間,還是從那稍微溫暖一些的被窩中爬了起來梳洗更衣,用了早餐準備上學。67Please respect copyright.PENANAH6bBX1zWgB
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAeoOFOWmCSN
甫一推開家門,冷冽的寒風隨即作為一整天的開幕禮物般,極其「溫柔」的描摹過我的臉龐。本來因為疲憊而迷亂的思緒被攝氏一兩度的風吹得清醒了些,我卻覺得自己内心深處,還是一片凌亂。67Please respect copyright.PENANA4Ly21KqDqC
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAui1m3xs9Jd
像是打了重重結的針線,不停相互糾纏在一起。明明針線輕得不能再輕,卻讓我一陣心煩—大概是因為針雖然輕,被針尖扎到還是會疼痛不已的緣故吧。67Please respect copyright.PENANAroCTm4sl3w
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAL2G2xu8e48
壓倒駱駝的最後一根稻草,永遠可以輕得不能再輕啊。67Please respect copyright.PENANAAv49LvfehB
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAZAvlEkFuAg
何況我並非駱駝,我只是一個人,一個承受力甚低,一個脆弱得不堪的人罷了;一個被針扎了,還是會疼痛甚至會流淚的一個人罷了。67Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4IKkUs1C7
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAsRyiyzI1cg
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAK0Gj5D9oJh
被心事纏繞著的我走著走著,已經到了日常上學要去的車站,我登上了校車。倦意並沒有隨著風飄遠,我連上了耳機,播放著平常喜歡的歌曲,閉上眼睛扶著額頭,把頭倚到了那透明的車窗上。67Please respect copyright.PENANAQSSyDCAmuo
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAa0MonImegm
尤記得自己曾經也告誡過自己,心情差的時候千萬不能聽悲傷的歌。只是我打開手機裏面的mp3檔,恍惚每一首歌背後都藏著一個足以讓人落淚的故事啊。我管不了那麽多,隨便打開了一首就聽了起來。67Please respect copyright.PENANAPJmCxKiXAp
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAc4Zw59rKse
眼角似乎泛起了一陣濕意。大概是因為還沒人睡醒的生理淚水吧,我想。我不敢睜開眼睛,怕一睜眼淚水就會跟著滾落下來。67Please respect copyright.PENANA5c5lApAwzV
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAitUpJaDawZ
我把雙眸緊閉,眼淚卻因此更快的滑落臉頰。我擦乾了那一滴淚,繼續任由自己躺在一片無邊的黑暗之中。67Please respect copyright.PENANAJpTrSdq2jb
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA3DkrVYt4nd
我好像身處在第二個世界,這裏沒有一絲光線,沒有一分顔色,有的只是無邊的漆黑。像是靜謐的黑夜,卻要比黑夜更靜上幾分,更讓人安寧幾分。67Please respect copyright.PENANArrzZwWQWQS
.67Please respect copyright.PENANALJVkxOzSGe
這裏沒有任何一個人,只有我一個人。我明明無比害怕獨自一人,卻又突然喜歡上了這種獨處的感覺—興許只因在乎的人也不在身旁吧。.67Please respect copyright.PENANAR8saPvMsYp
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAWWqg25PLdn
車停了下來,我終於睜開了眼,熟悉的學校矗立在自己眼前。我深呼吸,下了車走進了校舍,找到了自己的儲物櫃,放下了厚重的書。67Please respect copyright.PENANANllZjYfnpt
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAMgOUeNMU6c
我瞥向貼在儲物櫃門上的時間表,輕輕一愣—今天要上戲劇啊。説來也是好笑,本來自認對戲劇一無所知,演戲一竅不通的自己,陰差陽錯被學校分配進了這課,卻被老師覺得天賦頗高。67Please respect copyright.PENANAzlBnYycE3A
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAI3hJbUZPlg
看回老師給我們的錄像,看著自己演出的一場場戲劇,劇内的台詞都是滿滿的笑點,觀衆也很享受我們的演出。67Please respect copyright.PENANANWctd7cjqC
.67Please respect copyright.PENANABXpK97uyTY
初次聽到這話的一時間,我竟不知該笑還是該哭。我哪有什麽天賦,有的只是日復一日,年復一年的經驗罷了。67Please respect copyright.PENANA7DKspJAEnF
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAkm8WmTxmxx
戲中的我,笑得正燦爛;看著戲的我,卻在努力憋著淚。67Please respect copyright.PENANApDTjLXlxzm
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAVyVNP61D5y
「卸下臉譜,卻傷痕道道。*」這句歌詞我本來聽只覺得虐心,當自己算是半個演員以後,方知道那有多疼。67Please respect copyright.PENANA9HsejHluIK
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA3H27IR3Xdj
能夠藏起自己的負面情緒,去演一場場喜劇的自己,看起來演技的確挺不錯的。67Please respect copyright.PENANAyBFOn23LLg
.67Please respect copyright.PENANACQ0Z5hwd2c
只是哪一天,我才能不用因為演戲,而是由衷的笑,真心的笑,笑得開懷,笑得燦爛呢?我不敢想,也不願想。67Please respect copyright.PENANAV2TOaew0ko
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAqkCgQqo3JV
這一天下來,我表面上是一如往常的樂觀開朗,是一如既往的懂事勤奮。67Please respect copyright.PENANABTBFr2Vadc
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAORYw5zKg3G
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAIQwYrRFKuv
總算道別了最後一個同學的我,拖著無力的步伐離開了校園。緊綳著的神經一下子全部放鬆,掛著的笑容總算得以卸下。疲倦感一下子朝我的全身上下襲來,我半躺在了校車的皮質座椅上,艱難的張開了雙眼,毫無焦距的看著窗外的景色。67Please respect copyright.PENANAL8kYXfQDOO
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA5ENMXiduos
累,是我唯一的感覺。67Please respect copyright.PENANADT1djl5EA9
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA9pvY6S8BRX
無奈,絕望,痛苦,無力,焦慮,鬱結……一切的感受都被暫時抛諸腦後,我只覺得累,被壓垮一般的累。其他知覺都暫時失去的我,只想立刻沉沉睡去。67Please respect copyright.PENANAKZBGkBrwIO
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA1eENqFeVfp
只是沉重的頭顱沒有誰的肩膀去安放,長篇大論的心事也沒有人誰能夠訴之於口。我下意識地看向身旁,只是除了玻璃上的倒影中,自己那迷惘的眼神之外,我什麽都看不到,也什麽都觸不到。67Please respect copyright.PENANA4NKLMnvcCh
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAp8ulGDZes5
總是在故作堅強,卻忘了自己其實甚是脆弱;67Please respect copyright.PENANAvbXNwpvkeh
總是在演作樂觀,卻忘了自己其實無比悲觀。67Please respect copyright.PENANAkFg1TKjVz3
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAoF1o4yJe8A
孑然一身的感覺,即便早已習慣,原來也真的不是那麽好受的。67Please respect copyright.PENANA3TfbwxhwWQ
尤其是,早已習慣性的去依賴一個人以後的孤獨,真的很難熬。67Please respect copyright.PENANAxdn60fqt2V
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAN8yq5Np0B7
我知道我本不值得任何人的感情,不值得任何人待我好,不值得任何人爲我付出,卻還是癡癡地把別人的好當作理所應當。67Please respect copyright.PENANA5y4L075HHP
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA3yC58su2b4
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAKNm9ssQNPS
我真的,什麽都不會啊。67Please respect copyright.PENANAPf6BaxWeVw
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAe57QbobJu8
親情和友情,我好不容易找回來以後,卻又一次次的險些失去。我根本不懂待人好,卻只是在一次次的傷害在乎自己的人,又一次次的傷害自己在乎的人。自以為已經推心置腹,卻一次次的傷透了人。67Please respect copyright.PENANArOb2qSpfVw
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA65pEo9Xz2w
我真的,好想回去那個真正的家啊。67Please respect copyright.PENANAduQF0OCrBC
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAnaXrGTflSM
那裏有著我最親的親人,最好的朋友。有著我的過往,有著我的足印;有著我的感情,有著我的信仰。67Please respect copyright.PENANAl3TkJgcG2c
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAn3CaqPhT2Y
曾經的那座城市,如今已經飽受摧殘。我嘴上說著自己支持著人們的信仰和念想,卻是無能為力。67Please respect copyright.PENANAIfKv7InYHe
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAKOC9rrmq8P
就在某一刻,我突然發現口口聲聲説要守護的一切,曾經說要永遠堅持的事情,其實我都守護不住,也堅持不下去。感情如是,信仰如是。67Please respect copyright.PENANAc7QdMqrZwZ
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA76bK0DHczQ
我會什麽?除了逃避,我還會什麽?我什麽都不會,我就是個廢物,不可回收的那種罷了。67Please respect copyright.PENANALy5NnKFWqV
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAhy6yZUujFY
或許我是該惜福。67Please respect copyright.PENANAyPWYOzNSwS
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAtR188D4lIX
我能夠安穩的在外地度日,能夠進了一所很不錯的學校。讀書的成績自問不差,寫文的成就也算是不錯,音樂方面的天賦也勉強有些。67Please respect copyright.PENANAuIGv4pMo9A
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA7vdCwUNukd
甚至説,至少我四肢健全,神智清晰,家人健在;至少……我還活著,平平安安地活著,開開心心的活著—至少別人都是這樣想的。67Please respect copyright.PENANAyMd8xw4hiP
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA4llUsb0bsj
可是,這一切好像都比不上我心裏那份要回家的念想了。67Please respect copyright.PENANAuQimliXaRO
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAtZ0tsgWyJd
「身在福中不知福」這句話,形容我怕不是再適合不過:只會把這一切當作理所當然,只會無視這些別人努力為自己努力編織出來的美好,只會一味的忽視著好的一切,沉溺在自己的悲傷黑暗之中,甚至埋怨著別人。67Please respect copyright.PENANAWDA7YzUB8L
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAGoKTYJVrfM
我真的,好恨我自己啊。67Please respect copyright.PENANAGRWu2SYLOm
.67Please respect copyright.PENANABH8pGrT1cQ
恨自己的無能為力,恨自己的不懂珍惜,恨自己的虛偽做作,恨自己的一切。67Please respect copyright.PENANAnwZsB92hV9
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAgirsYpUbiI
恨自己從上到下,從外到内的一切。67Please respect copyright.PENANAwprsIgsJe0
.67Please respect copyright.PENANA7Ks7eRJ159
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAuLF96CnlQ3
究竟到哪一天,我才能正視我自己?才能肯定一下我自己?才能喜歡一下我自己?不,大概也不可能了,這輩子都不可能了。67Please respect copyright.PENANAPteafM6b0V
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAqfF0MGi9aV
那,這輩子還有多長呢?要熬的日子還有多長呢?要演的歲月還有多久呢?67Please respect copyright.PENANAqQUuL9hSqQ
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAODQRis7wsu
一個十幾歲的初中少女説這句話,似乎總是會被成年人説是年少無知,説是不知世途險惡就自暴自棄的不良示例。67Please respect copyright.PENANAZZJtifrbjJ
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAhEDbYk0ddx
只是,若不知世間人心險惡,便覺生命煎熬難耐,又意味著什麽呢?67Please respect copyright.PENANAn4A7XPp8wV
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAtRVqsjXa76
我不知,更不欲知。67Please respect copyright.PENANAetxMlFpWUL
.67Please respect copyright.PENANArIcafSM1Eo
我只知,我確實的累了,累透了,大概是該睡了。67Please respect copyright.PENANABwHIcWUoEw
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAQf8q4bNwej
希望一夜過去,陪伴我的不再是可怕的噩夢;67Please respect copyright.PENANAzFkXnVWRQZ
希望一朝起來,迎接我的會是你溫柔的眼眸。67Please respect copyright.PENANATeTl9dciCw
.67Please respect copyright.PENANAWoZxxsbUsk
哪怕這都不過是奢望,我也始終的渴望著。
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原創隨筆合輯
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原創隨筆合輯
Author:
霜降微光
ISSUE #9
累【原創隨筆】
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