*小札記一篇66Please respect copyright.PENANAUs9ouc8AJP
*無邏輯純抒發66Please respect copyright.PENANABLNXHsBH3b
.66Please respect copyright.PENANA2OZHVKfpFe
早上七點,熟悉的鬧鐘鈴聲從耳邊響起,把在深深睡夢之中的我喚醒。我不耐煩的關掉了床頭的鬧鐘,茫然地睜開了雙眼。66Please respect copyright.PENANAKAbwstWoMk
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAMHFs24RhnB
我迷迷糊糊的看著熟悉的房間,熟悉的陳設,熟悉的小抱枕。這不是夢,我已經從夢中醒來了—從噩夢中醒來了。天色今天似乎比平常要亮了些,似是在提醒著我,該要開始新一日了。66Please respect copyright.PENANAqmuuVpENyX
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAo3OGgFnoK8
我不願起來面對現實的種種,卻又不想流連在那夢魘之中。66Please respect copyright.PENANApNu2aQCz17
.66Please respect copyright.PENANA2FWDSLk4C8
冷空氣從窗戶的小峰鑽入屋中,儘管屋内已經開上了暖氣,我依然覺得寒冷無比。許是因為我平常就怕冷,也或許是因為我是發自内心的如墜冰窖。66Please respect copyright.PENANAZn4jLX1Agu
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAWC8RUzWViR
我嘆了嘆,看了看手機的時間,還是從那稍微溫暖一些的被窩中爬了起來梳洗更衣,用了早餐準備上學。66Please respect copyright.PENANAEMX4PzrBqf
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAGFbX2aiGJT
甫一推開家門,冷冽的寒風隨即作為一整天的開幕禮物般,極其「溫柔」的描摹過我的臉龐。本來因為疲憊而迷亂的思緒被攝氏一兩度的風吹得清醒了些,我卻覺得自己内心深處,還是一片凌亂。66Please respect copyright.PENANAHrBeG78Tu0
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAO43qVSROKb
像是打了重重結的針線,不停相互糾纏在一起。明明針線輕得不能再輕,卻讓我一陣心煩—大概是因為針雖然輕,被針尖扎到還是會疼痛不已的緣故吧。66Please respect copyright.PENANAk384ZRG13j
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAjfX6LUtEiV
壓倒駱駝的最後一根稻草,永遠可以輕得不能再輕啊。66Please respect copyright.PENANAVqowBixFiA
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAt5vI0zVpry
何況我並非駱駝,我只是一個人,一個承受力甚低,一個脆弱得不堪的人罷了;一個被針扎了,還是會疼痛甚至會流淚的一個人罷了。66Please respect copyright.PENANA1u1NygTYma
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAchGIz7izBM
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAQEZdp0qpvQ
被心事纏繞著的我走著走著,已經到了日常上學要去的車站,我登上了校車。倦意並沒有隨著風飄遠,我連上了耳機,播放著平常喜歡的歌曲,閉上眼睛扶著額頭,把頭倚到了那透明的車窗上。66Please respect copyright.PENANAnfV74AXnYq
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAqeySawzazQ
尤記得自己曾經也告誡過自己,心情差的時候千萬不能聽悲傷的歌。只是我打開手機裏面的mp3檔,恍惚每一首歌背後都藏著一個足以讓人落淚的故事啊。我管不了那麽多,隨便打開了一首就聽了起來。66Please respect copyright.PENANAXNBN9LTDfl
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAQRq1D3rAlD
眼角似乎泛起了一陣濕意。大概是因為還沒人睡醒的生理淚水吧,我想。我不敢睜開眼睛,怕一睜眼淚水就會跟著滾落下來。66Please respect copyright.PENANA4qU6GvyKei
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAUVoX5T85vz
我把雙眸緊閉,眼淚卻因此更快的滑落臉頰。我擦乾了那一滴淚,繼續任由自己躺在一片無邊的黑暗之中。66Please respect copyright.PENANAUaptYLHzGA
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAnaPvKQRsh6
我好像身處在第二個世界,這裏沒有一絲光線,沒有一分顔色,有的只是無邊的漆黑。像是靜謐的黑夜,卻要比黑夜更靜上幾分,更讓人安寧幾分。66Please respect copyright.PENANAy3YWS0xDeu
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAACdQ9FSUJB
這裏沒有任何一個人,只有我一個人。我明明無比害怕獨自一人,卻又突然喜歡上了這種獨處的感覺—興許只因在乎的人也不在身旁吧。.66Please respect copyright.PENANAaMDACfK1R9
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAec6HWNiJJB
車停了下來,我終於睜開了眼,熟悉的學校矗立在自己眼前。我深呼吸,下了車走進了校舍,找到了自己的儲物櫃,放下了厚重的書。66Please respect copyright.PENANABNf7AMon0v
.66Please respect copyright.PENANADPKP9fzmZs
我瞥向貼在儲物櫃門上的時間表,輕輕一愣—今天要上戲劇啊。説來也是好笑,本來自認對戲劇一無所知,演戲一竅不通的自己,陰差陽錯被學校分配進了這課,卻被老師覺得天賦頗高。66Please respect copyright.PENANAUUcGIBDf5J
.66Please respect copyright.PENANALAuyHOkvCB
看回老師給我們的錄像,看著自己演出的一場場戲劇,劇内的台詞都是滿滿的笑點,觀衆也很享受我們的演出。66Please respect copyright.PENANAS6r9qcsoKo
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAUMNvhjQZet
初次聽到這話的一時間,我竟不知該笑還是該哭。我哪有什麽天賦,有的只是日復一日,年復一年的經驗罷了。66Please respect copyright.PENANA7XvRFb5dQA
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAUss49yZRiZ
戲中的我,笑得正燦爛;看著戲的我,卻在努力憋著淚。66Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3izcF5u4n
.66Please respect copyright.PENANACrmJfOYH8T
「卸下臉譜,卻傷痕道道。*」這句歌詞我本來聽只覺得虐心,當自己算是半個演員以後,方知道那有多疼。66Please respect copyright.PENANAATAVK3la3c
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAZYj05Y3AaV
能夠藏起自己的負面情緒,去演一場場喜劇的自己,看起來演技的確挺不錯的。66Please respect copyright.PENANAD3jvlCvdKD
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAhOcCSkwvnK
只是哪一天,我才能不用因為演戲,而是由衷的笑,真心的笑,笑得開懷,笑得燦爛呢?我不敢想,也不願想。66Please respect copyright.PENANAjaa9tCYZin
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAgpLpuAM1Zd
這一天下來,我表面上是一如往常的樂觀開朗,是一如既往的懂事勤奮。66Please respect copyright.PENANA3I6Ifkxgzo
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAdsp5sIkquN
.66Please respect copyright.PENANASge1cm7EAO
總算道別了最後一個同學的我,拖著無力的步伐離開了校園。緊綳著的神經一下子全部放鬆,掛著的笑容總算得以卸下。疲倦感一下子朝我的全身上下襲來,我半躺在了校車的皮質座椅上,艱難的張開了雙眼,毫無焦距的看著窗外的景色。66Please respect copyright.PENANAAd31YOgFn9
.66Please respect copyright.PENANApNRVYecZzD
累,是我唯一的感覺。66Please respect copyright.PENANABg9Y2HOzF0
.66Please respect copyright.PENANACiOYsUSuKS
無奈,絕望,痛苦,無力,焦慮,鬱結……一切的感受都被暫時抛諸腦後,我只覺得累,被壓垮一般的累。其他知覺都暫時失去的我,只想立刻沉沉睡去。66Please respect copyright.PENANAaHnnF143bN
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAWnhLFSqycs
只是沉重的頭顱沒有誰的肩膀去安放,長篇大論的心事也沒有人誰能夠訴之於口。我下意識地看向身旁,只是除了玻璃上的倒影中,自己那迷惘的眼神之外,我什麽都看不到,也什麽都觸不到。66Please respect copyright.PENANADUz8fILotp
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAeOk7G0wiox
總是在故作堅強,卻忘了自己其實甚是脆弱;66Please respect copyright.PENANA9ZkPnDnbHG
總是在演作樂觀,卻忘了自己其實無比悲觀。66Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0g2bDS1Cf
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAnQrn5zLNsF
孑然一身的感覺,即便早已習慣,原來也真的不是那麽好受的。66Please respect copyright.PENANATnypm0JVwJ
尤其是,早已習慣性的去依賴一個人以後的孤獨,真的很難熬。66Please respect copyright.PENANAamooIfczOS
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAzyIw9O8V6Q
我知道我本不值得任何人的感情,不值得任何人待我好,不值得任何人爲我付出,卻還是癡癡地把別人的好當作理所應當。66Please respect copyright.PENANAK2CHRsx6Rs
.66Please respect copyright.PENANADwQNpowHwk
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAw3AeY7Rcft
我真的,什麽都不會啊。66Please respect copyright.PENANARaWAYVTa7X
.66Please respect copyright.PENANA2YbJxUp0or
親情和友情,我好不容易找回來以後,卻又一次次的險些失去。我根本不懂待人好,卻只是在一次次的傷害在乎自己的人,又一次次的傷害自己在乎的人。自以為已經推心置腹,卻一次次的傷透了人。66Please respect copyright.PENANAGnJqK4YDaQ
.66Please respect copyright.PENANACTdxJ4SNzL
我真的,好想回去那個真正的家啊。66Please respect copyright.PENANA7pzmdp04s3
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAatNqa4MAdE
那裏有著我最親的親人,最好的朋友。有著我的過往,有著我的足印;有著我的感情,有著我的信仰。66Please respect copyright.PENANARmrutU5ZSc
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAuXWHts8PAo
曾經的那座城市,如今已經飽受摧殘。我嘴上說著自己支持著人們的信仰和念想,卻是無能為力。66Please respect copyright.PENANAvkIPSf3PQm
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAlUdKUG3Wq0
就在某一刻,我突然發現口口聲聲説要守護的一切,曾經說要永遠堅持的事情,其實我都守護不住,也堅持不下去。感情如是,信仰如是。66Please respect copyright.PENANAkVfwkcbSbM
.66Please respect copyright.PENANA1XIYo79lxA
我會什麽?除了逃避,我還會什麽?我什麽都不會,我就是個廢物,不可回收的那種罷了。66Please respect copyright.PENANAoN8NpMTQZR
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAJJAHa4sNIX
或許我是該惜福。66Please respect copyright.PENANAwBuUAbSYiA
.66Please respect copyright.PENANA9kJhfuLWo4
我能夠安穩的在外地度日,能夠進了一所很不錯的學校。讀書的成績自問不差,寫文的成就也算是不錯,音樂方面的天賦也勉強有些。66Please respect copyright.PENANAoh8vgiO4n5
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAiOLjhP5fiV
甚至説,至少我四肢健全,神智清晰,家人健在;至少……我還活著,平平安安地活著,開開心心的活著—至少別人都是這樣想的。66Please respect copyright.PENANAfOHjeteB6W
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAFrQyYbveuY
可是,這一切好像都比不上我心裏那份要回家的念想了。66Please respect copyright.PENANABznIprEA5K
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAVhbv86WRjy
「身在福中不知福」這句話,形容我怕不是再適合不過:只會把這一切當作理所當然,只會無視這些別人努力為自己努力編織出來的美好,只會一味的忽視著好的一切,沉溺在自己的悲傷黑暗之中,甚至埋怨著別人。66Please respect copyright.PENANAWg5oguows7
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAo8SisAtcEj
我真的,好恨我自己啊。66Please respect copyright.PENANAIDWFRcu7ia
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAbyVXcpHCDh
恨自己的無能為力,恨自己的不懂珍惜,恨自己的虛偽做作,恨自己的一切。66Please respect copyright.PENANA9u77pgshmh
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAGbfVnyRyiH
恨自己從上到下,從外到内的一切。66Please respect copyright.PENANAs8T9O01GZG
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAlnfzgEWR0T
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAHofa2rWMKG
究竟到哪一天,我才能正視我自己?才能肯定一下我自己?才能喜歡一下我自己?不,大概也不可能了,這輩子都不可能了。66Please respect copyright.PENANAgOq71gk77r
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAt5XPUiLS9Q
那,這輩子還有多長呢?要熬的日子還有多長呢?要演的歲月還有多久呢?66Please respect copyright.PENANAIrEvYa68CG
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAI1W3XoAefX
一個十幾歲的初中少女説這句話,似乎總是會被成年人説是年少無知,説是不知世途險惡就自暴自棄的不良示例。66Please respect copyright.PENANAnkRPvMjIvT
.66Please respect copyright.PENANA0pQW9jwwuD
只是,若不知世間人心險惡,便覺生命煎熬難耐,又意味著什麽呢?66Please respect copyright.PENANAiDpkxmFfOA
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAUDzx5Kb4mb
我不知,更不欲知。66Please respect copyright.PENANABxzInHPVXH
.66Please respect copyright.PENANACX3GZIW7Em
我只知,我確實的累了,累透了,大概是該睡了。66Please respect copyright.PENANAM7u4vqiw9p
.66Please respect copyright.PENANAXOaEmdd3T1
希望一夜過去,陪伴我的不再是可怕的噩夢;66Please respect copyright.PENANAKXhLriUwfN
希望一朝起來,迎接我的會是你溫柔的眼眸。66Please respect copyright.PENANAGIDl7iq5w2
.66Please respect copyright.PENANA8azT2lXeiE
哪怕這都不過是奢望,我也始終的渴望著。
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原創隨筆合輯
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原創隨筆合輯
Author:
霜降微光
ISSUE #9
累【原創隨筆】
LIKES 1
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