Dear journal, or is that still lame? Should I just be cliché and go with dear diary. That sounds stupid though and less manly. Then again who's ever going to read this but me. Fine.
Dear whatever, I know I half-assed the other days entry I didn't even make an effort, I started this and already screwed up. I was just frustrated I had nothing to write about and I felt like a loser. Still do. I'm going to get some fresh air though who knows might actually help.
12pm
I'm heading to the park keeping my my gaze straight ahead. I hate making eye contact with random people outside, it feels too awkward. I don't like when people stare at me much.
I almost miss it But I don't, out of the corner of my eye I see her. She looks different because her hair is in a weird side ponytail but I know it's her. She's got the same porcelain skin and same light brown hair as I remember from the other day. she doesn't wear much make up today light colors, natural like but she pulls it off well. Today she's wearing a casual outfit of jeans and a t shirt but somehow she stands out still. It's like she could be in a crowd full of people and she'd still stand out. She's got this air about her.
What are the odds I'd bump into her again twice in one week? I didn't even think I'd make it outside today. Maybe I was meant to bump into her again. Oookay maybe I'm over exaggerating, maybe this is common and I would of bumped into her anyways, maybe she lives nearby. Either way I'm glad.
But now she's staring back at me, I realize I've stopped moving, I must of been Staring at her this whole time. Do I just walk away? do I say hi? is that creepy? oh god.. okay okay no panicking, stay calm be casual. I'm about to walk away like nothing happened when she smiles at me and moves along. I sigh relieved. Wow she actually smiled at me, she's even more beautiful when she smiles than when she's crying.
I can't seem to get myself to move though. Something hits me now, wait what was that smile for? Oh god I freaked her out, that was a nervous smile wasn't it? She isn't just going to smile at a stranger that'd be weird. Oh great I've screwed up again. I squeeze my eyes shut hard wishing this moment away. Go for a jog. Just run, stop standing here like an idiot!
I run fast and hard and when I stop it feels like my heart's going to burst out of my chest. I'm breathing so hard it feels like I'm not even breathing, Dizziness blurs my vision for a moment. I wait until I catch my breathe then I Run all the way home.
3pm
I've spent the last few hours trying to think up a better reason she would smile at me that isn't because she was scared but I can't think of anything. I am staring at the mirror getting a feel of how I could of looked to her. Did I stare at her creepily? Did I look like a lost puppy... Was all she saw is perv? Okay maybe I am over thinking I don't know, but if I bump into her again I don't know if I should be saying sorry or pretending nothing happened. Ah who am I kidding that was probably a rare chance to see her again. It'd probably never happen again.Yeah so I should stop thinking about her.
8pm
It's eight now and I have just now realized I didn't do anything when I went outside like go to the grocery store to buy some food because all I had was eggs and bread left which I ate up earlier so now I have no choice but to go back outside or starve for dinner.
8:20pm
I walk as fast as I can to the store, I would rather not be out longer then I have to. The store's mostly empty just about Seven people in all so I quickly slither into each aisle Getting what I need and dropping everything carelessly into the cart. I get to the last aisle I need something from and I'm spacing out when my cart slams head on into another one. CRASH!
"Oh I'm so sorry." I say trying to not look up and make contact.
"It's okay, really. Just be careful next time." The voice is gentle and calm like crashing into each other is an everyday occurrence the voice of this person is so reassuring that I end up looking up at her. Holy Crap... It's the same girl. What. Is.This? Now I'm completely embarrassed and flustered.
"II-I'm really ssorry are you okay?" I stumble over my words like a moron.S he's staring at me now looking confused like she's trying to figure something out in her head. Maybe how to respond?
"Oh hey you're that guy from earlier aren't you? It's okay. What a coincidence seeing you twice in one day!" She sounds weirdly excited, but my guess is she's just trying to be nice and trying to find an escape route she probably thinks I actually followed her here or something.
"Yeah Seriously, that's weird. Sorry about earlier." I manage to spit out that apology somehow at least now she knows I wasn't trying to be a creep before. At least I hope she knows.
"It's totally cool I space out all the time, so I completely understood the situation." She says this sounding so sure of herself. Wow she really has no clue why I was staring, good thing. I'll keep playing along and quickly get out of here.
"Ah Yeah I know right sometimes you think of things at bad times, it's an awful habit." At this point I have no Idea if what I'm saying is even remotely making sense I should probably stop at that and go home now.
"Yeah I get that. Well maybe we'll bump into each other again, I'll see you around!" She's so in sync with me that I almost want to extend this conversation but I don't want to push my luck. We both seem to realize we should part ways so I nod and give her a quick 'See ya around' then turn to check out these groceries at the cash register. And I head home feeling a lot better then I did since this afternoon. No since this whole week!
Today overall: ^_^
ns 172.70.131.184da2
and then Add to home screen.