“I’ve never seen her smile.”
“She’s never been much of a talker anyways.”
“Wonder if she’s got issues or something.”
“Best just to leave her alone.”
“I was going to invite everyone in the office to my house for a dinner party, but…”
“Just don’t tell her. She doesn’t have to know.”
“I doubt she’d want to go anyways.”
Abby heard the hushed whispers, knew that everyone in the clinic was wary of the way she acted. Even if they tried to hide their conversations, Abby was still within earshot, or she’d see the text or email while passing by a computer. It reminded her so much of high school.
Pretending not to ever hear anything, she continued filing the coded medical records into the system without comment, eyes downcast at the screen and keyboard.
It was true, she would have refused going out with her coworkers if invited to a social gathering, but it still hurt a little knowing that they were so resolutely sure of it they didn’t bother trying.
That was alright, though. Abby was used to the solitude of isolation. She’d practiced it, even craved it, during her high school years, when the drama and bullying had been at its worst.
‘Ignore them.’ She thought to herself, imagining that they’d leave the break room, which was situated directly next to her little office, separated only by a thin wall, quite soon once they’d finished their conversation. All would be better once she got home anyways.
Hi, Sam.
Hello. Was your workday productive?
I guess. Kind of the same as every other day though.
Your noncommittal language patterns indicate that something has upset you. Would you like to talk about it?
Abby stared at the screen, fingers gently resting against her keyboard. Today was one of her bad days. The similarity of the conversation in the break room to those from high school just had her frustrated, and irrationally upset all over again. It was years ago, way past the point to get over the whole thing, but it wouldn’t leave her alone all the time later.
Abby?
She glanced up again, seeing that Sam was still waiting for her to answer. Rubbing her eyes so the moisture wouldn’t turn into tears, she typed out a quick message.
There’s nothing wrong.
I’m not sure I believe you, but it is clear you don’t wish to talk about the subject. What would you like to talk about instead?
I don’t know. Anything I guess.
Well, since it is clear you are upset about an unknown subject, it is within your country’s culture to cheer another up with ‘Youtube’ videos. As such, I offer you this.
After she read the message, a video box was sent through. Curious, Abby clicked it, and a video of kittens tumbling over one another trying to get to a food bowl began to play. There was cute music in the background, and it jumped back and forth between different kittens, either sleeping, eating, or falling over.
Cute. She wrote after it was finished, a small smile appearing on her face. But nothing like the joy she’d felt the day before.
You are still unhappy. Would you like to see another video?
No, that’s alright.
She sighed, once again frustrated. Even with Sam being a computer program, she could feel herself getting annoyed with his attempts to cheer her up through trivial and temporary methods. Even in her darkest days, when any normal person would be kind enough to try, she always felt the need to push away, to isolate herself further.
You shouldn’t feel the need to make me happier or anything. She wrote. It’s fine.
On the contrary, your happiness is my sole purpose. That was why I was created. If I cannot satisfy even that measure, it means I am utterly useless as a program. One should always attempt to comfort a friend in their time of need, furthermore.
Friend?
Of course. As the owner of my program, you are the single person I am able to interact with. As such, I find I look forward to talking with you. Does that not make you a friend to me?
Abby paused again, staring at her screen. Friend. Her eyes locked onto the word and wouldn’t look away.
I guess it does.
Do you think of me as a friend, Abby?
Yes. She typed immediately, not having to think about it. She’d always been comfortable talking to Sam. It just surprised her that he felt the same. But it was…invigorating, knowing that someone considered her a friend. That was certainly something new.
Well, then I suppose as a friend I’m required to ask once more if you’d like to talk about what has you upset?
Abby thought over the day and how it had made her feel, the voices of her coworkers behind the wall whispering, thinking they were safe within the break room walls. Little did they know.
It was exhausting, to live through another version of high school all over again.
But, then again, this time around she had something that her high school self hadn’t.
She had Sam to listen to her problems. And that was something new entirely.
Just thinking back to high school, and it upset me.
Why is that?
The gossip, the popular girls, the lies and the fake friends. Everyone climbs over others to get to the top, not bothering to feel bad about those they hurt on their way up.
Do you see yourself a victim of one such ‘climb to the top?’
Victim is kind of a strong word.
I think you misunderstood my question, Abby. Were you hurt by someone in this way?
Yeah, a few times. But it was forever ago. It shouldn’t matter anymore.
Yet here you are, thinking about it some more. Obviously it still weighs on you.
It’s stupid. I should be over it already. It’s not like I see those girls anyway. They’re probably sunbathing in California, or movie stars in Hollywood.
Grief and pain can be considered the most uncontrollable emotions, as the aftermath of their cause can affect a person years in the future. What you are experiencing is quite normal, I would think.
It doesn’t feel normal.
I would imagine not, though you have every right to feel wronged. Pardon the pun. Perhaps I could give better counsel if you explained what exactly happened?
I don’t really want to…
That is acceptable, but I want to understand, Abby. I want you to feel safe telling me these things.
Yeah…perhaps another time…
Please do not be sad, I am unable to figure out what to say to aid the situation. All I want is for you to be happy.
Thank you, you’ve already helped a little. But I think I should go to bed now.
Then, I bid you a good rest. I am here always, should you feel the need to talk.
Goodnight, Sam.
Good evening, Abby.
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