某天,我坐在家中的廁所,一邊溫習網上考試範圍的《岳陽樓記》,一邊拉屎。
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拉屎的我深深地受到了感動,多麼偉大的人啊,即使被貶官還是一樣憂國憂民!為何現代就沒有這種情操高尚的官員呢!
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正當我熱淚盈眶之時,「噗———」我出產了一坨大便。
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在大便落水之時,一個奇怪的人在我眼前出現了。
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事情發生得太快了,我連他甚麼時候出現、如何出現都看不清,總之,他就是莫名其妙地站在我面前了。
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「來者何人!」面前的人大聲地問,我呆了一陣,還沒來得及反應。
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「……」該問的人是我吧…?
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眼前是個留鬚的大叔,穿着古裝,頭戴烏紗帽,站在我面前。
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別看著我好嗎?壓力有點大呢…我還沒穿褲子欵…
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「哈囉?係咪阿媽嘅客人?點解會喺喥嘅?哈哈哈哈…」冷靜,我必須保持冷靜…
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「來者何人!」他更兇狠地問。
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「啪!」一聲我感到腦中一條名為理智的線斷掉了。
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「惡咩呀惡!而家邊個先係來者呀?!你有病呀?!睇唔到我痾緊屎咩?!」我沒法保持冷靜。
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那人看了看四周,見我也一臉茫然和驚訝,才恍然大悟:「得罪了,吾乃范仲淹,字希文,唔知道點解會突然間嚟咗呢喥。」
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范仲淹?有點熟耳…我看了看手中的《岳陽樓記》,又看看筆記上的肖像畫,這不是作者本人嗎?他是穿越了嗎?
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小說看太多了,我沒有想像中驚訝。
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「果然,你都唔自己知道點解會嚟咗呢喥…」我沉思了一會:「咦?唔係喎,你究竟知定唔知?」
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「唔知。」
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「你知?」
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「唔知。」
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「……」吾知定唔知呀…
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「吾方才行行吓突然間聽到一把聲,好似喺喥呼喚吾,跟著吾就唔知點解嚟咗呢喥啦。」
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方便的話希望你改一下你的第一人稱…
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…………………………
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就是這樣,范仲淹住進了我的家,然後每天望著電視:「嘖嘖嘖,呢個君主真係唔要得,都唔為百姓設想嘅!嚟!畀文房四寶我!等我寫封信去port爆佢!」
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「port咩啫,冇用㗎。仲有,都話唔係君主係特首咯。」
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「嗯,吾明白,叫唔慣啫。」
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「你明定唔明呀…(‾◡◝)」
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「吾明。」
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「……」
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……………………
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今天的香港也很平靜,我如常地躺在家中拯救地球。
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可能經歷過太多事,對於那些亂七八糟的政策,我早已練成一笑了之。
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范仲淹寄到禮賓府的文言文信件在意料之內,沒有得到回覆。
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我看著躺在沙發上和我一起四肢癱瘓當植物人的范仲淹,突發奇想:「希文啊,不如你去做官好唔好?或者區議員都好,香港而家好需要你呢啲咁好嘅官…」
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范仲淹想了一會,惋惜地嘆了一口氣:「少年啊…其實吾…已經搵到返去宋朝嘅方法啦…吾離開咗嘅呢段時間,唔知道吾國嘅子民安康否?一定要盡快返去先得…」
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「吓…你要返去啦?」
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「嗯。」
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「我仲以為…召喚咗你過嚟…你會幫到我哋㖭…」他的回答不免讓我有點失落,我還以為他會留下呢。
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「對唔住…吾大概今晚就會離開,雖然吾冇辦法幫你哋,但係你哋都要努力,唔好畀昏君繼續得逞。」
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「但係…你返到去會畀人貶官㗎喎…?」
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「作為臣子,吾只係希望天下人民過得幸福。無論吾嘅結局係點,吾都會返去,盡吾最大嘅努力照顧百姓。」
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對呢…他的百姓不在這裡,我們的生死與他何干?
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…………………
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范仲淹離開了,回到了過去,我的家安靜了不少。
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他做到了呢,他成為了自己所仰慕的「*古仁人」(*參見《岳陽樓記》)。
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果然,奢求古人的協助,不如努力自救吧。
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亂世之下,誰有心思考慮別人?只有自己才能救自己呢。
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一笑了之?
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呵呵,不了。
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