Immediately I texted my boyfriend, "I just want to say that I love you! I miss you!"
"Aww, Kylie, I love you too!!!" He then sent a heart with a kissy emoji.
My mom said that she had a meeting at school around 7 that night and she'd be back around 9.
"Kylie, I will be back soon. Get your studies done tonight." My mom told me.
"I will mom," I concluded. I definitely would get my schoolwork done. Just because I had an issue, I was still a good teenager."
"It's a learning curve, my baby girl. Okay? I love you, Kylie."
"I love you too!" I felt so much better after having my mom discover the giant spiral of lies finally unraveled, and I was happy to say I felt at ease again.
I ran upstairs and tried to finish my studies but my mom gave me extra homework. It must be because I kept the truth from her. That is a much better punishment than being grounded at least. I fell asleep on my desk while I tried finishing my studies. I woke up around 11 though and then I took my phone and texted Lee,"Goodnight Lee, I love you!"
I woke up the following day hoping to at least get one text, but no. Something was up. I mean I woke up around 7 am, and he wasn't home. He was already at school, but usually, he's the last one at school.
I continued on with my day. I was doing housework and, of course, studying. I was just waiting, waiting, and waiting for my boyfriend to come home. It was nearly dusk before he came back. "This is crazy and almost obsessive." I was telling myself. And I heard the words my mom said getting caught up, "Don't get lost in it". That is what she must have meant.
Lee was walking to his door, and I met him on his way.
"Hey, Lee." I excitedly ran up to the doorway.
"Oh, hi, Kylie." he looked down at the ground as if he wasn't excited to see me.
"What's wrong?" I could tell something was up, he was all depressed and down.
"Nothing, I'm just tired. Football practice didn't go well."
"I texted you," I claimed
"Oh yeah, so I need to talk to you!"
"Ok," I said excitedly.
"So, I've been thinking that we should probably see other people before committing to one another for the rest of our lives."
"But.. you told me you loved me, do you not love me?" I was choking back the tears, trying to keep my eyes from watering. I didn't want him to see me crying about him. I tried to stay strong, which is so hard when I was so weak.
"You see, when I said I loved you, it was only so I could sleep with you." He looked up at me and I knew this wasn't him. This isn't who I fell in love with. Where's the man that I fell in love with? Am I just stupid and didn't see through his true colors?
"What did I ever see in you, how could I be so damned naive to think that somebody who is attractive, and young could ever be interested in me? I'm just a sickening disease." I turned away. It's all I ever thought. Why else would he not love me over a night? Why would he do that after all the times he showed his love for me?
I ran away as tears welled in my eyes, showing him that I wasn't going to cry. I ran to my house and opened the door, ran up the stairs and fell up the stairs and hit my head. I was okay, but it hurt badly. I went to my room and closed my blinds. I got to work. I created a sign out of the posterboard I had kept for painting. I had to take out my colored pencils to make it. I laminated it to make sure that the rain couldn't ruin the sign. It was finally finished.
"Go away! Liars are not welcome in my life!" I was furious at not only Lee, but myself for being so easily manipulated. I didn't care if he saw the sign. I was expressing how mad I was. I just couldn't accept that I would pick such a jerk to love!
I was closing the blinds when I saw him take a look at it. I was happy he saw the sign but I wasn't going to let him keep looking into my life, so I immediately shut the blinds and walked away.
My heart hurt so bad and my throat was aching from how much I was crying. I was crying for days after. I stayed in bed with my lights off. I ate gallons of ice cream and watched romance movies. I just couldn't function without him. Every time I slept, I would dream of him. I stopped sleeping and focused my life on coffee and painting. Everytime I did something, he would weasel his way into my thoughts. I had to do something because I couldn't just rot in bed all day. I decided to call Marissa.
"Hey, Marissa," I desperately texted her as I needed to get out of my thought process. I needed to do anything but nothing.
"Hi, Kylie. It's like 6 am, but what's up?" I could tell she just woke up, but she was there for me.
"Well, I need a friend right now. Can you come over?" I pleaded.
"Yes, of course, but what's wrong?" she questioned
"I'll tell you when you get here" I kept it brief and short because I didn't want the tears to cause swelling in my eyes again because of the water touching my skin.
"Okay," she replied
Marissa pulled up in her car and got out. She came inside, up the stairs, and sat beside me in the bed. There were candy wrappers on the floors next to my bed, and my hair was in a big snarl.
"So why are you so sad?" she demanded to know.
"You can tell I'm sad?" I questioned.
"The messy room isn't you. What the hell happened?" she quizzed as she grabbed my head and burrowed it against her chest.
"Lee....broke...up...with...me," I said in between sobs. It is so hard to hold it back. Just hearing yourself say it makes it more of a reality. It hurts so bad to listen to yourself say the words that someone doesn't love you anymore. It hurts even worse to listen to yourself say someone else used you.
"What did he say?" she interrogated.
"He said he just told me he loved me so he could have sex with me." There, I had said the full extent of what an idiot I was. I was so stupid to fall for it. I felt like such a failure.
"That doesn't sound like him!" she claimed. I turned my head away from her chest, lifted it up and looked her in the eyes.
"Well, he did." I still couldn't believe it.
"Oh, Kylie, I'm so sorry. Boys suck!" She reiterated to me just as I said it to her.
"Why would he do that to me? I have a hard enough life as it is. I can't swim. I can't touch water or anything like that. Even my own tears are dangerous to me."
"I don't know, but that doesn't seem like him; I'll do some digging to see what I can find". She held me for a little as I continued crying. She grabbed a comb and was helping me with the knot in the back of my curly hair.
Marissa left my house and went home. I texted Lee again.
"Hey, Lee, I just have a few questions. Why did you decide to break up with me after we had sex? I mean, why choose now, after I'm already in love with you? You have been saying you love me all along, both in your words and your actions so it can't possibly be you said it just to have sex with me. You can date other girls. Do what you want! Remember this though, if you choose to have sex with them, you'll think of me because I was your first. Every time you hold her and kiss her, you'll think of me. This is disgusting the excuse you used."
He started to type on his screen but then it just stopped.
I felt so stupid; I didn't know what else to do. My mother always told me you can only move forward. I took down my sign, and when I did, I saw her, once again.
It was Neisha, the one who made fun of me. The one who constantly flirted with Lee. What's she doing with Lee? I thought he hated her. I guess it's always that way. Last to know and shit. I always thought she was Aaron's girlfriend. Was Lee not only a bad enough guy to use me for sex, but also such a horrible friend then to go after his girl, or is he just trying to make me jealous? Didn't matter, either way, I was jealous. How can I be jealous over a girl dating a guy that just used me? Users don't change. I glared out the window and gave her a death-stare. She saw me in the window and smiled at me. That same smile, too familiar of a smile, one that said, "I'm gonna steal your man." I smiled back thinking to myself, "You can have him nasty Neisha." Wish I would have come up with that when I was younger!
"Hey, Lee, isn't that Fraidy?" I heard from the cracked window
"Her name is Kylie!" I listened as I eavesdropped
"What, you still like her?" she scoffed as she pointed her fake nails at my window.
"No!" He knew I was listening. You could tell that he didn't want me anymore hurt, but was just being the jerk as he was with the boys.
I was infuriated when I saw her pull him in for a hug and run her hands across his back almost in a sexual way. I mean, does any girl want to see their ex-boyfriend flirting with their best friend's girl. Any type of affection to an ex-boyfriend just hurts. Just the thought of it made me cringe. It was kind of disgusting.
"Let's go inside." I heard Lee say. Maybe they were going to have sex.
"Ok, cutie" Neisha winked at him, and they headed inside the place where we once made love.
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