就這樣,過了幾個月。795Please respect copyright.PENANA2YTEYle5SH
795Please respect copyright.PENANADXULKKBW43
對,時間就這樣快速地過去,生活日復一日,日日如常。795Please respect copyright.PENANAw8eOcFTSYS
795Please respect copyright.PENANA3AULvien1Q
思思十分習慣和朝光相處。有時,他不來找她,她就覺得自己的牙剝落了一隻,舔舔牙床時有一種莫大的空虛感——僅此而已,一旦有別人來找她,任對方是老師、家長、學生、工友,假牙便順便鑲嵌在牙肉之上,照舊吃喝玩樂,過活正常,毫無排斥感。795Please respect copyright.PENANAMYvlfcw5P7
795Please respect copyright.PENANA3wf4VaCZ13
她很感激他的陪伴,雖然,看起來是她在聽他傾訴。795Please respect copyright.PENANALeBHW37SoM
795Please respect copyright.PENANAAYYrdESiGR
她沒有替他開file,但他還是來臨,有時說話,有時不說,和她殺死沉悶的時間。795Please respect copyright.PENANA2VQVaZ0GYJ
795Please respect copyright.PENANAzDuZrIPdtG
二人就算各自各做事,但她還是有一種踏實的感覺。和與阿朗相處時不同,她沒有覺得局促,因為她足夠坦誠,她面對朝光有一種不怕失去的勇氣。795Please respect copyright.PENANAH9kN87pFp2
795Please respect copyright.PENANA6BkMfNVKqV
她知道她永遠是她的學生,而阿朗不同,他是她的丈夫,她孩子的爸爸,卻不一定無時無刻都是她的愛人。可是,雖然如此,她一想到他一直是親人,內心就有一種不思進取的踏實,這一種具法律約束力的安穩無疑令她安於現況,不願作出任何改變。795Please respect copyright.PENANA1fKDL0Tj3m
795Please respect copyright.PENANAYr7yyWCjxX
怎麼開口?如此和阿朗說嗎:795Please respect copyright.PENANAaVF318Iahb
795Please respect copyright.PENANAwHvL0OydGM
「喂,我冇乜feel啦,但係都係好愛你㗎,唔想離婚,而且我哋仲有個女喎。只係對住你,都唔太自在啫,我都唔想㗎。但我估,你都係啦——大家打個和,super啦好嘛?」795Please respect copyright.PENANA4KHRNZ7w2U
795Please respect copyright.PENANAgu04oQNq3W
她已非雙十少女,過了豁達的年紀;最怕就算已將心聲道盡,也找不到一個豁然開朗的出口,二人只清晰地困在籠牢,連假裝也不願意,失去演戲的心思,關係直趨消亡。795Please respect copyright.PENANAYJgu17DRYI
795Please respect copyright.PENANARJTbXv5kJG
至少現在,仍有互相關心,有些扭擰地。795Please respect copyright.PENANAYMtM5JphK4
795Please respect copyright.PENANAPlXzSglcWI
「做唔做愛?」795Please respect copyright.PENANAvGIKKaBAdA
795Please respect copyright.PENANA0D928h23g8
「唔啦,你都攰啦……」795Please respect copyright.PENANAfhgrzdlC3G
795Please respect copyright.PENANAbBrcePdMBq
這一種關心,尤多。說話的人可能是阿朗,可能是思思,不定時。性慾來的時候,對方總會以「你都攰」去包裝「我唔想同你做愛」,被要求的時候內心忽然傲慢,皮肉忽然睏倦。795Please respect copyright.PENANAuUJCvdJNAJ
795Please respect copyright.PENANAYVKkszx191
久而久之,寧願自己解決——795Please respect copyright.PENANA4N7sjaNFUp
795Please respect copyright.PENANA4jBWCn4iFC
手是自己的,節奏是自己的,快感也是自己的,不必等對方高潮,也不必強忍自己的高潮。豈不是比沒有感覺的二人機械式地脫衣濕吻,來得更快活?795Please respect copyright.PENANARCcp4Rk1wO
795Please respect copyright.PENANAaxV4L9KJvV
稱呼也有點變化。795Please respect copyright.PENANAVzInjVeArb
795Please respect copyright.PENANA49hCUAvP4u
思思在阿朗口中變成了「媽咪」,阿朗在思思口中變成了「爸爸」。795Please respect copyright.PENANAxIBIh0AQY8
795Please respect copyright.PENANAkMyDlCJbaY
他們開始很少叫喚對方,連話也不多說,要什麼稱謂?而只有棉花糖不屈不撓地在飯桌上吱吱喳喳,久而久之,他們也學棉花糖喚對方作「父母」。795Please respect copyright.PENANAWij0fHjG3g
795Please respect copyright.PENANAcZihbxkfQC
說什麼一輩子都是老公老婆?這種誓言,是以旺角的機器筆寫在頭貼頭的貼紙相嗎?795Please respect copyright.PENANA7pXKKvgSPL
795Please respect copyright.PENANAgU56xO28z4
一張過膠貼紙尚比句句情話牢固。795Please respect copyright.PENANAT0KZpxrh7Z
795Please respect copyright.PENANACAfolKXOsB
確實。795Please respect copyright.PENANAqBAsVTBbqT
795Please respect copyright.PENANApgoKsd5UiV
阿朗呢,開始比以往遲一點回家。795Please respect copyright.PENANAgJ9sfDQqVI
795Please respect copyright.PENANANIRlh9sWVE
他非常願意和不同的同事放工,當是一種消遣,聽別人說什麼都是開心的。他只是不想回家,不知可以和思思說什麼。795Please respect copyright.PENANAZfQFui22JQ
795Please respect copyright.PENANADhbgjPueR1
每次,企在家門前,都要深深地吸一下氣,游說自己:「入去啦入去啦,有咩好驚?」他是不安的,不是因為他不想回家坐在熟悉的沙發上;他只是不想和思思坐在同一張沙發上寒着不必要的喧,沉默倒還好,可是他又覺得不自在,所以他會在搭𨋢時準備一些得體的話題,至少,不要讓情景那麼冷。795Please respect copyright.PENANA4AIQCEMYLV
795Please respect copyright.PENANAO8UbjgFCQ7
可是久而久之,算了吧,還有什麼好說呢。795Please respect copyright.PENANA9lxrB18Gzw
795Please respect copyright.PENANA4VB1UXhXYV
面對誰都比面對她輕鬆,他看着她眉頭不展的樣子,就覺得很大壓力。795Please respect copyright.PENANAtTwzl5rSxK
795Please respect copyright.PENANAyipUKKkIZq
他留意到,思思換了銀包。795Please respect copyright.PENANAHmi6fMEHMn
795Please respect copyright.PENANAQgyYHw4VFb
她舊的銀包已經在掉漆皮了,她將東西拿出來,放在新銀包裏。795Please respect copyright.PENANAzDyoNBMQkj
795Please respect copyright.PENANApngcC9I3N7
什麼時候換的呢?他不知道,也沒有見過聽過她說要扔掉舊的了,只是偶然一次看見她的銀包變了其他顏色,依舊是平實的素色系,他才知道。795Please respect copyright.PENANAjfcbi9eeRK
795Please respect copyright.PENANAeX1O7ZpRtN
錢、不同的卡、膠布、全家福——還有一張阿朗身穿中學校服的學生相。這樣算來,她保存了已經十多年,紙鈔硬幣會員卡的編號不停轉換,唯獨永久保存他的獨照。795Please respect copyright.PENANA5FmSA0Djvf
795Please respect copyright.PENANATOlpkw1Guu
他留意到她換了,可是,他不打算問更多。或者,他總提醒自己,下次看見的時候就問一問吧,當是一次關心,當是一次終於不生硬的話題,當是縮短一下二人的距離。795Please respect copyright.PENANAxJEXsL4Lxu
795Please respect copyright.PENANA3tpzyc0v3Z
平時,日子正常地過,互不相干,她覺得自己已經有一顆風來水往的鑽石心,在漫漫長夜照亮二人的只是窗外月亮,她已經承認自己於他,或已無任何光暉。795Please respect copyright.PENANAogZcs1ZRz1
795Please respect copyright.PENANAIhLsIIfUH7
因為她自私、焦慮、不安。795Please respect copyright.PENANAna87qPu51c
795Please respect copyright.PENANAleYhtjR1O7
面對二人漸行漸遠的局面,她只假裝視而不見,不作任何有用功,或者說,她私自評核所有事情都是沒有用的。795Please respect copyright.PENANA2mfD2qPhQi
795Please respect copyright.PENANAi0cbP9bFBP
她害怕將問題清晰點出,就是用鋼筋鐵籤將二人的眼皮翻開固定,要大家都看清看楚,但感情總是經不起細看,愛成了殘品之後,從哪個角度剖析都是難堪的,誰願意直白地告知已經不被愛了、已無昔日激情和快感?誰願意委婉地告訴對方感情已逝、成為傷害對方的壞人?795Please respect copyright.PENANArAj14kJ8tX
795Please respect copyright.PENANAr9ijsKVSGM
最終,只會換來眼睛的腥酸和燥裂。795Please respect copyright.PENANAxgDsUF4Zd8
795Please respect copyright.PENANAfVssQyOxPw
俱損俱傷,何人得益?795Please respect copyright.PENANAnXra3Z5U7y
795Please respect copyright.PENANABP07U8sFAf
阿朗沒有忘記,他很久以前給了思思一張自己的學生相,要她放進銀包裏面,務求從方方面面都入侵她的生活:795Please respect copyright.PENANA9Tlnzhuorh
795Please respect copyright.PENANAZpfpHyreml
「你宜家係我嘅人啦!所以,都應該要keep住我嘅嘢,唔準唔袋㗎。」795Please respect copyright.PENANA2tw6l5GIil
795Please respect copyright.PENANA2743fnPVGn
後來,他在她身上留下的痕跡越來越多,譬如「咖喱雞」、情侶手錶、手繩、波鞋、水樽、室內擺設……可是,他得到和給予的愛卻隨着外物的磨損而慢慢流失。795Please respect copyright.PENANAgjxQJfRYvm
795Please respect copyright.PENANAqjhPWVgrTn
他趁她洗澡時,翻了翻她的銀包,他看見他的學生相。他的心就這麼懸在半空,如果早些天,他會覺得這不過是理所當然的事,但現在,他卻是驚喜的——對,她的心有他吧,卻無奈地好像失去了愛他的能力了。795Please respect copyright.PENANAS8xBZH0hEb
795Please respect copyright.PENANASYrGwpp5k5
他感受到二人的躊躇是因為大家都拒絕面對轉變,因為一旦面對,就會有不可估量的風險,萬一其中一個真的說:「係,我唔愛啦。」那怎麼辦呢?795Please respect copyright.PENANACgQeVSVvcj
795Please respect copyright.PENANAFOCHNvjd4x
其實,他也很難過,內心閃過無數個改變現況的念頭。795Please respect copyright.PENANAFc9cKyb4uW
795Please respect copyright.PENANA9IepQ5Zh0w
她看見他在翻看她的銀包,默不作聲,只前去企在他身後,摸了摸他剛剪的頭髮:795Please respect copyright.PENANABVRHlK6qDH
795Please respect copyright.PENANA4x96xX92kl
「點解剪得咁短嘅?」795Please respect copyright.PENANAk8xx5JhQWF
795Please respect copyright.PENANAOjkpc0diEL
他頂着一個標準乖巧學生的寸頭。795Please respect copyright.PENANAndRsQ04VGU
795Please respect copyright.PENANA3OWyx4maAc
「天氣開始熱啦,頭髮又長,索性一次過剪短啲。」795Please respect copyright.PENANAELEnEfXqRy
795Please respect copyright.PENANAOiAjr1BKU7
她在他的背後偷偷地飽含熱淚。795Please respect copyright.PENANAiWx27Ng2Yw
795Please respect copyright.PENANAmHUkVXfMNc
其實每次,她看見那張相片,也會有一種後知後覺的痛楚,如同不知在什麼時候亂碰亂撞,過一兩天只見皮膚發青發紫發黑,按下去時,瘀傷感不言而喻,她是痛苦的;她覺得,阿朗也是。795Please respect copyright.PENANAnHVG105rxu
795Please respect copyright.PENANAHlzdLfhsKw
大家都不再說話,心知應該求變,都想儲存勇氣作一些改變。795Please respect copyright.PENANATvDs09DdvT
795Please respect copyright.PENANAytt78DzHVJ
既然心中在乎對方,為什麼卻由得感情逝去呢……795Please respect copyright.PENANAogdFUGYtX3
795Please respect copyright.PENANAXfBk8ceNEp
請安逸的人改變是非常困難的事,勇氣要慢慢的儲,要慢慢地打稿背誦做好表情管理。慢慢、慢慢,再無昔日乾脆,什麼都要細思苦想。795Please respect copyright.PENANA6tZJZqqSZD
795Please respect copyright.PENANANSybW9ymvv
直至,朝光升上大學,他回中學探望思思。795Please respect copyright.PENANARu4DHY6dFF
795Please respect copyright.PENANAPMOL7DaAPN
有些話,應該要說的,無論如何;改變來臨,順不順心也走出了舒適圈。795Please respect copyright.PENANA2E50jdKEb7
795Please respect copyright.PENANAq8wHzfTQ2w
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《相愛十年》//《結咗婚十幾年,好似已經唔太愛。》
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《相愛十年》//《結咗婚十幾年,好似已經唔太愛。》
Author:
張羨青
ISSUE #54
波瀾不驚(四)
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