就這樣,過了幾個月。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAFrPCe29Mbt
1180Please respect copyright.PENANARxKKjvfd7P
對,時間就這樣快速地過去,生活日復一日,日日如常。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAvqhTm8jF2n
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAbAku6jHLZt
思思十分習慣和朝光相處。有時,他不來找她,她就覺得自己的牙剝落了一隻,舔舔牙床時有一種莫大的空虛感——僅此而已,一旦有別人來找她,任對方是老師、家長、學生、工友,假牙便順便鑲嵌在牙肉之上,照舊吃喝玩樂,過活正常,毫無排斥感。1180Please respect copyright.PENANA1F9WV4b9kK
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAWn5CyZjYof
她很感激他的陪伴,雖然,看起來是她在聽他傾訴。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAUEH8A1MCQr
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAkmtazDGIgp
她沒有替他開file,但他還是來臨,有時說話,有時不說,和她殺死沉悶的時間。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAot0W9szXIm
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAfEh7Qrkdt9
二人就算各自各做事,但她還是有一種踏實的感覺。和與阿朗相處時不同,她沒有覺得局促,因為她足夠坦誠,她面對朝光有一種不怕失去的勇氣。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAjzfAg3SxgH
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAH6Au4xSYt3
她知道她永遠是她的學生,而阿朗不同,他是她的丈夫,她孩子的爸爸,卻不一定無時無刻都是她的愛人。可是,雖然如此,她一想到他一直是親人,內心就有一種不思進取的踏實,這一種具法律約束力的安穩無疑令她安於現況,不願作出任何改變。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAaELUdSz7rl
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAcAqMEtQBL9
怎麼開口?如此和阿朗說嗎:1180Please respect copyright.PENANAkAzyfAjS1p
1180Please respect copyright.PENANA7iBhvRqcEx
「喂,我冇乜feel啦,但係都係好愛你㗎,唔想離婚,而且我哋仲有個女喎。只係對住你,都唔太自在啫,我都唔想㗎。但我估,你都係啦——大家打個和,super啦好嘛?」1180Please respect copyright.PENANAtlD0x9bieK
1180Please respect copyright.PENANA2spYLm8o3d
她已非雙十少女,過了豁達的年紀;最怕就算已將心聲道盡,也找不到一個豁然開朗的出口,二人只清晰地困在籠牢,連假裝也不願意,失去演戲的心思,關係直趨消亡。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAULbaidJ1bb
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAe9mtiSvuEx
至少現在,仍有互相關心,有些扭擰地。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAVRKyiWF2By
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAUvLmIJ5Rrx
「做唔做愛?」1180Please respect copyright.PENANAie938rOZiN
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAjphrLDWu3V
「唔啦,你都攰啦……」1180Please respect copyright.PENANAFdmjpwGsOR
1180Please respect copyright.PENANA10UACV66UM
這一種關心,尤多。說話的人可能是阿朗,可能是思思,不定時。性慾來的時候,對方總會以「你都攰」去包裝「我唔想同你做愛」,被要求的時候內心忽然傲慢,皮肉忽然睏倦。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAxsyz9Diu5q
1180Please respect copyright.PENANA4MpEkVu10L
久而久之,寧願自己解決——1180Please respect copyright.PENANAYr2rCVdLWa
1180Please respect copyright.PENANA46RLWdVwpT
手是自己的,節奏是自己的,快感也是自己的,不必等對方高潮,也不必強忍自己的高潮。豈不是比沒有感覺的二人機械式地脫衣濕吻,來得更快活?1180Please respect copyright.PENANAujUSzho6vS
1180Please respect copyright.PENANABgYc43DuQC
稱呼也有點變化。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAOkg2RIy98y
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAKIOUzC4OQ2
思思在阿朗口中變成了「媽咪」,阿朗在思思口中變成了「爸爸」。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAigUHohV6Zi
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAzNeWHxCXLZ
他們開始很少叫喚對方,連話也不多說,要什麼稱謂?而只有棉花糖不屈不撓地在飯桌上吱吱喳喳,久而久之,他們也學棉花糖喚對方作「父母」。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAtzwDDggveI
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAu9iH56j4d3
說什麼一輩子都是老公老婆?這種誓言,是以旺角的機器筆寫在頭貼頭的貼紙相嗎?1180Please respect copyright.PENANAWPFKsbJoGP
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAzrMpvi7MWb
一張過膠貼紙尚比句句情話牢固。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAGlGEkTXBHB
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAVdM2OwXNW3
確實。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAnE5D2w5lDW
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAog72SiCPwN
阿朗呢,開始比以往遲一點回家。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAdV33i4Pnx5
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAyHCQOJyGzh
他非常願意和不同的同事放工,當是一種消遣,聽別人說什麼都是開心的。他只是不想回家,不知可以和思思說什麼。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAH1FwIxdsK1
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAlr3SFpAanV
每次,企在家門前,都要深深地吸一下氣,游說自己:「入去啦入去啦,有咩好驚?」他是不安的,不是因為他不想回家坐在熟悉的沙發上;他只是不想和思思坐在同一張沙發上寒着不必要的喧,沉默倒還好,可是他又覺得不自在,所以他會在搭𨋢時準備一些得體的話題,至少,不要讓情景那麼冷。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAP6jsw6ymBS
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAW6a545JZ7R
可是久而久之,算了吧,還有什麼好說呢。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAa3FktJYnPA
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAZBbkE91MGd
面對誰都比面對她輕鬆,他看着她眉頭不展的樣子,就覺得很大壓力。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAbcCmpBixNq
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAEcBRUqoqZX
他留意到,思思換了銀包。1180Please respect copyright.PENANA4WlyO9JnI2
1180Please respect copyright.PENANA6DTtHGWoBQ
她舊的銀包已經在掉漆皮了,她將東西拿出來,放在新銀包裏。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAANj5jGTngI
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAlGvKHzbjPA
什麼時候換的呢?他不知道,也沒有見過聽過她說要扔掉舊的了,只是偶然一次看見她的銀包變了其他顏色,依舊是平實的素色系,他才知道。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAk1dqoe0KJy
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAhZCmOXf6Ju
錢、不同的卡、膠布、全家福——還有一張阿朗身穿中學校服的學生相。這樣算來,她保存了已經十多年,紙鈔硬幣會員卡的編號不停轉換,唯獨永久保存他的獨照。1180Please respect copyright.PENANA0XsRchsJH3
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAhn0GjLRNi0
他留意到她換了,可是,他不打算問更多。或者,他總提醒自己,下次看見的時候就問一問吧,當是一次關心,當是一次終於不生硬的話題,當是縮短一下二人的距離。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAL1xQGWJ6DA
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAMUEcfjIrwF
平時,日子正常地過,互不相干,她覺得自己已經有一顆風來水往的鑽石心,在漫漫長夜照亮二人的只是窗外月亮,她已經承認自己於他,或已無任何光暉。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAiQhGxJJB0W
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAaiTMHgZGhV
因為她自私、焦慮、不安。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAYlXggHkxf7
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAZvrz0ilnXd
面對二人漸行漸遠的局面,她只假裝視而不見,不作任何有用功,或者說,她私自評核所有事情都是沒有用的。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAjN67JeqgNS
1180Please respect copyright.PENANA9axLxCJT3V
她害怕將問題清晰點出,就是用鋼筋鐵籤將二人的眼皮翻開固定,要大家都看清看楚,但感情總是經不起細看,愛成了殘品之後,從哪個角度剖析都是難堪的,誰願意直白地告知已經不被愛了、已無昔日激情和快感?誰願意委婉地告訴對方感情已逝、成為傷害對方的壞人?1180Please respect copyright.PENANALVh5YEthWw
1180Please respect copyright.PENANARgGL3AhaRT
最終,只會換來眼睛的腥酸和燥裂。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAFINGnDiR1R
1180Please respect copyright.PENANA6Rao7bKYZD
俱損俱傷,何人得益?1180Please respect copyright.PENANAbGrN8AYC9d
1180Please respect copyright.PENANACAHfnPptDL
阿朗沒有忘記,他很久以前給了思思一張自己的學生相,要她放進銀包裏面,務求從方方面面都入侵她的生活:1180Please respect copyright.PENANAkF4rArdiA4
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAw5JCH2rz6c
「你宜家係我嘅人啦!所以,都應該要keep住我嘅嘢,唔準唔袋㗎。」1180Please respect copyright.PENANAnnqvrbQfZo
1180Please respect copyright.PENANATR7XpDqYmR
後來,他在她身上留下的痕跡越來越多,譬如「咖喱雞」、情侶手錶、手繩、波鞋、水樽、室內擺設……可是,他得到和給予的愛卻隨着外物的磨損而慢慢流失。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAaFAW4fjTFy
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAkqwo7NFs93
他趁她洗澡時,翻了翻她的銀包,他看見他的學生相。他的心就這麼懸在半空,如果早些天,他會覺得這不過是理所當然的事,但現在,他卻是驚喜的——對,她的心有他吧,卻無奈地好像失去了愛他的能力了。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAPXmEkImVwm
1180Please respect copyright.PENANACAwpo1e6f4
他感受到二人的躊躇是因為大家都拒絕面對轉變,因為一旦面對,就會有不可估量的風險,萬一其中一個真的說:「係,我唔愛啦。」那怎麼辦呢?1180Please respect copyright.PENANAXKg9BRdpRy
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAjvwCkQxxX4
其實,他也很難過,內心閃過無數個改變現況的念頭。1180Please respect copyright.PENANATyOMZbvmSl
1180Please respect copyright.PENANArXWaNXrniu
她看見他在翻看她的銀包,默不作聲,只前去企在他身後,摸了摸他剛剪的頭髮:1180Please respect copyright.PENANAuuYXl5h4P3
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAckj5JUDZjg
「點解剪得咁短嘅?」1180Please respect copyright.PENANAMK1axSacfH
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAJmdVmi2H7q
他頂着一個標準乖巧學生的寸頭。1180Please respect copyright.PENANA6KpKvlXKYF
1180Please respect copyright.PENANA7iACbYzy7z
「天氣開始熱啦,頭髮又長,索性一次過剪短啲。」1180Please respect copyright.PENANA4ai87PgB3o
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAryBX7p6HDb
她在他的背後偷偷地飽含熱淚。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAObkg69mSEB
1180Please respect copyright.PENANANxhRX95gRb
其實每次,她看見那張相片,也會有一種後知後覺的痛楚,如同不知在什麼時候亂碰亂撞,過一兩天只見皮膚發青發紫發黑,按下去時,瘀傷感不言而喻,她是痛苦的;她覺得,阿朗也是。1180Please respect copyright.PENANALESGhACMTP
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAQzDalKPxHG
大家都不再說話,心知應該求變,都想儲存勇氣作一些改變。1180Please respect copyright.PENANANXixv0vWlo
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAaghCWL7u90
既然心中在乎對方,為什麼卻由得感情逝去呢……1180Please respect copyright.PENANA6NBSyeygjp
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAFpQiJ8A8Do
請安逸的人改變是非常困難的事,勇氣要慢慢的儲,要慢慢地打稿背誦做好表情管理。慢慢、慢慢,再無昔日乾脆,什麼都要細思苦想。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAQFiKqHfRlb
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAt50Z5wph9n
直至,朝光升上大學,他回中學探望思思。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAAHAPvDnM2T
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAK3dM2j24qA
有些話,應該要說的,無論如何;改變來臨,順不順心也走出了舒適圈。1180Please respect copyright.PENANAZo2I0aOmje
1180Please respect copyright.PENANAzsSPWZcgSA
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《相愛十年》//《結咗婚十幾年,好似已經唔太愛。》
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《相愛十年》//《結咗婚十幾年,好似已經唔太愛。》
Author:
張羨青
ISSUE #54
波瀾不驚(四)
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