就這樣,過了幾個月。954Please respect copyright.PENANAfPEwGG0dwm
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對,時間就這樣快速地過去,生活日復一日,日日如常。954Please respect copyright.PENANACiG3vWi7MM
954Please respect copyright.PENANAwLLgEvY3aW
思思十分習慣和朝光相處。有時,他不來找她,她就覺得自己的牙剝落了一隻,舔舔牙床時有一種莫大的空虛感——僅此而已,一旦有別人來找她,任對方是老師、家長、學生、工友,假牙便順便鑲嵌在牙肉之上,照舊吃喝玩樂,過活正常,毫無排斥感。954Please respect copyright.PENANAeR1WWtj4Jf
954Please respect copyright.PENANAfZoa3xRXLq
她很感激他的陪伴,雖然,看起來是她在聽他傾訴。954Please respect copyright.PENANAccQLFo5o3G
954Please respect copyright.PENANAEzZjFWJy4s
她沒有替他開file,但他還是來臨,有時說話,有時不說,和她殺死沉悶的時間。954Please respect copyright.PENANAf3X0plBWo4
954Please respect copyright.PENANAWshTspeDJG
二人就算各自各做事,但她還是有一種踏實的感覺。和與阿朗相處時不同,她沒有覺得局促,因為她足夠坦誠,她面對朝光有一種不怕失去的勇氣。954Please respect copyright.PENANAMYQ3TTFNjm
954Please respect copyright.PENANAMXJyUneXZO
她知道她永遠是她的學生,而阿朗不同,他是她的丈夫,她孩子的爸爸,卻不一定無時無刻都是她的愛人。可是,雖然如此,她一想到他一直是親人,內心就有一種不思進取的踏實,這一種具法律約束力的安穩無疑令她安於現況,不願作出任何改變。954Please respect copyright.PENANAqrYxmGkE7f
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怎麼開口?如此和阿朗說嗎:954Please respect copyright.PENANAVIw9cqK8RH
954Please respect copyright.PENANA40AqxSIXDr
「喂,我冇乜feel啦,但係都係好愛你㗎,唔想離婚,而且我哋仲有個女喎。只係對住你,都唔太自在啫,我都唔想㗎。但我估,你都係啦——大家打個和,super啦好嘛?」954Please respect copyright.PENANAVOriJqE4iB
954Please respect copyright.PENANAzZTq51pJO1
她已非雙十少女,過了豁達的年紀;最怕就算已將心聲道盡,也找不到一個豁然開朗的出口,二人只清晰地困在籠牢,連假裝也不願意,失去演戲的心思,關係直趨消亡。954Please respect copyright.PENANAhH0ZlKTRg5
954Please respect copyright.PENANAsvtgf0a7oR
至少現在,仍有互相關心,有些扭擰地。954Please respect copyright.PENANAhCUaM7WzH2
954Please respect copyright.PENANAemPrZ3ymB7
「做唔做愛?」954Please respect copyright.PENANAfhgQdXNkLK
954Please respect copyright.PENANAQmzjC9AD4N
「唔啦,你都攰啦……」954Please respect copyright.PENANA0boQdJEHon
954Please respect copyright.PENANACvTxHoIzUm
這一種關心,尤多。說話的人可能是阿朗,可能是思思,不定時。性慾來的時候,對方總會以「你都攰」去包裝「我唔想同你做愛」,被要求的時候內心忽然傲慢,皮肉忽然睏倦。954Please respect copyright.PENANA60jdm3hqmy
954Please respect copyright.PENANAlkzuhIa0iU
久而久之,寧願自己解決——954Please respect copyright.PENANApvYQyrUum9
954Please respect copyright.PENANAOfoMMJ2Xzy
手是自己的,節奏是自己的,快感也是自己的,不必等對方高潮,也不必強忍自己的高潮。豈不是比沒有感覺的二人機械式地脫衣濕吻,來得更快活?954Please respect copyright.PENANAuttEtmWocv
954Please respect copyright.PENANA4MaGfT0EQ7
稱呼也有點變化。954Please respect copyright.PENANAquHfC144Af
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思思在阿朗口中變成了「媽咪」,阿朗在思思口中變成了「爸爸」。954Please respect copyright.PENANAOkIC60Fj98
954Please respect copyright.PENANAUg9k6RymYE
他們開始很少叫喚對方,連話也不多說,要什麼稱謂?而只有棉花糖不屈不撓地在飯桌上吱吱喳喳,久而久之,他們也學棉花糖喚對方作「父母」。954Please respect copyright.PENANAaGo6wvPctd
954Please respect copyright.PENANAwoqH9NQSZX
說什麼一輩子都是老公老婆?這種誓言,是以旺角的機器筆寫在頭貼頭的貼紙相嗎?954Please respect copyright.PENANAh7h6Whax88
954Please respect copyright.PENANASYg00WZVn4
一張過膠貼紙尚比句句情話牢固。954Please respect copyright.PENANAodqv7ST1q0
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確實。954Please respect copyright.PENANA9ptvJ9IU06
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阿朗呢,開始比以往遲一點回家。954Please respect copyright.PENANAc3BgmPDqu3
954Please respect copyright.PENANAwjdROXJsLR
他非常願意和不同的同事放工,當是一種消遣,聽別人說什麼都是開心的。他只是不想回家,不知可以和思思說什麼。954Please respect copyright.PENANAYHZzdCd4A7
954Please respect copyright.PENANAJcXBCFeRvO
每次,企在家門前,都要深深地吸一下氣,游說自己:「入去啦入去啦,有咩好驚?」他是不安的,不是因為他不想回家坐在熟悉的沙發上;他只是不想和思思坐在同一張沙發上寒着不必要的喧,沉默倒還好,可是他又覺得不自在,所以他會在搭𨋢時準備一些得體的話題,至少,不要讓情景那麼冷。954Please respect copyright.PENANAAeL2rrRjXD
954Please respect copyright.PENANAujvpFRp6rX
可是久而久之,算了吧,還有什麼好說呢。954Please respect copyright.PENANAfYShc0Ab3v
954Please respect copyright.PENANACavYQFrN7E
面對誰都比面對她輕鬆,他看着她眉頭不展的樣子,就覺得很大壓力。954Please respect copyright.PENANARiXwEnHcpN
954Please respect copyright.PENANA9AzJhlMXl6
他留意到,思思換了銀包。954Please respect copyright.PENANAMledwaE5cY
954Please respect copyright.PENANAusLSdCh97Q
她舊的銀包已經在掉漆皮了,她將東西拿出來,放在新銀包裏。954Please respect copyright.PENANAmo4FdIdmBV
954Please respect copyright.PENANAByB6kTY4kO
什麼時候換的呢?他不知道,也沒有見過聽過她說要扔掉舊的了,只是偶然一次看見她的銀包變了其他顏色,依舊是平實的素色系,他才知道。954Please respect copyright.PENANAMqDssOG3gy
954Please respect copyright.PENANAz1ZaIWQVh6
錢、不同的卡、膠布、全家福——還有一張阿朗身穿中學校服的學生相。這樣算來,她保存了已經十多年,紙鈔硬幣會員卡的編號不停轉換,唯獨永久保存他的獨照。954Please respect copyright.PENANAGfI47K2xZj
954Please respect copyright.PENANAqRUXkporXg
他留意到她換了,可是,他不打算問更多。或者,他總提醒自己,下次看見的時候就問一問吧,當是一次關心,當是一次終於不生硬的話題,當是縮短一下二人的距離。954Please respect copyright.PENANAonQZXCdckj
954Please respect copyright.PENANAOHnKjddVCe
平時,日子正常地過,互不相干,她覺得自己已經有一顆風來水往的鑽石心,在漫漫長夜照亮二人的只是窗外月亮,她已經承認自己於他,或已無任何光暉。954Please respect copyright.PENANAIOzOAiZxKJ
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因為她自私、焦慮、不安。954Please respect copyright.PENANAvT4g76Y8gq
954Please respect copyright.PENANAfS0iIOYryn
面對二人漸行漸遠的局面,她只假裝視而不見,不作任何有用功,或者說,她私自評核所有事情都是沒有用的。954Please respect copyright.PENANA95XFkN7mai
954Please respect copyright.PENANAi8ASu48o07
她害怕將問題清晰點出,就是用鋼筋鐵籤將二人的眼皮翻開固定,要大家都看清看楚,但感情總是經不起細看,愛成了殘品之後,從哪個角度剖析都是難堪的,誰願意直白地告知已經不被愛了、已無昔日激情和快感?誰願意委婉地告訴對方感情已逝、成為傷害對方的壞人?954Please respect copyright.PENANAc3rvZ3VEBb
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最終,只會換來眼睛的腥酸和燥裂。954Please respect copyright.PENANAu3jZL5VP0y
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俱損俱傷,何人得益?954Please respect copyright.PENANAmaDMDwzPg2
954Please respect copyright.PENANAxZZVqmvYix
阿朗沒有忘記,他很久以前給了思思一張自己的學生相,要她放進銀包裏面,務求從方方面面都入侵她的生活:954Please respect copyright.PENANAPgGUFKs4nI
954Please respect copyright.PENANAR84AH5Rhdn
「你宜家係我嘅人啦!所以,都應該要keep住我嘅嘢,唔準唔袋㗎。」954Please respect copyright.PENANAjb5Nfivv7c
954Please respect copyright.PENANAvXd6GOiVhV
後來,他在她身上留下的痕跡越來越多,譬如「咖喱雞」、情侶手錶、手繩、波鞋、水樽、室內擺設……可是,他得到和給予的愛卻隨着外物的磨損而慢慢流失。954Please respect copyright.PENANAIF2rWkbcB5
954Please respect copyright.PENANAxx98gu6vpZ
他趁她洗澡時,翻了翻她的銀包,他看見他的學生相。他的心就這麼懸在半空,如果早些天,他會覺得這不過是理所當然的事,但現在,他卻是驚喜的——對,她的心有他吧,卻無奈地好像失去了愛他的能力了。954Please respect copyright.PENANA7Kpt5w9qOY
954Please respect copyright.PENANAaTSqJxTjwN
他感受到二人的躊躇是因為大家都拒絕面對轉變,因為一旦面對,就會有不可估量的風險,萬一其中一個真的說:「係,我唔愛啦。」那怎麼辦呢?954Please respect copyright.PENANAbhaPoEA5NU
954Please respect copyright.PENANAk8xbMtUt1r
其實,他也很難過,內心閃過無數個改變現況的念頭。954Please respect copyright.PENANAWqpoyV5kw1
954Please respect copyright.PENANA8bnHNpUiGX
她看見他在翻看她的銀包,默不作聲,只前去企在他身後,摸了摸他剛剪的頭髮:954Please respect copyright.PENANAuQ8PS9pbI9
954Please respect copyright.PENANAkIhSszVY9h
「點解剪得咁短嘅?」954Please respect copyright.PENANACuXOaUKklj
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他頂着一個標準乖巧學生的寸頭。954Please respect copyright.PENANAbXAJB6Frvp
954Please respect copyright.PENANArN3ZdNRRiL
「天氣開始熱啦,頭髮又長,索性一次過剪短啲。」954Please respect copyright.PENANAtHyPTC7QHz
954Please respect copyright.PENANAFegGE41Sj5
她在他的背後偷偷地飽含熱淚。954Please respect copyright.PENANA5HnnkF2qoB
954Please respect copyright.PENANAvPMyAmbBTt
其實每次,她看見那張相片,也會有一種後知後覺的痛楚,如同不知在什麼時候亂碰亂撞,過一兩天只見皮膚發青發紫發黑,按下去時,瘀傷感不言而喻,她是痛苦的;她覺得,阿朗也是。954Please respect copyright.PENANAU01CABcypU
954Please respect copyright.PENANAVogqkOD2q9
大家都不再說話,心知應該求變,都想儲存勇氣作一些改變。954Please respect copyright.PENANAETCIBOz45S
954Please respect copyright.PENANAR4c4vRsnLw
既然心中在乎對方,為什麼卻由得感情逝去呢……954Please respect copyright.PENANA1iCyTOLkCQ
954Please respect copyright.PENANAeDz1s1lEWY
請安逸的人改變是非常困難的事,勇氣要慢慢的儲,要慢慢地打稿背誦做好表情管理。慢慢、慢慢,再無昔日乾脆,什麼都要細思苦想。954Please respect copyright.PENANAzMZgoAX8LW
954Please respect copyright.PENANAqZPUzM1b4z
直至,朝光升上大學,他回中學探望思思。954Please respect copyright.PENANAGDBGESqhBg
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有些話,應該要說的,無論如何;改變來臨,順不順心也走出了舒適圈。954Please respect copyright.PENANAUnRcSpULOo
954Please respect copyright.PENANAMf7IzPQFa3
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《相愛十年》//《結咗婚十幾年,好似已經唔太愛。》
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《相愛十年》//《結咗婚十幾年,好似已經唔太愛。》
作者:
張羨青

篇 #54
波瀾不驚(四)
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