就這樣,過了幾個月。972Please respect copyright.PENANAqpHt3w0NmQ
972Please respect copyright.PENANA5ZCOkQagQC
對,時間就這樣快速地過去,生活日復一日,日日如常。972Please respect copyright.PENANAoUACnZxELS
972Please respect copyright.PENANAld7PgPrnxq
思思十分習慣和朝光相處。有時,他不來找她,她就覺得自己的牙剝落了一隻,舔舔牙床時有一種莫大的空虛感——僅此而已,一旦有別人來找她,任對方是老師、家長、學生、工友,假牙便順便鑲嵌在牙肉之上,照舊吃喝玩樂,過活正常,毫無排斥感。972Please respect copyright.PENANA9Qtb9WELXs
972Please respect copyright.PENANAEC7QMRS1Tx
她很感激他的陪伴,雖然,看起來是她在聽他傾訴。972Please respect copyright.PENANAi73LekHGES
972Please respect copyright.PENANAkeY7funj5T
她沒有替他開file,但他還是來臨,有時說話,有時不說,和她殺死沉悶的時間。972Please respect copyright.PENANAGf1U2hr5NR
972Please respect copyright.PENANA14ngQlmT69
二人就算各自各做事,但她還是有一種踏實的感覺。和與阿朗相處時不同,她沒有覺得局促,因為她足夠坦誠,她面對朝光有一種不怕失去的勇氣。972Please respect copyright.PENANAi2Joo7fWr3
972Please respect copyright.PENANACp0hSxkjlh
她知道她永遠是她的學生,而阿朗不同,他是她的丈夫,她孩子的爸爸,卻不一定無時無刻都是她的愛人。可是,雖然如此,她一想到他一直是親人,內心就有一種不思進取的踏實,這一種具法律約束力的安穩無疑令她安於現況,不願作出任何改變。972Please respect copyright.PENANAT1je2Kimlu
972Please respect copyright.PENANAh1DZ013pea
怎麼開口?如此和阿朗說嗎:972Please respect copyright.PENANAGV0fZQUTF2
972Please respect copyright.PENANAQUHPkue94v
「喂,我冇乜feel啦,但係都係好愛你㗎,唔想離婚,而且我哋仲有個女喎。只係對住你,都唔太自在啫,我都唔想㗎。但我估,你都係啦——大家打個和,super啦好嘛?」972Please respect copyright.PENANAuGIjAaTpJk
972Please respect copyright.PENANAIFiHL7wNeN
她已非雙十少女,過了豁達的年紀;最怕就算已將心聲道盡,也找不到一個豁然開朗的出口,二人只清晰地困在籠牢,連假裝也不願意,失去演戲的心思,關係直趨消亡。972Please respect copyright.PENANADAPGR1c04N
972Please respect copyright.PENANAJtg705UbBN
至少現在,仍有互相關心,有些扭擰地。972Please respect copyright.PENANApIVCilW5J3
972Please respect copyright.PENANAV7u3wfDRW9
「做唔做愛?」972Please respect copyright.PENANAh8EwRdq27A
972Please respect copyright.PENANAu3Iefl4Xzf
「唔啦,你都攰啦……」972Please respect copyright.PENANAtmgnhWMfZf
972Please respect copyright.PENANAdQjT4KdYON
這一種關心,尤多。說話的人可能是阿朗,可能是思思,不定時。性慾來的時候,對方總會以「你都攰」去包裝「我唔想同你做愛」,被要求的時候內心忽然傲慢,皮肉忽然睏倦。972Please respect copyright.PENANAeGv26BUh8Y
972Please respect copyright.PENANAG1r9EaLvLm
久而久之,寧願自己解決——972Please respect copyright.PENANAIeRdlpJ7Wy
972Please respect copyright.PENANAZzU0aBObZ3
手是自己的,節奏是自己的,快感也是自己的,不必等對方高潮,也不必強忍自己的高潮。豈不是比沒有感覺的二人機械式地脫衣濕吻,來得更快活?972Please respect copyright.PENANAhTQ2xBDX0k
972Please respect copyright.PENANAC2uGMCWLB3
稱呼也有點變化。972Please respect copyright.PENANAzMiM5ylHKG
972Please respect copyright.PENANATL0doCvcVf
思思在阿朗口中變成了「媽咪」,阿朗在思思口中變成了「爸爸」。972Please respect copyright.PENANArcZwFLYUmM
972Please respect copyright.PENANAyoTq5ZlnWt
他們開始很少叫喚對方,連話也不多說,要什麼稱謂?而只有棉花糖不屈不撓地在飯桌上吱吱喳喳,久而久之,他們也學棉花糖喚對方作「父母」。972Please respect copyright.PENANAzxff9NlJ5L
972Please respect copyright.PENANAcvQUG0gcmv
說什麼一輩子都是老公老婆?這種誓言,是以旺角的機器筆寫在頭貼頭的貼紙相嗎?972Please respect copyright.PENANAxNsbEq6kr9
972Please respect copyright.PENANANb6UzIGyd9
一張過膠貼紙尚比句句情話牢固。972Please respect copyright.PENANAEvtUmlCQ00
972Please respect copyright.PENANApIeBQSajHp
確實。972Please respect copyright.PENANAFCkcTlJrY4
972Please respect copyright.PENANAN0siv2HQc4
阿朗呢,開始比以往遲一點回家。972Please respect copyright.PENANAkPTSu9pJ8H
972Please respect copyright.PENANAd02DigEutH
他非常願意和不同的同事放工,當是一種消遣,聽別人說什麼都是開心的。他只是不想回家,不知可以和思思說什麼。972Please respect copyright.PENANAjPOP5Tl36c
972Please respect copyright.PENANAv7YvhTqmbi
每次,企在家門前,都要深深地吸一下氣,游說自己:「入去啦入去啦,有咩好驚?」他是不安的,不是因為他不想回家坐在熟悉的沙發上;他只是不想和思思坐在同一張沙發上寒着不必要的喧,沉默倒還好,可是他又覺得不自在,所以他會在搭𨋢時準備一些得體的話題,至少,不要讓情景那麼冷。972Please respect copyright.PENANADQ9t8KT3Xb
972Please respect copyright.PENANAfvJQmVkVaD
可是久而久之,算了吧,還有什麼好說呢。972Please respect copyright.PENANAWeph0CS4iT
972Please respect copyright.PENANA8vo9eRAWVi
面對誰都比面對她輕鬆,他看着她眉頭不展的樣子,就覺得很大壓力。972Please respect copyright.PENANAq2TSq0pIof
972Please respect copyright.PENANAovZbwd2woy
他留意到,思思換了銀包。972Please respect copyright.PENANACZ4Qvfa23I
972Please respect copyright.PENANAN2KnEWuyUY
她舊的銀包已經在掉漆皮了,她將東西拿出來,放在新銀包裏。972Please respect copyright.PENANAmHT05wMV0J
972Please respect copyright.PENANA4XsS2GLYrb
什麼時候換的呢?他不知道,也沒有見過聽過她說要扔掉舊的了,只是偶然一次看見她的銀包變了其他顏色,依舊是平實的素色系,他才知道。972Please respect copyright.PENANAXtdwD9pIFG
972Please respect copyright.PENANAXN4NCCKcWN
錢、不同的卡、膠布、全家福——還有一張阿朗身穿中學校服的學生相。這樣算來,她保存了已經十多年,紙鈔硬幣會員卡的編號不停轉換,唯獨永久保存他的獨照。972Please respect copyright.PENANATqYaExRczi
972Please respect copyright.PENANA3I0Krs3Ng8
他留意到她換了,可是,他不打算問更多。或者,他總提醒自己,下次看見的時候就問一問吧,當是一次關心,當是一次終於不生硬的話題,當是縮短一下二人的距離。972Please respect copyright.PENANAog3Nudf2rI
972Please respect copyright.PENANA1U7o4X4qtd
平時,日子正常地過,互不相干,她覺得自己已經有一顆風來水往的鑽石心,在漫漫長夜照亮二人的只是窗外月亮,她已經承認自己於他,或已無任何光暉。972Please respect copyright.PENANAO7fbM8lAD5
972Please respect copyright.PENANA1lYUCaow0V
因為她自私、焦慮、不安。972Please respect copyright.PENANAvTkulnxKJ1
972Please respect copyright.PENANAV8QlmGZFKi
面對二人漸行漸遠的局面,她只假裝視而不見,不作任何有用功,或者說,她私自評核所有事情都是沒有用的。972Please respect copyright.PENANAh9IEXrx8HW
972Please respect copyright.PENANA5WgHjRvT6n
她害怕將問題清晰點出,就是用鋼筋鐵籤將二人的眼皮翻開固定,要大家都看清看楚,但感情總是經不起細看,愛成了殘品之後,從哪個角度剖析都是難堪的,誰願意直白地告知已經不被愛了、已無昔日激情和快感?誰願意委婉地告訴對方感情已逝、成為傷害對方的壞人?972Please respect copyright.PENANAVyoAebzLcX
972Please respect copyright.PENANAPYQ0M4xpTT
最終,只會換來眼睛的腥酸和燥裂。972Please respect copyright.PENANAUZu9UbX2tM
972Please respect copyright.PENANAo8EaXTNApK
俱損俱傷,何人得益?972Please respect copyright.PENANANg2JELUDnt
972Please respect copyright.PENANAkhlH2g9iyr
阿朗沒有忘記,他很久以前給了思思一張自己的學生相,要她放進銀包裏面,務求從方方面面都入侵她的生活:972Please respect copyright.PENANA5ijMielunJ
972Please respect copyright.PENANAdACP35GLio
「你宜家係我嘅人啦!所以,都應該要keep住我嘅嘢,唔準唔袋㗎。」972Please respect copyright.PENANAb6aTri92xy
972Please respect copyright.PENANAnA1ai5KBQF
後來,他在她身上留下的痕跡越來越多,譬如「咖喱雞」、情侶手錶、手繩、波鞋、水樽、室內擺設……可是,他得到和給予的愛卻隨着外物的磨損而慢慢流失。972Please respect copyright.PENANADtJw7ClSF0
972Please respect copyright.PENANAJv5yqwCtrr
他趁她洗澡時,翻了翻她的銀包,他看見他的學生相。他的心就這麼懸在半空,如果早些天,他會覺得這不過是理所當然的事,但現在,他卻是驚喜的——對,她的心有他吧,卻無奈地好像失去了愛他的能力了。972Please respect copyright.PENANAq77vOUfkJO
972Please respect copyright.PENANAP7Klm2je4n
他感受到二人的躊躇是因為大家都拒絕面對轉變,因為一旦面對,就會有不可估量的風險,萬一其中一個真的說:「係,我唔愛啦。」那怎麼辦呢?972Please respect copyright.PENANATebKLsfi8w
972Please respect copyright.PENANAqFTlDiWWeI
其實,他也很難過,內心閃過無數個改變現況的念頭。972Please respect copyright.PENANAqyyOVpQEOF
972Please respect copyright.PENANAEY2BDS7Pvd
她看見他在翻看她的銀包,默不作聲,只前去企在他身後,摸了摸他剛剪的頭髮:972Please respect copyright.PENANAYS64UPMtP4
972Please respect copyright.PENANAQDRqbxCrXi
「點解剪得咁短嘅?」972Please respect copyright.PENANAIAFTxRLZXR
972Please respect copyright.PENANATKS4NgR1De
他頂着一個標準乖巧學生的寸頭。972Please respect copyright.PENANAoIVt4lmsfv
972Please respect copyright.PENANAMJLc9Rc0CR
「天氣開始熱啦,頭髮又長,索性一次過剪短啲。」972Please respect copyright.PENANAYTvwSATK2a
972Please respect copyright.PENANAgvlQgtzvaJ
她在他的背後偷偷地飽含熱淚。972Please respect copyright.PENANARO3lbvlVG3
972Please respect copyright.PENANAcPLtMbB2Ew
其實每次,她看見那張相片,也會有一種後知後覺的痛楚,如同不知在什麼時候亂碰亂撞,過一兩天只見皮膚發青發紫發黑,按下去時,瘀傷感不言而喻,她是痛苦的;她覺得,阿朗也是。972Please respect copyright.PENANAl8pvrHYSjj
972Please respect copyright.PENANAECH35lIAcR
大家都不再說話,心知應該求變,都想儲存勇氣作一些改變。972Please respect copyright.PENANAsJsp0Yc5Xf
972Please respect copyright.PENANACh770tyeyY
既然心中在乎對方,為什麼卻由得感情逝去呢……972Please respect copyright.PENANAlMPEA1hFyp
972Please respect copyright.PENANAsvtK02l5Fh
請安逸的人改變是非常困難的事,勇氣要慢慢的儲,要慢慢地打稿背誦做好表情管理。慢慢、慢慢,再無昔日乾脆,什麼都要細思苦想。972Please respect copyright.PENANAE0Gnc9HGRH
972Please respect copyright.PENANA00LjsPZ0kk
直至,朝光升上大學,他回中學探望思思。972Please respect copyright.PENANA0D0owGcLqv
972Please respect copyright.PENANAfljmYkWml8
有些話,應該要說的,無論如何;改變來臨,順不順心也走出了舒適圈。972Please respect copyright.PENANAtkKjvw8WNL
972Please respect copyright.PENANAX5X9GRH1HM
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《相愛十年》//《結咗婚十幾年,好似已經唔太愛。》
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《相愛十年》//《結咗婚十幾年,好似已經唔太愛。》
作者:
張羨青

篇 #54
波瀾不驚(四)
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