What would I do if I saw this girl?
Well, the answer is quite simple. I would whip out my magical Bag of Holding, which every true D&D fan takes everywhere with them. Out of my bag, I would pull out a fat wad of cash to present to her. But hold up, I'm not just done yet.
Right as the girl mistakenly believe I will bestow this gift to her freely, I attach a few strings to it, because I'm a stingy bastard. In order for her to get this money, I will send this child on a series of fantastical and meaningless quests, simply because I could.
I'm not completely heartless, however, and I would gift the girl with a wooden sword. Why a wooden sword? Simply because it's dangerous to go alone.
Some of the quests I would task her with include killing dragons by shouting at them, platforming through pipes to save a princess that keeps being taken from castle to castle, catching them all, surviving in a land of blocks, leaping off of roofs into piles of hay while trying to stop the Templars, competing in tournaments to stop Shao Kahn, and doing barrel rolls through space. Oh and zerg rush. Can't forget the zerg rush.
Should the little girl successfully return to me after completing all quest and without being eaten by a Grue or dismembered by a Fatality, I will give her the money. But by then, she would have accumulated a great many magical artifacts and the money would be completely unnecessary. At that point, she would be more after the experience bonus than anything.
Mini Author's Note
Unless you couldn't tell, these are all gaming references.
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