Leroy was in the car as well and father suggested that we were going to have dinner just the three of us. Being with the two of them felt like home, inasmuch as I love mother I have never felt that love back. I could tell the same about Leroy, my father wasn't an open book about his relationship with my mother, he never even told how they met. I guessed Leroy and my father felt the same way they felt like home.
The dinner was at my father's favorite restaurant in downtown of Eugene -My hometown- a classic italian restaurant called Epifanio Rizzo, it was not fancy it felt cosy, the whole place smelled like pepperoni pizza with cheese and red wine, the light bulbs were hanging from the ceiling some of them were hot orange and others were bright yellow. Leroy enjoyed his Siciliana pizza and father got Orecchiette with broccoli sauce, his typical dish, while I had 2 slices of Bruschetta I ate a couple bites and my appetite flew elsewhere. My father asked me about my day at the cultural place, I talked about music without mentioning the group. I couldn't take anymore the feeling of puking all day, I went to the washroom without making father noticing that I felt sick, I throw up and washed my face, I got out quivering almost falling as I collided with someone, I lifted my head to find Tobias holding me from falling. His eyes were dim to me but I recognized him, he trembled "Hey. You okay?" I Wondered What's with this guy today? Did Othello sent him to watch me? As this thought crossed my heavy head, I balanced myself to stand steady getting out of his hands " I am alright, just leave my sight" I hissed, returning to the table forcing a smile while my lips wouldn't allow it.
I felt uncomfortable knowing that the guy is in the same place as me, I was carried away again thinking about the relationship he could have with Othello. I turned quickly scanning the room to spot him sitting with a lady almost my father's age, her hair was brown mix orange with grey hairs and looked beautiful in an indigo blue blouse, and a little girl 4 years old or so her hair was similar to his brown hair, she looked so much like him. Leroy interfered with my insights "What are you looking at?" I gulped "Nothing, that little girl got my attention." The conversation with Leroy didn't end at that point, we talked as usual and father sometimes pulled some comments and funny jokes.
I checked my phone. It was 8:30 pm, time passed rapidly. My phone vibrated in between my hands, I opened it to receive an email from the group founder Tobias! I murmured angrily remembering that I signed up using my personal email, I read quietly the mail
" Hi Elleona,
I apologize for everything, I was just trying to help, and today's coincidences got me shocked too. I wish we can talk to explain myself more, here is my number (541) 000-0000, I promise I can help with whatever you are facing.
Kind regards, Tobias louie"
I tried not to look behind me as I finished reading, I knew there was a reason why he created this website, why he is helping those ladies and why he insisted on helping me? The question that bothered me the most was Who is he? I couldn't care less why he was doing all of that for no reason, all of his acts were too good to be true, I didn't trust him.
I tried to survive pretending that I wasn't sick in front of my parents for couple days while I woke up screaming in the middle of the night but I couldn't take that anymore. After school I went with Mabel to her place, Inasmuch as I was deadly scared of one particular fact I had to find out what was happening to me. I found myself listening to those voices in my head again cutting out life itself from interrupting yet Mabel got my attention snapping her fingers at me "Are you gonna try it?" She requested, it took me a second to realize that was a question. My eyes focused on her face and I asked her to repeat.
I was so weak in view of the fact that I wasn't ready to hear those exact words, you can't run from this you MUST do it, my consciousness spoke louder than I intended "Shut up, I can't!" Mabel wasn't expecting a reaction like that, I loved how she understood all my behaviours because she more than everyone else knew how much I got changed. She grabbed her phone from under the blanket we were wrapped in and went to the bathroom, tucking her hair behind her ear as she turned at me with an expressionless face. My head flew elsewhere thinking about how close summer was, I was as always wearing one of my dark colored hoodies and jeans, My life is falling apart and you are thinking about your clothes, I whispered "I am still not Mother or Ivy tho." Mabel got back and she looked at me, I didn't dare to ask her.
When you wish for time to go faster it actually slows like a sloth but I was urging for time to unrush, half an hour felt less than 5 minutes. Edwin was calling Mabel, she went again and this time when she turned to me she beamed a warm one, I hoped again this time for her to stay with her boyfriend lingeringly, but she was in front of me before even opening my eyes from my dissatisfied desire, she grabbed my hand "You can do it. I am here for you, I will always be." she almost whined, I laid my hand on the little pharmacy bag, I felt like shouting and crying but I was stronger than that. Am I? I shook my head and went alone, I closed the door of the bathroom and I wasn't thinking I was just acting. I collected my urine in an old cup shortly I dipped the stick in and waited according the the paper I was reading, Mabel started knocking on the portal and calling my name lightly, I was supposed to wait for 8-10 minutes, I wanted to open it but I couldn't Bad friend I didn't even know when that voice got to my head, I opened the door my lips quivering of fear, her eyes were searching for an answer, "I can't see it." I hardly pronounced. I turned my back leaving by the gateway, she gasped "Oh no"
I wished and hoped I was never born "I am no one special, I am literally nobody." I dictated, thoughts of my father's reaction, the disappointment he will feel. Leroy's face crossed my mind, I panicked, I lost breath, I lost another piece of me, I was 17 with a baby in my tummy and no future. I didn't know how to talk anymore, Mabel was sobbing and hugging me while I was looking without seeing, everything was somber, "How...am I.... going to survive.... this?" I quaked looking down to my belly. She held me saying that everything will be okay, we both knew for fact it wouldn't be, not anymore; not this.
I lost track of time, my parents wouldn't let me out on a school night, little did they know. I collected what was left of me, Mabel walked me home and none of us talked even if we knew we should, in fact we didn't have anything to say. We stood in front of my house and she hugged me as if it was for the last time and I felt like it was the last time.
I unlocked the door to see Ivy's face first thing, I wrapped my arms around myself when I got closer to her as she complained about my father ignoring how late I was, she was the least of my concern, but she didn't stop annoying me. I prevented myself from doing anything, but she didn't stop. "Who do you think you are to talk to me like that? Have some manners at least we all know where I was, but where were you yesterday and the day before it? Well that I will gladly answer that for you, What was his name jake? No no maybe Jack?" I snapped, I looked around to see everyone looking at me, I ran to my room with a thousand dim views in my head all knocking at once and that voice didn't shut up for a second "I am going crazy" I repeated till I fell on my bed. That wasn't it, actually I woke up again screaming in the middle of the night, my eyes full of tears, and the only thing I was thinking about was that poor baby.282Please respect copyright.PENANABuTEpqSc0g