【 2 . 3 】憂鬱上癮
No Plagiarism!BSUB4yiQkOaMpD8zZkAWposted on PENANA 8964 copyright protection406PENANAYjmExgKx2l 維尼
我失眠了。8964 copyright protection406PENANAwfdXnBejIH 維尼
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安眠藥這種東西也會產生抗體的嗎?上個月剩下的薪水,已經無法負擔這筆支出了。8964 copyright protection406PENANA6iP3qzCbgL 維尼
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跟毒品和那個女孩一樣,都是心靈的寄託。但卻也能夠成為寄生蟲,在胃酸裡攢動,讓人在渴望與痛苦之間,澈底失去理智。8964 copyright protection406PENANAEJtx9xArtB 維尼
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笑裡藏刀,似乎也跟社會一樣。8964 copyright protection406PENANArdHUmWZYNs 維尼
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「你該試試把燈全關了,有些人在黑暗裡反而更感到安全。」8964 copyright protection406PENANAdspxSjvmLc 維尼
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如果黑暗能夠讓我入眠,那我買安眠藥幹嘛?8964 copyright protection406PENANAtA1vx3nWlr 維尼
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但黑暗確實能讓我感到心安──歸宿。我是這麼解釋它的。8964 copyright protection406PENANAqm7pgBbWu3 維尼
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腦子不斷胡思亂想著,就這麼迎來了清晨的第一縷朝陽。8964 copyright protection406PENANAg6mh6PQFCJ 維尼
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有點失望,應該說非常失望。比起太陽,我喜歡月亮來得多。8964 copyright protection406PENANAbhmtDOFVEb 維尼
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坐起身子,迷茫的看著櫃子上的那支手機。我好想請假──每天都這麼想──可我每年還是都拿了全勤。8964 copyright protection406PENANAvfDUGxiTcM 維尼
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「還是去吧……。」呢喃著,我下樓沖了今天的第一杯黑美式。8964 copyright protection406PENANAvWNVY6hHaE 維尼
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不喝水,似乎成為了現代人的通病。8964 copyright protection406PENANA7ezXTv5AKZ 維尼
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「哈奇,過來。」那是我養了七年的黃金獵犬。8964 copyright protection406PENANAbAthT5pRDV 維尼
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能夠從小個子養成現在的龐然大物,也是我始料未及的。他撒嬌地蹭了蹭我的手背,親暱的繞著正倒著飼料的我。8964 copyright protection406PENANAcOdngMRfmH 維尼
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貪吃鬼與討厭鬼的生活,一成不變。8964 copyright protection406PENANA8XqhKkQVb9 維尼
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「回去前弄好這份報告。好好做,這攸關明天與大公司合約的成敗。」上司拍了拍我的肩膀,沉重、壓抑。8964 copyright protection406PENANA9NXCKIIHKB 維尼
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簡簡單單的一句話,潛台詞就是要我加班。8964 copyright protection406PENANADmTdPOcdg5 維尼
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沖泡了第二杯黑美式,與辦公室的任何人一樣──除了被排在角落裡的那個新人──無神的盯著刺激眼球的藍光,麻木的成為公司的機器人。或許說是傀儡比較貼切。8964 copyright protection406PENANADmaAx1J4yv 維尼
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每天吶,漫無目的地尋找活著的目的,這聽來是多麼荒謬可笑的一件事?就好比買櫝還珠的故事,退卻理應精彩的「人生」,留下找尋目標的「目標」。根本是本末倒置。8964 copyright protection406PENANAwgDVyzUDau 維尼
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要說的話,自己就是一臺食古不化的老式火車,而那柴薪炭火,便是偶爾會出現在公司食堂的那個女孩子。8964 copyright protection406PENANAbdqDvO2BT3 維尼
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再是無聊的人,還是會有情感與牽掛。8964 copyright protection406PENANAng6DppHIRj 維尼
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總是穿著一身雪紡的襯衫和牛仔褲。我曾想過她大概不是這裡的員工,因為她的氣質與這裡散發的憂鬱氣息格格不入。8964 copyright protection406PENANAApSfFZDqWy 維尼
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不是活力的春天的小草,也不是溫暖的冬天的陽光。她就像一縷白月光,淡淡的散發著屬於她的溫柔。8964 copyright protection406PENANAAQbMABgYfY 維尼
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這麼說好了,我曾想過各種我們的邂逅。8964 copyright protection406PENANAt6XXQx1HYy 維尼
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「我也很喜歡這音樂。」8964 copyright protection406PENANAkFZYn1RoEO 維尼
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「妳看起來有點眼熟。」8964 copyright protection406PENANAh4nCXz0rEU 維尼
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「加個?」8964 copyright protection406PENANAOgeCrFsUXz 維尼
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那些老套的搭訕過於氾濫,但是故意把自己的文件在她面前撒滿一地或者叼片吐司衝進食堂與她相撞似乎又過於刻意。所以一直到半年前她最後一次出現在食堂,我都沒有正式向她介紹自己。8964 copyright protection406PENANAW7z9lT723X 維尼
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「奇葩。」我的朋友這麼評價。8964 copyright protection406PENANA4dymAuPbRr 維尼
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寫完報告,已經是一點半的事。8964 copyright protection406PENANAPabuPZRQwD 維尼
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若不是買下了上司強迫推銷的狗狗自動餵食器,說不定我還能勉強找個理由拒絕加班,然後買好我的安眠藥,倒頭睡到天亮。8964 copyright protection406PENANAHfJMAumnLJ 維尼
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全公司只剩下我跟門口的保安。當我走到門口時,他還在看動畫片。8964 copyright protection406PENANAnWFa6uVzCh 維尼
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「阿,辛苦了。」心虛地,他一見到疲憊的我,便立即切掉畫面。8964 copyright protection406PENANA7NR6TrWnRg 維尼
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「嗯,你也辛苦。」聽我這麼說,他尷尬的笑了笑。8964 copyright protection406PENANAVgOzJd2tIY 維尼
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繼續低頭凝視著緩慢移動的鞋尖,我像是什麼時候都有可能昏厥的沙漠裡求生的人。他們可能還比我好些,至少他們有意識與「活下去」的渴望。而我,一無所有。8964 copyright protection406PENANAQKzXwn8TzF 維尼
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一進到車裡的封閉空間,老毛病又犯了。8964 copyright protection406PENANA4TNRMZbSg0 維尼
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呼吸急促了起來,我緊緊握著發黃的白布料,一股腦的委屈像是洪水般,沖刷著臉頰沉積了一天的灰塵。8964 copyright protection406PENANAEToiUlD2eI 維尼
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這持續了好多年。上班、下班、崩潰,已經成了日常。8964 copyright protection406PENANA2qG7uzmvRN 維尼
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「不用,我不需要看心理醫生。」每次,我都回絕家人。8964 copyright protection406PENANAZQr2Nphwht 維尼
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或許他們的話才是正確的。8964 copyright protection406PENANAKRUEjyb5Ht 維尼
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我從來不在別人面前展示自己脆弱的一面,但是每到半夜,每到四周無人的地方,隱藏的、積累的那些所有,便即刻傾瀉而出。8964 copyright protection406PENANA71A6949QiC 維尼
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也曾想過要用安眠藥來解決一切,但就是沒有作用。它只能讓我安穩的睡一覺,即使我吃了一大把。8964 copyright protection406PENANAOy2F6wxJ24 維尼
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我希望迎來的是永遠的黑夜,而不是任何一點光芒。8964 copyright protection406PENANAnxuJMGkcvF 維尼
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「想想那個女孩,她一定還在世界的某個角落,等著你去追尋阿!」8964 copyright protection406PENANAV1qSE2T8dn 維尼
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他們這麼勸著動了心思的我,可有時陷得太深了,心理總會扭曲。8964 copyright protection406PENANAUPL37PtEks 維尼
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那個女孩確確實實的從我狹小的眼界蒸發了,留下的,只有現在我手裡的布料。其他的所有,已經融入了身體。8964 copyright protection406PENANAiRDuVWRR3W 維尼
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再也不會出現。8964 copyright protection406PENANA0hYzOWY5mr 維尼
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「得不到,那就摧毀。」腦海的話還在盤旋,我多麼希望它可以就這樣停止運作。8964 copyright protection406PENANA3dfxVjOqts 維尼
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憂鬱、卑微、極端……。8964 copyright protection406PENANA6kS4yxURyD 維尼
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410Please respect copyright.PENANA3LiuvvSWhP
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「──汪!」8964 copyright protection406PENANAGIwMBTsTP1 維尼
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怎麼到家的,我渾然不知。8964 copyright protection406PENANABtScP2wYNw 維尼
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恢復意識時,自己正處在陽臺的女兒牆邊。8964 copyright protection406PENANA1fxhflBl9L 維尼
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常常這樣,身體會無意識的到這種奇怪的地方。其實說是潛意識也不為過。8964 copyright protection406PENANAvfD40CjmF6 維尼
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走回房間,我沉默的躺在床上。8964 copyright protection406PENANAw7TcNfJSBy 維尼
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「這樣下去不是辦法……。」閉上雙眼,襲來的黑暗令我感到寧靜自在,卻沒有絲毫的睡意。8964 copyright protection406PENANAdIYu5B9FRV 維尼
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有時會回顧自己的人生,不是跑馬燈的那種,我只會挑那些快樂的片段,但卻發現只要幾秒鐘,便再也想不到什麼玩味的事,大多都被憂鬱給沖淡了。8964 copyright protection406PENANAYW5WY5WJIu 維尼
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就好比上帝給你觀看人生的預告片,往往只會剪些精彩的,而不會挑這種乏味的。而電影的預告片,頂多也就占了兩小時裡的兩、三分鐘。8964 copyright protection406PENANAoMn5jZhkMw 維尼
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我想當初自己被騙入人間的時候,肯定是腦子抽了。8964 copyright protection406PENANA6fhnt2nGAb 維尼
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「還挺嚮往別人的生活的,瞅著那麼多采多姿。」這種想法常常徘徊在腦子裡頭,可每當我這麼想,那詭異的話便又會響起。8964 copyright protection406PENANAZQBoAT4amQ 維尼
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「得不到,那就摧毀。」8964 copyright protection406PENANAaJvPiAG8gI 維尼
410Please respect copyright.PENANAv2LmC67jr8
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是阿,第11682天了,還是找不到人生精彩的地方。8964 copyright protection406PENANAXHATRC2AxG 維尼
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就跟連載小說的作家一樣,靈感有爆棚的時候,也有枯竭的時候。但選擇硬著頭皮,還是直接放棄,都是作家本身的選擇。8964 copyright protection406PENANAM6UvgP4jvV 維尼
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我是後者。8964 copyright protection406PENANAQSa1Q8D62Y 維尼
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應該說,撐得久了,還是難以駕馭的話,那我就會選擇放手。8964 copyright protection406PENANA2JxBwBUHZ2 維尼
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責任感什麼的,還是比不過壓力。8964 copyright protection406PENANAtd08j8CByx 維尼
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讓我動了心思的最大契機,或許還是刻入骨髓的憂鬱人格。8964 copyright protection406PENANAevwhU98ecO 維尼
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「哈奇,過來吧。」8964 copyright protection406PENANABbLFSi80q4 維尼
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抱著親暱的牠,心裡還是感到了不捨。若要說有什麼牽掛,那也只有牠了。8964 copyright protection406PENANA9leyideqiC 維尼
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「對不起,真的對不起……。」明明都決定好了,但還是崩潰了一場。8964 copyright protection406PENANAHnJooSDDL7 維尼
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臉頰被舔了舔,可淚水洩洪的速度仍是超越了牠的安慰。8964 copyright protection406PENANAsDcQr4Mfx9 維尼
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在平息下來後,心裡的漣漪逐漸重歸於寂,最後成了一片沒有情緒的汪洋。8964 copyright protection406PENANAWXcjslPno0 維尼
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「就這樣了吧。」摸了摸哈奇的頭,我餵了牠最後一次飼料。8964 copyright protection406PENANAJZJxRshgCT 維尼
410Please respect copyright.PENANAPp0GRpYjnP
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泡了人生最後一杯黑美式,我從抽屜最底層找出了半年前用剩的藥──只要一點點,便足夠了──全部倒入了咖啡之中。8964 copyright protection406PENANAuxoBYAqO6B 維尼
410Please respect copyright.PENANAbSSUDSednw
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410Please respect copyright.PENANAZLmmFEW8YS
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410Please respect copyright.PENANASvHHyUxUVh
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今日的朝陽將會成為人生的餘暉,陪我共度的,只有養了七年的狗,與體內的她。8964 copyright protection406PENANA6eqSqtQ0My 維尼
410Please respect copyright.PENANA1msTXcfcY8
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也算是很圓滿了呢。8964 copyright protection406PENANA9nQy2GeeOr 維尼
410Please respect copyright.PENANAysmETMA372
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當天空染上魚肚白的剎那,我的眼界,染成了咖啡的濃黑。8964 copyright protection406PENANA7pZHnRlVHn 維尼
410Please respect copyright.PENANARRJtUZSMSK
8964 copyright protection406PENANAOMVfob3Ap3 維尼
「得不到,那就摧毀。」我的人生的意義也是這樣。8964 copyright protection406PENANA3G4m5uSVAm 維尼
410Please respect copyright.PENANAQz9U0eDvNW
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黑暗帶來的愉悅無法超越身體所承受的痛苦。8964 copyright protection406PENANAOt7FNTB95F 維尼
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但是至少,最後一刻,我是開心的──8964 copyright protection406PENANARDf0kd4cJ9 維尼
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