87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhXwWT0Hku
March 21, 1995
It's been a while since I last wrote. There isn't much on my mind as of right now. 87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2LovLShR7
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMBgyjIcUD
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83ewLMU5T1
April 25, 1995
I'm dropping out of college and my parents aren't happy about that. I don't even care though.87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡor8xPIaaZq
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQeMESEWol
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMR47aX1ox
May 30, 1995
I wish you came chasing after me. I wish you grabbed me and told me to stay. I wish you told me you needed me to stay. I want to feel your warmth on my cheek again. I want you to tell me you love me as much as I love you. But it's been months since that day and I haven't gotten a drunk call confessing your love yet; confessing your guilt. I contemplate whether I should reach out or not but the urge of wanting you to reach out first is what stops me. 87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkzasNoOWr
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnXKQVq60l
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ493sqdXbXz
June 12, 1995
Listen Ann...you idiot! You'll never get this chance again....but if I do I promise I'll tell the truth. If I don't I'll just spend the rest of my life regretting this. Regretting never calling you, never letting you know. 87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W7VQJDjX8
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8So78gwhP
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKp9TgVvAti
June 26, 1995
My pride and fear are keeping me from contacting you. 87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAp2IjtZbou
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PlimGzUzo
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbkNCXIQOE
July 8, 1995
It's my birthday today and I'm turning 23. Another year where I can say I fail at living out my life and another year to say I fail at taking my life.87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuzv1Li0Hq
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsGFikNNqj
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSLM9XwG4P
July 9, 1995
I waited exactly a whole day and you still did not ring me to wish me a happy birthday. Maybe you forgot or maybe you just didn't care. I'm stupid anyway.87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2cffUbabY
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGuFrZYirV
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdN7rGKwGM
July 10, 1995
Through drunken mishap nights, I confess my love and guilt through pen and paper. Confess for example; Why can't I be brave? Why am I so afraid of you? We were together for three years. what is there to be afraid of? Why do I love you still? 87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgzXaFXdHk
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAiVfAj7pH
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvReMOERPs
July 11, 1995
I'm so pretentious.87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07sYistBSn
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jgRdDsjWq
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqlrvAwu8E
July 17, 1995
I called Kant last night and we got into an argument. He told me that he loves me but did not love my situation. I asked him if he could please meet me so that I could get some closure but he believes that he doesn't own me that. I felt so pathetic but I couldn't stop crying. I kept begging for him to please see me and let me live out my fantasy one last time. He said no but eventually, he agreed to meet up. We're due to meet up tomorrow morning for brunch.87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cmKVKekFL
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWRGrs562u
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLcraswF4x
July 18, 1995
I'm so nervous that I couldn't sleep all night. I felt like calling him and asking him if we can postpone it to next week because I wasn't ready. I want to look my best when he sees me again. I know that I've gained some weight but I'm hoping that I can hide that with clothes. Anyway, I gotta get ready to go see Kant.
I went to this small cafe near his school. It had a Paris at night style of decor. It was small with about maybe 30 seating. I arrived first and sat there hand in hand, nervously waiting. I kept looking at the door. I was so nervous. fifteen minutes went by and I'm starting to sweat. Thirty-minute went by and I'm starting to lose hope. An hour goes by and I'm starting to plan my escape, I felt so ashamed and stupid. I look over to the door and just when I thought he had arrived, it was someone else. I got up and left.87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQkTvxuYys
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMRF39SPvo
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAnuKWNmHr
July 19, 199587Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLW2vu94Rp
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEL7tUaiU0
The glow of the city lights below shaded my room a warm bitter orange. It was comforting for me. It was enough. I felt this loneliness all night last night. It wasn't the loneliness of a broken heart but the loneliness of being human.87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCXtQ98gMN
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRF8T3H4oV
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUW2vERYzY
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DWbWVu8ay
July 20, 199587Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2OQTLwCr0
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WdgcfJHdj
I kept imagining us but the more I try to think of you the harder it is for me. I didn't bother calling because I knew I would give in to your excuses. I rather face the fact that you just don't love me anymore. I need it to hurt, I need to come to terms so that I can move on with my life. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself by letting you go, I mean you were there through the turbulence of my youth. We held each other through it all. You held me through all of those endless bleak nights and I held you till the sun bleeds into the cold blue of your room. We drank and cried and drank again. You taught me how to be alive and I taught you how to live. How can you give that all up? How can you just wake up one day and not love me? Everything I do is for you. I love you like no one else. I love you more than anyone else ever did. What is the reason, why did you leave me? I'm not ready to leave you. I still love you.87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6wDRupRlj
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bJVhmEdMz
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8fWRSQgDg
October 29, 199587Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAU1lSolzLg
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8erQyJZoy
Sorry I haven't been writing much. I haven't been doing much, to be honest. So much has been happening but I just don't know what to say. I guess I'll start with this...I got a job recently, I bag groceries at my uncle's grocery store. It isn't great but it's helping me get by until I figure out what I want to do. I also moved back home, my sister and I share a bedroom. I'm not that close to her and plus she is going through teen angst at the moment so I rather not talk to her. My mom keep bitching at me to get my shit together and honestly, I am trying to. I really am. I'm just in a weird place right now. She thinks I'm weak and is stupid and blames everything on my breakup with Kant. She thinks I drop out of school because of Kant; that I don't have my life together because of Kant. She thinks I'm sad all the time because of Kant but I wish I could just tell her the truth; I Wish I could be honest. I think I was always like this. Actually, Kant probably broke up with me because I'm always like this. I didn't realize it till recently but I think I made him sad. He isn't the bad guy here, I am. I'm like a virus that affects anyone in my radius. All I do is bring people down. I don't know but this whole break up made me really frustrated. I spend nights walking around the city trying to find something to be mad about and get mad when I don't find anything to be mad about. It's a sad sad life I lead. I just have so much anger and I don't know why I'm mad. I just want to fight someone. I just want someone to beat me up and put me in my place. I have no right for being this angry. Who do I think I am. What is wrong with me. This world is so cruel for having someone so ugly like me to live in it. This world is so cruel. I just want to cry out of frustration. I don't know why I'm like this but I just hate everyone and myself.
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