That night the crowd began to feel. The girl started to get anxious. The concerns being the part of the story, as well as the imagination. She prefers to live within. The real world is only the lessons and experiences she brought to the dreamland and imagination.
She tried to blend with the noise. But she hasn't yet made peace with the world which she always carries with her all the time. She began to listen to many stories that made the 21-year-old girl seem to know nothing about her age. The age that is theoretically and psychologically mature enough to feel all those experiences. None of it happened. She only listens, then imagines it. World of imagination with visuals that she made by herself. More dramatic, clear, full of happiness, sometimes sadness and humor. She often thinks, fantasizes, loves to be alone.
Sometimes she places herself in silence and continues her activities. Listening, observing, analyzing, the behavior of the people around her. Wade through their stories to imagine what would happen to them in the future. Observe those who say, good men, cheerful women, community children, charismatic women. That is what people say the most.
But words of 'People say' disturb her. Many people told their experiences seemed to directly assess that their experience is the most reliable fact. She didn't reject it, nor accepted it. There are only questions. Waiting to be confirmed. But sometimes she just laughing on the same occasion. Laughing at something that's certainly not funny. Laugh in silence. She doesn't widely understand nor be understood. Sometimes she doesn't want to know. She might think of herself that she is weird. She is not too naive to admit it. Nor arrogant because of it. It's just that she is in the real world. A world that is not like what she was imagined. A world that cannot be predicted. I only hope that one day she will understand and be understood.
That afternoon she did activities as usual. Work together as a group. Her instincts didn't go out in the rush that might happen. Since three days ago, she was curious about the figure of a man. He Looks authoritative, but the man smokes. The thing that she didn't like. But her curiosity on the man blocks the judgment. "He has something different". The whirring sound of her heart took her on a different path. It begins to create a storyline in her imagination. A long story with just a meeting without approach.
She knows that the feeling is just curious. She definitely won't expect more. Never. She knows what to do. Walking alone makes her stronger. She does have many friends. But she could not trust them. There is only one person she trusts. Only one and do not want to add it. Her heart is easily knocked, she is very sensitive to a feeling. However, she refused to know that, she just ignored it and sometimes threw it away.
With no doubt, she is not good at remembering things. She reserved memory that sometimes makes herself difficult to remember. She preferred to remember something more thoughtful and rational. Without too much-involving any feelings which according to her, it was very annoying. What makes things easy is difficult, like "fine" becomes "not okay", "It's OK" becomes a problem.
But there she is, the real fact that she didn't want. Being part of a world that is familiar with things like womenfolk bear the doctrine that they are people who like to use more feelings and easily get hurt. While the man is a strong figure, unpredictable, can be dangerous, annoying, can be a protector and a leader. "Unfortunately, there are still worst things like in my imagination? In my dreams ?" She said in silence.
She knew that everything she considered was neither entirely right nor wrong. She just wants to find justification. Finally her rational mind worked to set aside her feelings.
"Those feelings are sometimes deceiving. They don't come completely from me. It could be from the devil who always whispers me about sweet seduction in 24 hours a day." She murmured. A cold aura seemed to come out. She's so cold and doesn't even allow the sunlight to warm the soul. She was afraid, that warmth would trap her. Such a reasonable concern.
"Do you agree or not?" She asked me. I was stunned. As a visionary person, I believe that we need to experience a mistake. Everyone has been hurt, but it wasn't the reason not to open up herself to see the real world.
I just silently heard the question.
But she throws the question again
"You also have felt like what I feel, right? You also understand what I mean. While others don’t. I'm not sure if the same thing will not be repeated. Do you remember when we felt sadness? Isn't it will be repeated if we use the same feelings in dealing with different things. I choose this and you too. Are you still in doubt? " She shouted it out.
My mind was getting wilder and unreliable, all the statements were justified. But still in doubt.
"Yes. I'm still in doubt."
That cold soul didn't give me another chance. "Who created this feeling anyway? We did! You are me and I am you. Can you stop arguing about this? We need to focus on our goals." She shouted.
“But I just thought that you are right. You’re me and I am you. But honestly, don't you miss the sun?"
Then she went silent.
To Be Continued…………..
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