畢業已是五年前的事,成人後的時間流逝得真快。259Please respect copyright.PENANA5S1FtHIDCp
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當時為了實技試拼命鍛練、幾乎徹夜無眠。因此不出席開幕禮而選擇在會場補眠,想着趕得及考試便可以。然而會場常常有人經過,要找安眠之處並不太容易。259Please respect copyright.PENANAMpHYdTeeqf
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「不好意思,可以一下嗎?我好像迷路了⋯」259Please respect copyright.PENANA8lDGJF6YFM
259Please respect copyright.PENANA0JfUeiVHns
我被一對手搖醒,是一臉困擾的她。259Please respect copyright.PENANACLg6sN1GcP
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我正睡在飲水機旁,連何時睡著也不記得。259Please respect copyright.PENANAx7IuEy5Br1
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既然醒來,便選擇伸出援手。259Please respect copyright.PENANAhi0X4DXa0u
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「⋯是嗎,妳是想去哪一個會場?」259Please respect copyright.PENANArguFzksGlY
259Please respect copyright.PENANAvyVr9y1oLE
「我就是⋯那個⋯⋯不太清楚。」她臉色瞬間帶點尷尬,再小聲喃道:「因為那個孩子總不會說出自己的事⋯我也不懂如何開口詢問。」259Please respect copyright.PENANABabh0lPOVI
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那是一對異常寂寞的眼神。像快乾涸的池塘、水面一絲不動,我和她對上眼後不禁移開視線,普通地感到可怕。259Please respect copyright.PENANAMvGkQxVyvd
259Please respect copyright.PENANACNFPPA8mwy
於是馬上借了她手上的指南為她指路。259Please respect copyright.PENANAJC8yFtDmhi
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「這裏是醫科生的會場來的,所以如果不是這裏……如果妳的女兒要不是考「筋力證明」的話,應該會「一般試」的會場⋯⋯這裏哦。」259Please respect copyright.PENANAgUNcH7F0fA
259Please respect copyright.PENANAKvCg3r5SBV
「謝謝你⋯要是我家女兒也像你般開朗就好了。」她接下指南後說道。259Please respect copyright.PENANAbfAarluWWu
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她的笑容讓我感到意外,心想這個人原來也會笑的。259Please respect copyright.PENANAIvAcKM0QzP
259Please respect copyright.PENANAlTbbKCMkUU
與此同時,走廊的喇叭突然響起。正是我所參加的項目宣告最後召集。259Please respect copyright.PENANAZGsFvLJWic
259Please respect copyright.PENANA2ArbOzcXuP
「跨欄已最後召集!?不妙!那我要先走了!拜拜。」259Please respect copyright.PENANA4kfj3nrFUu
259Please respect copyright.PENANAnMdK6PAHgB
要不是她喚醒我,恐怕已經失去資格。因此印象十分深刻。至於她能否記住得我,則無從可知。259Please respect copyright.PENANAlu1flAJADR
259Please respect copyright.PENANAsMyU8uZmBQ
「⋯我認識你的嗎?」259Please respect copyright.PENANAvX0ddhBGlr
259Please respect copyright.PENANAHeEkD1dQiW
有時候對本人重要的大事,對他人而言只是微不足道的小事。259Please respect copyright.PENANABthHFjjCpE
259Please respect copyright.PENANAOC6f0fZIcJ
「算不上認識啦⋯只是以前間接被你幫助過而已⋯⋯」259Please respect copyright.PENANAPjC7FOTUfN
259Please respect copyright.PENANAuBsIXCJSvc
「是嗎?⋯那你要喝嗎?」她看似不在乎我的話,只從膠袋掏出一罐啤酒遞出,純粹想要酒伴。259Please respect copyright.PENANAt5JmbXm44H
259Please respect copyright.PENANAmkFqNQVCHl
「看你也沒事做,就一起喝吧。」259Please respect copyright.PENANAHUwu0uNetH
259Please respect copyright.PENANANPPSq20Cqg
跟陌生人喝酒是人生第一次,同時在鬱悶的氣氛喝酒亦是第一次。259Please respect copyright.PENANAmQbHmxBieo
259Please respect copyright.PENANAPyNdaaGcpm
大人痛苦時喝酒都是為了逃避,我並不想成為那樣的大人。然而這刻我連自己是否痛苦也不清楚,總感覺一切也不重要。259Please respect copyright.PENANAkqVZtP51Zs
259Please respect copyright.PENANAxusYE8O8uS
不能隨心所欲的人只能隨波逐流。259Please respect copyright.PENANAplFo6ijiD9
259Please respect copyright.PENANAPEujFHmffb
手掌接下啤酒,啪咔一聲開罐,大口灌下。259Please respect copyright.PENANAkT7k0us4tX
259Please respect copyright.PENANAsBNCXYi3d6
「酒精味好濃…。」259Please respect copyright.PENANAhJMlWfLhLW
259Please respect copyright.PENANATp3kVtMezS
酒精味太濃反而嚐不清楚味道,但真的會有人覺得這好喝嗎?259Please respect copyright.PENANA5Io8knjg5P
259Please respect copyright.PENANA54Uixv7wzF
「這就是大人都喜歡啤酒的原因。」她答。味道不重要,反正醉了便不會在意。259Please respect copyright.PENANAVeZFWriWJ4
259Please respect copyright.PENANANds58W2VKt
「看你一個人坐在海邊,是失戀了嗎?」259Please respect copyright.PENANAPdbvPKlBzh
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「不是。只是,感覺因為自己的錯令身邊的一切不再熟悉,有點追不上……」259Please respect copyright.PENANAtngvIYtDwO
259Please respect copyright.PENANAygHoBO7el9
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「原來如此,也是呢⋯世界可是奇怪又奇妙的。即使以為多熟悉的東西,也有不斷轉變⋯或者離開的一日⋯⋯但是結果就結果,怎樣後悔也改變不了,我們只能接受現在。」259Please respect copyright.PENANAY3JAEXom4A
259Please respect copyright.PENANA85KE05DIt4
「所以千萬要記住,悶酒嚐過就好了,不要變成我這般只會喝悶酒的大人。」她握扁着手上的鋁罐,已喝光第一罐,正伸手打算喝第二罐。259Please respect copyright.PENANAVw9SegOdiG
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的確,比起是喜歡,她更似是習慣,習慣去灌醉自己。259Please respect copyright.PENANAu7gZR0TfUd
259Please respect copyright.PENANA1Y7zHF2J7x
「那妳呢?遇到甚麼了嗎⋯?」259Please respect copyright.PENANADPJDqgbUR7
259Please respect copyright.PENANA4T88nAnZno
既然同樣在喝悶酒,那代表她也有煩惱。259Please respect copyright.PENANAxG9JmiVWFk
259Please respect copyright.PENANAM6zRkR6o2O
她背後肯定很辛苦的事,所以當時的我害怕去接觸她。而比起害怕會知道甚麼,更討厭自己會視而不見。259Please respect copyright.PENANAUQBsSiIFu9
259Please respect copyright.PENANAaB0ackYVaU
「⋯⋯」面對她的無語沉默,馬上使自己知道問了不該問的。259Please respect copyright.PENANAL3caaWrFKL
259Please respect copyright.PENANAfTeNxMFfgt
她默默拉開酒罐的拉環,並像是灌水般一口氣灌入喉嚨。感覺到氣氛轉變,我趕緊包圓場的說:259Please respect copyright.PENANAvM6FLtVoCy
259Please respect copyright.PENANAEz08Fc16IU
「對不起…不用說的也可以的!不用強迫自己⋯⋯!」259Please respect copyright.PENANAae3SaBPeYH
259Please respect copyright.PENANAS8ukdVlK2C
另一方面,內心覺得她這樣很狡猾。259Please respect copyright.PENANAMCAadMU7gi
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明明找別人搭話,還要一上來就是敏感的話題,到現在卻不打算打開心扉。259Please respect copyright.PENANARcoyxIuY1D
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下一秒,耳邊傳來一句:259Please respect copyright.PENANAgQU3yIX53P
259Please respect copyright.PENANAQofw8lTISC
「我親手迫走了自己女兒⋯怎樣?你不想成為這樣的大人吧?」259Please respect copyright.PENANADXu1O0l0Ip
259Please respect copyright.PENANAP3RrWRSBxw
說後的當刻她露出一道苦笑。259Please respect copyright.PENANA3YGXqNZoXs
259Please respect copyright.PENANADQsbipwgdO
大人主動揭露傷痛,相比勇氣,更需要的是麻醉。原因無他,就因為是大人。259Please respect copyright.PENANApNXDcUqBLm
259Please respect copyright.PENANAr85cBbaM4q
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「怎樣⋯這個話題很難接話吧?抱歉呢。」她小有尷尬的說着。259Please respect copyright.PENANAxvi5fWL8kZ
259Please respect copyright.PENANAQeL3cvnBwz
「才沒有這回事,難得你願意說出口,我也想聽下去。可以嗎?」259Please respect copyright.PENANAnLSMzebUK0
259Please respect copyright.PENANALXNnElsspL
世間總說不要管別人的家事。理由因為家事通常也沒有道理,只存在主觀。259Please respect copyright.PENANA2VOKXowrDJ
259Please respect copyright.PENANAjBYkqyLtMd
外人管多也沒有意義,世上惟一有進展的只有世上多了腦細胞死去。只不過人的本性始終是八卦。259Please respect copyright.PENANAkW2X0JJYZT
259Please respect copyright.PENANAYPU8Xva23N
「⋯老實說那可不太有趣的,真的要聽大嬸說故事嗎?」259Please respect copyright.PENANAIFjROzFp86
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然而未待我回覆,她已經自行把話接下去。259Please respect copyright.PENANAVL6XlK10me
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259Please respect copyright.PENANAd9a8WRlqk7
她本來有丈夫,以及一個孩子。259Please respect copyright.PENANAGhB8qzrjF7
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在生下女兒之前,她和丈夫已為子女計劃未來。假使孩子繼承下自己的能力、或者丈夫的能力兩個可能性也早已打算好方針。259Please respect copyright.PENANAAdHiuZMvgq
259Please respect copyright.PENANAI2tSg4ZFOp
她的特長是預測和訂下計劃,在投資銀行工作的同時也是工作狂,即使在產假期間也繼續為相熟的客人服務着,因此受着客人間的好評。259Please respect copyright.PENANAfqUjyso4YF
259Please respect copyright.PENANAu2CmOY4JnT
而丈夫,即孩子的爸爸,據她說是一個性格開朗的小學老師。四肢發達,頭腦簡單,是一個思想單純,亦是個十分寬容溫柔的人,與嚴謹的她可謂正正相反。259Please respect copyright.PENANAL36dIp4bXr
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也就因對方身上有着互相缺欠的部分,因此也像拼圖一樣,補上互相的缺陷,拼合成一幅幸福的理想象。259Please respect copyright.PENANAyJW6GwQv0a
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直至生下孩子,拼圖突然多出突兀的一塊。生下稀有種的小孩所懷有的不安,可不是未當上父母的小鬼那能想像的東西。259Please respect copyright.PENANAPHWONFHs4i
259Please respect copyright.PENANAkTpKQfOwF8
為了她的未來,要定下一個舒適、可以在社會活下去的未來,長憂和思慮使她不斷在床上打轉,然而睡眠不足的她也要在深夜抱著女兒,餵她讓她安睡。259Please respect copyright.PENANAlwKeSJQwO1
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一百分的痛苦,這值九十九分。259Please respect copyright.PENANAiy3Jqrq8L7
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再加上工作方面累積下的壓力,產假後要追上工作的進度,沒有休息;亦同時要思考着看護的事,腦袋快要轉不過來也要作出各種決定,即使不如心意也要被強迫選擇。259Please respect copyright.PENANAhXbZB7dJTG
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作為完美主義者,得過且得是她最討厭的事,於是腦內同時展開各個計劃,卻一混亂下則開始交織,必需重新構想,令工作效率下降不少,失誤接連發生。259Please respect copyright.PENANAMlqBOE1Hzd
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這樣下去自己累積下的東西會一一失去,信念也好、計劃也好⋯⋯259Please respect copyright.PENANA9Lk1ZqHGi4
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最後心態使心理崩潰了,正確來說患上產後抑鬱症。259Please respect copyright.PENANAs9CMiNV6h8
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過去、現在、未來的壓力,使她越來越少容餘,也容易變得對人躁動,不只身邊,連對女兒也開始失去耐性,變得經常怒吼。幸好丈夫及時看透一切,主動提出自己負責照顧女兒和主理家務,也因此辭去教師的工作。259Please respect copyright.PENANA6n0IHsq2K0
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她本來的收入已有教師的約兩倍多,要是更努力進昇,家計不是問題,遠看未來也是十分合理的決定。259Please respect copyright.PENANAl5iSh1Uk7c
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她對丈夫的決定十分感激,但也同時很內疚。因為知道丈夫喜歡與小孩互動,他亦為自己的工作花了不少心機,這點她最為清楚,亦是她不能想像欠缺的一件事。259Please respect copyright.PENANAachtWNj9W8
259Please respect copyright.PENANA9q4kglxBIF
心中的拼圖不斷變形,當一塊改變,周圍便會接連脫落。假使打算趕去補救也不知所措。可取的手段到底有甚麼?應做的有甚麼?必需達成的有甚麼?259Please respect copyright.PENANARdwDtdd2iO
259Please respect copyright.PENANAq2RFzkp3Aa
視界越遠更容易發現問題,但亦代表需要同時面對更多事議。259Please respect copyright.PENANApr2Dqj4MgA
259Please respect copyright.PENANArHup0BPPIp
對女兒的成長變得嚴格,是因為她清楚只有壓倒的實力才可適應任何環境,不被他人拋下的同時,即使是怪胎,別人也只有接受自己的存在。即使不如理想,各方面也漸入佳境,總算重上軌道,她在心裏想道。259Please respect copyright.PENANAhKAr15hCkB
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而了解到人生總不能如預期的,正是意外。259Please respect copyright.PENANAa76rjqBszj
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《你無法知道雨天的青蛙在哭》/《雨天、未悉蛙鳴》
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《你無法知道雨天的青蛙在哭》/《雨天、未悉蛙鳴》
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井上蛙

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