“Will you wait for me?” He asked. I had to process what that meant. I had to really think. How long would I need to wait? How long would it be until I saw him next? What if he didn’t come back? All of these questions rushed through my head.
“Of course I will.” I had to answer with that. There was no way I was going to lose him because of my indecisiveness. I honestly didn’t know. I was scared of losing him.
I gave up my last relationship to be with him. He saved me from that. Of course, me leaving someone to be with him only made him less sure of if I would do the same thing to him.
I’m proud of myself. In this relationship, I have not tried to hurt myself at all. I have not had any thoughts about cheating on him or being with someone else.
I am proud of myself because I have changed. Someone I used to work with once told me that I deserve to be happy. Those words were all I could think about. Those words made me cry because it allowed to me to heal. It allowed me to feel like I could go of the past.
I hurt myself and wanted to die because I couldn’t forgive myself for all of the pain and heartbreak that I caused.
Hearing those words released me from the guilt. From that moment on, I allowed myself to be happy. Many people have a problem where they self-sabotage when they think something is too good to be true.
I am one of those people. I was one of those people. With Matt, I can be myself. I can break down and show him my true feelings and he won’t judge me in any way.
He is my too good to be true. He treats me like a queen and he always makes me feel loved. The real reason why I wrote this book/novel (whatever you wanna call it) is because I love Matt. I want him to know from my point of view what has happened in my life. I want him to know how I’ve felt about things that he might’ve been there for.
If anything were to happen to me, I know he might appreciate this book. The time and the feelings that I’ve put into this book. It’s not all about him, but in case he wanted to learn more about me…here it is. This book.
Matt is the love of my life. I’ve never felt more comfortable and open towards anyone else. He accepts me for who I am and what I’ve done in my past.
A couple weeks later, he started to regret his choice of joining the Navy. In my head I thought “it was your choice and there’s no turning back now because you signed a contract.” I had to be supportive so I reminded him of all the reasons why he wanted to do it in the first place.
I think he felt better about it after that. But still, I don’t ever want to lose him. He is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
But unfortunately, along with the time apart, and the fear of him dying in battle…another opponent has emerged from the surface.
This opponent would be the reason why Matt would stay a little longer or why Matt would not be able to join the Navy.
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