1515Please respect copyright.PENANAj5TWKVSVNe
信義以前曾經說過,如果不是認識我夠久,才不會相信世界上有那麼笨的人,完全不像生活在人世的人,1515Please respect copyright.PENANAAKpUuCce5V
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他很擔心我將來出到社會工作後,早晚會被人騙得破產。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAfvEE2e0Cuj
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「而且你最笨的是不明白女仔的心思,不知要說什麼,要什麼時候上。」他說。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAbohQNQbzgd
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我很同意他這一番說話,對於男女結構大不同,包括思考方式的不一,我是不明白。1515Please respect copyright.PENANABic7onnzZX
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「其實不關事,你是鈍。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANA0wWIK02pd2
1515Please respect copyright.PENANAtcBjZ8Ow9r
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大一那年,系會狂歡完後,我負責送一個女生回家。那時,我跟那女生在班上算是蠻好聊的,當她回到她家的門口時,她轉身問我:「你……要進來喝些什麼嗎?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAKSfJaIeg74
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「有什麼選擇?」我問。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAzI1qph143S
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「吓……?」她愣住了,似乎沒有意料我會這樣回答,呆一會後才說:「呃……咖啡⋯⋯?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAYyduh7s4bO
1515Please respect copyright.PENANAXznvjqVDLK
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「不了,我不喜歡喝咖啡的,而且這麼晚喝咖啡會睡不著覺。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANA0w5LZzOFgj
1515Please respect copyright.PENANAQXvZboZbyj
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接著是「呯!」的一聲關門。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAzcz3FVjC10
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呃……1515Please respect copyright.PENANA69hlS206rW
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你或許會在質疑,有沒有搞錯,飲咖啡的含意你都不懂。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAvDjF77KeSK
1515Please respect copyright.PENANAUpzTc03qPg
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我的回答是人情世故我懂的不多。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAEQTRx3uE70
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同類型的事情還有很多,多到我可以在廟街擺檔說三天三夜。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAB1s9aYWuo2
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除了不懂女人心外,我的記憶力還很差。1515Please respect copyright.PENANA44C9oN3LPQ
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小學時,我可以把家中的電話跟樓下的外賣電話混淆,讓老師打電話到茶餐廳找我家人時,被人誤會玩電話,然後一大堆的粗口伺候。1515Please respect copyright.PENANARY0zFm5VGt
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記憶力差得很的我,在中學的選修居然是歷史,甚至大學也是歷史系。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAtFDSWMogMo
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是由於我中學歷史老師的一句話:「歷史,背是沒有意義的。會背哪個年份,發生了什麼事,不會改變什麼。重要的是,你從前人的事當中,能發掘什麼出來,掘了,那東西就是永遠屬於你的。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAUpXEiX70d0
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不過那時我是完全不懂這話是什麼意思,可是我相信他,歷史是不用背的,所以就選了。1515Please respect copyright.PENANA1HTkWgWYNU
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然後公開試也炒了。1515Please respect copyright.PENANA8PqwepS578
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「老師,你不是說不用背的嗎?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAFKczyIwOSF
1515Please respect copyright.PENANAMmoCVudpgD
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「我是說背是無意義,但在這個考試制度下,就是要你背。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAOoyoEkJ3jE
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我一直都很笨。1515Please respect copyright.PENANA5V6PmN7WsL
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所以當身邊的人有人相伴時,我還是只能單身一個。(當然有人會認為是你樣子的問題。)1515Please respect copyright.PENANAYN3okfnYIh
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我正愁慮我會不會一世都孤身一人,用不用儲錢買孤佬屋時,接下來的事,卻讓我的單身生活起了變化。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAscOkEB7CeJ
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這事之前,首先要介紹兩個人,那都是我最好的朋友。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAyhhc1YMHsl
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一個叫信義。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAgpfCi0T9I0
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他不喜歡我們叫他中文名字,因為他覺得這很土,他喜歡別人叫他……1515Please respect copyright.PENANAT8buxaKDXP
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「叫我阿JOY。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAHSX4zSeve6
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無問題的,信義。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAoPRgv8xD6T
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信義的名字聞說是因為父母希望他做人,明白人生最要緊是秉行公義,以義為先,能捨身取義。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0aMEw6zV9
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事後證明,他沒有令他的父母失望。1515Please respect copyright.PENANARQO10sfHDz
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另一個叫小寶。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAN1tDL5Cw8x
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小寶這個名字跟她的外型很符合,小寶是童顏型的可愛女生,樣貌看起來比她的實際年齡小,這一類卻吸引到許多追求者。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAXa5LOFPVyC
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然後關他們什麼事呢?1515Please respect copyright.PENANAexilqLphx1
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事關他們擅自幫我開了Instagram。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAY8plEHSbFx
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事先聲明,我從未打算用Instagram,1515Please respect copyright.PENANAnBJpdJIjJR
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原因是我本來對拍照沒什麼大興趣,1515Please respect copyright.PENANAZ8EVaNWtP7
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其次是也沒有人會對我的生活有興趣。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAuMrvXkboY7
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「現在哪有人不用Instagram的?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAXo1eBbdsbZ
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「就是,用又不一定要POST相,直接follow女生看照片嘛。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAu6YuDR9sck
1515Please respect copyright.PENANArRI051s3RX
1515Please respect copyright.PENANAuXrutqI0IV
信義遞了電話給我看,裡面是一個五官標誌,看起來有點像樂瞳的女生,1515Please respect copyright.PENANAxmwVbi48TC
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我隨意瀏覽一下,她的照片基本上大部份都是自拍,有時則在拍小狗、拍食物,還有不少……1515Please respect copyright.PENANAopefWOMJGi
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「為什麼只拍自己的腿這麼奇怪?」我問。1515Please respect copyright.PENANA7nz9HYWBWE
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「咦,她是不知道自己走光了?」我又問。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAumxXRLmZut
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「為什麼心口要key隻公仔,不直接轉第二張相?」我再問。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAUmzAohsnG1
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「唉,你去死啦。」信義說。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAyTbnMsXYFY
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接下多的十多分鐘,他們一直跟我論述用Instagram的好處,1515Please respect copyright.PENANA5cPIix3eC3
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叭啦叭啦的說過不停。我極度懷疑他們的兼職根本就是推銷員。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAsBlFFfH8Me
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吹得天花龍鳳,差在沒有說用了可保一世平安,出街有神仙保佑,生仔不怕痛。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAdnwO54rF0U
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好了,我得出結論。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAQF629oSTD8
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「不開。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAJXMLlPUYkx
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「頂你咩。」信義破口大罵。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAIeQSU99glz
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「好啦,等我幫你。」小寶把我的手機搶去。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAJMODs3Yqcq
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1515Please respect copyright.PENANAyu8zMzQdHc
……1515Please respect copyright.PENANALppfiIq8Uj
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證明對話是不存在任何意義。1515Please respect copyright.PENANA2OZiJgFn1r
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「你Facebook是什麼?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAVJBQbOg07O
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「不要用Facebook啦。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANASyK3r2PCEv
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「下?為什麼?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAzrMWfZdjHf
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笑我太小心也好,可是我從不習慣用Facebook開通其他帳號,覺得這樣不安全。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAMcJ1ePd9sZ
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「如果不用Facebook,哪來朋友?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAFXsEWIthjV
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「我根本不用。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAeH3elpWsg7
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「妳懂什麼啊,阿仁明顯不想見到妳啦,他就懂得選,專開來看美女。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAiqrncgncLr
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「下,我不理,反正我知你的帳號,Follow定我先,順手讚好我的POST,哈哈哈。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAXLB7pDdk7L
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呃……還說不著緊,我猜想這才是她的原意嘛。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAmEAwpIKErQ
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小寶認真的對著我手機左按右按,問了我的電郵後,又問:「那你要什麼名字?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAjMaRBfjxaZ
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呃……我認真的思考一會,我說了一個我喜歡的作家名字。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAUZHAPGilCX
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「密碼和帳號一樣好不?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANArxVfua05W0
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「嗯?」對不起,我在想今天的晚餐吃什麼。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAceaUVJyPNi
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「我說!密碼和帳號一樣好不?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANA7XbbTdUBHi
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「好啊。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANASz5NkpypOj
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「啊,你的名字有人在用,加個1字在後面啊記得。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAcmRDTiOX16
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「好啊。」還是吃龍蝦好了。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAn5C8VxvpG7
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「你有在聽嗎。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAvB4JYOMcXL
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「嗯?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAvzI6yx4QkU
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「你去死啦。」1515Please respect copyright.PENANAchWIs7DNCD
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小寶就是那種,嘴巴說話不饒人,心裡卻很善良的人。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAjhhdZ52WXv
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就這樣,我開了自己的Instagram,不過也如前面所說,我根本用不著,就這樣有一段時間放著不用。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAHcoohX1trO
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甚至我換了新手機後仍是這樣。1515Please respect copyright.PENANAWOZeC7aO3K
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一直到……近陣子。1515Please respect copyright.PENANA8r89oAVSM7
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**「為什麼會這麼多人follow一個不認識的女孩子?」1515Please respect copyright.PENANArp8QeDZBYB
1515Please respect copyright.PENANAK1md3s866l
「用來解決生理需要。」