It's a dark and stormy night.
In fact, the cliché is so loud that the main character can't hear the sound of his engine dying.
Worse still, the storm has blocked out the sun, and torrential rain pours over his front windscreen.
Instead he must rely on his mastery of deductive reasoning.
Firstly, he says that as it is night time, it is impossible that the storm should block out the sun. And that the narrator should go fuck himself.
Secondly, he notices that the vehicle has not been moving very quickly for the last few miles. He thinks this is odd, but perhaps he is driving up hill?
Until he discovers the truth.
A passerby opens the car door to ask if he is okay.690Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3SZ4MoeOi
Passerby: "Sir, you've been parked in that spot for an hour, are you lost?"
Self proclaimed Genius: "I am always exactly where I intend to be. I can never be lost"
"Now be gone interloper, I must get to Camelot before day break."
The passerby closes the door allowing the main character to return to his journey with renewed vigour.
Chapter 7 - The Phantom of the Postbox
He feels like several years have passed in what is actually the blink of an eye.
And yet no further progress has been made, all hope is lost when finally, defeated, the main character pulls out his mobile phone and calls the AA.
"I'm afraid you will have to wait for at least 3 hours", says the magic talking box.
The MC: "Do you know who I am!?"
"I am Merlin for goodness sake!", Said Merlin.
Then the main character, Merlin, threw his phone through the window and into a post box.
But the postbox is guarded by a ruthless Fire God called 'The Lord of Light'.
Enraged, he launches a fire ball towards Merlin, which he dodges, and it proceeds to fly off into the distance.
Several minutes later the fire ball reemerges on the horizon. He tells The Lord of Light about all the unimaginable things he has seen in his voyage around the world.
Grateful for the new found wisdom, he forgives Merlin and leaves the post box to explore the world.
Suddenly, a ghost appears calling herself the phantom of the post box.690Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOyWIy8zbs
Merlin asks her what this means, and she tells him of the grand prophecy which accompanied her birth into this world.
A prophecy so grand, so incredibly vast with such far reaching consequences that it would ruin the suspense for the audience.
"I demand that you tell me how to find this 'Audience'."
The phantom of the post box opens a special envelope and removes the contents.
Then, she opens another envelope and puts the letter back into the wrong envelope.
She then returns the envelopes.
Finally she looks at Merlin and tells him that he will find the audience staring at him through the interdimensional portal which connects their world with ours.
Merlin performs a cart wheel while reciting a holy script about the wheels on a bus.
Meanwhile, the phantom of the post box continues mixing the letters into the wrong envelopes.
Chapter 7 - The prophecy.
Everyone knows that prophecies are for children and religious people.
But then, old men start arriving to explain the prophecy. With their grey beards they stand together and explain the prophecy.
The prophecy is thus:
The main character, who's name is Merlin, will meet many obstacles in his quest to find the philosopher's stone.
He will find himself surrounded on all sides by innocent bystanders, passerby's and irrelevant activity.
But he will not know who to trust in this web of lies. He wonders if the only person he can trust is Merlin, unless, he is not actually Merlin at all.
What if he is an imposter?
Perhaps he was never himself to begin with, and this was all a ruse to lull him into a false sense of security.
Of course he can't trust Merlin. Merlin is a wizard, and wizards are notoriously untrustworthy.
Just remember Voldemort he thinks to himself.
I, Merlin, hereby pronounce myself to be the rightful heir to the iron throne, the king of the Andals and the first men.
The rightful ruler of the seven kingdoms.
---
Chapter 6 - Time machine
The phantom of the post box appears outside Camelot to give Merlin a time machine.
Merlin jumps backwards all the way up into his tower and then climbs out of the time machine.
The phantom asks Merlin to get into the time machine and he starts walking away without turning.
After some time, a giant pink bunny rabbit called Frank hops out of a cloud to talk to the Wizard of Oz, but settles for Merlin.
Merlin is not surprised at all, he saw it all in his vision. The bunny rabbit tells him it is his destiny to jump out of his tower.
And that if he does he will live forever in an infinite time loop. This is the real philosophers stone.
Merlin refuses, but the rabbit threatens to blow up the moon. Merlin, who loves the moon and their children, reluctantly agrees.
By the time the moon lands to tell Merlin that she's immortal it's too late. He is stuck in a time loop for a few years.
Fortunately, the pink bunny rabbit was lying and the whole thing was actually designed to prove to a jealous Moon that Merlin still loves her even after her pregnancy.
Merlin tells her she is more beautiful now than ever before.
Everyone starts clapping and the Passerby removes his mask to reveal that he was the real Merlin all along.
The end.
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