祈祈抵家時,適逢母親剛剛預備好晚餐。她立即更衣梳洗,然後幫忙端菜到餐枱。434Please respect copyright.PENANAUB5RDcuYaQ
434Please respect copyright.PENANAJ5d7lpY9ig
自從童黨一事曝光後,母親大受打擊,情緒異常暴躁。非單氣走僱用多年的家傭姐姐,還需到精神科看診,長期服藥。作為過來人,祈祈深切明白那是何樣的一種感受。她心軟下來,答應父親,好好修補母女之間的關係。434Please respect copyright.PENANA4vlqCzpv2I
434Please respect copyright.PENANAYA0hHsKy1J
席間,三人有講有笑,好不融洽。434Please respect copyright.PENANAbaP1pBjnk7
434Please respect copyright.PENANA2vbjVwgLbi
母親久違的笑容令「好」與「壞」的界線變得含混不清。這笑容是用藥物換來的,孰好孰壞?為了保留這笑容而對問題的根源視而不見,孰好孰壞?這種虛假的融洽家庭關係,孰好孰壞?祈祈越來越不知道該如何抉擇。434Please respect copyright.PENANAkoE2Y7Xf7v
434Please respect copyright.PENANAlwREIgvPyx
她驀地想起阿藍和阿藍媽舊日的僵持關係:如果自己勇敢一點,堅持表達不滿,大概會落得和阿藍差不多的下場吧。禍福相倚,阿藍受襲失憶,忘記與阿藍媽的不咬弦,無意間給予母女二人一個和好的上佳機會。阿藍媽識趣地改變心態,加上楠少從旁指導,阿藍的家庭問題得以完美解決。434Please respect copyright.PENANAlb4vAuDurM
434Please respect copyright.PENANAjxlRPmPpjt
飯後,祈祈洗碗時,發現廚房亂糟糟的。難怪,畢竟母親是個職業女性,少有接觸家頭細務,平日依賴家傭姐姐處理一切。現在,因祈祈的緣故,她辭去高薪厚職,當個全職家庭主婦。聽父親說,母親做家務時雞手鴨腳的,時而不小心捽破水晶飾物,時而誤將容易變形的衣物放到洗衣機裡一併清洗,時而將鹽和糖混淆……434Please respect copyright.PENANAxS1uZzx6rc
434Please respect copyright.PENANAJv8QNRHyfZ
能夠作出如此重大的改變,除了因為愛,還可以是甚麼?連倔強的母親亦願意退讓,自己還要自私到何年何月?難道要母親整輩子不停遷就自己嗎?祈祈暗罵自己的不孝與不懂事。434Please respect copyright.PENANAhdqbLlCvxr
434Please respect copyright.PENANAk9yJPqIQXr
洗碗後,父母硬拉著她聊天。434Please respect copyright.PENANA7PeVyJOmia
434Please respect copyright.PENANA2GNvn8DF56
「我們不會再阻撓你和光仔發展,但希望你可以到外地升學。托展國際視野,豐富人生經驗,肯定對日後找工作有正面影響。」父親出奇不意地將話題由「光仔」轉移至「升學」之上。「我的舊同事有三名兒女,全都在外地升學,對這方面頗有心得。他……」434Please respect copyright.PENANArVRmKRRHmD
434Please respect copyright.PENANAIOZ2mMt8eU
「我們將會舉家移民嗎?」祈祈詫異。434Please respect copyright.PENANAEydWRH5Ofn
434Please respect copyright.PENANA9xPdDhjtda
「不。只是想你在外地升學而已。這跟移民有必然關係嗎?」父親不解。434Please respect copyright.PENANAeEdqQbXMxh
434Please respect copyright.PENANAxcDdZHFax8
「既然最後是要回來,何不一開始就不離開?外出見識過就一定是好事?世態瞬息萬變,我留在這裡緊貼本地潮流豈不更好?有沒有前途並非只建基於學歷,還有個人能力和……」祈祈一口氣拋出大堆道理。434Please respect copyright.PENANAC32NNqzfo5
434Please respect copyright.PENANA4f0zBn12c6
「你知道自己在講甚麼嗎?我明白你想留在這裡,卻總不能晦氣地押上前途!的確,前途並非只建基於學歷,但外出見見世面總比坐井觀天好。你沒理由會不明白!」父親面對強詞奪理的祈祈,耐性頓失。434Please respect copyright.PENANAgrXcwYaObL
434Please respect copyright.PENANAlDaI8taqg6
「我明白,但我就是不想!我不要去到一個全然陌生的地方,睡在一張全然陌生的床。每天對著聊不來的陌生人,吃不對胃口的食物……」突如其來的恐懼挑起了祈祈的敏感神經,一幕幕半真半假的畫面在她腦海中不斷縈迴。434Please respect copyright.PENANAw4PuTpHAVO
434Please respect copyright.PENANAr96UPjb7Rg
她被排斥、被孤立、被欺凌。在那所小房子裡,童黨把她壓在地上,扒光她的衣服。身邊沒有光仔,沒有楠少,沒有志恆,沒有阿藍,沒有馨儀……434Please respect copyright.PENANAtfRUOe3M13
434Please respect copyright.PENANAASWq1Orw5E
「別孩子氣!不知多少人想到外地留學卻苦無機會!」父親氣得面紅耳赤,沒留意到祈祈的不對勁。434Please respect copyright.PENANAAWeo4WS6Zu
434Please respect copyright.PENANAyDywnAyTaU
「那就讓別人去吧!」祈祈越講越激動,將壓抑已久的心底話全都拋出來。「人家想要,不代表我想要!你們想要,不代表我想要!」434Please respect copyright.PENANAFkAFUlGRv0
434Please respect copyright.PENANAvq3UHtnLn4
「我們想你活得好而已……」父親被祈祈嚇了一大跳,連忙放軟聲線。434Please respect copyright.PENANAe9Ll4AkykI
434Please respect copyright.PENANAvwURyNfNhH
「你們認為我現在活得好嗎?」祈祈怒火燒心,轉身回睡房,更將自己反鎖房內,懶理父母在門外苦口規勸。434Please respect copyright.PENANA8qjtaZziwX
434Please respect copyright.PENANAvE9NTxtIc4
兩老的聲音很煩人,祈祈隨手擸來書架上的玻璃獎盃飛擲房門上。獎盃應聲碎裂,兩老立即噤若寒蟬,不敢亂作聲,直到門後傳來祈祈的哽咽:「我需要時間冷靜一會兒。」434Please respect copyright.PENANAU3g5sjdOPr
434Please respect copyright.PENANASJiOgEmjyB
看見書桌上那粉紅色的情侶掛飾,祈祈不期然想起光仔。猶豫了好一會,她掏出手提電話,發訊息予他。434Please respect copyright.PENANATjjrhIBDg4
434Please respect copyright.PENANAYQLlkQdLCV
祈:在休息嗎?434Please respect copyright.PENANAFzUrST4Q4L
434Please respect copyright.PENANA5KjSORcj8p
光:寒窗苦讀中。434Please respect copyright.PENANApIJzaQgQCi
434Please respect copyright.PENANAtiolLnEk8w
祈:乖。434Please respect copyright.PENANAKCTUQ9EuqN
434Please respect copyright.PENANAYzmjPMxAwl
(附上粉紅色情侶掛飾的照片)434Please respect copyright.PENANAPYL6GZhOrp
434Please respect copyright.PENANALApwivYXLo
光:我也有。434Please respect copyright.PENANA9Ld1XUdXlC
434Please respect copyright.PENANALoLUVnKoUU
(附上粉藍色情侶掛飾的照片)434Please respect copyright.PENANAIm0RXRI6KZ
434Please respect copyright.PENANAkJyz2Cffkh
祈:好!放過你吧!434Please respect copyright.PENANAhaiR9jdEm1
434Please respect copyright.PENANARdbD7xi7dl
光:叩謝女神!咦?這個時間……你怎麼還沒睡?434Please respect copyright.PENANAiS8LkJDsTb
434Please respect copyright.PENANAhwmNh3h48g
祈:我在思考未來。434Please respect copyright.PENANAo8zEOwvdMV
434Please respect copyright.PENANAeeDVrxqEu9
光:不用擔心!你的成績那麼好,必定可以考入大學!434Please respect copyright.PENANAgrsdnKUZjy
434Please respect copyright.PENANAt6z3TKJN27
祈:不是這個問題……434Please respect copyright.PENANAiHhwY0YsHR
434Please respect copyright.PENANAF7ZqvQj52U
(靜默了一分鐘)434Please respect copyright.PENANAe4wiP7rXA7
434Please respect copyright.PENANANLW1PkjrhB
祈:畢業後,不如我們一起租屋住,好嗎?434Please respect copyright.PENANA3NM6ae8qhw
434Please respect copyright.PENANAfWEF523w3q
光:你剛和父母吵架嗎?434Please respect copyright.PENANAf4cetS2Knk
434Please respect copyright.PENANARWhoozrEkB
祈:答我。好嗎?434Please respect copyright.PENANAsc8dAyvMhv
434Please respect copyright.PENANAqYVOtaeEoI
光:我們沒有足夠的金錢。學費、租金、水電煤開支、膳食、交通……434Please respect copyright.PENANAb0qSOr0Typ
434Please respect copyright.PENANAvBsTZvcfrx
祈:我會立即投身社會工作,不再繼續升學。再加上我手上的銀行儲蓄,該足夠應付日常開支。434Please respect copyright.PENANAN9bW7iWX4E
434Please respect copyright.PENANA0YQdUXo9rt
光:生活不是那麼簡單。434Please respect copyright.PENANAbU9559b14e
434Please respect copyright.PENANAL9enTcwrW6
祈:會有多複雜呢?千萬不要被我媽媽的說話影響到!434Please respect copyright.PENANAG5K9ogfKM8
434Please respect copyright.PENANAIxmRcsdubC
光:甚麼說話?434Please respect copyright.PENANAVsDO21AoJT
434Please respect copyright.PENANA7tfGMndiUk
祈:我昏迷時清楚聽到你們的對話!434Please respect copyright.PENANA4vEtRmn94Z
434Please respect copyright.PENANA5KOZTO47nY
(光仔關掉通訊軟件,致電祈祈)434Please respect copyright.PENANA6KOk558Crj
434Please respect copyright.PENANAjpjGhi46kE
光:祈祈!你還好嗎?有頭暈嗎?434Please respect copyright.PENANAfP6mJSfGhj
434Please respect copyright.PENANAwYsCoHFVRb
祈:少許……434Please respect copyright.PENANAI8wLbT9bU2
434Please respect copyright.PENANAsKKOLokrkA
光:快吃點糖果。434Please respect copyright.PENANAn7VHXZP7K7
434Please respect copyright.PENANA5UBtcUKBsq
祈:不了。他們在廳裡。我寧可在房裡多呆一會兒……慢著!別拉開話題,快回答我!434Please respect copyright.PENANAeRj6ADZxfJ
434Please respect copyright.PENANAP57Ive10Du
光:認真,我們目前沒有足夠的經濟條件。待畢業後工作兩三年,努力儲蓄,那就有機會。434Please respect copyright.PENANAFdTQP88I4x
434Please respect copyright.PENANAXlTh7l8SJV
祈:真的沒能畢業後立即走嗎?434Please respect copyright.PENANAV5mDk0QvjM
434Please respect copyright.PENANAzSsMjiK7RZ
光:假設我找到一份月薪一萬元的工作,再扣掉強積金,還剩下九千五百元。假設我和你的每月的實際收入一樣,二人合共有一萬九千元。合租一個實用面積二百五十平方呎的單位,月租一萬元,包管理費、差餉、地租。另有水電煤開支,每個月約五百元。餘下的八千五百元,要包括二人的日常基本開支,包括交通費、膳食費、電話費、上網費、雜項……根本沒有餘錢!還未計及租屋前要預繳的高昂按金。434Please respect copyright.PENANALh5m2iUbhH
434Please respect copyright.PENANA7kBQGz40wR
祈:你那麼知道價錢的……434Please respect copyright.PENANAmpEZtyEAsO
434Please respect copyright.PENANA7BMsYJLEZi
光:我……我曾計劃和你在外邊一起生活的。434Please respect copyright.PENANAvra5KyOB1B
434Please respect copyright.PENANAHyja8jq7me
祈:好!我們一起努力,畢業後工作兩三年,努力儲蓄,租屋同住!434Please respect copyright.PENANAq1Ds67T7Qv
434Please respect copyright.PENANAr9170zjhK6
聽見祈祈的情緒平伏下來後,光仔才敢鬆一口氣,借口家人喚他做家務,匆匆掛線。離開鋪滿參考書的書枱,軟癱床上,呆望天花。久久沒能入睡,思緒在愛情和未來之間來回跳躍,時而甜蜜,時而痛苦。他細思過往的一切一切,越想越心灰。434Please respect copyright.PENANAGoWtRKe803
434Please respect copyright.PENANApntqbxm4fu
冷不防,手提電話突然響起。沒有來電顯示……不認識的人?434Please respect copyright.PENANAPmQ1D3xNZR
434Please respect copyright.PENANACsHySkHqMn
猶豫片刻,光仔決定接聽:「喂?」434Please respect copyright.PENANAdJFWKm63ny
434Please respect copyright.PENANAWMkE93ZRFF
「請問是光仔嗎?」對方是一名男子,聲音似曾相識。434Please respect copyright.PENANASUqEfvLrpG
434Please respect copyright.PENANATehvTunTkZ
「我是。」光仔猜不出對方的身份:「你是誰?」434Please respect copyright.PENANAmR5q3xzuBn
434Please respect copyright.PENANAAhBgdUchst
「祈祈父親。」對方的聲線很沉重,無奈又無力。「我想約你見面。」
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作者:
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篇 #39
【4.05掙扎】
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