「要來我家坐坐嗎?」萬料不及,冷靜過後,阿藍會首先想及自己的家。372Please respect copyright.PENANAbLj64sDUrx
372Please respect copyright.PENANASVXFKfBz6g
「不怕會麻煩到……」祈祈不欲將難得的好友拖入泥沼。372Please respect copyright.PENANAjJV3KOTO94
372Please respect copyright.PENANAr1UYsZ1YeG
「有甚麼可以比本小姐更麻煩?」阿藍拖起祈祈的手,與她相視而笑。372Please respect copyright.PENANAyD0SvNZnZR
372Please respect copyright.PENANA9SeQsXJw5q
阿藍家在某條老舊屋邨。樓宇於七十年代末落成,雙塔式設計,中央設有巨大的方型天井,細小單位圍繞在側。祈祈小心翼翼輕倚走廊鐵欄柵,從十樓往上望。日光沒有直照入天井,整個空間異常昏暗、狹促。強大的壓逼感迎面襲來,惹得觀者哆哆嗦嗦。372Please respect copyright.PENANAEcdzFf6HUq
372Please respect copyright.PENANAQrrWBOHdJT
「歡迎光臨!這邊請!」阿藍淘氣地模仿餐廳侍應,揚手招呼祈祈入屋。372Please respect copyright.PENANAeGzVrfI9EC
372Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6ZzUfWNSa
單位已有十四年沒有翻新。米黃色牆身油漆現出斑駁的霉印,廳裡有一兩塊地磚現出裂紋,天花燈款土氣得近乎滑稽。廳裡,報紙、電視遙控、紙巾盒等等小物件散落四周,混亂中隱含叫人舒心的隨意。廚房沒有門,僅以一個龍門框作區隔;生銹的鐵製浴室門在露台一角,難以看清全貌;所有睡房都靠著單位內圍,沒有窗,必須用上百葉房門通風。372Please respect copyright.PENANAqhAfty1r5F
372Please respect copyright.PENANA3oLiaYcVGq
「又在吵甚麼?」阿藍媽揉著惺忪睡眼走出主人房,煞是尷尬:「咦?怎麼不告訴我會帶朋友來?哎呀!沒收拾,很亂……」372Please respect copyright.PENANAX1tLhiajFY
372Please respect copyright.PENANA0Bxpuw4f8i
「伯友你好!我是祈祈!」面對陌生人,祈祈反倒伶牙俐齒:「屋子沒有塵,很清潔,不用收拾呢!」372Please respect copyright.PENANA3AGuUX8czf
372Please respect copyright.PENANAoSKM5abvIE
「真會說話!哈哈哈哈!」阿藍媽眼前一亮,很喜歡祈祈的討好笑容:「要零食嗎?」372Please respect copyright.PENANAyCrnK9WA3I
372Please respect copyright.PENANAQIUqm49hoD
「不用。」阿藍冷冷拒絕,逕自拉祈祈入睡房。372Please respect copyright.PENANAoKJoioneAB
372Please respect copyright.PENANArqPfHmSulV
阿藍的睡房主色調是粉藍色和雪白色,床、衣櫃、書架和書枱均是英式風格,釘滿華麗的花線。書架上排滿漫畫、雜誌和愛情小說,課本倒是東歪西斜的堆疊在書枱底。書枱面是出奇地整潔,除了電腦屏幕、鍵盤和滑鼠,就只放了一張半透明枱墊,墊下是阿藍的生活照。大多是她和楠少的合照,其餘則是與眾友的合照,不見家人或長輩的身影。372Please respect copyright.PENANAb7P8zTwLLo
372Please respect copyright.PENANAegVYa3BVDk
「不好意思。隔牆有耳。」阿藍一邊向祈祈解釋,一邊調高電腦音樂聲量。「房門不隔聲,牆身都是木板間出來的。」說著說著,阿藍突然不明白自己為何要帶祈祈回家:這根本不是適合聊天的地方!372Please respect copyright.PENANAXqUr2lSbXO
372Please respect copyright.PENANAZVvhihPqjK
「不用不好意思!挺熱鬧,很不錯。過於寧靜的家,會很悶人。」祈祈和阿藍並肩坐在床邊,各自抱著一個軟綿綿的抱枕減壓。「其實……你和伯友……」372Please respect copyright.PENANAIO0YkvbI1D
372Please respect copyright.PENANAPMLiFygwEx
阿藍知道祈祈想問甚麼。對於這類提問,她大都選擇講個笑話,輕輕帶過。只有馨儀曾聽到她心裡的答案,而祈祈將會是第二個。372Please respect copyright.PENANATND9iUXwUN
372Please respect copyright.PENANA8GtJge35Kw
「可能……純粹是……一份無緣無故的執著……」阿藍吁了一口氣,準備對祈祈敞開心扉。說得太抽象,難以令祈祈短時間內理解問題癥結所在。於是阿藍以一個簡單而複雜的提問作為答案的引子:「你覺得,我該成為『阿藍』,或是『媽媽的理想女兒』?」372Please respect copyright.PENANAjRAVU5fGlg
372Please respect copyright.PENANAvOWKkLMbQm
兩者皆是,不能嗎?372Please respect copyright.PENANAMWc4c7okFk
372Please respect copyright.PENANApN5fNZbNJ6
阿藍是個好動活潑的女生,少許野蠻、任性、貪玩。愛吃零食和煎炸食物,不愛吃蛋,不愛吃海鮮,不愛西芹和芫茜。不愛讀書,不怕勞苦,打算畢業後當文職或售貨員,和愛人在一起租住小房子,生兒育女。子女成長離家後,她希望可以領養唐狗當寵物。聽說,唐狗的領養率比其他狗種低……372Please respect copyright.PENANALfJaaDfqBE
372Please respect copyright.PENANAHXGNFkGdEe
阿藍媽希望女兒是個溫文爾雅的女生,講理、懂事、成熟。愛吃有營養的食物,不偏食,不喜垃圾食物。讀書成績優異,閒時會做義工。大學時要讀醫科,最好是婦科或中醫。畢業後當醫生,自救救人。嫁個律師或老師,賺錢買樓,生兒育女。阿藍媽會替夫婦二人帶小孩,好讓二人能少個掛牽,專心事業……372Please respect copyright.PENANAJbPfcdirwg
372Please respect copyright.PENANA3rZzMQ0A4t
現實中的阿藍和阿藍媽心目中的理想女兒,走在兩個截然不同的路向。372Please respect copyright.PENANAfnDuOEuVF8
372Please respect copyright.PENANAC7ziFC5pMV
和大部份孩子一樣,阿藍兒時曾努力迎合父母,希望他們高興。她努力讀書,卻只能在級末位置徘徊;她忍痛順從父母,丟棄她心愛的玩具車,沒趣地扯著膠面芭比娃娃的長髮舞來舞去;她減少吃薯片,轉而吃營養豐富的蛋……從來沒有大是大非,純粹的輕微不協調。是心頭上的一根刺。說不上討厭,說不上痛,偏偏就是痕痕癢癢。372Please respect copyright.PENANA3wGcvh0vrB
372Please respect copyright.PENANAvbXkN2pyrG
年紀漸長,阿藍訓誡自己:「不就是些小事情!何需介懷?長大成人,絕不能再耍小孩子脾氣。要懂事!」372Please respect copyright.PENANAYjhE2tIdqJ
372Please respect copyright.PENANASdVyhuo7uG
要懂事!要懂事!要懂事!要懂事!要懂事!372Please respect copyright.PENANAINkVY0v76r
372Please respect copyright.PENANA7P53pdKSwO
阿藍媽認為女星B小姐很漂亮,阿藍認為B小姐不美麗。372Please respect copyright.PENANAVToEJ0eswW
372Please respect copyright.PENANAbdW4E3ftSJ
「B小姐怎會不美麗?」阿藍媽為偶像抱不平。372Please respect copyright.PENANAtY4AE4iSVx
372Please respect copyright.PENANAozWKii6ahZ
「B小姐的樣子比較英氣,像男人。」阿藍試用比較平和的字眼表達意見。372Please respect copyright.PENANAHly2PVMKx2
372Please respect copyright.PENANAUXxwjIk6Hn
「怎會像男人?她的身材比你還好!」阿藍媽揶揄阿藍。372Please respect copyright.PENANATCjfpdVWYp
372Please respect copyright.PENANAlLyAFckrzl
「身材好,不代表樣子美麗。」阿藍和阿藍媽同樣倔強,不輕易妥協。372Please respect copyright.PENANASH57bEZkrS
372Please respect copyright.PENANASXzW0hrSyS
「B小姐是公認的美女。這是事實!」阿藍媽覺得女兒和自己命格相剋,諸事相沖:「你分明在鬧脾氣!」372Please respect copyright.PENANAxMtBvYpT66
372Please respect copyright.PENANAf85dzaovu6
忍忍忍忍忍,忍得了多少?本不欲為雞毛蒜皮小事而動氣,惟當日積月累的不滿與磨擦被牽動,誰又忍得了口?372Please respect copyright.PENANAzBV7sZnILH
372Please respect copyright.PENANA9JS8iL17Mv
「誰叫你野蠻?」阿藍開始控制不了嘴巴。372Please respect copyright.PENANAw0flKTNK72
372Please respect copyright.PENANA8FiAO0iOw2
「我哪有野蠻過?」阿藍媽不喜女兒以此態度對她說話:「公認的『美』,只有你說『不美』。還不是鬧脾氣麼?」372Please respect copyright.PENANAPDQentcpre
372Please respect copyright.PENANAa1V2thGSfA
「『美』和『不美』是主觀標準,因人而異。」阿藍據理力爭:「你不能因為我和大部份人的選擇不同,就判定我的看法是錯!」372Please respect copyright.PENANAqDulCbPXAi
372Please respect copyright.PENANAV7tr92dOIN
「難道大部份人錯,只有你是對?豈不是說不通?」阿藍媽勞碌一輩子,全副精神花在賺錢養家,少有接觸虛無的概念,難以理解阿藍的說話。372Please respect copyright.PENANAHsa07S3yqi
372Please respect copyright.PENANA5waIOCXyZy
她那一輩的人,想法很簡單:「有」飯吃或「無」飯吃。哪有年青一輩那麼多想法,講求甚麼飯味、飯香、質感、品種、混米、營養、產地、有機……無聊!多餘!372Please respect copyright.PENANAXZvTz8AJkO
372Please respect copyright.PENANAWDnlVCJ4NH
阿藍憶述了很多微不足道的小事情。事情普通得每個家庭必定會經歷過。結果的迥異,很視乎當事人的心態和處理手法。阿藍和阿藍媽同樣放不開,渴望對方認同自己的想法。討論因而變為爭論,開放式的結論變為二元對立的爭持。372Please respect copyright.PENANAQDMm4F6yZI
372Please respect copyright.PENANAqXVUZ6Hazx
「最好的結局,當然是『既是阿藍,又是媽媽的理想女兒』。但兩者偏偏不能融為一體:差別太大,沒能找到平衡點。」理想與現實的落差令阿藍心力交瘁。將心比己,阿藍相信阿藍媽亦同樣很頭痛。二人沒能選擇對方,均是受害者。恨不來,也愛不了。「既然在原生家庭不快樂,倒不如另組一個新家庭。既然沒能選擇父母,那就盡力選擇伴侶。」372Please respect copyright.PENANARb8y64fTQd
372Please respect copyright.PENANAq35Ky8Jjgh
祈祈恍然大悟:「你對楠少抱有很大期望?」372Please respect copyright.PENANA67C6EAW36j
372Please respect copyright.PENANA8RRzHpar7z
「對。」阿藍不自覺將抱枕擁得更緊:「不過我近來發現楠少曾經發生過一些不愉快經歷,有心理陰影,令他未能放膽去愛。」372Please respect copyright.PENANAuv7KWGzGt7
372Please respect copyright.PENANASkYGHEt2HZ
「你擔心他自覺配襯不起你,提出分手?」聰慧的祈祈一語破的。372Please respect copyright.PENANACNVS9HL56t
372Please respect copyright.PENANAcvr0gRPU7K
阿藍點點頭,憶起楠少剛才發抖的模樣,不禁黯然垂淚。「我相信楠少是真的喜歡我,但我也知道那個心結對他影響深遠。」372Please respect copyright.PENANAacVaL6jNcA
372Please respect copyright.PENANANNV2YskMBd
二人沉浸在音樂當中。阿藍的音樂清單裡有百多首浪漫情歌,古今中外,一應俱全。多麼恬靜的時刻……
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同學很懊惱
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同學很懊惱
Author:
天洛卡
ISSUE #15
【2.02阿藍的抉擇】A
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