(Okay! While Book 1 is in progress of being finished up with proofreading for publishing, I'm working on Book 2 in smoothing that original version out. So I'm wondering which version is better or if a combination of the 2, what parts from what would work best, or if you see improvements to the better version, let me know. Version 1 is the original cleaned up starting point as I decided to not do just the 3 year skip but show some of what happening each year. Version 2 is fixing up area's I thought weren't good enough in Version 1. Unlike previously, I'll not be bolding the differences. There's a lot so you'll see the differences when you read both. Thank you for any input!)
Version 1
One day Sophia and Nate Syta were living happy lives. They had a lovely daughter named Alura and a son, to be named Talon, on the way. Darkness struck in a failed invasion carried out by Natta. Nate’s sacrifice secured Flora’s freedom from Natta’s Emperor Amoxious Delecourt, at least for a short time. Amoxious made his move a few short years later and won. Flora was his as was Sophia, arrested on charges of theft.
Alura and Talon ran during the second invasion with Alura taking bullets in the back for Talon. She fell over the edge of the land towards the ocean below. The water never came. The siblings were raised by three elemental God brothers. Hiatsu the God of Fire, Ginsu the God of Water and Marizu the God of Earth. Their main interactions were with Hiatsu and Ginsu, being warned to avoid Marizu. It was here Alura agreed to train and defeat Amoxious to save Sophia and Nate.
Her training was cut short by Kisa the Goddess of Wind. Sent out at age fifteen, the teenager met Marenzo, a wizard on Zento. With his aid, she freed her father with Ginsu’s sword and the three set their focus on Flora, to free it and Sophia. The plan appeared to go flawlessly but fate is never that kind. An ambush by Amoxious’s hired help brought about the death of Sophia and Nate. Alura and Marenzo would have followed suit had it not been for Ginsu giving them back the breath of life. A short fight broke out between Alura and Amoxious with Alura badly injuring him with Ginsu’s God Sword.
Amoxious fled after giving Alura questions and doubts involving her parents and Ginsu. Ginsu left without giving her many answers. Marenzo has given her comfort and stayed by her side. Ginsu returned to the God Lands where he received a scolding from Hiatsu and accepted his punishment for acting without checking with the Gods and Goddesses of Life and Death.
Chapter 1: First Year Loss
A year passes with Alura turning sixteen, Marenzo twenty-one and Talon twelve. Sophia and Nate had been laid to rest west of their home with matching tombstones. On those headstones hung their respected necklaces. Despite the damage they had sustained, gems cracked and chipped, the metal darkened and discolored, Alura still had refused to have them thrown away. If Alura wasn’t out looking sadly at her parents graves, she was in bed, curled up under the blankets and eating not much. This day Marenzo sighed where he sat at a person’s wooden dining table. “I swear she’s more moody than mother used to get.”
“Didn’t you say your mother tried to raise your father?” the large man asked, walking over, pouring tea into two cups before he set down the pot and took his seat.
“Yea but at least she was active. I’m lucky to get Alura’s butt out of bed. All she does is blame herself and mutter how she doesn’t know who the name Emperor Amoxious called her belongs to.” Marenzo explained, lifting and blowing on the tea before taking a sip.
The man pushed some of his hair back out of his orange eyes, blew on his tea and took a sip. “You could drag her out of bed. It’s how demons tend to do it with others who aren’t acting like their kin see fit.”
“I’m not a croen so I can’t do that. I have no idea how croen even act.” Marnezo sighed. “For all I know this is normal for them when they lose a family member.”
“So what happened exactly when she lost her parents? The poor dear.” He took another drink.
“Well, we had gotten her mother back out of the dungeons after she freed her father from a crystal prison on Zento. Next we hid out in a cabin when we got ambushed and the place exploded.” Marenzo took a drink and sat back in the wooden chair. “After that I woke up to see her fighting Emperor Amoxious. I tried to blast him with light but his familiar blocked the attack.” He smirked. “Thankfully his familiar can’t take a physical blow and he ran away with his tail between his legs.”
The man laughed and set the cup down. “What’s her last name?” he asked while turning around to look over a nearby stack of books. It was just one of many stacks around the one bedroom home.
“Um, her name is Syta but he called her Nightrayne or something.” Marenzo took another slow drink, leaned over and tried to figure out what his newest friend was doing.
“That’s a name you don’t hear much these days.”
“I’ve never heard of it so I wouldn’t have a clue.”
The man nodded and stood, moving to a different stack. “Well it was a name well known for their violent bloodlust sprees. There were a few children carrying that name. One who had a tragedy pass if I remember the stories right.”
“Stories? Let me guess, demon handed down?” the man nodded and Marenzo sighed. “How come you guys have to keep everything from us humans?”
He laughed and returned to search a stack behind the wizard. “Well it isn’t that simple. We pass down stories because we can and it keeps us entertained. Also you guys never come up to ask anyways.”
“What are you looking for anyways?” Marenzo finished his tea and set the cup down.
“A book of revealing. I keep a lot of books if you didn’t notice.”
Marnezo looked around the messy home. “Oh, how could I not have noticed? I never would have guessed you keep a lot of books.” He replied in a flat tone.
“Don’t worry, you’ll catch on faster.” He patted Marenzo’s head. “I’ll keep looking and if you can bring her by sometime. Then if I haven’t found it when you do, I’ll maybe find it easier if I have something to go off of by meeting her.”
“How? She’s a half-demon. Isn’t that family you spoke of a full-demon? Wouldn’t that mean her blood is tainted?” Marenzo questioned with a cocked eyebrow.
“Not really. Some traits remain in a demons blood even when half or mixed.
“Good to know.” Marenzo stood, pushing the chair back. “I best get back and check on her.”
The man nodded. “Good idea. See you next week for tea?”
Marenzo nodded and grinned. “Wouldn’t miss it.” He patted the demon on the back and was given the gesture in return, nearly knocking him off his feet. “Wow! At least it wasn’t as hard as the first time.” Marenzo wheezed, coughing to catch his breath.
“You tell her it gets better, alright? And if she has questions, I can find her answers.”
“Got it. See ya later.” Marenzo stepped out, waved and made his way along the roadway back to Alura’s parents home.
A minute trickled by before the sound of steady horse hooves beating the dirt road reached Marenzo’s ears. He turned to look and stepped aside as the wagon grew closer. Soon the horse slowed to a steady walk with the wagon beside him. “How are you? Marenzo, yes?” Lizzie greeted with a smile, a scarf rested twisted around her neck.
“I’m doing fine and that’s right, it’s Marenzo. How are you today Lizzie?”
“Doing better. Still hard to have the place to myself but it’s gotten easier.” She looked ahead then back to Marenzo. “How’s Alura? I don’t see her much and I’ve not seen her brother either.”
Marenzo rubbed the back of his head. “She’s doing well enough. She’s still in a slump though.”
Lizzie nodded gently. “Must be hard to lose both parents and little brother, to be left all alone.”
“...Yeah…”
“But I’m sure she’ll bounce back. She just needs to get it out and slowly move forward with their memory.”
Marenzo nodded. “Hey, mind if I hitch a ride into Sunrose?”
“That’d be fine.” Lizzie pulled on the reins and the horse came to a stop. Marenzo climbed inside and the wagon resumed motion. “What do you have going on in Sunrose?”
“Just wanting to check on things. Everything seems like nothing happened during and after Amoxious’s was here.” He leaned over and looked into one of the wooden crates, eyeing over the ripe apples.
“Amazing isn’t it?” she tilted her head back a bit to look up at the clear, sunny sky. “Before Emperor Delecourt, it was peaceful and after the chaos of his takeover and the death of King Gavin, it became peaceful again. And that peace has just continued. It’s so weird how someone with demons so mean at his command could have the sense to have things be calm enough to function as normal.”
“No one ever said he was a stupid leader, only one who doesn’t always have the best in mind for humans.” Marenzo stood, stepped further in and sat with his back towards her. “He’s smart for a half-breed.” Lizzie nodded as the quiet was filled by the mix of wheels on dirt and the horse hooves pounding the dirt.
“...Do you think Alura would ever feel up to coming to the capital to look around like she used to?” Lizzie asked after several minutes of silence.
“Oh I bet she would.” Marenzo answered after a bit of thought.
“Maybe next time you’re out, give me a message or let’s schedule a day and time right now so I can stop by and give you both a lift!” she replied excitedly.
Marenzo laughed. “I like that idea. How about in two wee...on second thought, how about we swing by her place and pick her up?”
“You sure?”
“I think it would be good for her. Plus she doesn’t really do much besides stay inside or go to their graves. So someone else she knows might help get her to come along out of her rut.”
“I want to help how I can. They were so sweet as children.” Lizzie closed her eyes some as she looked down. “I still feel like there could have been something else I could of done back then…” she quietly commented as she pulled on the reins and the horse turned down a leftward path to circle back the way Marenzo had come.
“I bet you did all you could. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Marenzo laced his fingers behind his head, leaning back and relaxing while looking up at the sky.
“Yeah...I know but, there’s always that ‘what if’ lingering. You know?” she looked over as he nodded.
Version 2
Sophia and Nate Syta lived happily on Flora. They had a lovely daughter named Alura and a son on the way that would be named Talon. Darkness struck in a failed invasion carried out by Natta. Nate’s sacrifice secured Flora’s freedom from Natta’s Emperor Amoxious Delecourt, at least for a short time. Amoxious made his move again a few short years later and won. Flora was his as was Sophia, arrested on charges of theft.
Alura and Talon ran during the second invasion with Alura taking bullets in the back for Talon. She fell over the edge of the land towards the ocean below. Luckily for them the water never came. The siblings were raised by three elemental God brothers. Hiatsu the God of Fire, Ginsu the God of Water and Marizu the God of Earth. Their main interactions were with Hiatsu and Ginsu, being warned to avoid Marizu. It was here Alura agreed to train and defeat Amoxious to save Sophia and Flora. Later she learned from Ginsu that Nate was still alive, so she aimed to first rescue him and have his help in facing Amoxious.
Her training was cut short by Kisa the Goddess of Wind cornering Hiatsu in his office and making him a deal he didn't like but accepted. Sent out at age fifteen, the teenager met Marenzo, a wizard on Zento. With his aid, she freed her father with Ginsu’s sword and the three set their focus on Flora. The plan appeared to go flawlessly but fate is never that kind. An ambush by Amoxious’s hired help brought about the death of Sophia and Nate. Alura and Marenzo would have followed suit had it not been for Ginsu reviving them. A short fight broke out between Alura and Amoxious with Alura badly injuring him with Ginsu’s God Sword.
Amoxious fled, leaving Alura with questions and doubts about her parents and Ginsu. When inquired, Ginsu left without giving her many answers. Marenzo stayed and gave her comfort. Ginsu returned to the God Lands where he received a scolding from Hiatsu and accepted his punishment for acting without checking with the Gods and Goddesses of Life and Death before resurrecting mortals.
Chapter 1: First Year Loss
A year passed with Alura now sixteen, Marenzo turning twenty-one and Talon hitting age twelve. Marenzo stepped out of his room and knocked on Alura’s door. “Alura? You up?” a muffled groan answered. Carefully he opened the door and poked his head inside. “You want to try and come with me for a walk?” Alura shifted under her blankets and her arm shot up. “Ack!” quickly he darted out, closed the door and a crash sang out.
Marenzo sighed. “Got it. You don’t want to leave.” Pushing open the door, he swallowed. “Want me to bring you anything to eat?” swiftly the door closed as a soft thud struck the wood. “Got it. Still not hungry.” Marenzo shook his head. “I’ll be back later. Going to see a friend.” No answer came and he stepped away, down the stairs and out the door with his jacket over his arm.
He pulled out a ring and slipped it on. It began to glow and he vanished, reappearing outside of a modest home which looked to be in need of some tender loving care. “Alexander, you home?” Marenzo called as he knocked on the door a couple times.
A thud and loud steps welcomed the wizard before the door was opened by a large man with dark hair and light colored eyes. “Of course I’m home.” He stepped aside and motioned to the neatly cluttered room. “I was looking over my book collection again. So much knowledge.” Alexander said with a content smile.
Marenzo chuckled and stepped inside. “I bet. How about some tea? I really need to relax and vent.” He stretched and yawned.
“Sure. Any type?” Marenzo shook his head. “I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable.” Alexander motioned to a round table framed by several stacks of books, vanishing into the kitchen.
Minutes later Marenzo sighed as Alexander set the cups down and poured. “So tell me what’s on your mind. How’s the Syta girl doing?”
“Frustrating!” Marenzo snapped. “All she does is sulk in bed, throw things at me when I ask her questions and never leaves the house. Then, when she does leave the house, it’s only the short distance walk to her parents graves to stare at the tombstones and their necklaces!” he sighed and took a drink, grumbling into the cup. “She’s moodier than mom after dad died.”
Alexander fiddled delicately with his steaming, decorated cup. “Um...didn’t you say your mother tried and failed to raise your father?”
Marenzo lightly rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but at least she was active.” He took another long drink and set down the empty cup. “When she is up and moving around, it’s slow and she’ll keep muttering about what Emperor Delecourt said.”
“Something new?” Alexander inquired, pouring Marenzo a fresh cup of tea.
“No. Just the same stuff about him saying she was like some person called Nightrayne.”
“Have you ever tried just pulling her out of bed and forcing her to go somewhere besides their graves? A forceful hand can be good against half-demons.”
Marenzo’s eyes fell straight, unimpressed. “You have every bit of knowledge that I’m not a demon and I’m not suicidal to do that to a half-demon.”
Alexander took a drink. “Well, she’s mourning. Just give her some time to work through it.” He sighed and shook his head. “Such a shame for something so sad to happen to the poor dear.”
“Sure, mom didn’t exactly take dad’s death well either but again, she was active and didn’t lounge around.” Marenzo repeated, a finger messing with the gold painted edge of the cup.
“Everyone’s different so it would make sense everyone would have a different way of handling death.”
“But it’s still so frustrating.” Marenzo sighed and took a drink.
“She’s also a teenager and not an adult.” Alexander finished and poured himself more tea. “Want to give me a summary from that night?”
“Not sure she’d like that but sure.” He took a breath. “We got her mother out of prison after freeing her father from a crystal prison on Zento. Got a cabin and next thing we know the cabin exploded.” Marenzo quieted and looked at the light colored tea. “When I woke up Alura was fighting Emperor Delecourt and a man with blue hair was by me. The Emperor had pinned her, his familiar blocked my spell but as he talked to me, Alura managed to hit him with a special sword.”
Marenzo took a long drink and smirked, his eyes locking with Alexander’s. “It was amusing seeing him run with his tail between his legs.”
“I can imagine. Being hit by a sword isn’t something you hang around after experiencing.”
Marenzo finished his tea and gently set the cup down. “Do you know who this Nightrayne person is?”
Alexander took a long drink and exhaled. “I’ve recalled hearing of it but it’s not mentioned much in books. It belonged to a family of croen with some decent strength.” He leaned back in the chair, scanned down a stack of books and carefully worked one out from its brethren. “Nightrayne was one known family formed between a croen and a nephilim. They had a few kids that were both demonic and angelic with a touch of human.” Flipping through the pages a moment, he stopped and slid the book over to Marenzo.
“My friend Glayo told them to not have kids but they went ahead anyway. Turns out if you mix radically different bloodlines like that, you wind up with a family massacred.” Alexander shook his head. “His parents did have other children so maybe Ms. Syta reminded the Emperor of the family? Glayo heard from another demon about seeing a nephilim flying by night to and from Natta back then. But I’ve seen her and for a half-demon, she doesn’t display many of her race’s traits.”
“...Black wings, violent tendency around blood…” Marenzo quietly read beside an image of a humanoid bird. “A race of mixed blood from both raven and crow demons. They can live hundreds of years.” He looked up. “I learned about the violent part first hand. But, you said your friend knew them?” Alexander nodded. “Do you think I could speak to him? Maybe he can pin down why Emperor Delecourt made that comment.” Marenzo closed the book and lowered his voice more into his throat. “Might help her stop dwelling on it.”
“He’ll be in Lunar during the Festival of the Goddesses. You can meet him there or you can go find him on Azumara.” Alexander stood and collected the tea-ware, stepping away to the kitchen.
“Yeah, no. I’m not messing with no lands of dragons.” Marenzo called as he stretched back in his chair. Looking around, he sat upright and rested his arms on the table. “You wouldn’t happen to have some book that could just explain it to Alura, would you?”
Moments after some clatter, Alexander returned and looked over his many stacks, drying his hands. “Well, they do make enchanted books to reveal a person’s bloodline with a simple drop of blood…”
“You got such a book?”
“Hmm...not sure.”
Marenzo sighed. “How are you not sure? Don’t you keep any records?”
“If you hadn’t noticed, I like books. It would take days for me to catalog all of these then redo my stacks.”
“Really? I would never have guessed you liked books or had a shit ton.” Pushing back, Marenzo stood and slid the chair back into place. “Look, if you think you have one then can you tell me? I can come by with Alura and get this sorted out.”
“I’ll look but I’m not promising you that I have that type of book. They require blood enchantment and those aren’t done on a mass scale. Can’t have too many enchanters exhausting themselves for a book.”
“Good point.” He looked out a window. “I should probably head back. Get a nice walk and see about trying to help Alura.”
Alexander nodded. “Sounds like a good idea. See you next week for tea?” he asked as he made his way to the door and opened it.
Marenzo nodded and grinned. “Wouldn’t miss it.” The wizard patted him on the back, getting the same in return and nearly knocked off his feet with a stumble forwards. At least it wasn’t as hard as the first time. Marenzo thought as he wheezed and coughed to catch his breath.
“You tell her it gets better, alright? And if she has questions, I can try to find her answers.”
“Got it. See ya later.” Marenzo stepped away with a wave and proceeded on his way back.
Minutes trickled by before the sound of steady trotting horse hooves beating the dirt road reached Marenzo’s ears. He turned around and stepped aside as the wagon grew closer. Soon the horse slowed to a steady walk with the wagon beside him. “How are you? Marenzo, yes?” Lizzie greeted with a smile, a scarf resting twisted around her neck.
“I’m doing fine and that’s right. How are you today Lizzie?”
“Doing better. Still hard to have the place to myself but it’s gotten easier.” She looked ahead then back to Marenzo. “How’s Alura? I haven't seen her or her brother. I've only heard rumors. Mostly those saying you've been staying with her and different guesses to how he passed on.” Lizzie winced with the last words.
Marenzo rubbed the back of his head. “She’s doing well, still in a slump though.”
Lizzie nodded gently. “Must be hard to lose your entire family so young.”
“...Yeah…”
“But I’m sure she’ll bounce back. She just needs to get it out and slowly move forward with their memory.”
Marenzo nodded. “Hey, mind if I hitch a ride into Sunrose?”
“Sure.” Lizzie pulled on the reins and the horse stopped. Marenzo climbed inside and the wagon resumed motion.
“What do you have going on in Sunrose?” he inquired as he found a seat next to some crates.
“Just wanting to check on things, make a delivery and pick up some seeds.” She glanced back a moment, saw him eye over the cargo and returned her focus to the road. “Everything seems like nothing happened during and after Amoxious’s was here.” He leaned over and looked into one of the wooden crates, inspecting one of the ripe apples.
“Amazing isn’t it?” Lizzie inquired, her head tilted lightly back, looking at the clear, sunny sky. “Before Emperor Amoxious, it was peaceful and after the chaos of his takeover and the death of King Gavin, it became peaceful again. And that peace has just continued.” She lightly released a breath into her scarf. “It’s so weird how someone with demons so mean at his command could have the sense to have things be calm enough to function as normal.”
“No one ever said he was a stupid leader, only one who doesn’t always have the best in mind for humans.” Marenzo stood, stretched and sat with his back towards her. “He’s smart for a half-breed.” Lizzie nodded as the quiet was filled by the mix of wheels and hooves crushing dirt.
“...Do you think Alura would ever feel up to coming to the capital to look around like she used to?” Lizzie questioned after several minutes of silence.
Marenzo looked up and watched a bird fly by. “...I bet she would.” He answered after a bit of thought.
Lizzie smiled with a short chuckle. “Maybe next time you’re out, give me a message or let’s schedule a day and time right now so I can stop by and give you both a lift!” she replied excitedly.
Marenzo laughed. “I like that idea. How about in two wee...on second thought, how about we swing by her place and pick her up now?”
“You sure?”
“I think it would be good for her. Plus she doesn’t really do much besides stay inside or go to their graves. So someone else she knows might help get her out of her rut.” Marenzo assured, turning his head towards her.
“I want to help how I can. They were so sweet as children.” Lizzie closed her eyes partially as she looked down. “I still feel like there could have been something else I could of done back then…” she quietly commented as she pulled on the reins and the horse turned down a leftward path towards Alura’s home.
“I bet you did all you could. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Marenzo turned around, leaned back with fingers laced behind his head. He relaxed, watching the sky.
“Yeah...I know but, there’s always that ‘what if’ lingering. You know?” she looked over as he nodded.
ns 172.71.254.49da2
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