There's an old riddle I tell to the folks who come tired to the halfway house.629Please respect copyright.PENANAHOTofdmkVF
'How far can you walk into a forest?'629Please respect copyright.PENANAoL7919p2jt
Some of them know the answer, some don't.629Please respect copyright.PENANA3Q0tPH9RYN
'Halfway. Now take your rest.'
The Wood of White Nights was my home.629Please respect copyright.PENANAT9ywMTsfPW
It was a place between two places where rarely people had a reason to stay. Two poor towns, farming areas, or so they claimed, because the crops always failed and never the baleful cry of an animal I heard.629Please respect copyright.PENANAIeCujyFaYF
People had their own reasons for passing by the Halfway House, and I had my own reasons to live there.629Please respect copyright.PENANAJZcEytrjo4
I suppose, if nothing else, it gave me something to do.
It was a hobby of sorts - I had always had a way of talking to people, and at the Halfway House I could learn about a different life every day. All the sadness and - occasionally - gladness that would lead someone to stay at a dying building in a forest full of dangerous beasts.629Please respect copyright.PENANA7JiTRJmJaT
For some, perhaps they were seeking something. Tales of lost treasure in the Woods, or old friends who stopped returning letters or calls. It's strange, really - the people who were looking for something were lost themselves.629Please respect copyright.PENANArT614cMpXh
The House provided refuge for others, a place where the outside world no longer mattered, a place where time itself failed to keep composure, a place where they could escape the judgements and expectations.
And I suppose that for a while it kept my interest. Lives and stories were precious things and the knowledge of each one was like a temporary high of intimacy - something that I could never have achieved elsewhere.629Please respect copyright.PENANA1uQfXYt0Js
But too soon, I learnt that life was like a loop, a pencil retracing the same track over and over again - I met the same people, the same stories, the same tired faces with eyes of broken promise.629Please respect copyright.PENANAJJT4b13027
There was nowhere else for me then, of course. So I stayed. And with every passing year, I couldn't help but feel that I was looking into the mirror every time I greeted a lost soul into the House. I was running. Away, or to, even I didn't know. But I was running, by staying still.629Please respect copyright.PENANAmFioqa3P0k
You see, runners inevitably hit a brick wall. For them, it was death. For me, it was an old friend who returned as a stranger under a rain-soaked sun.
'Welcome to the Halfway House.'629Please respect copyright.PENANANyYi63LaWA
The girl was dripping, and the warm rays of light from the sky had done nothing to dry her. She was English - with those perpetual dimples and perceptive eyes - and her hair was dyed an angel white. She was short - and her complexion said that she couldn't have been any older than twenty seven.629Please respect copyright.PENANAo0Jv2Q81v7
'You must be tired. Sit, please.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAM29npmg0jh
She remained on her feet, and walked up to me.629Please respect copyright.PENANA0UXa7Sugmn
'Do you know how far you can walk into a forest?' I asked her, seeing myself ask myself the same question from the inside of the droplets hanging at her eyelashes.629Please respect copyright.PENANAjBJ982SEkF
'Halfway, you bastard. It's me.' The moment that tears began running down her cheeks and not just residual rain was misty, like a watercolor - perhaps she was crying before she even entered.629Please respect copyright.PENANACUDWkExgzD
'Aria!' I embraced her, but only lightly, conscious of my suit getting wet. 'You're looking younger than I last saw you.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAEFNrdPG4kZ
'Please don't give me that bullshit Al, I'm old. I'm too old for all of this.' She let go, and finally sat down. She never liked being told when to do things.629Please respect copyright.PENANA5OEidvXQz5
'Another one?'629Please respect copyright.PENANATxcghFA1Pp
'What do you think? Of course it was another one.' She pulled out a few sepia polaroids from her satchel and gave a heavy sigh at them before handing the stack to me.629Please respect copyright.PENANAVzPU5NNzr1
'What was his name?' Aria always picked the ones with the lovely smiles. Here - riding on his back in a park, laughing. Here - him making a mess of the spaghetti. Here - a kiss.629Please respect copyright.PENANAeA1SqHHgIA
'Jacob. Jacob Ryans.'629Please respect copyright.PENANA9llDvX9mIN
'He's very beautiful. You two look so happy together.' Here - both of them asleep on a couch. Here - a walk on the beach with a white dog.629Please respect copyright.PENANAnDN8tQvtry
'Were, Al, we were happy.' She collapsed into an outburst of bodily fluid again. Crying, bleeding, orgasming, I never really got the differences. There's always the pain and the pleasure, and at the extremities, they merge into the one - like a great circle of emotions. 'God, Al, I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAGvN3TDs650
'Don't say that. What you do is a good thing. You give these men an extra few years of happiness. You know that all these people would have died if you didn't come into their bodies.' Us Muses could pass into any dying body and grant it with immortality so long as we stayed inside. She was the Aria - the outpour of raw emotion. I was the Allemande - the noble, the detached.629Please respect copyright.PENANABHnqcGLL8Q
'But you know what I took away? Closure. And not having that - that hurts more.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAuescMAviuj
'You can still fix things.'629Please respect copyright.PENANA1Xr5XognSB
'Al, you know I can't do that. I can't tell them, I can't leave them in any way. I loved them all. I love them all.' She took the photos back and took a long look at the one by the beach. 'The dog was called Marbles. You like riddles, Al? Why's the dog called Marbles?'629Please respect copyright.PENANAeVJizNeRe8
'You tell me, sis.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAxXLQQ1cpOb
She laughed. 'He's batshit bonkers. But adorable all the same. We got him from the adoption place in - I don't even remember. But he was heard barking from the sewers. His previous owner left him there.' A corner of the English girl's smile appeared and faded just as quickly like an imprint from the past.629Please respect copyright.PENANAHLIVTx9nk8
'I just don't know why I keep making the same mistakes.' She folded the photos.629Please respect copyright.PENANAPkRKxwG35J
'Well, sis, life is like a loop - '629Please respect copyright.PENANAgFPwM1fkEC
'Can you just shut up for once, Al? Not all of your goddamn philosophies are goddamn right. You're stuck here for what you've done, how can you say you know about life?'629Please respect copyright.PENANAZwcY2e8J3W
I stayed silent. She was in a mood.629Please respect copyright.PENANAfSrqGDXCH8
'It's like a spiral.' She said, suddenly. 'You always think you're heading somewhere but you just keep going round and round. You know the funny thing about spirals?' I didn't interrupt her - it was rhetorical, and I would only frustrate her further. 'You can draw an infinite number of spirals. An infinite number of lives. They get close, but the only place they really touch is at the center, at the end. At the end of them all.'
Having Aria around was always difficult, but I know she did it for me.629Please respect copyright.PENANAeNlsbkAYeD
You see - I couldn't actually leave the woods. I had made a mistake, a long time ago. Aria takes photos of the world for me, with an old polaroid that she never found the strength to throw away. After a few decades I had had enough of the cities and mountains and lakes, and I asked if I could just see her life.629Please respect copyright.PENANAS3O9xGNj05
It was always about the love, for her. I never understood why. But she would purposefully try to find the ones who were in a healthy relationship, the ones whose boyfriends or girlfriends were always by their hospital bed.629Please respect copyright.PENANAsPZlT7DpLO
And once those dying bodies woke again, she would never let those people go, not until she had to leave. She stayed with each one only five, ten years - you see, the bodies don't age once we're inside. To keep us safe, she left before it would become noticeable.629Please respect copyright.PENANAayTaQyetYY
I suppose I should have thanked her more than I did.
'You're still here.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAMR17i3fcDN
It was morning, and Aria was sitting, the English girl, in the dining room. She had never stayed longer than the night before. 'I need a break from it all.' She sighed.629Please respect copyright.PENANAI9NOmhDki9
'You're at the right place.' I took the place beside her. 'The cornflakes are shit.' I reminded her. 'Have the yogurt.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAjNFcAlU6am
'How did it feel, Al?'629Please respect copyright.PENANATAz3eEm8yN
'How did what...'629Please respect copyright.PENANA5O0LNsuSL4
'To do what you did. To do that to all those people.'629Please respect copyright.PENANABDfLOo0vQm
'Why are you asking me this now?'629Please respect copyright.PENANABcx0ooZK4S
She laid her head into her palms. 'Because nothing has changed.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAp7GXZiHGX2
She didn't want to say it, but I knew what she was thinking. She was tired of being trapped in this world with me.629Please respect copyright.PENANAS9BTwuOHWJ
'Sis, I'm sorry.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAycXE0Jdzcv
She looked up, crying again. 'But were you really?'629Please respect copyright.PENANA9HBhcf5Fbw
I couldn't answer that. One option would be a lie and the other would break her heart.629Please respect copyright.PENANAjUgN7bHP3m
I stood.629Please respect copyright.PENANAxW1fpYZxT3
'I'll go get you some yogurt.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAIV4gpJUhM8
'Do you ever wish you could die?'629Please respect copyright.PENANAzUv14FDNxO
Aria was slowly retreating into a shroud of depression.629Please respect copyright.PENANAtZMW10RcnA
'No. There's so much to live for.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAoANjTUOX6A
'But I've seen it all. There's nothing left.'629Please respect copyright.PENANA9qvb699RR8
'Don't say that.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAGBeCrCI8qw
Even I was surprised at how much she cried those few days she stayed at the Halfway House. It bothered me. I never wanted to see her like this.629Please respect copyright.PENANAkX9jisRTIT
And it was only then that I decided to do what I knew was possible several, several years ago.629Please respect copyright.PENANAozjZGj2nmg
'Sis... I can get you out.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAenlQM6AoKq
'...what do you mean?'629Please respect copyright.PENANAIgVw9dSUr2
'I can get you out. I can get you back home. But you have to be patient.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAdYqdy7cBte
'...I don't understand.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAtoY63HCFia
'Back home, sis. Away from all of this.'629Please respect copyright.PENANApTS39J96kU
'But how?'629Please respect copyright.PENANA2ULd1Aed8h
The tears had stopped and I knew I had made a promise that I couldn't bear to break.629Please respect copyright.PENANAQIQDucmdyY
'You'll understand tomorrow. Sleep on it.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAZc7TA5Nn8c
She turned away again.629Please respect copyright.PENANAl3xkQu1Z7H
She didn't say thanks - reminding me even now how I had mistreated her before.629Please respect copyright.PENANAbQmIhaXlF0
'Remember. You'll have to be patient.'629Please respect copyright.PENANA94cfbqyc7i
I wait a few moments for a response before I close her door.629Please respect copyright.PENANAixpFz3PprD
It was time for me to leave. To run away, to run towards.629Please respect copyright.PENANAlRSWjJRHg2
629Please respect copyright.PENANAlRlrq3YxOB
An English girl with hair angel white, kneeled before the gates of her home.629Please respect copyright.PENANAiMoodHFJJz
'Father?'629Please respect copyright.PENANAJtT37hf4dc
'Aria. You know you're not allowed here.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAejZjSJBwvK
'It's not Aria.'629Please respect copyright.PENANAWpSfWytQ51
Muses could go only into dying bodies, of which there were none in the Wood of White Nights, where time itself lay tired.629Please respect copyright.PENANA4k2XlGc9dW
But there had been one - a girl with cancer, who should have died seven years ago, who woke at the brink and came to the woods.629Please respect copyright.PENANAomHTWYAgss
'Allemande?'629Please respect copyright.PENANAxO2cIS8CGe
I could feel him, ready to send me back to the forest in a single spin of the landscape.629Please respect copyright.PENANAD29TzgYXVt
'Wait.' I say.629Please respect copyright.PENANAz7SOXhrk3n
I know what I need to do to make things right. I know what I need to do to pay for my past. I know how to send Aria home.629Please respect copyright.PENANAYm0wagbYpH
Because I realized, longer ago than I believed, that I was wrong. Life didn't have a simple shape, an order - life was a mirror, in the corner of the universe, in which you could see eternity, and the reflections of a thousand others -629Please respect copyright.PENANAxaa3M4HDaf
And so I will suffer the reflection of the suffering I caused.629Please respect copyright.PENANAE1SlirbnND
I had been running - not away from the forests in fear, not to the forests in hope of comfort, but to hide from the forests that festered within myself.629Please respect copyright.PENANA0juEgoqgoS
And when all the pain finally ends, they will offer me the heavens once again in forgiveness - but I would stay only a moment to say farewell - and return home, to the Halfway House.629Please respect copyright.PENANAT8MOn8sJAl