There's an old riddle I tell to the folks who come tired to the halfway house.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1EGCGGAVM
'How far can you walk into a forest?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49H2vwjVUj
Some of them know the answer, some don't.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6y85p09SrB
'Halfway. Now take your rest.'
The Wood of White Nights was my home.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcchdH1ACo
It was a place between two places where rarely people had a reason to stay. Two poor towns, farming areas, or so they claimed, because the crops always failed and never the baleful cry of an animal I heard.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXYoehpYLo
People had their own reasons for passing by the Halfway House, and I had my own reasons to live there.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAGjvMfvRp
I suppose, if nothing else, it gave me something to do.
It was a hobby of sorts - I had always had a way of talking to people, and at the Halfway House I could learn about a different life every day. All the sadness and - occasionally - gladness that would lead someone to stay at a dying building in a forest full of dangerous beasts.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoMuj5Xyef
For some, perhaps they were seeking something. Tales of lost treasure in the Woods, or old friends who stopped returning letters or calls. It's strange, really - the people who were looking for something were lost themselves.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNC7uMlOOpD
The House provided refuge for others, a place where the outside world no longer mattered, a place where time itself failed to keep composure, a place where they could escape the judgements and expectations.
And I suppose that for a while it kept my interest. Lives and stories were precious things and the knowledge of each one was like a temporary high of intimacy - something that I could never have achieved elsewhere.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wF5sVevaA
But too soon, I learnt that life was like a loop, a pencil retracing the same track over and over again - I met the same people, the same stories, the same tired faces with eyes of broken promise.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRW1RMl7fQ9
There was nowhere else for me then, of course. So I stayed. And with every passing year, I couldn't help but feel that I was looking into the mirror every time I greeted a lost soul into the House. I was running. Away, or to, even I didn't know. But I was running, by staying still.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSj66sUjVwk
You see, runners inevitably hit a brick wall. For them, it was death. For me, it was an old friend who returned as a stranger under a rain-soaked sun.
'Welcome to the Halfway House.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHWHtCTKbM
The girl was dripping, and the warm rays of light from the sky had done nothing to dry her. She was English - with those perpetual dimples and perceptive eyes - and her hair was dyed an angel white. She was short - and her complexion said that she couldn't have been any older than twenty seven.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HCaC0z2ZE
'You must be tired. Sit, please.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjeAdvps0T
She remained on her feet, and walked up to me.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZtXCJ5K4G
'Do you know how far you can walk into a forest?' I asked her, seeing myself ask myself the same question from the inside of the droplets hanging at her eyelashes.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0URHHGvFK
'Halfway, you bastard. It's me.' The moment that tears began running down her cheeks and not just residual rain was misty, like a watercolor - perhaps she was crying before she even entered.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXRGYueiml
'Aria!' I embraced her, but only lightly, conscious of my suit getting wet. 'You're looking younger than I last saw you.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSXFe5Hihu
'Please don't give me that bullshit Al, I'm old. I'm too old for all of this.' She let go, and finally sat down. She never liked being told when to do things.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNmfc52BuU
'Another one?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69d6wP5kSD
'What do you think? Of course it was another one.' She pulled out a few sepia polaroids from her satchel and gave a heavy sigh at them before handing the stack to me.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡah8nDhwWSJ
'What was his name?' Aria always picked the ones with the lovely smiles. Here - riding on his back in a park, laughing. Here - him making a mess of the spaghetti. Here - a kiss.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSu2siJZeQ
'Jacob. Jacob Ryans.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakUVS47w7m
'He's very beautiful. You two look so happy together.' Here - both of them asleep on a couch. Here - a walk on the beach with a white dog.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNR2hNuau5K
'Were, Al, we were happy.' She collapsed into an outburst of bodily fluid again. Crying, bleeding, orgasming, I never really got the differences. There's always the pain and the pleasure, and at the extremities, they merge into the one - like a great circle of emotions. 'God, Al, I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJADUkeVh4y
'Don't say that. What you do is a good thing. You give these men an extra few years of happiness. You know that all these people would have died if you didn't come into their bodies.' Us Muses could pass into any dying body and grant it with immortality so long as we stayed inside. She was the Aria - the outpour of raw emotion. I was the Allemande - the noble, the detached.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQM3491jXw
'But you know what I took away? Closure. And not having that - that hurts more.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHG2cLdt5H
'You can still fix things.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9Bbulg62b
'Al, you know I can't do that. I can't tell them, I can't leave them in any way. I loved them all. I love them all.' She took the photos back and took a long look at the one by the beach. 'The dog was called Marbles. You like riddles, Al? Why's the dog called Marbles?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadFQoc5naA
'You tell me, sis.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuGCFNDaMp
She laughed. 'He's batshit bonkers. But adorable all the same. We got him from the adoption place in - I don't even remember. But he was heard barking from the sewers. His previous owner left him there.' A corner of the English girl's smile appeared and faded just as quickly like an imprint from the past.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeTJDNbntS
'I just don't know why I keep making the same mistakes.' She folded the photos.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lD2QJBc5v
'Well, sis, life is like a loop - '826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyAqbe9f94
'Can you just shut up for once, Al? Not all of your goddamn philosophies are goddamn right. You're stuck here for what you've done, how can you say you know about life?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7w4iKS33Y
I stayed silent. She was in a mood.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZsxYFdian
'It's like a spiral.' She said, suddenly. 'You always think you're heading somewhere but you just keep going round and round. You know the funny thing about spirals?' I didn't interrupt her - it was rhetorical, and I would only frustrate her further. 'You can draw an infinite number of spirals. An infinite number of lives. They get close, but the only place they really touch is at the center, at the end. At the end of them all.'
Having Aria around was always difficult, but I know she did it for me.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymlHxjzrmt
You see - I couldn't actually leave the woods. I had made a mistake, a long time ago. Aria takes photos of the world for me, with an old polaroid that she never found the strength to throw away. After a few decades I had had enough of the cities and mountains and lakes, and I asked if I could just see her life.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDeWNoMdvU
It was always about the love, for her. I never understood why. But she would purposefully try to find the ones who were in a healthy relationship, the ones whose boyfriends or girlfriends were always by their hospital bed.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDIe9sjfPj
And once those dying bodies woke again, she would never let those people go, not until she had to leave. She stayed with each one only five, ten years - you see, the bodies don't age once we're inside. To keep us safe, she left before it would become noticeable.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FDL0FD3r0
I suppose I should have thanked her more than I did.
'You're still here.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TGjpYdAkQ
It was morning, and Aria was sitting, the English girl, in the dining room. She had never stayed longer than the night before. 'I need a break from it all.' She sighed.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVqq5Iu0RU
'You're at the right place.' I took the place beside her. 'The cornflakes are shit.' I reminded her. 'Have the yogurt.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEXdSDufoP
'How did it feel, Al?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjF7S1vmXK8
'How did what...'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eqDIFIyZr
'To do what you did. To do that to all those people.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiSQh4rjwM
'Why are you asking me this now?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfJFtR7XxW
She laid her head into her palms. 'Because nothing has changed.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDDSqfxxKV
She didn't want to say it, but I knew what she was thinking. She was tired of being trapped in this world with me.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Y4tfGwB3m
'Sis, I'm sorry.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6d8yprArdF
She looked up, crying again. 'But were you really?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYai8oVUBsl
I couldn't answer that. One option would be a lie and the other would break her heart.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDHmQUzQDy
I stood.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqOcCeaLtV
'I'll go get you some yogurt.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4VwmbyBBJ
'Do you ever wish you could die?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSiMlhxYHl
Aria was slowly retreating into a shroud of depression.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73Y6jv0xER
'No. There's so much to live for.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOu6yYgBZS4
'But I've seen it all. There's nothing left.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S11OrSzsB
'Don't say that.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6srLY1aIFW
Even I was surprised at how much she cried those few days she stayed at the Halfway House. It bothered me. I never wanted to see her like this.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29BG1fHbWN
And it was only then that I decided to do what I knew was possible several, several years ago.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNuXaBD9ad
'Sis... I can get you out.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeO2cm2wTU
'...what do you mean?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUWL0rmB8P
'I can get you out. I can get you back home. But you have to be patient.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1jYJLwoqw
'...I don't understand.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Z5Om5HcIl
'Back home, sis. Away from all of this.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKA56jrMFYH
'But how?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbKh5Sf5Ne
The tears had stopped and I knew I had made a promise that I couldn't bear to break.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC81s7up3p1
'You'll understand tomorrow. Sleep on it.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUn2rB8xLG
She turned away again.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTL0TGoPy9O
She didn't say thanks - reminding me even now how I had mistreated her before.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDKFOhLvQD
'Remember. You'll have to be patient.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaIzNXHgPE
I wait a few moments for a response before I close her door.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96WsQMDbXe
It was time for me to leave. To run away, to run towards.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFO43EBFC5
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnO5Y1BmBo
An English girl with hair angel white, kneeled before the gates of her home.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowRa7nxaPa
'Father?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzeaPP0umr
'Aria. You know you're not allowed here.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmqn3ZWKQb
'It's not Aria.'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNx6gDl8Ei
Muses could go only into dying bodies, of which there were none in the Wood of White Nights, where time itself lay tired.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gQ2ojGjse
But there had been one - a girl with cancer, who should have died seven years ago, who woke at the brink and came to the woods.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JIvQufUHR
'Allemande?'826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXnmc4osM5
I could feel him, ready to send me back to the forest in a single spin of the landscape.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuk3Cvhysuu
'Wait.' I say.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsy4Kpcc0B
I know what I need to do to make things right. I know what I need to do to pay for my past. I know how to send Aria home.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPd8UcA2tVB
Because I realized, longer ago than I believed, that I was wrong. Life didn't have a simple shape, an order - life was a mirror, in the corner of the universe, in which you could see eternity, and the reflections of a thousand others -826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmzvPTG09S
And so I will suffer the reflection of the suffering I caused.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UYQzKNd5o
I had been running - not away from the forests in fear, not to the forests in hope of comfort, but to hide from the forests that festered within myself.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccm0qBcWtH
And when all the pain finally ends, they will offer me the heavens once again in forgiveness - but I would stay only a moment to say farewell - and return home, to the Halfway House.826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRYLPUz0gn
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