這是一扇門。門上沒有刻畫任何圖案,甚至連最簡單的一豎一橫也沒有。它,只是一扇平實的門。門後的客飯廳也是平實非常,不講究甚麼室內設計,只是桌、椅、櫃等等基本傢俱。再深入一點兒,是睡房。曾經,那兒有一個嬰孩,天天躺在床上,接受眾人的祝福。睡房旁的主人房,有一對深愛著對方的夫妻…644Please respect copyright.PENANAabMdCQRYjs
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這扇門,守護著這個家已有二十多個年頭。門後的傢俱,形還在,但神髓不再。看著滿屋落寞的傢俱和滿桌冰冷的飯餸,夏瑜忍不住掉下淚來。這些眼淚,不是給別人看的,而是給她自己看的,好讓自己在情在理上都成為「受害者」。644Please respect copyright.PENANAoswmjSJRDJ
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以「受害者」身份流的眼淚,洗滌了夏瑜心裡的污垢。她不再是一個不稱職的妻子,因為她是「受害者」;她不再是一個橫蠻無理的母親,因為她是「受害者」…一切罪過都被原諒,因為她是一個流淚中的「受害者」…644Please respect copyright.PENANAIU0HXsjn24
644Please respect copyright.PENANAPQcTcciTB8
望著空洞的家,夏瑜在心裡問了句:「我做錯了甚麼?」猛然,女兒思瑤和丈夫振邦的臉在她腦海中閃過。他們的臉,是憤怒的、猙獰的、憂傷的…一切負面情緒,顯而易見:「你真的做錯了!」
二十多年了,一直安份守己。日出而作,日入未息,一切心力都花在這個家上。日子雖難不苦,因著是自己心甘情願的;很平淡,做菜煮飯、洗衫拖地…這就是她唯一會做的事,不多也不少。644Please respect copyright.PENANACBOv0tCo51
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熟練地煮了滿枱飯餸,只等思瑤回來。644Please respect copyright.PENANAjyvtC4gwSr
644Please respect copyright.PENANAfdqJ6YLJ9k
「媽,」席間,思瑤冷冷的道:「我要搬走。」644Please respect copyright.PENANALF7gydXNW8
644Please respect copyright.PENANAlgaZJ6Tx5R
夏瑜呆了,真想不到思瑤還有勇氣提出這個建議。這不是她首次這麼講;她已提出過兩三次,但都被拒絕:「你照顧不了自己的。」644Please respect copyright.PENANAJP2rn73k09
644Please respect copyright.PENANA4JHy90Ng2D
「這真是你心裡頭那句?」思瑤的話,挑動了夏瑜的神經。644Please respect copyright.PENANApEnGpAGhnE
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老實講——不是。但夏瑜總是口不對心:「你是甚麼意思?」644Please respect copyright.PENANAR3Tmll8Ozr
644Please respect copyright.PENANAhvJErK6F3D
「不是怕我走了,你會少了份家用嗎?」思瑤沒正面回答。644Please respect copyright.PENANAwmgJQ8H4eX
644Please respect copyright.PENANA8DsyfzokO3
夏瑜怒不可遏,卻笑了。這正是夏瑜恐怖的地方——她能迅速從一切極端的情緒中冷靜過來。一笑,卻不泯恩仇。644Please respect copyright.PENANAh0lMsmlPaE
644Please respect copyright.PENANASLXInS7pfC
這時,夏瑜微笑著問:「為何?」語調間是尖刺般的骨子。644Please respect copyright.PENANA5jhRsMTRZQ
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「因為你。」思瑤直認不諱。644Please respect copyright.PENANAHcLUozoyIV
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「嗯。」夏瑜點點頭:「繼續。」644Please respect copyright.PENANAoPkfA8TRUl
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「你的問題正是覺得自己無任可問題。」思瑤簡潔的答,因為對眼前人,她已瞭解至極——根本不容別人多解釋。644Please respect copyright.PENANATHs6J5byf2
644Please respect copyright.PENANALkcKV1fU7D
「就是這樣?」夏瑜嘆了口氣:「你這麼孩子氣的決定,要我怎能答允支持?不——許——」644Please respect copyright.PENANA4I5V38ebDX
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「我孩子氣?難道要像你一樣,才不是孩子氣?」思瑤的聲調高了八度。644Please respect copyright.PENANABxzmRMvhxj
644Please respect copyright.PENANAPAt2OAjveS
「用這種態度對待長輩的人,不是孩子氣,是甚麼?」夏瑜保持微笑,心知勝券在握。644Please respect copyright.PENANAf0WppT6Jsm
644Please respect copyright.PENANAIb5s7vX7nf
「我可不是你!老狐狸!」思瑤歇斯底里地大叫。淚水湧滿眼眶,湧滿心頭。644Please respect copyright.PENANAl5vbiOyWFQ
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夏瑜勝利了;敗北的思瑤則瘋了似的衝入房內,用力甩門。644Please respect copyright.PENANAIE7Fyiz09W
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瞬間,勝利的笑容化為回憶裡的片段。644Please respect copyright.PENANAnLgp1Dwaco
644Please respect copyright.PENANAqnC5BwCpYw
「我可不是你!老狐狸!」曾幾何時,夏瑜也講過同樣的話,對象正是她的母親。那時的她,比現在的思瑤更年輕,只有十七、八歲。母親是個很傳統的人,一切按照傳統規矩行事。644Please respect copyright.PENANAppifO7uGTa
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「規矩!規矩!難道我比不上規矩重要?」當時的夏瑜很不忿。644Please respect copyright.PENANAKDhVVHOByD
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「日後,你也會像我一樣,知道它的重要性。」母親只是語重心長地說,結束了這段影響夏瑜甚深的對話。644Please respect copyright.PENANABpOEBTSG6u
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現在,她真的像母親一樣,是隻不折不扣的老狐狸。無他,這是命運,每個人必走的路。還記得,她起初時並不相信;但現在卻深信不疑。唯一的不同,是她比母親更狠更絕,因為她親眼看見母親的淒慘下場——丈夫跑了,女兒(夏瑜自己)也離開她。644Please respect copyright.PENANAbfdKJhETHd
644Please respect copyright.PENANA8Tcq9uCCeT
夏瑜很怕,這真是命運嗎?若然,她必須努力改變,打破宿命。她要比母親強硬,綁著丈夫和女兒。尤其是女兒,她日後也會走上同樣的道路;唯一保護她的方法,就是親身示範如何做一個好女人,甚至要比母親做得更好。644Please respect copyright.PENANAbm92v8fGwa
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「囡囡又發脾氣嗎?」振邦回來了。644Please respect copyright.PENANA13So1xZXby
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「她現在入睡了。」夏瑜溫柔地微笑著。644Please respect copyright.PENANA5Sv0VGbm0u
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振邦解了領帶,喝著夏瑜煲的湯水,嘆了一口氣:「囡囡太任性了。」644Please respect copyright.PENANAvUuMMbKBAG
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「不要緊。」夏瑜搖搖頭:「她日後會明白我的苦心。」644Please respect copyright.PENANAPzeEACZFM2
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「對了!」振邦猛然放下湯碗:「今天發薪水了。」他拿出支票。644Please respect copyright.PENANAmf9NLw9YiS
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「這些錢用作…」夏瑜喜上眉梢。644Please respect copyright.PENANAkY1B9YEvG7
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「是的…」振邦打了個眼色,示意她降低音量,以免讓思瑤聽到。644Please respect copyright.PENANAxKCT4S29al
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「嗯。」夏瑜的眼神甚為堅定:「我明天去。」644Please respect copyright.PENANAUOqJXaCp4l
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入夜,夏瑜在振邦懷裡,久久不能入睡,一心思量如何應付明天的事。
「今次可以嗎?」振邦見夏瑜回來,高興得很。644Please respect copyright.PENANAQfmn4UPJ1Q
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「可以。」夏瑜看在眼內,卻不是味兒。怎麼振邦會懦弱如此,比自己更不如!昔日,他可是充滿男子氣慨的校園萬人迷;現在,他竟…連見債主的勇氣也沒有,要妻子去!一串串眼淚不自覺的淌下,振邦大驚,輕輕擁她入懷,不停唸:「沒事的…」644Please respect copyright.PENANA5A6XLrLONA
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沒事?真的嗎?644Please respect copyright.PENANAVXG4UKLxdP
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有時候,夏瑜真的覺得自己太愛振邦,甚至達到不合理的程度;要不然,她怎會隻身走到那龍蛇混雜的鬼地方,替他還錢予高利貸。說真的,她很害怕,尤其是那放高利貸的男人。他雙眼總愛盯著她的胸脯,感覺很嘔心。644Please respect copyright.PENANAEIroK9Wjip
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電視劇裡的男主角,總是站在女主角面前,為她擋箭;但為何振邦卻是躲在自己身後,要自己擋子彈呢?越想越不明白…644Please respect copyright.PENANA8uA5d1IUsn
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沒事?真的嗎?644Please respect copyright.PENANAvnSFwTtIFL
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往後的日子,夏瑜待振邦的態度並沒改變,只是心裡的情感卻複雜多了——不是不愛他,只是沒那麼愛。644Please respect copyright.PENANAIrKqGbLA2a
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就在沒那麼愛他的同時,她也懷疑,他已不如從前的愛她。644Please respect copyright.PENANAIw2RTTqrjc
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她照照鏡,心中只覺戚然。上一次認真照鏡,已是二十多年前,自己出嫁前一日的事。那時的她,二十多歲,青春逼人。臉部肌膚白裡透紅,沒黑眼圈,沒色斑,簡直是個大美人。披上嫁衣,更見明艷照人。644Please respect copyright.PENANAa0ZSt7a7MK
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可是現在,「黃面婆」、「師奶」、「阿嬸」等稱呼聲,此起彼落,不絕於耳。但不能怪別人無口德,因這是事實…難怪所有男人都喜歡年輕貌美的小女生!644Please respect copyright.PENANADcOH6RbaHb
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她沒有哭,因振邦出軌一事並有任何實質證據;但這想法卻不知不覺間植根於她腦海裡,久久不散。644Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6jKPYNtzO
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「絕不能胡思亂想!」夏瑜對自己說:「二十多年來的日夕相對,感情一定不會是假的!他一定還愛我!」這是自我安慰嗎?自我催眠嗎?644Please respect copyright.PENANAmojX8VTF7y
644Please respect copyright.PENANAQL5PIIxpgL
振邦沒有錯,但自己有錯嗎?為何要獨自承受這種不該存在的壞念頭?真的很辛苦,但卻證明了自己仍是在乎他的,愛他的,所以更不能直接問他或旁敲側擊,以免破壞家的和諧。644Please respect copyright.PENANA4cjQjZoZPl
644Please respect copyright.PENANAR8bL7TParw
夏瑜提著沉甸甸的食材,好不容易才回到家。從菜市場到家的路上,她幾近走一步停兩秒,把時間枉花在「胡思亂想」上。結果十五分鐘的腳程,變了近四十五分鐘的。644Please respect copyright.PENANAqil3WZ23iO
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她很累,只及把大門和鐵閘輕掩,便軟癱在地,毫不猶豫大哭起來。但一切的辛酸並沒隨淚水流走,哭聲只把她的心神推向更極端——振邦不愛她了。
「思瑤已離家出走七天,難道你不擔心嗎?」振邦的聲音幾近尖叫。644Please respect copyright.PENANAYXUjM94yk2
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「嗯。」夏瑜無力的發了一粒音。644Please respect copyright.PENANAHYA8gKs4Ez
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說真的,夏瑜憂心的程度絕不遜於振邦;但這刻的她只感到無力。既然思瑤立心出走,自然不會輕易被找到——夏瑜實在無能為力。644Please respect copyright.PENANADWiYxQaeka
644Please respect copyright.PENANA8jQIBjM0RM
「怎麼辦?」振邦仍在來回踱步,重覆的腳步聲教人心煩。644Please respect copyright.PENANAYwMaPQZ8SN
644Please respect copyright.PENANAnvMLSTrlkD
「隨她吧!」夏瑜絕望了:「就當這個人沒存在過吧!」644Please respect copyright.PENANA5L4FWIcMWn
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要不然,怎麼辦!644Please respect copyright.PENANA1lm9ccwLeh
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回憶當初,其實一切皆有跡可尋;問題是,夏瑜一直不認為思瑤會那麼做——思瑤只是個無能的小朋友!但事實是,思瑤不單實踐了,更成功地摧毀了夏瑜的第一道防線。644Please respect copyright.PENANAxp45y5CSgl
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夏瑜從沙發霍然立起,懶理仍在踱步的振邦,逕自到思瑤的房間去。644Please respect copyright.PENANAhgCuZJr9Wx
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二十多年前,仍在襁褓的思瑤,多可愛!對媽媽笑吧!笑…但日漸長大的她,不但失去了那可愛的笑容,還會哭、說謊、鬧情緒…好好的一個孩子,怎會變成這樣?是因為自己嗎?思瑤已不只一次說恨自己,為何自己還沒改變的意識?644Please respect copyright.PENANAsoFCjmvqUC
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「你的問題正是覺得自己無任何問題。」644Please respect copyright.PENANAibxErVMzly
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不!不是這樣的!644Please respect copyright.PENANA5grhqDVcjP
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「藉口!」644Please respect copyright.PENANAAHJOdPJcRx
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思瑤的聲音清晰可聞,但人卻不在身邊…644Please respect copyright.PENANA9XqNWqBEuY
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悲極的哭聲,原來是那樣的乾涸,只是喉頭發出「呀…呀…」心不覺痛,因為已被痛苦同化了,混為一體;眼淚沒法再流,隨之而來的是血水。赤紅色的世界,本該是喜氣洋洋的,但夏瑜卻看不見自己…644Please respect copyright.PENANAltTerYNU81
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昏——倒——644Please respect copyright.PENANAsgLwMa7Zty
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醒來的時候,雙眼已被矇起來,但仍可清楚聽到振邦的聲音:「眼疾?會盲?」644Please respect copyright.PENANAccfGNvglaY
644Please respect copyright.PENANAwArfRWjXBm
夏瑜聽畢,全身發抖。可是,不消一秒,她又冷靜過來:「眼不見為淨。」心自在多了。644Please respect copyright.PENANAAOfIWwK0KY
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既然思瑤不願見到她,她也不欲見到思瑤;既然振邦對她生厭,她也不要見到他!644Please respect copyright.PENANAofSjnkcv8s
644Please respect copyright.PENANAqOrmwsR9xz
出院後,仍需矇著雙眼的夏瑜由振邦攙扶回家。這個曾經熟悉的家,竟於一日之間變得異常陌生。但夏瑜並不感到害怕,因為一切都在掌握之內。644Please respect copyright.PENANAVAZzGTWV58
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「振邦,你走吧!我不要你留在我身邊!」644Please respect copyright.PENANAiJvF9R2eEc
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「怎麼了?」振邦吃了一驚:「你不用怕負累我呢!」644Please respect copyright.PENANAHhOM6xxurX
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「你走吧!」夏瑜面不改容:「我不愛你了。」644Please respect copyright.PENANAHVqVyUkWU6
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「不要這麼講…」振邦後後擁著夏瑜:「不要…」644Please respect copyright.PENANAu6QSrv1rFX
644Please respect copyright.PENANAvMXuP7SZbv
「我不要一個只懂躲在我身後的男人。」夏瑜嘴角泛起笑意,因為她感受到振邦顫抖的身軀:「難道在我瞎了以後,你仍繼續要我代你還債?」644Please respect copyright.PENANAgHIed3ZZxY
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振邦沒答話。644Please respect copyright.PENANAWJPLiKIRuQ
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夏瑜的表情更得意:「說中了吧!你根本不愛我;你只是利用我,要我控制思瑤的財政,然後再加上我的錢去還你的債…」644Please respect copyright.PENANAORp6ClJrhn
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未幾,振邦鬆開手,頭也不回,離家了。
在振邦離開後的一星期,夏瑜的眼疾被治癒了。但夏瑜並不感到高興——她根本無法面對現在的家。644Please respect copyright.PENANABTLIHip9Mk
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望著空洞的家,她在心裡問了句:「我做錯了甚麼?」644Please respect copyright.PENANArAzsyBlP2n
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也許,最錯的是思瑤流著她的血;也許,最錯的是她流著母親的血;也許,最錯的是母親流著外祖母的血…644Please respect copyright.PENANAP4E66xeRfa
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也許,夏瑜這輩子都找不到答案。644Please respect copyright.PENANAuRoH2QIqrl